Yes, it’s possible, I realized I’m happy being single! Never thought I would say it but here we are.
There’s a certain stigma surrounding people who are single and choosing to be single in their adult life.
While I can understand why that’s the case, I also want to shed some light on the reasons why I don’t agree with it.
The single life can be fulfilled and meaningful the same way romantic relationships can be.
It’s a different experience, for sure but it doesn’t mean it’s any less good.
Your relationship status shouldn’t be an obstacle to your personal growth. Meeting the one isn’t everyone’s ultimate life goal.
In fact, single people can be even luckier in a certain sense because they get to know themselves without a filter, without sacrificing anything, and doing all of that at their own pace.
Maybe when the time is right I’d be happy to be one of those adorably obnoxious married people but for now, I’m happier single.
There are many ways people can benefit from their experience of singlehood.
As someone who was in a long term relationship and then spontaneously decided to remain single after the break-up, I’d like to share with you what I found to be particularly beneficial, valuable and true during my time of singleness.
1. You (finally) start accepting yourself fully
Being part of a couple is, without a doubt, a wonderful thing but that doesn’t mean it can’t be hard work.
If we want a healthy relationship, we need to work hard to align our needs with our partner’s needs.
That’s admirable but sometimes in that process, we start losing ourself.
Sometimes despite our efforts, we end up in a bad relationship.
Building a relationship requires changing ourself in some way; changing our habits, the way we naturally react and it even changes our interests and how we spend our free time.
Apart from that, a lot of people feel under pressure to perform the best they can all the time.
We want to be the best version of ourself for our significant other, which can be exhausting.
The fact that everyone acts differently from their normal self when they’re falling in love doesn’t help.
Our partner gets to know us through what we present ourself to be at the beginning of the relationship.
Later on, when the first love spell washes off, we’re stuck trying to fulfill expectations that weren’t even completely reasonable to begin with.
This might sound harsh, but in many cases, it’s true. For this reason, becoming and staying single can be great to renew our relationship with ourself.
That means accepting everything that was suppressed or ignored during the relationship.
You get to act free from any judgment and God knows couples tend to fuss over the most unimportant things.
When there’s no one to criticize you, you become your own critic.
Being your own critic is always more productive than listening to someone else and that’s how you slowly start truly accepting yourself.
2. You get to explore your interests
When another person is not around, you get to be in charge of your time, which means spending your free time how you want and watching Netflix when you want.
Many people give up their interests and hobbies because they want to commit their time to their partner fully.
It’s also possible that their partner doesn’t understand their interests so they abandon them altogether.
Being single allows you to explore your interests and do what you’ve been postponing your whole life, especially during a time of coupledom.
Your interests are an important part of you. Exploring your interests often results in new skills and increases your confidence and self-esteem.
Being knowledgeable about certain topics makes you more interesting and more likely to connect with people who are like you.
Other than that, hobbies are known to relieve stress and they prevent you from having bad habits.
They also challenge you to always better yourself at something and spend less time on wasteful or negative activities.
3. Everything you do is guilt-free
Being in a committed relationship has its ups and downs, obviously.
One of the downs is feeling guilty over perfectly normal stuff like spending time with your friends or doing anything that doesn’t involve your partner.
Should I even mention irrational jealousy? I’m sure that’s something you experienced in your past relationships.
Having separated social lives without arguing or feeling guilty sometimes seems impossible.
The feeling of guilt (especially unnecessary guilt) can be very bad for your well-being.
It’s a strong emotion that makes us feel like we’re doing something against our partner when in reality we just need time for ourself or the company of someone else.
It’s not a question of loyalty or dedication, just a need for different experiences.
And that’s normal. Sometimes you need your own company.
The point is: it’s not wrong to spend time with yourself and you can enjoy being single.
4. You can still be romantic as a single woman
Thinking that romance is only possible in a couple is the biggest misconception ever.
Romance can simply represent a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement or remoteness in everyday life.
And that’s what many women want.
Making yourself dinner can be romantic. Buying yourself perfume and flowers can be romantic.
It’s the same with walking in the park and choosing a window seat.
Making eye contact with a stranger and getting excited over a book you just read.
Taking a trip or visiting an art museum. All of these things can be romantic when done alone.
Romance is about feeling moved and excited about something inspiring and mysterious.
The next time your friend tries to be a matchmaker, tell her you’re in a romantic relationship with yourself.
5. You’re focused on your career goals more than ever
Another reason you’re a happy single is your career. It’s no secret that a lot of hard-working and career-focused people are single.
While for some that might be just a coping mechanism (and an issue for a clinical psychologist), for others it might be a beneficial thing, especially after a break-up.
When we’re single and undistracted by a cluttered mind, we’re more likely to be focused and more productive at our job and we don’t feel guilty about it.
6. It’s easier to plan things
It’s no surprise that by being in charge of your time and without responsibility for anyone other than yourself, you’ll feel freer.
That kind of freedom lets you decide when and where you are going to do something.
Planning a trip is a lot easier for one person; there’s no never ending adjusting and scheduling.
There’s no canceling plans because of the other person or making another person sad by canceling plans.
You don’t depend on someone’s mood and will to do something or go somewhere.
Even everyday things like making dinner are so much simpler when you’re planning them alone.
7. Your friendships get deeper
When we’re in a long-term relationship, sometimes our other relationships suffer, especially if we’re prone to be stuck in coupledom.
That’s not fair to our friends. Being single is the perfect time to dedicate yourself to your family and friends.
Family and friends are very important things in life.
While a romantic relationship can sometimes be demanding and exhausting (due to the high expectations two people have for each other), relationships with our friends and family can be so relaxing and healing.
Having true friendships in our life is so important for our well-being.
When we’re single, we spend more time with our friends and get to deepen our relationships with them.
There are so many reasons friendships are sometimes even better than relationships.
For example, in a friendship, you don’t have to impress anyone. You don’t have to think about jealousy or defend yourself over unimportant things.
You can be yourself without fear of being perceived as dumb or goofy.
A friendship is sometimes a more genuine relationship than a romantic one; not always but sometimes.
A genuine relationship can create a deep bond between two people and when people love each other without conditions, that’s one of the most precious things in life.
8. You’re more spontaneous
This is no surprise either. Being on your own and unrestricted by other people’s plans makes you a lot more flexible.
You’re free to decide whatever you want.
Spontaneity is so important in life. Having unexpected moments and seizing the moment is an incredible way of treasuring your life.
Not being constantly stressed over small decisions is so freeing for the soul.
Being spontaneous means not setting boundaries for what you can accomplish; it’s choosing to be in the moment and to express yourself as you feel at that moment.
Being spontaneous means you’re always up to something new, it means you’re ready for whatever comes your way.
Having that go with the flow mentality is what keeps you grounded and stress-free. Isn’t that a reason to feel happy being single?
9. You get to experience things differently
Being with your partner can teach you a lot about life.
It pushes you to develop an understanding of different points of view and reconsider your previous experiences.
However, experiencing something with your partner and experiencing something on your own is a very different experience.
When we’re in some sort of partnership, we’re more likely to transfer responsibilities and become dependable on or influenced by other people’s experiences.
When you’re alone, you’re forced to depend on yourself only and explore your limitations. It’s a totally different experience.
It’s good to motivate ourself to experience things on our own, even if they’re more intense.
10. You become more confident
Self-care is one of the things we do better when we’re single.
Daily exercise, eating nutritious food, getting organized, setting boundaries, having better sleep and overall spending more time on ourself is what makes us feel more confident.
Other than that, we don’t have to ignore attention from other people, we can enjoy it.
When single, you’re less likely to ask for reassurance or worry about things you can’t control.
That equals confidence. And confidence is sexy.
11. You learn that being single isn’t about being afraid to love
No! Being single doesn’t mean you’re afraid of love or not emotionally mature.
Being single means you’re dedicated to working on yourself without anyone’s approval and that’s an admirable thing.
Being single can be a call to focus on yourself and there’s nothing wrong about that.
Focusing on yourself isn’t selfish; in fact, it’s very considerate.
It means you’re willing to work on being the best version of yourself.
Being single and enjoying it means you’re open to life despite everything that has previously happened to you.
Being open to life means being courageous.
I want to end my observations by saying that you can do whatever you want despite your relationship status.
Our status shouldn’t be used as a way to define our value as a human being.
Only we get to define our own value. It’s important for us to learn to accept ourself as we are and understand that we’re enough as we are.
To love anything and anybody, we first need to learn to love ourself.
The best way to learn self-love is by being in our own company and letting ourself do whatever we want, free of expectation and judgment.
Your singlehood can the best thing that happens to you because that’s the time you learn to love yourself and just feel happy being single.