Most of my high school years I spent secretly thinking to myself: No one will ever love me. For some reason, I used to feel so unlovable and invisible.
I struggled with low self-esteem, and that’s what kept me from discovering self-love. It was a tremendously hard experience but one that has instilled a lot of wisdom that I’d love to share with you.
The thing I need to say right off the bat is that you deserve to be loved. You deserve to experience real love and find good friends who’ll never make you doubt your self-confidence.
Every human being goes through hardships that make them question their worth. Even your best friend has secret struggles, so don’t for a second think you’re alone.
Just because people don’t share their dispositions with the world, doesn’t mean they don’t struggle.
To think no one will ever love you is wrong on many levels. I’m going to help you understand where this feeling is coming from and how to fight it.
The advice I bring stems from my own life experiences and I sincerely hope it gives you the reassurance and guidance you seek.
Why Do You Believe That No One Will Ever Love You?
1. Your low self-esteem is holding you back
Usually, people who have low self-confidence convince themselves they’re not worthy of love, which propels them to stop looking for it at all.
You’re driven by the thought that you don’t deserve happiness, which reinforces the idea that being kind to yourself is somehow selfish.
You never stop to simply check in with yourself and you’ve conditioned yourself to limit your own expectations. You’ve neglected to practice self-kindness and mindfulness, which, in turn, has taken a toll on your mental health.
Usually, this stems from a bad break-up with a significant other or ending an important relationship with another loved one (best friend, sibling, or parent).
Soon, you forget to take care of yourself, you stop looking for romantic relationships, and you tell yourself every single day that no one will ever love you.
Your self-imposed restrictions enhance your need to forego your own vital needs.
2. You’re fixated on your fear of rejection
My boyfriend of almost three years broke up with me on Valentine’s Day. The day I was supposed to be showered with love and attention, I got dumped by someone I thought was my forever.
Can you imagine the heartache? So yeah, I understand completely how you may feel this way.
But do you know what my dreadful experience ultimately showed me? That there is no reason to lose faith in romantic love just because someone doesn’t know how to treat you right!
Yes, you’ll have a bad break-up, maybe even a few! But that should never make you want to be alone for the rest of your life.
Your fear of rejection should NEVER overpower your desire to be happy!
Instead of fixating on everything that’s wrong with you, focus on all of your amazing qualities!
Yes, you lost a toxic individual, but now there’s finally room for someone amazing to enter your life!
3. You struggle with depression
Depression and sadness are two vastly different things. But when it comes to your well-being, it’s best to be certain in order to look for professional help without feeling judged.
Here are key signs that point out to feelings of legitimate depression. If you recognize yourself here, don’t shut down. Instead, have a conversation with a loved one and start taking steps to ensure healing.
○ Have you been experiencing bouts of fatigue lately?
○ Has your appetite significantly increased or decreased?
○ Have you lost the ability to focus on one particular thing?
○ Are feelings of worthlessness constantly crowding your mind?
○ Have you been alienating everyone around you?
○ Have you been struggling to keep hope?
○ Do you no longer have any interest in things that you used to love?
○ Have you been crying and contemplating self-harm?
If you’ve answered yes to most of these, you could be borderline depressed. This is not a thing to take lightly.
Don’t go through this alone. Choose to seek help and you’ll realize that things can get better.
4. You’re surrounded by the wrong people
We all want to believe that everyone in our life means well and that they’ll stay there forever.
But the honest truth is, half of them will eventually let you down. Now, I’m not saying this to make you feel bad.
The reason I want you to know this is to see that it’s okay to move on from people.
It’s okay to let go of your first love. People don’t have to stay in your life forever to serve their purpose.
Some are here to teach you a lesson and some are here to make you stronger. But keeping them around (knowing they don’t belong there anymore) harms you in the long run.
Choose to let go of your high school best friend who’s no longer the person you used to know. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It only means you’re putting your well-being first.
Keep only those who don’t make you feel alone when you’re with them. Those are the only people who’ll never make you believe that no one will ever love you.
5. You cannot accept your faults
Guess what? Nobody is perfect! Not me, not you, not your best friend, and most certainly not your siblings. And that’s totally fine!
What fun would life be if we were all perfect? How would we ever learn anything if we never made mistakes?
We wouldn’t. So I encourage you to accept your faults and quirks and love yourself despite them. If you don’t, who will?
It’s difficult to find an individual who’ll love you if you can’t love yourself.
If you’re forcing yourself to wear make-up because you don’t like your little blemishes, go one whole day completely natural. Why? Because it will teach you self-love.
Look yourself in the mirror and repeat: I am beautiful, I am worthy, and I deserve to be loved just the way God made me!
Give yourself a pep talk and put some common sense into your own head.
If you can love your sister despite her gazillion tiny flaws that bug you on a daily basis, you can damn straight love your own damn self.
6. You were burned too many times
I get it. You keep giving them chances, and they keep showing you why you shouldn’t. Isn’t that the way life goes?
I’ve struggled with this for a while too. I keep choosing to see the good in people and it keeps biting me in the ass.
Sometimes it’s just easier to be alone than to give someone a chance to hurt you.
But that’s where you’re wrong. See, by immediately jumping to conclusions and thinking you’ll be hurt, you show just how little you think of yourself.
Why would anyone want to purposely hurt you? Don’t let your toxic ex make you lose faith in yourself.
If you don’t put yourself out there, you deny yourself your right to be cherished.
I understand how challenging it is. I feel your deeply-rooted fear of being overlooked. I’ve experienced it myself.
But the beautiful thing about life is that you never know when that special someone will come knocking! And if you shut yourself off from the world, you never will.
This Is What I Want You To Remember
Next time you’re feeling lost and invisible, there are a few crucial things you should keep in mind. Take care to repeat this whenever the dark cloud overshadows you.
○ You matter
You matter. How you feel matters. The way your life unfolds matters. Do not let anyone convince you otherwise.
Whoever has the decency to make you feel that you’re not worthy, deserves to be gone. Whoever feels their needs trump your own, deserves to feel the way you’re feeling now.
Every human being matters. In the great scope of things, we are all but a tiny speck of dust in space left to fend for ourselves. But in your own life, you deserve to be the most important person you know.
Nobody knows what their true purpose is. Nobody can possibly know how their life will unfold and how much of an impact they’ll leave on the world.
But as an individual, it’s up to you to put some effort into loving yourself and make your existence on this earth one worth sharing.
○ There’s no such thing as wrong timing when it comes to love
It doesn’t matter how old you are. It doesn’t matter where you are in your life. If you want love, you deserve to find it.
Even if your grays have set in. Even if you no longer feel like going out and doing things that you used to love.
Even if your idea of a night well-spent means lounging in front of the TV with wine.
Any timing is right when you want it to be. It’s time to stop diminishing your own worth and give yourself a real chance at finding your joy.
And as cliche as it sounds, love usually finds you when you stop looking for it. Simply tear down your walls and let it find you.
You deserve to spend the rest of your life curled up next to someone who makes you feel good about yourself.
○ You are beautiful, smart, and fun
Never let anyone tell you that you need to change yourself for them. If you want to make changes, it should come from you and no one else.
The thing is, people often delude themselves into believing they’re ugly when it couldn’t be further from the truth. Celebrate your flaws and love your body just the way it is.
If you don’t look like everyone else around you, even better. Who wants to be the exact same copy of everyone else? It’s always better to stand out from the crowd because it allows you to be seen!
It’s okay to love yourself, you know? It’s healthy and it gives you a good perspective that helps you believe in yourself and your ability to love. You are perfect just the way you are.
○ You are never alone
Don’t let your anxiety fool you into believing that you’re alone. I’m sure that’s not the case. Think about all the people who’d be crushed if they knew how little you think of yourself.
How do you think your parents would feel if they knew you were so harsh on yourself? How do you think your best friend would react if she knew you kept undervaluing your worth?
Put yourself in their shoes. These are the people who are rooting for you. Even if all you have is three genuinely caring loved ones, that’s more than most people have!
So never allow yourself to let your anxiety overpower you. Your people will never let you feel alone. And my gut tells me you know exactly who I’m talking about.
So turn to them in your desperate times and let them help you get better. A solid support system is everything.
Choosing yourself isn’t selfish
It’s courageous and character-building. It means never having to cultivate negative thoughts like: No one will ever love me.
Choosing yourself means not letting your mind run wild due to unsubstantiated fears. It’s holding a high regard for your being and silencing your harsh inner critic.
It’s about learning that if you don’t stick up for yourself, nobody else will. Choosing yourself means living an authentic life and embracing your very core.
Don’t let people condition you to be everything that’s external to who you are. Strip yourself of the inclination to please others and stop hiding behind a facade.
Stop side-lining your needs. You’re nobody’s possession; therefore, you should only put your mind to things that are conducive to your mental health.
Start viewing yourself positively in order to let others see you in all your glory as well. Learn to find an optimistic perspective even in a negative predicament.
Weed out negative influences from your life and practice self-compassion. For once in your life – simply choose yourself.
”Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure… We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world… As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Willliamson