Perché il mio amico mi ignora? 20 ragioni e soluzioni

Le amicizie si differenziano dalle relazioni sentimentali per un aspetto significativo: possono sopportare molto più facilmente la distanza e la mancanza di contatti. I vostri amici intimi fanno parte della vostra famiglia allargata. – these kinds of relationships don’t follow the same progression as the one with your partner, so the expectations are different.

This doesn’t mean these relationships are unimportant, but there’s an understanding about le vostre vite si muovono separatamente fino a quando non convergono di tanto in tanto e avete la possibilità di passare del tempo insieme. Incontrare vecchi amici può riaccendere l'amicizia e non sentire il proprio migliore amico per una settimana non è mai un motivo di preoccupazione.

Still, when your friend fails to call you back more than a couple of times in a row and leaves your texts on read so often that you start to wonder, “Why is my friend ignoring me?” there might be problems in your friendship with this person.

Potrebbe trattarsi di voi, di loro o di nulla. Let’s take a close look at all of these possibilities and figure out what to do in each case.

Perché il mio amico mi ignora? 20 motivi e come affrontarli

When your best friend isn’t answering your phone calls or replying to your texts, you can’t help but wonder why. Your first reaction is probably to worry that something might have happened to them, but then you check and see that they’ve been online an hour ago, so you start to worry for entirely different reasons.

If you usually keep in touch with your friend regularly, it’s understandable if you’re confused and frustrated. You need to know what’s going on because you care for your friend and being kept in the dark by them is worse than being ghosted by someone you’ve been dating.

Instead of sitting around going crazy, thinking, “Why is my friend ignoring me?” your best choice is to think closely about what’s been going on with the two of you before they started ignoring you. Il vero motivo sarà evidente se esaminerete onestamente e attentamente la vostra relazione.

Ecco alcune domande da porsi che potrebbero indirizzarvi verso la risposta.

• Is it the first time this has happened or is there a pattern of behavior?

- C'è stata una discussione o è successo all'improvviso?

• Has your friend been having problems – personal, relationship, work?

- Il vostro amico ha problemi di salute mentale che potrebbero causarne il ritiro?

• Is your friend usually an outgoing person or un introverso che ha spesso bisogno di stare da solo?

- La sua amica ha iniziato a frequentare qualcuno di recente?

• Have either of you done something that might hurt the other person?

- È sempre uno di voi a iniziare il contatto o a mantenere l'amicizia?

• Has your friendship been rocky recently?

- Siete entrambi amici veri e propri l'uno all'altro? Potrebbe essere difficile da affrontare, ma conoscete la risposta.

After you’ve thought about these questions and gone through the list below, you’ll have an idea of what’s going on and how to deal with it. Once you do, you can decide how to address the issue.

1. Your friend isn’t actually ignoring you

Most people are closer to their dearest friends than to most of their family members – after all, close friends are the family you’ve chosen. It’s not unusual to feel that la tua migliore amica è la tua sorella del cuore o tuo fratello in tutti i modi che contano.

So, if you need your friend at the moment but they’re not available, you might feel like they’re ignoring you even when they’re not. When you’re feeling vulnerable and looking for the person you can trust and confide in, it’s easy to feel ignored if they don’t respond in the way you want them to.

SOLUZIONE:

Iniziate a considerare l'intera situazione nel suo contesto. How different is your friend’s behavior from the baseline? If you talk every day and you haven’t heard from them for two, is it a reason to worry?

What’s your mental and emotional state like? Consider if you might be overthinking things because you’re feeling needy. Before you confront your friend, ensure that they’re actually ignoring you and not simply unavailable because they have to attend to their own needs.

2. Il vostro amico è occupato

Le amicizie degli adulti sono diverse da quelle che si avevano da bambini o da studenti delle scuole superiori. In quei periodi della vostra vita, fate amicizia con persone che vi sono vicine ogni giorno e la cui vita quotidiana è simile alla vostra.

Quando si cresce, ci si deve concentrare sulla propria vita e le amicizie cambiano. They’re no longer based on the amount of time you spend together, but you realize that your true friends are people who sono al vostro fianco quando ne avete bisogno.

If your friend seems to be ignoring you, they might just be busy with something in their own life and don’t have time to focus on you. This doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you, but that, at the moment, they’re simply too busy to give you time.

SOLUZIONE:

Even if you think that a true friend should never be too busy to at least send a “ttyl” text because that’s what you would do, take a moment and remember a time when you were swamped at work or too engrossed in a new job or a big project, or even just overwhelmed with daily life.

On days like those, time flies and it’s easy to forget about everything that isn’t the problem at hand. Give your friend the benefit of the doubt, but let them know that you’d like them to acknowledge you when you contact them next time you talk to each other.

3. Your friend has problems they can’t share with you

Your friend might have problems that they don’t feel like they can talk to you about or that are too personal to share with anyone at all. This could include marriage problems that they need to work on with their spouse, health issues they’re facing or money problems.

If you’re the kind of person who likes to share your burdens, it might seem like your friend doesn’t trust you, but that’s not true. Semplicemente preferiscono mantenere certe cose private o tra coloro che ne sono interessati. Potete essere certi che il vostro amico verrà da voi se o quando potrà.

SOLUZIONE:

Respect your friend’s boundaries. Don’t ask your mutual friends if they know what’s going on – let your friend come to you when they’re ready. Text them something that tells them that they can count on you and don’t push. Don’t try to make them feel guilty or like they have to talk to you.

4. They’re hiding because they’re going through something

Some people withdraw when problems arise and they don’t talk to others until they’re okay with what they’re going through. I problemi più comuni che possono indurre una persona a non parlarne sono quelli che mettono in discussione le sue convinzioni e i suoi valori o la sua immagine di sé.

Non farvi entrare non è a sign your friend doesn’t care about youma che si trovano in difficoltà con alcuni problemi. Può essere difficile capire quando questo potrebbe essere il motivo per cui il vostro amico vi ignora, e la risposta sta nella loro personalità e nella loro storia.

SOLUZIONE:

If your friend doesn’t like talking about certain issues or if they’re prone to depression and avoidant moods, they might be hiding until they’ve dealt with a problem, so pushing won’t give you the result you want.

The only thing you can do is make sure that your friend knows that they can come to you if they need to – if that’s how you feel – and to be understanding if they can’t.

5. Il vostro amico è appena innamorato e si concentra sul suo interesse amoroso.

Molte persone diventano un po' ossessionate dal proprio partner all'inizio di una nuova relazione. When you’re newly in love, the last thing on your mind is thinking about how anyone else is feeling and your whole focus is on your new girlfriend or boyfriend.

Quando si tratta di scegliere tra il vostro best friend vs. the person you’re dating to give your attention to, early in the relationship everyone hopes their friends can understand that they’re just a distraction at that moment.

SOLUZIONE:

If your friend has been mentioning someone they like a lot and then suddenly gone missing, chances are that they found out the other person feels the same and they’re too busy for anything except their new love.

It’s up to you how you approach this when you talk to your friend, but be sure not to argue with them about this or make them feel that they’ve done something bad. Fate sapere al vostro amico che vi manca senza costringerlo a scegliere.

6. Your friend thinks you’re mad at them

Il vostro amico ha un motivo per pensare che siate arrabbiati con lui? If you argued before they went missing, they might think you’re angry and don’t know how to talk to you.

Facing your loved ones when you believe they’re mad at you can be extremely difficult if you don’t know how to deal with it. If there is unsolved conflict between you, your friend could simply be afraid.

SOLUZIONE:

If you’re not angry with your friend, make sure they know it. Text them something funny or plainly tell them that you’re good. In case you are angry, but you’d still like to talk to them, be honest about that as well.

7. They’ve had enough of your behavior

Maybe your friend is ignoring you because you’ve pushed them too far. If you repeatedly do things that your friend dislikes, it’s possible that they’ve had enough. You might not even know what it is, if you lack self-awareness or if you don’t communicate with each other effectively.

This can be a dangerous situation if you’re both stubborn and unwilling to back up. If your friend feels that your friendship isn’t worth it because they doubt that you’re willing to change and become a better friend, they might refuse to even try, so they’re ignoring you.

SOLUZIONE:

È necessario che ci sia una conversazione per affrontare la questione e che siate disposti ad accettare la possibilità che il vostro comportamento abbia causato una frattura. If your friendship is important to you, don’t be defensive if your friend points out something you do that they dislike.

Pensate invece a come trattare i vostri migliori amici e coltivare la vostra amicizia.

8. La vostra amicizia è tutta per voi

If your friend feels that you’re self-absorbed and that their only role is to be an audience to your monologues, they might have decided they’re not doing it anymore. Finding out if this is the case can be difficult because your friend might not think that they can tell you how they feel.

You must examine yourself, your behavior and your friendship closely and openly and honestly ask yourself, “Is it me?” If your friend feels like you’re not interested in them and what’s going on in their life, you might come to a point where they don’t want to be friends any longer.

SOLUZIONE:

When a friend starts to pull back because they’re unhappy in the friendship, you must figure out if this is true by being completely honest with yourself. You already know if you’ve been using them not to feel lonely or to have someone to go out with and not because you care for them.

Se si vuole risolvere questo problema, è necessario imparare a essere un buon amico che presta attenzione e offre sostegno. If you don’t particularly care, still consider changing it and deepening your friendship because you can experience things you can’t in a superficial one.

9. You’re holding them back

One of the reasons why your friend might be pulling away and ignoring you is if you’ve been unsupportive and they feel like you’re holding them back from what they want in life. This can often happen in friendships that begin early in life and continue for years.

When you’re used to your friend being in the same situation as you, you might hold them back when they try to move forward. Ad esempio, potreste scoraggiarli dal trasferirsi quando in realtà sarebbe un bene per loro, perché volete tenerli vicini. Un altro esempio è se entrambi conducete uno stile di vita non sano, potreste farli sentire in colpa per aver cercato di cambiare.

SOLUZIONE:

Has your friend been trying to change and you’ve been trying to make them feel like they can’t because then it will only be you who’s not working on yourself?

Riflettete sulla vostra relazione senza pretese e siate onesti su ciò che ne ricavate. If it’s validation of your own negative behaviors, consider doing things that will improve your emotional state or your mental health.

Scegliete di essere di supporto e lasciate che il vostro amico vi ispiri invece di trattenerlo.

10. You’re too demanding or clingy

Do you often demand attention, time or something else from your friend and you’re used to getting it? If you often depend on your friend and get frustrated when they prioritize their own life, it’s possible that they’re ignoring you because they can’t deal with you at the moment.

SOLUZIONE:

Imparare a soddisfare le proprie esigenze e smettere di essere appiccicoso to stop making your friend feel like they’re not a good friend if they choose themselves. Questo può rovinare le amicizie, quindi se ci tenete al vostro amico, dovete lavorarci su.

If your friend ignores you instead of being able to tell you that they can’t help you at the moment, they feel like you won’t take it well so they’re not even trying.

11. La vostra amicizia è diversa da quella che credete

Se credete di aver trovato un anima gemella amiciziama il vostro amico pensa raramente a voi al di fuori del lavoro, delle riunioni di gruppo o di altri ambienti in cui vi vedete abitualmente, le vostre aspettative potrebbero essere troppo alte.

Sometimes when you meet someone you like and want to be friends with, you might start moving too fast and trying to quickly create a connection. If you and the other person aren’t in the same place, they might find it overwhelming.

SOLUZIONE:

Volete uscire di più con loro, ma sembrano sempre sorpresi quando li contattate e raramente accettano?

Pensate a quanto tempo conoscete questa persona e se la mancanza di contatti è significativa per lei come per voi. Se pensate a loro come a un amico intimo e loro pensano a voi come a un conoscente, potrebbe essere il momento di accettare la realtà e di rallentare o andare avanti.

12. Il vostro amico è geloso di voi

If your friend doesn’t like who they are, they might be jealous of you and avoid you because you remind them of their own shortcomings. If they’re sentirsi insicuri con voi because you’re moving forward or because you’re doing things they can’t, they don’t want a reminder so they might be distancing themselves.

SOLUZIONE:

This doesn’t mean that your friend means to hurt you, but it’s a sign that they’re unhappy with themselves. Se si sa come dire chi sono i tuoi veri amici, you’ll be able to decide if this friendship is worth fighting for.

Help your friend if you believe that they’re going through a rough patch, but if you know that they’re just toxic, it’s best to let them ignore you and go about your own life.

13. They’ve been a fake friend all along

People can always tell when they’re involved in relationships that aren’t good for them, but there are reasons why we stay in those relationships. If you’ve been ignoring your intuition and accepted a one-sided friendship, this might be your chance to change things.

SOLUZIONE:

Ci sono molti segni di un falso amico that can tell you if someone you care for doesn’t have your best interests in mind. Se questa persona non è mai stata un'amica per voi, la sua distanza potrebbe essere proprio ciò che vi serve per scegliere voi stessi e andare avanti.

14. Il vostro amico è tossico

Uscire con un amico vi lascia spesso esausti? Usano tecniche di manipolazione come il trattamento del silenzio o il senso di colpa per ottenere ciò che vogliono da voi? Vi fanno complimenti a rovescio?

If the answers to these questions are ‘yes’, you’re dealing with a toxic friend. Se questo tipo di persona vi ignora, potrebbe essere un gioco di potere e un tentativo di ottenere qualcosa.

SOLUZIONE:

Use this chance and turn things around – prendere le distanze from someone who isn’t good for you and decide to let go of this friendship because it’s only hurting you. If you’ve stuck with them because you feel lonely, now you’ll have the motivation and the emotional space to connect with someone else.

15. Siete tossici

You might think that you’re besties, but are you really as good of a friend as you think?

Are you critical, dismissive or controlling? Do you only contact them when you need something or when you’re bored? Do you think of them as competition? Se è così, potreste essere voi l'amico tossico in questa relazione.

They’re ignoring you because they’re tired of playing along and need space.

SOLUZIONE:

Most people don’t decide to be toxic in relationships, but it happens because of insecurities and self-esteem problems. Lavorate su voi stessi e cercate di sviluppare la qualità di un migliore amico desiderate in un'altra persona e rendetevi conto che le relazioni sono a due facce.

16. You’ve done something to hurt them

Maybe you said something without thinking or you did something that you knew would cause your friend pain, but if you’ve hurt your friend, they might not want to talk to you for a while or at all.

Of course, intent matters, but even if you didn’t mean to hurt them, it still happened and your friend is either done with you or needs time to deal with it.

SOLUZIONE:

Chiedere scusa faccia a faccia e con convinzione. ‘I’m sorry’ without genuine honesty and regret is nothing. Assumetevi la responsabilità delle vostre azioni e siate determinati a non ripeterle se volete salvare la vostra amicizia.

17. They’ve done something that would hurt you if you found out

Perhaps your friend feels guilty about something they’ve done, so they’re avoiding you. If they did something that they know would cause you pain if you knew, it might be the reason why they’re ignoring you – il tuo amico ha paura che tu lo scopra.

SOLUZIONE:

Ad esempio, se il vostro amico inizia a frequentare il vostro ex che amavate, sa che questo vi rattrista, o sa che qualcosa di simile vi ferisce. Una volta scoperto di cosa si tratta, è necessario considerare attentamente i propri sentimenti e le proprie azioni.

Pensate se l'hanno fatto pur sapendo che vi avrebbe ferito, se hanno avuto la possibilità di non farlo e come vi sentite al riguardo.

18. They’ve replaced you

Your friend stopped replying to your texts, so you’re worried and you check their social media to see if they’re around, only to find out that they’re having a blast with new friends doing something you talked about doing together.

Some people are flaky and easily change without consideration of other people’s feelings. Per persone come queste, gli altri non sono altro che intrattenimento e non sono importanti per loro.

SOLUZIONE:

Se your friend doesn’t respect you enough to let you know when they change their mind and leave you hanging, you’re better off without them. It’s important not to accept their excuses if they offer any because this is a sign of not being able to rely on them.

19. They don’t want to be friends any more

Essi era il tuo migliore amico, but recently it feels like they’re never around. When you contact them, they’re curt and eager to get away.

They might not be rude to you, but you feel like they’d rather do anything but spend time with you.

It might be something related to your actions, something connected with what’s going on in their lives or something completely different – whatever the reason, vogliono porre fine alla vostra amicizia.

SOLUZIONE:

You can’t force anyone to like you and if someone is not interested in being your friend any longer, let them go. Approach it the same way you’d approach a breakup of a romantic relationship and protect your feelings.

20. You’re drifting apart

A volte arriva un momento in cui le differenze di stile di vita, il cambiamento delle priorità o semplicemente il fatto di essere persone diverse causano la fine dell'amicizia.

When both of you are slowly drifting apart, you might be trying to preserve what you’ve had, but it’s not working. Cercare di costringere le cose a rimanere invariate può finire con l'amarezza e il risentimento.

SOLUZIONE:

If you’ve been friends for a long time, it might be difficult to accept that you’re not the way you used to be, but instead of thinking in all-or-nothing terms, think of it as a change.

You don’t have to explicitly end things or forget about this person, but stop thinking of them as your best friend and someone who’ll be there when you need them and vice versa. Fate un passo indietro in sviluppo dell'amicizia, accept that you’re less close and let things go.

Conclusione

It’s natural to miss your friend when they’re not talking to you and to be hurt and if you don’t know why it’s happening. The easiest way to figure out the answer to the question “Why is my friend ignoring me?” would be to ask them, but even if they’ve locked you out completely, there’s still a way to pinpoint the reason.

È necessario essere consapevoli e onesti con se stessi e riflettere sulla propria amicizia.. Usually, if there’s a problem, all the signs are already there. In some cases, you’ll have to accept that your relationship has come to an end and that the best thing you can do for yourself is to move on.

If it was your behavior that caused your friend to distance themselves, this could be the motivation you need to think about it and decide how it should change. If your friend is going through something, let them know that they can rely on you and come to you when they’re ready.