Almost all couples have to deal with insecurities in a relationship.
Sometimes, it ruins some relationships; however, there are also some couples who manage to overcome it and strengthen their relationship.
Admit it, we all feel insecure sometimes when we’re in a romantic relationship but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Sometimes it only happens because we’re scared that we might lose the person we love.
If your love is real and you both want to make an effort to be in a healthy relationship, without those feelings of insecurity, together you’ll be able to fight it and you’ll win that battle.
Relationship insecurities usually happen at the beginning of a new relationship because you don’t know each other well and you haven’t had time to build the trust between you yet.
The thing is that those insecurities can’t lead to anything good.
They’ll harm your relationship and also leave some consequences on your mental health and your future relationships.
Most relationship experts agree that relationship insecurities can slowly destroy couples.
All those negative thoughts can ruin even the deepest and strongest bond between two people.
What Causes Insecurities In A Relationship?
Before you even start talking about any solutions to solve this issue, you must first get to the root cause. Here are some of the most common causes of insecurities in relationships.
If you have self-esteem issues and you often experience feelings of self-doubt, you are or will eventually become an insecure person.
That means you’ll probably have to deal with those same feelings of insecurity in romantic relationships.
If you don’t think that you are good enough or that you are unworthy of love, you’ll think that others share that same opinion about you.
You must work on your self-image and build your self-esteem, not only for the sake of your relationship but for your well-being too.
Emotional scars from a past relationship
The fact is that we all have some emotional baggage from the past that doesn’t let us move on and enjoy our new relationship.
When one person hurts you badly, you start thinking about how all the others will and you can never fully commit to someone new.
It leaves you with many insecurities that are only standing in the way of your true happiness.
However, you must be strong and forget it all, once and for all, and leave it all in the past because that’s indeed where it belongs.
Your feelings aren’t equally reciprocated
If you feel that your current partner doesn’t love you the same way you do them, you’ll start questioning yourself and your relationship and that questioning will lead you to feel insecure with them.
You’ll try to figure out where the problem lies and why they can’t reciprocate your feelings.
It’ll damage your self-confidence because you’ll probably start thinking about how you may be the actual problem and how you aren’t good enough for your partner.
Do you have any personal insecurities or fears? Are you too jealous or maybe you’re afraid of rejection or loneliness?
The fact is that your own insecurities may be the main cause of your relationship insecurities.
And in order to overcome them, you must first work on yourself by finding the root cause of your own insecurities and then solving them.
Different attachment styles
There are four different types of attachment styles and they are all developed in early childhood.
People with a secure attachment style will be more relaxed when they’re in a romantic relationship.
They’ll know how to let themselves experience their feelings and they won’t have a problem with trusting their partner completely.
On the contrary, people with an anxious and insecure attachment style won’t allow their partner to get too close to them and because of their own issues and insecurities, they won’t be as supportive or trusting with their partner.
If you’re a jealous person by nature, stop right here because this is probably the root cause of your insecurity issues in a relationship.
The first time you start comparing yourself to your partner’s ex, friends or co-workers and you start being jealous of them is when you’ll immediately feel insecure and threatened in your relationship.
If you had childhood trauma regarding your parents’ love life, you’ll probably be left with some insecurities of your own with regards relationships and bonding with other people.
Watching our parents’ relationship is when we make our first relationship templates and we all take that bond as our role model in a way.
If it wasn’t such a good and loving relationship, we’ll develop some insecurities for our own future love life.
Signs Of Insecurities In A Relationship
Those feelings of insecurity in a relationship can be destructive for both partners in many ways and here are some signs that clearly indicate how it affects the two of you.
You can’t completely trust your partner
No matter what they do or how much they show you that they’re trustworthy, you just can’t fully open your heart and trust them.
There is something wrong in your relationship that is causing that mistrust and you just have to get to the bottom of it.
For as long as you don’t give them a chance and start trusting them, you both will feel some insecurities in your relationship.
Comparing yourself to your partner’s exes all the time
This is probably something you hate too but you just can’t help yourself comparing yourself to their exes all the time.
However, it may end badly for you as some of those girls could be better than you at certain things or prettier, so it can create some insecurities on your side.
Comparing yourself to their exes is just wasting your time because you will get nothing from it.
Of course, there will always be someone more beautiful or more intelligent than you but your partner chose you after all and that’s all you should be thinking about.
Constantly seeking validation from your partner
Do you feel like you need to ask your partner for his opinion on or approval for everything you do all the time?
Well, then you certainly aren’t in a healthy relationship.
That constant need for approval is sabotaging and harming your relationship in so many ways.
You’re probably doing it because you have a fear of being rejected by your loved one or you just want to be accepted and your insecurities make you think that it’s impossible.
However, you constantly seeking validation may take away your own identity in the relationship, the real you, and the whole point of being in one is being accepted by our partner just the way we are.
You snoop on their phone
If you check your partner’s social media all the time or use every opportunity when they leave the room to snoop through their phone, it’s definitely a sign that you’re dealing with doubts and insecurities in your relationship.
You need to learn to trust your partner more.
Don’t look for some evidence of betrayal if they don’t give you any reasons to doubt their fidelity.
Those kinds of relationship insecurities can only make you lose your loved one.
If you think your doubts are justified, don’t stalk them on social media or try to find out the truth on their phone and instead sit down with them and talk openly about those issues.
You have become too emotionally dependent on your partner
This is a very powerful self-confidence destroyer.
That emotional dependency can make it easy for you to lose yourself in a relationship and completely drain you.
It probably happens because you created such an insecure attachment style in your early years and it becomes too difficult to change it.
Self-love has become rare to you
It’s like to you, your loved one is the only person alive. You don’t even think about other people, so you don’t think about yourself either.
Still, you have to keep in mind the importance of self-love. If you don’t love yourself or believe in yourself because of your insecurities, how can you expect someone else to?
You have become extremely sensitive
Your insecurities can make you doubt yourself and question your self-worth, which can then make you too sensitive.
You may start thinking about how unworthy of love you are and everything your partner says will be interpreted differently by you.
You always avoid confronting your partner
Are you afraid of confronting your partner over some issues because you think it may result in the end of your relationship?
Do you think that letting go is a less painful choice?
You must open up to your partner from time to time and talk about how you feel, the things that are bothering you and your insecurities.
Otherwise, you’ll only be suppressing your emotions and one day, when all of them come up to the surface, it’ll become a real problem.
How To Overcome Insecurities In A Relationship
Now, the most important question—how do you fight insecurities in a relationship?
How to deal with insecurities in a relationship and successfully solve them?
Check out the tips below and save your relationship from those stupid relationship insecurities.
Work on your self-esteem
In order to fix your relationship insecurities, you must build your self-esteem and deal with your own insecurities first.
You must know your worth and poor self-esteem won’t allow you to do so. If you don’t like your self-image, then start to change it immediately.
Once you improve your self-confidence, only then will you be able to confront the feelings of insecurities in your relationship.
Believe in yourself
The fact is that we all have some personal insecurities that are also reflected in our relationship but we all have to find a healthy way to deal with them.
Have faith in your relationship. Give your partner a chance to prove that they’re trustworthy before you start being insecure or doubting them.
Let go of all your negative past experiences
Your current partner shouldn’t suffer because of your painful past experiences. It’s just not fair toward that person.
If something happened to you in the past, if someone hurt you, don’t allow yourself to bring those insecurities into your new relationship.
Sometimes, letting go is really the best or the only option we have and also, we should leave the past behind us and find a way to rejoice in the future.
Give both you and your partner some space
Even if you have some small insecurities in your relationship, you can’t try to control your partner or be with them all the time. It’s not a way you can save your relationship.
You must give your partner some space because they need it and even though it may not seem like it to you now, you need it too.
We all need to be alone from time to time, to recharge our batteries and dedicate ourselves to some of our own interests and that’s perfectly fine.
Don’t think that it’s going to weaken your relationship; on the contrary, it’ll only make it stronger and healthier.
Remind yourself why you fell in love with them in the first place
Somehow it’s normal to have feelings of insecurity at the beginning of your relationship because you haven’t yet had the time to get to know and trust each other.
However, if you have insecurities in your relationship after you’ve been dating a while, that might be a problem.
Before finding the root cause of those insecurities, you should remind yourself what made you fall in love with your partner in the first place.
Remind yourself of all the obstacles you had to cross to be where you are now.
Don’t allow those issues to ruin or damage your relationship.
You’ve been with your partner for so long because you trust them so think of those insecurities as just a few more obstacles you’ll have to cross and solve together in order to continue being happy and in love.
Healthy and honest communication is the best cure for overcoming all your issues
The best relationship advice anyone can give you to overcome relationship insecurity is to be honest with your partner and communicate regularly.
You must always feel free to open up to your partner about your feelings and all the things that are bothering you.
Don’t ever think that talking about these issues might drive your partner away or damage your relationship.
Shutting yourself off can. Keeping things bottled up inside will.
Silence your worst enemy—your inner critic
When it comes to feeling insecure, your worst enemy is definitely your inner critic.
You must find a way to shut up that annoying voice that keeps telling you how you aren’t good enough or that your relationship isn’t.
Give yourself a break from all of that negativity with the power of self-compassion.
As much as you need to show your partner understanding, you also must be understanding and gentle with yourself.
We all have some flaws that wake up our insecurities but we also have to learn to deal with them and to embrace all of our imperfections because after all, they’re also a part of us.
Do something to keep your mind occupied so that you don’t think about those insecurities.
Try with meditation or yoga, as there are some great techniques to relax both your mind and your soul.
Your insecurities can lead you to burnout but with a little self-care every day, you can easily avoid it.
Organize a wellness gateway for yourself and treat yourself more often because you really deserve it.
Never compare yourself or your relationship with others
A relationship isn’t a competition, it’s not a game and there are no losers or winners there. If you keep comparing yourself to your partner’s exes, you’re just wasting your time.
It’s actually pretty toxic. You’ll always find yourself better or worse than someone else and it’ll only make you think badly about yourself and wake up some insecurities in your relationship.
Work on your relationship, not for others to see you as a happy and successful couple but for yourself and your loved one.
To Wrap Up
Insecurities in a relationship are pretty normal and common, even when the love is strong and honest.
The important thing is how we deal with them and to not allow them to ruin our relationship.
Those insecurities lead to negative thoughts and later on, to negative actions that may indeed damage your relationship.
The first thing you need to do is forget all of your bad past experiences that may be causing those feelings of insecurity in your relationship.
Sometimes a little insecurity is actually good because it can strengthen the bond between you and your partner and make you work even harder for your relationship.
However, don’t allow it to push away the person you love.