Come uscire da una relazione in 10 passi senza sforzo

When you’re going through a devastating breakup, all you want to know is how to superare una relazione che si è appena conclusa. Esiste un incantesimo che possa aiutarvi? Esiste una ricetta segreta per alleviare il dolore e aiutarvi a lasciare il passato nel passato?

Devo deludervi, ma la risposta è no. Tuttavia, ci sono persone come me che hanno affrontato la stessa cosa e sono la prova vivente che la guarigione e il lasciarsi andare è possibile.

A differenza di voi, io ho dovuto passare mesi a capire come aggiustare il mio cuore spezzato. Ma alla fine ho imparato da sola a farlo.

E questa è la vostra occasione per imparare dalla mia esperienza. So pay close attention to what you’re about to read because it’s the closest thing to that magic formula you’ve been asking about.

10 modi per superare una relazione

Letting an ex go isn’t something you do effortlessly. It’s a process, and if you haven’t done it before, you need detailed guidance.

That’s exactly what you’re about to get. Ecco un programma dettagliato in 10 passi su come superare una relazione.

1. Prendere una decisione definitiva

I hate to break it to you, but starting this process the healthy way is probably the hardest step. I’m not talking about the tough conversation you have to have with your ex or about finding a new significant other.

I’m talking about the conversation you must have with yourself before anything else. Remember one thing: you’re the one that matters the most here.

That’s why you have to be 100% sure that you want to rompere con il proprio partner sentimentale. Don’t do it in the heat of the moment just because you two had a nasty argument a few hours ago or because you’re overwhelmed with temporary anger.

Tenete presente che si tratta di una decisione seria e che dovete prenderla con calma.

Uno dei primi errori che si commettono a questo punto è quello di lasciarsi per dispetto. Si vuole lasciare il proprio compagno solo per vendicarsi.

They’ve hurt you, and you see this as the best way to break their heart. Trust me – it’s not.

Also, don’t do it if you expect them to come back running after you. Forget about the entire Se ami qualcuno, lascialo andare philosophy; your final goal is not to test their love. This is just your ego talking, and it shouldn’t be a part of your decision-making process.

How to know it’s the right call

Ma come si fa a sapere che rompere con qualcuno è la cosa giusta da fare? È particolarmente difficile rendersene conto quando ci sono ancora forti sentimenti in ballo (soprattutto se si tratta di uno dei I tre amori della vita come il primo amore). 

Don’t worry – I won’t tell you to completely disregard your emotions while making this call. Yes, that would be the smart thing to do, but it’s hardly possible.

Tuttavia, Vi chiedo di concentrarvi su la vostra compatibilità. Chiedetevi se la vostra storia d'amore ha un futuro.

Questa persona vi fa sentire felici? State con loro solo per abitudine? È diventata la vostra zona di comfort o vi vedete davvero invecchiare accanto a loro?

Immaginate la vostra vita senza di loro

Here’s an experiment. Try picturing your future without your partner. Yes, it hurts at first. After all, you’ve spent a lot of time together, and that’s perfectly normal.

Ma vi vedete più felici? Vi vedete più liberi? Vi vedete più soddisfatti della vita?

If that’s the case – it’s è tempo di lasciare andare questa relazione. Just remember once more: don’t plan on going back once you make this decision.

2. Tears are words your heart can’t express

Quando si chiede alle persone Come superare una relazioneMolte persone vi diranno di essere forti e di comportarvi da adulti in questa situazione. Naturalmente, questo significa che dovreste comportarvi come se non fosse successo nulla e andare avanti con la vostra vita in un batter d'occhio.

Lasciate che vi dica che non c'è assolutamente nulla di maturo nel gestire una rottura come questa. Questo consiglio vi aiuterà solo a rimandare il dolore.

Reprimere le emozioni

Let’s be real: most people are embarrassed about their pain. They’re ashamed to show pain when their romantic relationship ends. They don’t want to be perceived as weak and vulnerable.

So what do they do? They bury their negative emotions as deeply as they can. They expect the pain to magically vanish if they pretend it’s not there.

Well, newsflash: the healing process doesn’t work that way. In fact, repressing your emotions can only worsen the situation.

Come? Quando imbottigliate le vostre emozioni, alla fine trovano la via d'uscita. Quando meno te lo aspetti, ti esplodono in faccia.

Potreste essere sognare il proprio ex all the time, calling other people their name, or something like that. Either way, that’s your subconscious telling you to handle your repressed emotions.

For that not to happen, please let yourself heal the healthy way. If you feel like crying, then cry. If you feel like screaming will help, then that’s exactly what you should do.

Your heartbreak left you in pain, and this is your body and mind’s natural reaction to everything you’ve been through. After all, you’re just a human being, so don’t be hard on yourself just because you have human reactions.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you’ll spend eternity crying and lamenting over your sad faith. But for starters, see it as a part of your self-care.

3. Ottenere un sistema di supporto

Getting over your past relationship hurts. It hurts so much that sometimes, you won’t be able to pull it off by yourself.

And that’s perfectly okay. Non c'è nulla di vergognoso nel chiedere aiuto e nel permettere agli altri di darvi una mano nel momento del bisogno.

This doesn’t make you weak or soft. After all, that’s what your loved ones are there for.

Please, tell your best friends and closest family members you’re going through a tough post-breakup period. Don’t be ashamed to tell them that you need them and that you could really use them as a shoulder to cry on.

Come on – I’m sure you’d do exactly the same thing for them as well. The truth is that you can’t expect them all to be at your service 24/7 and leave their lives aside just because you’re in an emergency. But I’m sure nobody will turn you down.

Nuovi amici e nuovi hobby

Inoltre, questo potrebbe essere un grande occasione per incontrare alcuni nuovi amici. Avete tutto il tempo libero che sprecavate con il vostro ex, quindi questa è l'occasione migliore per reindirizzare le vostre energie altrove.

Perché non avviare un nuovo hobby anche? It won’t just help you meet new people – it will also keep your mind off your initial problem.

Il rapporto che avete con voi stessi

But at the end of the day, what matters most is having a healthy relationship with yourself. I deeply encourage you to rely on your best friends and family members for help, but even though you might not be aware of it, you’re your own strongest support system.

Lasciate che vi racconti un piccolo hack. Try treating yourself the way you’d treat a friend who’s going through a breakup.

Cosa direbbe loro? Che consiglio dareste loro?

I bet you’d spoil the hell out of them. You’d probably eat ice cream and binge-watch their favorite TV show, am I right?

Li lascereste piangere a dirotto. Li sentireste parlare all'infinito della loro relazione passata.

Well, what’s stopping you from treating yourself the same?

Aiuto professionale

If nothing works out, and if your healing process is taking too long, don’t hesitate to ask for professional help. Sì, il tempo guarisce tutte le ferite, but why wouldn’t you talk to someone who knows what you’re going through?

Molti esperti di relazioni specialize in this topic and who’ll tell you exactly how to move on from a relationship.

What is even more important, if you see that all of this is taking a massive toll on your mental health, please go see a professional. No, nobody will think that you’re crazy.

On the contrary, it’s the mature thing to do when you are dealing with a lot.

4. Trovare la forza di perdonare

Forgiving those who’ve done us harm is one of the most difficult things in the world. There they are – the person who broke your heart and who tore you to pieces.

And now you’re expected to be perfectly fine with it? Should you just start acting like they hadn’t destroyed you and like their behavior hadn’t left an unerasable mark on your heart and soul?

Sounds impossible, I know. But that’s exactly what you’ll do.

Not many have the ability to forgive. Only great souls are capable of doing so, and that’s who you are.

Look, forgiveness won’t come overnight. You can’t force yourself to do it, but you can direct yourself towards it.

Perché il perdono è importante?

Ma Perché è importante trovare la forza di perdonare? La persona che vi ha fatto così male meritava il vostro perdono?

Assolutamente no! But you won’t be doing it for them – you’d be doing it for yourself.

Yes, you’ll forgive them even if they never apologize, even if they didn’t have the decency to say “I’m sorry.”

In pratica, avete due opzioni: Si può lasciare che l'amarezza ci mangi vivi. Potete vivere nel passato, sopraffatti dall'odio e dalla rabbia. Oppure potete lasciar perdere e andare avanti.

But let me tell you something: this resentment doesn’t impact your ex in any way. It doesn’t do them any harm, and you’re not serving them any revenge.

The only person you’re harming with these negative emotions is yourself. They’re turning you into a toxic person. Most importantly: they’re keeping you mentally trapped in your relationship.

That’s why letting go of a relationship is crucial. You have to let go of every single feeling related to this person, including all the grudges.

5. L'autocolpevolizzazione è la strada per l'inferno

Tuttavia, c'è qualcosa di ancora più importante del perdono dell'ex: il perdono di se stessi.

Falling into the trap of self-accusations is quite common in the post-break-up phase for a lot of people. You can’t help but wonder if you could have done something to prevent this from happening.

Alcune persone iniziano a rimproverarsi anche solo per aver intrapreso questa relazione. Questo vale soprattutto per relazioni sentimentali con persone tossiche.

How come I didn’t see who they were in the beginning? How could I have been so blind to all the bandiere rosse proprio davanti al mio naso?

Why didn’t I leave earlier? Why did I let them treat me that badly for so long?

Why didn’t I choose a better altro significativo? Why did I hope I’d change them?

The important thing in this situation is to understand that what is done is done. You can’t turn back time, and you can’t erase the past, so why waste any energy on it?

Besides, if you were involved in a toxic relationship, remember that you were the victim here. You can’t be to blame for allowing your abuser to get the best of you – the responsibility is all theirs.

Un altro schema comune di autocolpevolizzazione riguarda la vostra incapacità di salvare la relazione.

Did I leave too soon? Was there anything that could’ve been done about it? Did I make the right choice? Was it me? Am I actually responsible for the breakup?

In this case, keep in mind that you did everything in your power for things not to end. I’m sure you’ve put all of your efforts into this relationship, but the end was inevitable. It was doomed to fail, and if you hadn’t left, it would only have destroyed you as well.

No, you weren’t selfish for choosing your happiness over your romantic relationship. You saved yourself, and that was the right thing to do.

Quindi, Per favore, perdona te stesso per ogni piccolo errore che hai commesso. You didn’t know better at the time, and you did everything from the bottom of your heart.

Lezioni preziose

Sai come si dice: The most valuable lessons aren’t taught – they’re experienced. Well, that’s exactly what you did: you experienced your relationship and the heartbreak that came afterward.

Scommetto che tutto questo vi ha insegnato molto più di quanto possiate vedere ora. Quindi, invece di concentrarvi su tutte le cose negative, vedetele come un'opportunità per imparare.

Invece di concentrarvi su tutto il bagaglio emotivo e i traumi, prestate attenzione a tutte le cose positive che questa relazione vi ha portato.

Prima di tutto, ora, you know exactly what you want and don’t want from the opposite sex. Your standards are very clear, and I’m sure you won’t settle for less ever again.

And let’s not forget the most important thing: Questa esperienza ti ha reso molto più forte. Now you see how much you can handle, and you’re not scared of anything life might throw your way.

Tutti i rischi del gioco della colpa

I can’t stress this enough: Don’t even think of engaging in any kind of gioco delle colpe con il vostro ex. This also applies to the situation when you’re still technically together, and you’re getting the strength for the breakup.

What’s the point of it all? You’ve both done your share of work, and you won’t accomplish anything if you toss the blame ball around.

Anzi, vi farà sentire entrambi peggio. In fin dei conti, ha davvero importanza di chi sia la colpa?

6. Il no-contact è la via da seguire

Moving on from a serious relationship means you can’t stay friends with your ex. And I really mean it!

This wasn’t a casual fling with no emotions. You shared a life with this person. How do you expect to dimenticare il proprio ex if they’re still around?

Some people think that staying close to each other is an easier way of healing. Trust me – it’s not.

Actually, every relationship expert will tell you the same: going no-contact is the only sane way to go. It’s the thing you won’t hesitate to do if you want what’s best for your emotional and mental well-being.

There should be no good morning and good night texts, no checking up on each other, no asking your mutual friends about their whereabouts, no “accidentally” meeting one another at “your place,” no making excuses to stay in touch…

Nessun contatto significa non avere alcun contatto.

Trust me – if you keep this person out of your sight, you’ll keep them out of your heart and mind as well. It’s literally impossible to get over them if they’re still physically present in your life.

I’ll be honest: this won’t be easy. You’ll miss them like hell, and you’ll feel the urge to contact them all the time.

Ma devi essere forte. Per favore, ricorda che questo è per il tuo bene. Fai del tuo meglio per non pensare what they’re going through during no contact!

I social media

We’ve come to the real questions: Che dire social media? È necessario bloccare il vostro ex su tutti i vostri account? O è scortese farlo?

Well, it all depends. If you plan on posting stories directed to them, and if you plan on obsessively waiting for their posts and checking their online status, then it’s better to block them right away.

I suppose you don’t want to do this. They’re someone you spent so much time with, and it’s kind of rude to block them, especially if you separated on good terms.

That’s why I suggest a trial period. If you’re really capable of ignoring their existence on social media, you’re free to leave them to your followers.

But if you catch yourself stalking their profiles or waiting for their reply on your story, you know what you’ve got to do.

7. Dare priorità a se stessi

Le vostre emozioni e salute mentale sempre al primo posto! Don’t you ever forget that!

I know it’s easy to let sadness eat you alive. It’s easy to fall into the trap of pessimism and start seeing your life as a dark tunnel without a light ahead.

But that kind of attitude won’t bring you anywhere.

That’s why you must begin practicing amore per se stessi subito. Per essere precisi, è necessario incorporare amore per se stessi e cura di sé nel vostro vita quotidiana.

Love yourself! Easier said than done, sure. But it’s something you learn how to do.

Once you put yourself in the first place, you’ll realize that nobody is worthy of your tears and suffering. You have to love yourself more than you loved them, which is the whole point.

Aumentare l'autostima

La cosa più importante è iniziare a lavorare sulla propria autostima. Ricorda chi sei e chi eravate prima della vostra storia d'amore.

La vostra relazione fallita vi ha fatto sentire non amati e non desiderati, and it’s time to change that perception of yourself.

Just because things didn’t work out with one girl or guy, it doesn’t mean that you’re less worthy. First of all, your relationship status doesn’t define your value at all.

You can spend the rest of your life single (which I’m not saying will happen), but that doesn’t make people in successful love relationships better than you.

Start by focusing on your good sides. If necessary, make a list of all of your qualities and read them out loud every time you’re feeling down.

Continuate a lavorare su voi stessi. Per quanto siate una grande persona, c'è sempre un margine di miglioramento.

But don’t engage in this self-work for the sake of getting your ex back or for the sake of your future relationships. Become the best possible version of yourself for yourself.

Trust me – once you realize how amazing you are, you’ll also understand that you meritano molto di più di quello che il vostro ex aveva da offrire.

8. Rebound relationships won’t help you heal

Quando sarò pronto per una nuova relazione? Una nuova relazione mi aiuterà a dimenticare quella precedente?

Queste sono le domande che gli esperti di relazioni ricevono quotidianamente. Da un lato, anche solo pensare di far entrare qualcuno di nuovo nella propria vita è un segno di progresso.

It means that you’re capable of picturing yourself next to a new guy or a girl who isn’t your ex. Great for you!

But before we jump to any conclusions, let’s dig a little deeper and figure out where these questions are really coming from.

It’s one thing if enough time has passed since the end of a relationship. You’ve passed through all the stages of grief, and now you’re ready to get back out there and start something new.

Nevertheless, as long as you’re wondering how to move on from a relationship, you’re probably not there just yet.

It’s more likely that you want a new relationship for all the wrong reasons. Some people think it will ease their pain, some start dating in spite of their ex, and some want to continue exactly where they left off (but with another person this time).

Each one of these reasons is unhealthy. In all of these cases, a new relationship won’t help you.

Actually, what you’re looking for is a relazione di rimbalzo – a situation where you date someone new without getting over your ex.

Perché è una cattiva idea?

Che male può fare? Dopo tutto, volete solo divertirvi un po' e questa è la soluzione perfetta per distrarvi.

First of all, a rebound relationship will probably get you through another heartbreak. It’s likely that you’ll be searching for your ex in every new person that crosses your path.

Of course, you won’t find them (luckily!). Sooner or later, you’ll have to admit that this is not the real deal and that you were just trying to find the perfect replacement.

Inoltre, questo non è un buon meccanismo di guarigione. A new relationship keeps you occupied, but at the same time, it doesn’t allow you to move on in a modo sano.

Instead of dealing with your pain and curing it, you focus all of your energy on this new person. Well, that can’t last long. Before you know it, all of your repressed emotions will come and get you.

Finally, you’re hurting an innocent person. You’re dragging a third party into your mess without them even being aware of it.

At the end of the day, you’ll break their heart. And what does that make you? That’s right – it means you’re nothing better than your ex.

Quando sarò pronto?

Nobody can tell you for sure when you’ll be ready for someone new. But I can tell you this: don’t start anything until you’re sure that your emotional baggage won’t interfere with your relazione futura.

C'è tutto il tempo per incontrare l'anima gemella. Besides, you can’t rush it as much as you might want to – it will happen when it’s meant to be.

Until then, enjoy your single life and make the most out of it. I promise you – you’ll thank me later!

9. Dare al tempo la possibilità di fare la sua magia

Wouldn’t it be great if we could snap our fingers and stitch our broken hearts back together? But what would be the fun in that, am I right?

Whether you like it or not, healing and letting go take time. Moving on is a process that doesn’t end when we want it to.

Ha le sue fasi e bisogna attraversarle tutte prima di raggiungere l'obiettivo finale.

So please, don’t rush yourself and prendere tempo to heal. Or even better – give time enough time to do its magic.

This might sound like a corny cliché, but time really does heal all wounds.

Before you know it, you’ll notice that it has been an entire day since you thought of your past relationship. It doesn’t sound like much, but hey, one step at a time.

10. Vederlo come un nuovo inizio

Tenete presente che il fine di una relazione isn’t the end of your life. Instead, what you should do is look at it as a chance for a nuovo inizio.

Because that’s what this situation really is. It’s a unique opportunity for a fresh start.

Now, after all this time, you’re finally free to do whatever you want with your life. You don’t have to consult anyone about your vacation, place to live, and dozens of other things.

Let’s not forget about all the energy and time you have on your hands. Of course, you can spend it all grieving over your relazione fallita.

Or you can invest it in something much better – yourself. You can finally do all the things you’ve been planning to do for so long.

Start with small steps like finishing all the tasks you’ve been procrastinating doing, read that book that’s been lying on your shelf for months. After you see that you can do this, you’re ready to hit the gym, start a new hobby, or learn a new language.

It wasn’t meant to be

Trust me – God gave you this opportunity to live your life the way it’s meant to be. This person wasn’t your soulmate, and it’s better that you’ve realized this on time.

So please, stop living in the past and turn to the future. Every new day is a new chance to do something with your life, and it’s up to you how you use it.

Come superare una relazione tossica

It should be easier to move on from a relationship that’s not working, right? After all, you see all the red flags, and it’s clear that things will never change.

Sadly, things don’t always work that way. In realtà, si pensa anche a risolvere la vostra relazione tossica.

The trick is that you’re trapped in this endless love-hate circle, and moving on seems impossible.

I’ll tell you the truth: it’s difficult, but it can be done. Besides taking all the steps explained above, the most important thing here is to understand that you’ll never get what you crave.

Per quanto vi uccida, uccidete le vostre speranze. Things will never be normal, and you’ll never have a healthy relationship with this person.

Se necessario, continuate a ripetervelo più volte finché non ci credete.

Come si fa ad andare avanti con una persona che si ama?

C'è solo un modo per allontanarsi da qualcuno che si ama ancora: ricordatevi di amare di più voi stessi. When you prioritize yourself and put your happiness in the first place, you’ll understand that leaving the person who makes you miserable is the only way to go.

But if that’s not enough, here are some more tips for moving on from someone you still have feelings for:

1. Concentrarsi sui lati negativi della relazione.
2. Lavorare su se stessi.
3. Non contattate nessuno.
4. Accept it wasn’t meant to be.
5. Chiedere aiuto.

Quanto tempo ci vuole per superare una relazione?

Gli esperti di relazioni sostengono che il tempo medio in cui la maggior parte delle persone inizia a sentirsi meglio dopo una rottura va dai tre ai sei mesi. Naturalmente, tutto è facoltativo, poiché le persone guariscono a ritmi diversi.

Alcuni riescono a superare una relazione in poche settimane. Mi dispiace dirvelo, ma c'è chi impiega anni per rimettersi in carreggiata.

L'importante è non avere fretta. Tuttavia, è possibile accelerare il processo se si seguono tutti i passaggi indicati sopra.

Per concludere:

Ora che sapete come superare una relazione, all you have to do is follow the entire step-by-step program, and you’re ready to go. Sounds like a piece of cake, right?

Well, I think that we both know it’s not. But hey, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.

All I want you to keep in mind is that this won’t be a linear process. Sometimes, you’ll take two steps forward and three steps back.

There will be good and bad days. There will be days when you’ll want to go back to your ex, at all costs. Days when you’ll think you’ll never make it.

Days when you’ll fall. But you know what the best part is? If you do everything right, you’ll always pick yourself back up!

Buona fortuna! Io credo in te!