10 cose da tenere sempre a mente quando si ha la sensazione di non essere abbastanza bravi

You’ve tried everything from meditation to reading all the advice about true happiness, but you still feel like you’re not good enough.

E la cosa peggiore è che non riuscite nemmeno a ricordare quando avete iniziato a sentirvi così.

Did it happen while you were growing up, or you were born with an inner critic that you somehow can’t shut down (not even for a second)?

Feeling like you’re not good enough is one of the most draining things in the world and the process of overcoming it requires understanding, determination, and patience.

È necessario imparare l'arte dell'amore per se stessi.

It is when you’re convinced that no matter what you do or say, it will never be good enough for other people, or for you. 

It is when you’re afraid to make mistakes in life because they make you feel like the ultimate failure.

Ci sono molte ragioni per sentirsi meno degni, essere sensibilie, e rielaborare continuamente pensieri negativi nella vostra testa, e queste ragioni sono spesso collegate a problemi profondi e radicati.

Before diving deeper into things you should remember when you’re feeling like you’re not good enough, let’s first check out the possible roots of that feeling:

7 Common Reasons Why You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough

1. Avete delle ipotesi nascoste sul mondo a causa di alcuni eventi passati.

One of the main reasons why we feel like we’re not good enough lies in the past and previous events.

As children, we absorb everything around us – the way people talk, walk, and most importantly, the way people behave in certain situations.

Colleghiamo tutto e incorniciamo questi ricordi in uno speciale compartimento del nostro cervello chiamato ipotesi nascoste.

Da bambini non riusciamo a capire che tutto accade per un motivo o le vere ragioni che stanno dietro a certe azioni.

Quindi, facciamo delle ipotesi. Creiamo le nostre convinzioni sul perché le cose accadono e le colleghiamo con le nostre ragioni uniche.

Per esempio, se un bambino si sveglia un giorno e si rende conto che uno dei suoi genitori non c'è più, non capisce bene perché sia successo.

All the child knows is that they love their parent and now they are gone. The hidden assumption here is: “If you care about someone, they abandon you.”

This hidden assumption becomes a deep-rooted issue and it becomes a part of a child’s everyday life and then their life as a grown-up.

These assumptions work on a subconscious level meaning you won’t really be aware of them, but they will still be active in the background.

And that core belief or assumption is what might make you feel like you’re not good enough, like you don’t deserve love and that you need to earn it.

Questa paura potrebbe costringervi a non lasciare mai nessuno vicino a voi.

2. You’re overly self-critical

Avete mai ascoltato attentamente i vostri pensieri? Avete notato che il 90% del tempo i vostri pensieri sono negativi e che raramente pensate a qualcosa di positivo?

We often become convinced that the reason why we feel we’re not good enough is because of something or someone else.

We think that we’re not good enough because someone said something insulting or took us for granted.

Ma a volte siamo noi la ragione per cui ci sentiamo così. Il cervello umano è complesso e complicato.

Se lasciamo che i nostri pensieri prevalgano senza mai interferire, potremmo ritrovarci nel regno del dubbio, della mancanza di autostima e della bassa autostima.

A healthy dose of self-criticism is motivating, but a toxic one is destructive. And that’s when we start asking ourselves: Perché non sono abbastanza bravo?

There’s no real reason for it, but we feel that way because we let all the negativity penetrate our thoughts and influence our behaviour.

There’s only one person who can silence your inner critic and that is YOU!

Lo si può fare esercitandosi pensiero positivo, il dialogo con se stessi e la meditazione.

If you do all these things on a regular basis, you will notice a significant improvement when it comes to your self-confidence and over time you’ll be less self-critical and self-loathing.

You’ll realize that you’re enough!

3. Ci si circonda di persone eccessivamente critiche e/o giudicanti

Secondo me, una delle cose più tossiche del pianeta è essere circondati da persone critiche e giudicanti.

We all know that human beings can be really toxic (especially when they’re having a bad day).

I bet that in everyone’s life there are a few people who are overly critical and/or judgmental.

Queste persone possono essere amici, genitori, familiari, partner o persone a caso sui social media.

And those people have the power to change the quality of your whole life in a second. They follow your every move and they can’t wait to jump into critic mode.

Whatever you say or do, they’ll always find a way to convince you that you’re not doing something right, that you’re incapable of achieving something or fixing something.

Or they judge your decisions and choices even though it’s none of their business.

By doing that they’re subtly implanting a message into your brain that you’re not good enough. And over time you’ll start to believe it.

If this is the case with you, you need to stand up for yourself and stop spending time with such toxic people (or at least minimize the time you spend with them if you don’t have the luxury of avoiding them completely).

4. Avete avuto uno o più genitori molto esigenti, critici o distanti.

As a person who had highly critical parents, I can totally relate to this one. So, let’s start with the critical aspect first.

There’s a thin line between healthy criticism and toxic criticism.

La critica sana consiste nel criticare il proprio figlio di tanto in tanto per motivarlo a fare qualcosa di meglio, mentre la critica tossica è quando si critica costantemente qualcuno.

It’s when you never say anything positive to your child, but you only acknowledge when they do something wrong.

Then the child starts to think that they’re not good enough because they’re never praised, but only criticised. And such children grow up into adults who still think they’re not good enough.

Also, if the parents are too demanding, they don’t give the child the space to make mistakes.

They often demand perfection and when children are unable to meet or fall short of their parents’ impossible standards, they start feeling bad about themselves.

Distant parents make children feel like they’re not good enough because they never show any kind of affection and they don’t shower their children with the unconditional love that is the essence of happy parenting.

(In most cases, the parents also didn’t experience such love, so they don’t know what unconditional love is).

Children who’ve never experienced a parent’s unconditional love are at high risk of becoming a grown up who will never feel good enough because they weren’t worthy of their parent(s) love.

Vedi anche: 10 ottime ragioni per cui lei è abbastanza buona

5. I vostri genitori non sono stati in grado di offrirvi stabilità o protezione.

Non tutti i bambini hanno la fortuna di avere genitori in grado di offrire loro stabilità e sicurezza. Alcuni genitori combattono le loro battaglie con l'alcol, le droghe o soffrono di ansia e depressione.

Questi genitori spesso non sono in grado di mostrare ai loro figli amore incondizionato e per farli sentire protetti.

Since they are fighting their own demons, they don’t have enough time to be there for their children.

And because of that, the children start to feel like they are the reason why their parent(s) are absent or why they’re drinking.

Children don’t have the ability to think rationally, therefore their only conclusion will be that they are doing something terribly wrong and making their parents do things they normally wouldn’t.

Cominciano a sentire di non essere abbastanza bravi fin dalla prima infanzia e questa sensazione li segue anche nell'età adulta.

When they grow up, they start searching for stability and protection somewhere else (in their partners) or they become attracted to commitment-phobes because they often feel like they need to compete for other people’s affection and approval.

6. You didn’t get enough attention and love as a kid

Come già detto, l'amore incondizionato è una delle cose più importanti quando si parla di genitori sani e felici (soprattutto in tenera età).

If your parents didn’t give you enough attention and love when you were a kid, chances are that’s the reason why you think: I’m not good enough.

As a child, you probably thought that you were the problem – that you were the reason why your parents never hugged you or kissed you good night.

I bambini lo fanno. Collegano i punti a modo loro, in modo sciocco.

They don’t have the capacity to understand the deep-rooted issues behind this phenomenon.

In most cases, parents who don’t give attention or shower their children with love didn’t receive it from their parents, either.

It’s like an endless chain that needs to be understood and broken into pieces in order for something to change. But, that’s easier said than done.

Luckily, most children learn valuable lessons from their parent’s behaviour and they don’t do the same things to their future children.

If someone lacked parental love, they know how they felt about it and that’s why they promise they’ll never repeat the same mistakes as their parents. But, some things remain or hardly change.

Those children will continue to feel like they’re not good enough until they realize their parent’s lack of attention and love was not their fault.

7. Avete avuto una o più esperienze traumatiche in passato

Abusi fisici, abusi sessuali, abuso emotivo… There are many categories and subcategories of abuse and these three are the most common ones.

Now, many people think that emotional abuse is something that doesn’t leave scars because they are not visible like with physical abuse.

Those scars may not be seen on a person’s body, but they are deeply rooted in their soul.

Forse ricordano a una persona quegli eventi dolorosi ogni singolo giorno e con il tempo questi sentimenti peggiorano sempre di più.

They become convinced that they’re not good enough, that the reason why something bad happened to them is that they deserved it (even though they didn’t).

It’s really hard to convince children that something is not their fault. They grow up into adults who still believe that they are a bad person even though they haven’t done anything wrong.

Traumatic experiences are like ghosts – they tend to follow a person through their entire life.

Seeking professional help or advice is often the only thing that can make them feel better about themselves and everything they’ve gone through.

10 Things To Remember When You Feel You’re Not Good Enough

Now that we’re done with the list of common reasons for not feeling good enough, it’s time to dive into the self-help department.

Quando iniziate a sentirvi così, ricordatevi le seguenti cose:

1. You don’t have to be a slave to your inner critic

Tutti abbiamo un critico interiore dentro di noi, ma alcuni sono più forti e altri meno invadenti. È necessario riflettere sul motivo per cui si è avuto quel pensiero negativo.

Do you repeat in your head that you’re too lazy because you haven’t done something yet? In that case, you should start doing something about it. You should roll up your sleeves and start working.

And you should tell yourself that your unwillingness to do something at the moment doesn’t make you lazy or a bad person.

We all have days when we’re a little off and we’re less motivated to do our daily tasks.

That doesn’t make us less worthy or not good enough. It’s time to start making a difference and prevent that inner critic from turning you into a slave of your own thoughts!

2. Cambiate la vostra mentalità in una più positiva

Whenever you start feeling like you’re not good enough, it’s important to detach yourself from that illusion.

Dovete cambiare la vostra mentalità in una più positiva che vi aiuterà a distruggere quella negativa.

Think about all the happy moments from the past, your achievements, something nice you’ve done for someone; think about your loved ones and all the other things that make your heart beat faster.

Dovete ritrovare il lato positivo, ricordandovi di tutte le cose positive della vostra vita!

It won’t be easy at first. You’ll notice the battle between your positive and negative side, but if your stay persistent, you will most certainly succeed in making the positive one prevail!

3. Creare un elenco di ricordi positivi

Once you’re done with contemplating all the positive things in your life, it’s wise to write them down on a piece of paper so that you always have a reminder when you need it.

Create un elenco di ricordi positivi di ogni singola cosa positiva che vi viene in mente di voi stessi, del vostro stile di vita, della vostra personalità e così via.

Pensate ai momenti in cui siete stati veramente felici di fare qualcosa, quando avete fatto qualcosa di stimolante e quando avete aiutato qualcuno in difficoltà.

Once you start to feel like you’re not good enough, it’s really important to remind yourself of all those things because they are your motivation and proof that you are enough.

4. Smettere di paragonarsi agli altri

Let’s face it. It has never been easier to compare yourself to others than it is nowadays.

Tutte quelle persone perfette in TV, tutte quelle persone ricche e perfette sui social media, i vostri vicini di casa, i vostri colleghi, i vostri amici, la vostra famiglia. L'elenco è infinito.

There is not a single thing or a person you can’t compare yourself to (I even compare myself to my cat, yup).

Whenever you see someone “prettier” or who is more settled in life than you, you automatically start comparing yourself to them and, as a result, you start to feel that you’re not good enough.

It’s important to remind yourself that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence.

It’s important to be grateful for what you already have. (And it’s important to stop comparing yourself to others).

Vedi anche: Leggete questa frase ogni volta che iniziate a confrontarvi con una ragazza più carina

5. Ridurre al minimo il tempo trascorso sui social media

As mentioned above, social media is one of the biggest things that can ruin our mental health and make us feel like we’ll never be good enough – no matter how hard we try.

I social media ci convincono che esistono vite perfette e che anche noi potremmo vivere quella vita perfetta se solo iniziassimo a vestirci come loro, a comportarci come loro e a vivere come loro.

In case you’re wondering who “them” is, I’m referring to all those (self-proclaimed) influencers.

Per evitare di andare in overdose di confronti, è necessario ridurre al minimo il tempo trascorso sui social media e dedicarsi ad altre attività che saranno senza dubbio più soddisfacenti.

6. Aumentare l'autostima facendo qualche cosa di bello per sé o per gli altri.

This is a great way to help you feel better instantly. Whenever you feel like you’re not good enough, make a list of a few things that you could do in order to help someone, or to help yourself.

The accent is on doing a nice thing that will make someone’s day or doing something nice for yourself that will make you proud of yourself.

Può trattarsi di qualsiasi cosa, dall'aiutare qualcuno nelle faccende domestiche al riordinare il proprio guardaroba.

Once you’ve done it, make sure you give yourself a pat on the back and say out loud: I did a great job! I’m freaking awesome!

7. Festeggiare le vittorie grandi e piccole

Uno dei motivi per cui molte persone iniziano a sentirsi male con se stesse è che celebrano solo le grandi vittorie (come finire l'università, ottenere un lavoro o simili).

Si dimentica di tutte quelle piccole vittorie che significano molto.

Piccole vittorie come alzarsi dal letto la mattina, preparare la colazione (essere grati per l'opportunità di preparare la colazione), superare le proprie paure, andare in palestra quando ci si sente uno schifo, e così via.

Ci sono migliaia di piccole vittorie che ci accompagnano durante la giornata e se prestate attenzione a queste (e non solo a quelle grandi), vi renderete conto del vostro potere e potenziale illimitato.

8. Sfogarsi vi farà sentire subito meglio

When you feel like you’re not good enough, spesso reprimete questi sentimenti? Do you tell yourself that what you’re feeling is not something you should share with others?

Se questo è il vostro caso, ripensateci. Invece di reprimere, dovreste assolutamente parlarne con il vostro migliore amico, con un familiare o con una persona a voi vicina.

Perché più lo si reprime, più la sensazione sarà intensa.

If you don’t feel comfortable talking it out with someone, there’s another method called journaling.

Scrivete i vostri sentimenti e pensieri nel vostro diario regolarmente o ogni volta che ne avete voglia. Questo avrà lo stesso effetto che avrebbe se ne parlasse con qualcuno.

9. Concentrarsi sempre sul processo anziché sul risultato

Questo concetto è davvero geniale. Quando ero all'università, non ho mai e poi mai pensato al giorno in cui avrei finalmente ottenuto il mio diploma (e sarei stato felice per il resto della mia vita).

Invece, mi sono concentrato sul processo. Mi sono concentrato su ogni singolo esame e ogni volta che ne ho superato uno, l'ho visto come una piccola vittoria.

Win after win after win – and there you are. When you focus on the process, you will be more present and realistic regarding your expectations.

You will not think that you’re not good enough, but you will focus on doing your best in each situation.

10. Individuare i fattori scatenanti della negatività e sbarazzarsene (o ridurli al minimo).

We’ve already listed one negative trigger – social media. Each person has lots of triggers and we’re often not even aware of them.

So, it’s time to think about what things make you feel bad and have a negative influence on your psyche. Those things might be people, your beliefs, your habits, and so on.

Once you’ve identified them, focus on getting rid of them (or at least minimizing their impact).

E ricordate: non siete soli.

In case you haven’t been told lately, you are important, you are amazing, and you are loved. Your past doesn’t define your present or the future.

You are a brave human being who has been through a lot. You’ve fought, you’ve cried, your heart has been broken into pieces, but you’ve never given up.

You’ve never given up being you. An imperfectly perfect human being with the strength of a warrior. So, don’t you dare think that you’re not good enough!

Vedi anche: Quest'anno finalmente so di essere abbastanza bravo