Dear Love of my life,
This birthday won’t be like the rest of them because this time you are not here.
This time I will cry instead of laughing, and I will light candles on your grave instead of blowing out some with you on your birthday cake.
You are no longer here among us. You are in a better place now. Probably you are looking at me from above, smiling and telling that I am a fool for crying for you. But you see, I don’t know to handle things differently. If I hadn’t loved you that much, I wouldn’t be crying on your grave.
I am holding a white rose in my hand and thinking about you.
I still remember that night when you came to pick me up and brought me a white rose. It was a symbol of our love that was so pure and clean. Today, I am putting the same flower on your grave to remind you of me. To tell you that you are not alone. To tell you that there is still someone down here whose heart is beating for you although your heart stopped beating a long time ago.
Maybe I shouldn’t do this. Maybe I should just forget things and move on. Maybe this is just a way in which I am torturing myself. But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t write this birthday letter to you.
So, even if you are not here, I just want you to know that I still love you.
I still miss you and I still crave you. Please, don’t forget that. You will have a special place in my heart and I will always be thinking of you.
Today, I am not the only one who is crying. Today, the Earth is also crying because it lost an angel who moved to a better place. Today, it is not the time for celebrating—it is the time for mourning. You are not here anymore and all of your friends and your family miss you terribly. And above all there is me.
I miss you and I think if things could have been different.
If you had just stayed with me that night, you wouldn’t have driven and you wouldn’t have had a car accident. If you had just stayed with me, you could have had a chance. A chance for life. But destiny made another story for you. Now, nobody listens to my screams in the night while I am dreaming of you. This time nobody sees my tears. This time nobody hears me calling your name, hoping that you will pop up just around the corner. Nobody hears me, not even you.
You know, I once heard that God takes away angels from the Earth.
So, now I finally get why He took you. You were too perfect to live in a cruel world like this. You were too good to be true. And now you are in the place where you deserve to be. I know that you are having a good time but all of us who have been left here are not feeling the same. We feel bad because we lost a man, a friend, a lover, a soulmate. And it hurts. It really does. But we just need to get used to the fact that you are not here anymore.
I know that I need to be strong.
You always told me that you don’t like when I cry or when I feel down. You taught me so many things and one of them was to never surrender. You taught me that life is too short to feel down and to sweat the small stuff. You taught me that I should live my life to the fullest. And I saw that sparkle in your eyes when you were talking about that. There was a fire in them, strong enough to warm the hearts of all the people around you. You loved life so much. You enjoyed every day like it was the last one.
And just because of that, I am so devastated because God took you away from here. I know I will never forgive Him for that act. It wasn’t fair and you didn’t deserve that. You deserved to be loved. You deserved to live. You deserved to enjoy life. But all my wishes are in vain now because I can’t bring you back. The only thing I can do now is to write you a birthday letter. This is a sign that I still love you deeply. And I will never stop feeling that. My love for you was always big but some time ago it became even bigger.
Do you remember that night when our car stopped in the middle of the way and we found out that we had a flat tire? I am still laughing like crazy when I remember how you wanted to change to the spare but it didn’t work like you thought it would. It was raining and we didn’t have any place to hide except a small cottage in the woods. I bet you still remember that I was the one who was lighting the fire so we could get warm.
That night I gave all my love to you. That night two souls became one. That night the fruit of our love was made.
And it is inside of me right now. It is growing bigger every day. And I can hear his heartbeat every time I say your name. It is not strange because he is your son, the one who will come to this world to replace you. The one who will make me happy and the one who will remind me of you every time I look at him.
So, dear love of my life, my angel, my best friend and my soulmate—I am sorry that you won’t be here to meet our son. But I promise you that I will try to be both mom and dad to him. I promise you that I will talk a lot about you and that he will feel your presence in his life. I will tell him how his father was brave and handsome. I will tell him that you were the best man I have ever met in my life and that he can be proud of being your son. I will do everything for him to be happy. But I need a favor from you too. I need you to take care of us from heaven. I need you to love us like we love you. Because we need you now more than ever. I need you now because even if you are not here physically, I want you to be with me spiritually.
In the end, I just want to thank you for all that you gave me.
With you, I learned so many things and so many life lessons. And above all, I got the most precious gift from you—our son. He will be the light of my life, my morning, my evening. He will be my happiness, my sorrow and my fear. He will be all that you were to me. And the best thing is that on your next birthday, I won’t be alone standing here with a white flower in my hand.
Next time, you will get two white roses from the two hearts that are beating for you!
Your two angels