Verbal abuse is the fastest way to diminish and finally destroy someone’s self-esteem. The mind games and the control consumes your life completely, and after some time, your life loses every inch of beauty it had.
After being emotionally and verbally abused, darkness descends over you. You begin to see abuse even though abuse is not present because it’s the kind of life you’ve gotten used to by now.
Fears take you over, and you go into protect mode, building the walls around you way up high. All of that because of a poor and insecure person who had to make you feel like shit, so they could have a feeling of superiority.
The truth is, in almost all cases of verbal and emotional abuse, the victim is so much better than the abuser in every sense possible. That’s the main reason why the victim is abused in the first place.
A verbal abuser is capable of making you feel like you’re losing your mind, and any sense of stability is gone.
Before you go into healing mode, you have to admit to yourself that the person you’re living with or dating is an abuser. Don’t be ashamed of that. Don’t blame yourself because there is nothing you could have done to prevent it, and there is no way you could have known he is that kind of a person.
You have to come to peace with the fact you’ve been abused. I know those issues and the trauma you’ve been through seems unbearable, but believe me, it’s not.
Now, you think you’re never going to recover. You think you’re going to stay damaged for the rest of your life. But, that is not true. That’s just the reflection of the state you’re currently in.
But believe me, this too shall pass.
How to heal after being emotionally and verbally abused:
1. Don’t believe the lie
Whatever a toxic person tells you is a lie. Don’t believe those words because they are only said to hurt you. That is their primary goal – to make you feel worthless. Because people with no self-esteem are people easier to control.
But no one is made of stone and even the words from a complete stranger can creep their way to your heart and pretend to be true.
You have to fight against those lies, actively choosing which words you’ll take to your heart and which you’ll turn your back on.
2. Ask for support and love
After you’ve been emotionally and verbally abused, you need huge amounts of love. You need someone to hold you or listen to you. You need reassurance – someone who will tell you everything will be alright.
If you don’t ask for it, no one will give you what you want. People can’t read minds, and sometimes when you’re hurt, others might not recognize it immediately. So, ask for help. Ask for love when you need it, and the right person will recognize your cry for help.
3. Start believing that you’re good enough
Do whatever is necessary to forget the relationship you were in, and work on getting your self-esteem back. Be alone. Cry a thousand tears. Scream, yell, or go among people and hang out. Do whatever feels right at the moment.
We are all different from each other, and we don’t work in the same ways. Some of us need loneliness; some of us need company. Whatever you need, take it, and bring back your self-esteem because you’re good enough.
4. Take time to forgive yourself
Forgiveness is hard, and when you need to forgive yourself, it’s even harder. You have to come to terms with the fact that the person you trusted betrayed you and led you astray. It’s hard enough to imagine that happening to you, let alone accept it truly did.
The betrayed person becomes guarded and builds walls around, trying to shut down from emotions which make them vulnerable. Closing inside can only bring more damage. It’s much healthier to open up to pain and accept it. You’ll forgive yourself easier and move on.
5. Use nature as a healing tool
Go for a walk. Breathe in the power nature has to offer to you. Relax your mind and your body. Live in that moment, and let go of everything else that is on your mind.
When negativity consumes you, turn to trees and fresh air because nature will always be there for you to relax your mind and show you how beautiful the world can be.
6. Forgive your abuser
I know this is almost impossible for you to read and let alone do. But, abusers are people who need help. At first, you’re furious because of the things your abuser did to you, but what you need to realize is that evil plants its seed in the most suitable ground.
Those abusers are lost people who have gone astray and are unhappy with themselves. They seek approval and power by torturing others. And to them, that is the way to go. They don’t know any different. They need professional help.
Forgive them. Get rid of the bad seed you have in you, and move on with your life.
7. Focus on something else and choose love
Focus on getting better and forgetting about the abuse you went through. Whenever life shakes you and you start doubting yourself, remember that you want to get better; you want to bring your old self back.
And in the end, it’s up to you whether you’re going to heal or not. We are all faced with a choice. We can choose self-love or we can choose self-loathing.
So, what’s it gonna be?
Hi everyone!! I’m Maria, but all of my friends call me Mare (meaning the sea in Italian). I was born and raised by the sea in a small town in the Mediterranean. I’m an “accidental” writer and a passionate singer. Alongside with being a mom, I spend my free time doing gigs which my friends never miss. I think that family and friends are the most valuable thing you can have in your life. That is what I see every day when I look at my son and the loving people around me. Would you like to join my little group and become my friend, too?