Come superare una cotta: 10 consigli per lasciarla andare definitivamente

You fantasize about them day and night, you can’t stop looking at their picture (especially that one you find the cutest), while at the same time asking yourself how you can get out of this infatuation phase. How does one get over a crush?

Innamorarsi di una persona che per qualche motivo è off-limits può essere un'esperienza stressante e spesso si traduce in un forte dolore al cuore.

Quindi, dimenticare l'oggetto del vostro affetto è l'unica cosa saggia da fare (se volete preservare la vostra sanità mentale e mostrare un po' di considerazione per il vostro prezioso tempo e i vostri nervi, giusto?).

Now, I wish I could tell you that there’s some secret, magical formula that will teach you how to get over your crush in a day, but there isn’t.

From personal experience, I can tell you honestly that this is a process but it’s a WORTHWHILE one!

Tutto ciò che dovete fare è leggere i seguenti consigli e passi e metterli in pratica nella vostra vita quotidiana. E se sarete perseveranti e pazienti, prima che ve ne accorgiate la vostra cotta non corrisposta sarà un ricordo del passato.

Ready? I’m sure as hell you are! So, let’s see:

Wondering How To Get Over A Crush? Here’s What To Do

1. Coccolarsi!

I put this one in first place and with an exclamation mark for a reason. The reason being I can’t emphasize enough how important it is in these moments to remind yourself that you deserve the best.

Instead of thinking about why you can’t be together, and constantly daydreaming about your crush and losing your head over too many ‘what ifs’, you should focus on pampering yourself!

Dovreste concentrarvi sul farvi sentire meglio, speciali e apprezzati!

Quindi, godetevi un massaggio, comprate un nuovo rossetto, fate un lungo bagno di schiuma (ah!), andate al vostro ristorante preferito e ordinate tutto il maledetto menu, se lo desiderate (e se il vostro budget lo consente).

Enjoy the best movies and TV shows on Netflix, buy that new pair of shoes you’ve been wanting (cuz I know you DO really want them)!

In one word, spoil yourself so much you forget that you even had a crush. If you’re still not convinced, just think about what your crush might be doing.

Do you really believe that they’re thinking of you and forgetting to enjoy their own life?

Nope. They almost certainly aren’t. So, coccolarsi sarebbe la miglior vendetta e dovreste assolutamente godervela!

2. Permettere a se stessi di sperimentare pienamente le emozioni dolorose

We often forget that allowing ourselves to fully experience painful emotions is a part of the grieving process. It’s important to understand that if we block our negative emotions and all the bad things in our life in general, over time they will become much stronger and more powerful.

So, what you need to do is allow yourself to FULLY experience all the painful emotions you’re going through at the moment. Do you feel rage? Acknowledge it.

Do you feel hurt? Then don’t pretend that you’re feeling fine.

Don’t run away from what you’re feeling right now because it might haunt you in the long run. The more you pretend that everything is okay, the more hurt you’ll feel.

Be honest with yourself and accept the fact that you’re only human – a human who is allowed to feel all the emotions they want: from blissful joy to utterly devastating sadness.

Because that’s what makes you who you are – a brave person with a big heart who is not afraid to express their feelings.

3. Disconoscete la vostra cotta su tutti i vostri account di social media.

“Out of sight, out of mind.” I advise reading this powerful sentence over and over again until it starts to haunt you – even in your sleep (okay, I’m kidding about that one).

Che cosa significa esattamente questa frase? Significa che ogni oggetto o persona della nostra vita è anche nei nostri pensieri.

E quando non sono più visibili, non sono più nemmeno nella nostra mente.

This principle can be implemented in any area of our life, so it’s a useful tip for when it comes to learning how to get over a crush.

All you need to do is unfollow or unfriend your crush on all of your social media accounts (Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat – all of them) because unfriending or unfollowing them will keep them out of your sight and, therefore, out of your mind!

Yup. It’s as simple as that. But, it’s important to understand that this is a process!

For example, if you are used to visiting their social media profiles approximately 100 times per day, you cannot expect that once you stop, you won’t have a single urge to start visiting their profile again. You will, but you should not do it.

La voglia di stalkerarli sui social media rimarrà forte per qualche giorno, ma se resisterete alla tentazione, sarete salvi!

Vedi anche: Come smettere di pensare a qualcuno: 15 passi per toglierselo dalla testa

4. Aumentare l'amore per se stessi

When we’re crushing on someone, we’re totally, almost irreversibly infatuated with them.

Pensiamo a loro tutto il tempo, immaginiamo tutti i possibili esiti (se decidiamo di fare qualcosa) e speriamo che ci notino e provino lo stesso sentimento per noi.

However, in the majority of cases, we realize that there’s no point in doing anything because, for some reason (that is only known to you), you know that you will never be with them and all this is just an impressive illusion.

In tutto questo, spesso iniziamo a trascurare noi stessi. Cominciamo a sentirci indesiderati o non abbastanza bravi (o entrambe le cose).

Concentrandoci esclusivamente su questa cotta non corrisposta, dimentichiamo di concentrarci su tutte le cose belle della nostra vita e di noi stessi che sono proprio davanti al nostro naso!

L'unica cosa che è in grado di rompere questo circolo vizioso è l'amore per se stessi.

Per aumentare l'amor proprio, ricordate a voi stessi la famiglia e gli amici che avete, tutti i vostri successi, la donna bella e forte che siete, l'ispirazione che siete per gli altri.

Cura di sé = autostima!

Se vi impegnate a diventare voi stessi al meglio e vi prendete cura del vostro benessere, riuscirete a trovare un lato positivo in tutto questo. Riuscirete a superare la vostra cotta con il potere della vostra mentalità positiva!

5. Parlatene con un membro della famiglia o con uno o più amici intimi.

Come già detto, impedire a se stessi di provare emozioni dolorose può ritorcersi contro, quindi parlatene con un familiare, il tuo migliore amico o un amico stretto è fortemente consigliato!

Keeping all those unrequited feelings inside you is not good for your mental health because over time those feelings could pile up and cause an “obstruction” that can only be fixed with the help of professionals.

If your family lives far away from you and if your friends are not available, another option is talking it out with a co-worker (unless they’re your crush, of course). Without much thought, just tell them how you feel about all this and let your emotions guide you.

Don’t try to sanitize your words and don’t pretend like this is not a big deal, that you’re totally over it and that all you want is to let them know that. Be honest with them, and most importantly, be honest with yourself.

La verità è il primo passo verso la guarigione!

6. O scrivere i propri pensieri e sentimenti

Not all of us are comfortable talking about their feelings with other people (especially when it comes to such delicate things like a crush), and if you’re one of them, don’t worry, because there is an alternative!

If you’re an introvert like me, you’ll probably value the other option, which is writing instead of talking.

So, take a sheet of paper and write down your thoughts and feelings, starting with why you like your crush, why you can’t be together, and how you feel about all that.

It’s advisable that you make this a routine (at least, for the time being), so you should seriously think about starting a ‘crush journal’ where you can write things regarding this one specific matter.

Another important part of writing / journaling is letting it go! The reason why you’re writing all those things is because you need to get rid of them.

Instead of talking, you’re putting your thoughts and feelings on a sheet of paper for the sole purpose of letting them go!

Se ritenete che scrivere semplicemente i vostri sentimenti non vi aiuti davvero, vi suggerisco di schiacciare la carta o di bruciarla, perché è dimostrato che questo metodo dà un senso di sollievo e di chiusura.

So, write everything down on paper and then let it go – let all your feelings go. Let them vanish into a thin air!

7. Esprimetevi con attività che vi rendono felici

If you’re wondering how to get over a crush, my answer to you is: Esprimere se stessi! Do things that make you happy! It’s as simple as that.

But, I understand. It’s simple in theory, but in practice it’s a totally different thing.

I understand that the only activity that’s on your mind right now is thinking about your crush (if that can even be categorized as an activity), but for your own sake, you need to open your eyes and start doing things instead of thinking about doing things.

I know that this is easier said than done, but trust me, after some time you’ll be grateful you did it. So, find a new hobby: dance, sing, draw, go for a walk, play games (if you’re a gamer girl), or try writing a short story or a poem.

Create, create, create…

You don’t even have to be good at these things. Just because you don’t have Adele’s voice, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t sing for your own amusement. Let me tell you something.

Trovo sempre estremamente rilassante e utile disegnare arte astratta. Disegno linee, cerchi, forme interessanti e strane, e mentre lo faccio spengo il mio cervello e lascio che siano le mie emozioni a guidare la mia mano.

I can’t express how rejuvenating this is, so if you haven’t tried it, now is the right time to do so!

8. Smettete di idealizzare la vostra cotta!

Again, I’ve put an exclamation mark for a reason. You see, there’s one thing about crushes that is extremely poisoning for our brain and that is the idealization part.

When we have a crush, we basically create a perfect picture of them in our brains and that picture is usually fake. Most of the time, we don’t even know much about our crush, but we assume things and we see things the way we want.

Idealizziamo la nostra cotta. Così facendo, impediamo a noi stessi di vedere il quadro reale, più ampio, e questo ci rende difficile superarli e andare finalmente avanti.

To stop idealizing someone means starting to see things as they are – and that’s exactly what you need to do! So, ask yourself about what you saw in your crush in the first place, think about it for some time and ask yourself again whether it is really true.

Have you imagined your crush as the perfect man/woman for you because they have a set of skills and qualities others don’t have? Do you think that they are the only person in the world you could be happy with?

If yes, think again. First of all, no one is perfect in this world, so neither is your crush. Perfection doesn’t exist.

La vostra cotta è solo un essere umano che vi è capitato di idealizzare e quindi avete dimenticato di prestare attenzione anche ai suoi difetti.

They are not the source of your happiness and you shouldn’t see them or treat them as such. It’s time to be realistic and admit to yourself that you’re probably not meant to be and that the sooner you move on, the better.

9. Incontrare nuove persone

Quando stavo dimenticando la mia cotta, ho odiato molto questa frase. Incontrare nuove persone. Seriously? What does that even mean? Is meeting new people really supposed to help me forget that one person I’m trying to forget? Hmm…

The main reason why I was confused about this one was because I didn’t really understand it at first.

Credevo che incontrare nuove persone significasse dover ricominciare ad uscire con gli amici e alla ricerca di una nuova cotta (sì) e poi della cotta successiva, e così via fino a quando tutte le persone sbagliate si sono affollate nella mia vita.

Luckily, this is not what it’s about (unless you’re ready and then it could be). Meeting new people doesn’t mean looking for a new crush, but simply hanging out with other, different, new people!

Talking to new people, doing fun things with new people (that doesn’t necessarily involve sex), talking about your life history and funny childhood moments while drinking your favorite alcoholic beverages…

Lo scopo di incontrare nuove persone non è quello di sostituire la propria cotta con un'altra, ma semplicemente di socializzare, scambiare sorrisi e godersi i momenti perché più ci si diverte, più si è vicini a superare l'oggetto del proprio desiderio!

Vedi anche: 5 cose da ricordare prima di ricominciare a uscire con qualcuno

10. Consultare un terapeuta o un consulente

Suggerisco di provare prima tutti i metodi sopra descritti e poi, dopo qualche tempo, se pensate che le cose non stiano migliorando, provate a rivolgervi a un terapeuta o a un consulente, perché questo metodo alternativo potrebbe aiutarvi!

If you’ve never visited a therapist or counselor, this might be the right thing to do! After all, there’s a first time for everything and this is not an exception.

Ci sono molti psicologi clinici specializzati in relazioni di coppia e tutto ciò che dovete fare è trovare quello giusto per voi.

Dopo avervi ascoltato con attenzione, vi forniranno tutti i passi necessari e vi aiuteranno a comprendere meglio l'intera situazione.

They will give you valuable advice on how to get over a crush because they’re trained to, so there’s no need to be skeptical and to think that they won’t be able to help you.

They help lots of people like you and me, so I’m sure they’ll be able to do the same for you! All you need is to believe (which is sometimes the hardest part of all).

After you’ve done all this, there’s only one thing left to do:

Ripetete a voi stessi: Posso farcela!

Per avere successo in qualcosa, dovete credere di poterlo fare e di riuscirci! Se pensate positivo, otterrete risultati positivi.

“What you think, you create. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you become.”

La vostra mente è lo strumento più potente a vostra disposizione, quindi usatela con saggezza. Se pensate positivo, riuscirete a superare la vostra cotta!

Vedi anche: Quanto dura una cotta? E 10 modi per superarla con successo