Feeling defeated is something we’re all familiar with, no matter how much we try to deny it.
If at this very moment you’re struggling with negative thoughts and you feel like your mental health is severely hit, know that you’re not alone.
This is something I struggle with a lot of the time. A while ago, I started noticing that the world is out to get me.
Now, I know this isn’t really the case, but it genuinely feels that way sometimes.
Things that are supposed to be good and help me in life end up being huge disappointments.
People always tell me that it shall pass and that hard work is the key to happiness. But honestly, there’s so much more to it than that.
You can’t control life’s circumstances. You can’t control feeling strong discouragement on a daily basis and losing sight of who you are.
You can choose how you let your hardships affect you, but in a way where you allow yourself to experience your grief in order to find the best way to overcome it.
It’s okay to feel anxious, perplexed, and lost. Feeling defeated is nothing to be ashamed of.
I want to create a new narrative where people stop thinking they know what you’re going through when they have no clue.
I want everyone to stop quoting Oprah every time I’m going through the motions.
Life sucks sometimes, so let me go through my stuff and don’t make me feel bad about it. And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in feeling this way.
Family members and best friends are always a good choice to turn to when the world crushes you down.
Self-pity is perfectly normal and don’t let anyone tell you to simply pick yourself up as if it’s actually that easy.
Self-care is really difficult when you feel there’s nothing left worth fighting for.
But this is why I want you to know that I share your suffering and I’m not going to tell you to simply brush it off and google the best ways to get your shit together.
In life, you will falter and it’s important that you know it’s not about how fast you get up.
It’s about taking the time you need to pull yourself together and find the best way to pick yourself up at your own pace.
Don’t go reading about how successful people simply brush it off and go do their thing every morning as if there’s nothing weighing them down because that’s not true. It’s what they want you to think.
Reality is far more complex and exhausting than what people are trying to sell.
People will always tweet about positive, happy stuff in their life, but they’ll never tell you how gut-wrenching their journey to success was.
Millennials consider themselves newsworthy bloggers nowadays and make all of these blogs and self-care tips, thinking they’ve got it all figured out.
But unless you’ve been through the wringer, you really can’t speak on anyone’s bumpy journey through life.
It’s wrong to expect a break-through if you don’t put in the work. I understand how challenging life can become and how one’s reality is far more taxing than anyone can imagine.
This is why I’m going to share with you my own personal tips and tricks that have somewhat helped me find a reason to get up again.
No judgment, no presumptions, and no unrealistic expectations.
Just some of the most effective ways that have helped me achieve personal growth, through which I was able to handle the tough stuff with a more collected head.
I’m not going to tell you to just get out of your rut and move on. That’s a shitty way to handle anyone’s issues.
What I am going to do is tell you some much-needed tough truths that will hopefully shift your mind to a new bright side and help steer you in the right direction.
Don’t expect miracles in a short amount of time. And don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
Life’s hurdles can be overbearing and sometimes time is the only thing that can help make it right.
And you can help yourself by implementing these strategies into your daily life and taking it one day at a time. How far it takes you is completely up to you.
Any progress is something to be proud of, so let this be your wake-up call to live better and to become the best version of yourself – one who is truly content with their life.
Always remember, you’re a good person regardless of what life throws at you.
We all run into obstacles from time to time. But life is all about not letting your bad days define who you are.
How To Cope With Feeling Defeated
1. Accept the situation you’re in
First step to recovery is accepting your reality. Every shitty aspect of it and every single thing you want to change.
Embrace this because this is your current reality and in order to overcome it, first you must make peace with it.
Sometimes, bad things just happen and there’s not much you can do about it.
There’s nobody to blame and you didn’t somehow deserve this. Bad shit happens to the most amazing people, so give yourself a break. Don’t let your negative thoughts twist your actual reality.
After making peace with it, try to find ways how you can make it better. Is this for life?
No. Are you eventually going to find your way out of this hell? Hell, yes. Nothing is permanent and neither is this!
So start with that and let it lead the way. Every single time you’ve felt like giving up, somehow you’ve managed to dig your way out.
The same thing will happen here. The sooner you stop being angry, bitter, and resentful about it, the sooner you’ll find the best solution to your problem.
2. One bad thing doesn’t equal a bad life
This is where people always get stuck. Something negative happens – maybe even a few things in a short span – and immediately their minds go to the worst places.
As if somehow this bad period or a bad thing means that suddenly their entire life is bad.
No! Don’t mistake this shitty phase for the entirety of your life. You’ve gone through so much.
You’ve been through a number of good things as well as bad, and they’ve all shaped you into who you are now.
Without the bad, there is no good! Only after having gone through some really dark times a while ago, have I been able to truly appreciate every good thing that has happened to me subsequently.
Embrace this attitude. Don’t think that your life sucks just because it’s crappy right now.
In a few weeks, things will be so different and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Life is more than just the unpleasant things. It’s all the good, the bad, and the amazing that happens while you’re busy dwelling on what cannot be changed.
3. Soak in all the positive things around you
Chances are that, during your struggles with one particular aspect, there is surely something positive that can crack a smile on your face, am I right? Perhaps it’s the fact that your family is happy and healthy.
Maybe it’s your best friend who always checks up on you amidst her own busy life.
The point is, there is always something to be grateful for. Sometimes it just gets lost during the harsh times.
But that’s precisely when you should remind yourself of all the things that have kept you sane so far.
Be happy because you have the most supportive romantic partner. Say your thanks for all the health that you’ve been blessed with.
Go out and enjoy the sun by having a picnic with your best friends.
Soak in all the positivity that surrounds you and that way, you’ll help yourself see that things are never truly as bad as they seem.
4. Failing doesn’t make you a loser
If you’re struggling with having failed at work, at home, or in some other aspect of life, take a deep breath and think about what you’re doing to yourself.
Feeling defeated due to not being perfect in one area of life isn’t something you should be doing to yourself.
People fail all the time. Things don’t go according to plan and you just have to accept it and move on to other, better things. It doesn’t mean you’re a loser if you’ve failed in some aspect of life.
It means you’re only human – to make mistakes is the most human thing ever!
Finding a way to make it work is what life is about. It won’t always be easy and not everything will go to plan.
But don’t beat yourself up when that happens. Life’s too short to be your own enemy.
5. Focus on your end goal, not your current situation
Obviously, where you are right now is not where you want to be in the long run.
The journey to your desired destination is never an easy one, and the last thing you need is discouragement and hopelessness.
Weed out your negative thoughts and get it through your head that this too shall pass.
You’re not stuck here. You’re just moving through life and right now, this is where you find yourself.
At times, it’ll appear as if your ambition might be the end of you, but that’s when you need to persevere more than ever.
Your abilities will prove to you how resourceful you are when you choose to see beyond the struggle and visualize where you want to end up.
Focus on getting to your next chapter and plan the best way to do it. Get out of your head and implement all of your ideas into reality. If you can dream it – you really can achieve it.
6. Let go of your anger and frustration
Feeling defeated and being unwilling to let go of your frustration doesn’t go hand in hand.
If you want to help yourself, you need to find a way to let this go and not let it weigh you down.
You’re hurting your mental health by refusing to step away from the negativity. You are going against yourself and doing a huge disservice to who you are.
You know that you’re better than this. Acknowledge your anger and frustration and then let it evaporate into thin air.
You don’t need it anymore. It has taught you what you needed to learn and now it’s time for a different mindset.
No need to be self-destructive. Choose the high road. Let it go. Talk about your troubles. Write about them if necessary.
But don’t bottle it up because it may end up exploding at the worst possible time.
7. Stop comparing
This is a toxic habit that is extremely detrimental to your mental health and psyche.
It only leads to unnecessary pain and hurtful realizations. Why would you do this pointless activity to bring yourself down?
The grass is never greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it!
So focus on yourself and how to nurture your own well-being. People will make you believe that they’ve got it all figured out, but nobody does!
Everyone goes through their own trials and tribulations, they just don’t shout it from the rooftops.
Nobody has achieved success and personal growth without a substantial amount of setbacks and obstacles.
Even your best friends go through all kinds of complex stuff they don’t tell you about.
That’s just what people do. It’s easier to put up a front that makes you appear great, than actually be open and honest, and discuss your innermost troubles.
So next time you think your friends have it better… think again.
8. Let your doubters be your motivation
The best way to prove your doubters wrong is to let their negativity give you the push you need to get to a place you’ve set for yourself.
If they’re doubting you, soak it in, smile, and go do your thing.
Nothing will be as sweet as the success that was possible due to this huge motivation provided by your haters.
Unfortunately, people will always have their opinions and try to get you down.
They will butt in where they don’t belong and offer unwarranted opinions with the sole purpose of tearing you down.
It’s impossible to change that. But what IS possible is turning the other cheek and letting your naysayers see how unphased you are and how much you thrive on their doubt.
This will be a major personal break-through and it’ll be a stepping stone to a better tomorrow.
9. Complaining will get you nowhere
I told you I’d serve you some tough truths, and this is one of them. You can complain all you want, but it won’t help you with your mission.
It only weighs you down, destroys you mentally, and doesn’t paint the right picture of who you are.
Instead of complaining, try to develop a new habit where every time the mood for it strikes, you have to remind yourself of one good thing you’re forgetting.
That way, you’ll always be mindful that things aren’t as bad as they seem and that no matter what you’re going through now, there’s always a reason to smile.
Whining about things not going your way is the least productive way to get anything done.
You’ll always remain stuck in a rut for as long as you give yourself a reason to be jaded.
10. Make a change
I don’t know what it is that’s bringing you down, but one thing’s for sure. It’s never too late to make a change.
You’re never too old to change your ways and do something that’s likely to help you in the long run.
Instead of assigning blame for whichever issue you’re facing, why not turn it around and try to see it from a new perspective.
Could it be time to switch things up and therefore avoid any future mishaps?
Is there a way you can help the situation by implementing a new, fresh idea?
You’re the only one who knows how to achieve this, so I’m only trying to let you know how easy it is to get things going with a little bit of hard work and dedication.
Sitting there and whining will get you nowhere.
But making a decision to stop this from happening will make you see your own resilience, ability, and intelligence.
Change what needs changing and don’t dwell on past misfortunes. Your future is in your hands.
Get your mind to cooperate and start making a better reality in order to have a promising future.
A Word To The Wise…
Feeling defeated isn’t something you should ever run away from.
Trouble can find you wherever you go, so the best strategy is to embrace the changes no matter how challenging, and find your way through the mishaps.
I’ve personally felt defeated and lost more times than I can count. It’s really important to me that there’s an open and honest conversation regarding these issues.
There’s no shame in feeling lost. There should be no judgment during your toughest ordeals.
Sometimes, no matter how much you try to remain positive, life just gets in the way.
During your life’s journey, you’re likely to stumble upon people who will try to use your troubles against you.
You’re very likely to feel worthless, low and bitter by the harsh words of toxic individuals. Don’t let them have any power over you.
You know who you are – they don’t. You know how many setbacks you’ve had to endure to get to where you are.
And that’s reason enough to always remain calm in the face of naysayers. There will always be someone thinking they know better.
And those people are precisely the ones who don’t have their shit together.
People who are content and fulfilled in life don’t feel the need to bring others down, especially during their hardships. Only those who’re struggling themselves will stoop this low.
Stay faithful to your journey. As bumpy as it may be, it’s yours to take.
And when you get to your final destination, you’ll know you got there through all kinds of obstacles that only made you stronger in the process.
Right now you’re feeling defeated, but with the right attitude and a willful mind, who knows what tomorrow might bring?
That’s the beauty of life. Things can change in a matter of minutes. Be patient – your blessings are coming.