When I get my heart broken, the pain usually blinds me to the point where I don’t manage to learn anything from it. Besides, I often lose the ability to see things realistically.
When I go through a devastating breakup, my only goal is to surpass the situation as soon as possible. I’m doing my best to find a way to move on with my life and to heal from everything that has happened, so I often end up missing some valuable lessons my heartbreak could have taught me.
However, when the people around me go through the same shit, I’m different. Besides being there to comfort them, somehow, I also find a way to observe the situation and – most importantly – learn from their mistakes.
1. Sometimes love isn’t enough
When I was younger, I was a hopeless romantic who thought that love conquers everything. However, even though I still consider it to be a powerful force, I now know that sadly, it’s not almighty.
Over time, I witnessed many of my friends walking away from guys they still deeply cared for. I saw them being forced to break their own hearts by doing the right thing and moving on from a relationship that obviously had no future.
So I guess that as we grow older, we learn that there are times when love isn’t enough. Times when two people can’t make their relationship work, despite all the feelings they have for each other.
You see, the tough truth is that love alone can never preserve a relationship that has no mutual respect; it can’t save a couple that has too many differences.
A healthy relationship needs much more than both partners loving each other. It needs compromise, compassion, appreciation, and mutual goals. Otherwise, it will never work out.
2. People don’t change
Another important thing other people’s breakups taught me is that love can’t change someone until they decide to change. You have the choice to accept your partner for who they really are from the very start or walk away in time.
Let’s face it. No matter how crazy you are for someone, there are always parts of him you hope to modify sometime in the future. Well, it is time to forget all about those plans because achieving that is mission impossible.
Over the years, I saw my friends getting involved with addicts, immature boys, serial cheaters, players… And each one of them thought they could change their guy.
They were convinced that they were the ones who would bring light to these men’s worlds, the ones who would show them the way, who would inspire them to be better and to leave their pasts behind. Guess what? None of my friends made it.
Each one of them just ended up disappointed, having wasted years of their life waiting for change that never came; their boyfriends remained the same men they were before they met them. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that people don’t have the ability to change some parts of their personality.
However, it is one thing when a person decides to make these changes because they realize it is the right thing to do and something they want. It is completely different if they’re doing it to please someone else.
3. A broken heart always heals
Whenever one of my friends came to me after a painful breakup, she was convinced that she’d remain this hurt forever. That her heart would forever be shattered in pieces and that she’d never recover.
Face it; most of us are pretty much the same. When we end things with the guys we love, we see it as the end of the world. I was no different. When I experienced my first breakup, I thought I would spend the rest of my life in tears, missing this man and craving his presence.
However, then I remembered all the people around me who went through the same shit before I did. I remembered my friends’ sleepless nights, their tears, and the way they saw their heartbreaks as the worst thing that could possibly happen.
I remembered that each one of them successfully recovered. That each one of them cured their wounds and moved one with their life.
So, I figured that a broken heart always heals, no matter what. Theirs did, mine did, and so will yours. I can promise you that.