I’m sure you’ve heard about the five love languages and their importance for every successful and healthy romantic relationship. But did you know that not all use and understand them in the same way?
The same way in which a narcissist and an empath differ in almost all life aspects, they also have opposite ways of interpreting these love languages. Narcissists are known to be obsessed only with their own being, and consequently, they use these 5 love languages to their own benefit.
On the other hand, empaths always put other people’s needs in front of their own, which makes them a perfect target for every narcissist out there because they have exactly what a narcissist needs to chase them.
1. Words of affirmation
The first love language every couple uses in a romantic relationship is that of an affirmation for the other person. It gives you an opportunity to boost your partner’s self-esteem and to help them see that everything they are doing for the relationship is appreciated.
And here is the first major difference between a narcissist and an empath. When an empath uses words of affirmation, they do it because they have a pure intention of encouraging their loved one.
They really want their partner to feel better about themselves, and this is one of their ways to show their love and commitment for the other person.
On the other hand, when a narcissist uses affirmation language, they do it with a hidden purpose. In the beginning, when you first meet a narcissist, he often seems too good to be true. And that is because he is.
A narcissist has a way of sweet talking you into literally everything, and they are rarely honest when they are paying a compliment. They know exactly what is it that you want and need to hear to make you fall for them, and they use this love language as one of their ways to drag you into their endless circle of emotional and verbal narcissistic abuse.
When we talk about gifts as an important love language, we don’t necessarily talk about expensive and materially valuable gifts. Instead, buying or making presents by hand for your other half is a way of telling them that you’ve been thinking about them and that you’ve been listening to them talking about their wishes.
And this is exactly how an empath looks at receiving gifts from their partner. Their preferred presents are the ones with a deep meaning and a sentimental value.
Empaths are never materialistic and they usually enjoy getting little things which were made or bought with love. Also, every empath enjoys making others happy, and they always prefer giving presents than receiving them.
And a narcissist uses this to his benefit. A narcissist enjoys getting expensive and fancy gifts, and they see it as an expression of someone’s love for them.
Not only that, a narcissist will also be very generous when it comes to buying presents for their partner, especially in the initial stage of the relationship. But they don’t do it for the sake of their loved one’s happiness. On the contrary, this is a narcissist’s way of showing their power and money.
3. Act of service
When you do something for your partner, even if it is a small errand, you show them that you care for them. It is your way of showing them how much they mean to you through action, instead of just telling them that.
And this is another field in which a narcissist and an empath differ. A narcissist always thinks that they are above their partner. They think that their needs and desires are always more important, and they are convinced that everyone, including their love companion, should be at their service.
At the same time, they don’t think they ought to do anything to deserve this kingly treatment. On the contrary, they are assured that they are entitled to everyone catering them simply by being themselves.
On the other hand, one of an empath’s beautiful traits is that they will do whatever it takes just to make their other half feel their love. It means that they will often put their partner’s needs in front of their own, without even taking their own wishes and desires into consideration.
Of course, a setting like this always puts an empath in the position beneath their partner because they are the only one giving everything while receiving nothing in return. Consequently, sooner or later, this type of arrangement drains an empath, while it serves as energy fuel to a narcissist.
4. Quality time
Spending quality one on one time with your other half and giving them your undivided attention is a must in every healthy relationship. It is one of the things that is necessary for every relationship, including a romantic one, to succeed and for making all of the people included feel loved and wanted.
But the concept of quality time is not the same for an empath and for a narcissist. While the empath’s main focus will be on the other person, a narcissist is always self-centered and concerned about himself and no one else.
That means a narcissist’s idea of spending time with their partner is doing only the things they themselves want, when they want them. They will never put their energy into forming a deeper connection with their other half, while an empath will always do their best to accomplish exactly this.
5. Physical touch
One of the foundations of every romantic relationship is the physical aspect of it. But when I mention the physical aspect and touch, I am not talking about only sex here. I am also talking about things such as holding hands, kissing and hugging, all of which increase the level of intimacy in every relationship.
But narcissists rarely use this intimate aspect of the relationship the way it should be used—as a way of forming a special, deep bond between partners. Instead, they use sex as a way of manipulating the other person into falling for them right at the beginning and as a form of emotional blackmail.
Also, a narcissist will use physical contact as a way of punishing their partner. When they are angry or when things don’t go their way, they will have no trouble depriving the other person of any form of physical contact. They use this as a weapon to control their partner, as a part of their passive aggressive behavior and as tactic for their abuse.
But narcissists will also expect their partners to meet their physical needs whenever and however they please, which an empath will often do because they see sex and physical touch as a way of being closer to their loved one.
An empath craves physical attention from their romantic partner and sees it as a proof of their love and affection, which a narcissist always uses against them.