For days, I pondered my mind, searching for a reason why you chose not to love me.
Months of resentment, bitterness, and anger ate away at my gentle spirit. So many unanswered questions kept me up all night.
My pillow soaked with tears, my heart absolutely broken. Anxiety crept in like a thief in the middle of the night, ready to take all that I felt was left of me. I couldn’t keep carrying this unnecessary baggage.
These feelings weren’t right. It didn’t have to be this way. I didn’t have to be like this, controlled by my thoughts.
You see, it wasn’t until I finally realized that what I had let consume my mind would always seize to control my life, that I then understood I could set my own self free.
Free from the lies that had pinned me down for so long. Free from the painful memories that were embedded in me.
Free from yearning for acceptance. I could now let go of that baggage, and it would no longer have the ability to dictate my day, my future, my life.
Freeing myself was choosing myself. So, I choose to take these unfortunate circumstances and let them build me up rather than break me down.
I choose to enjoy life again and see my worth. I choose to love myself, respect my values, and set my own standards.
You walking out of my life was the best thing that could have happened to me at the time. It gave me a chance of a fresh start and it helped me realize that I didn’t need what I had thought for so long that I had wanted.
I was good enough for me and in all honesty… too good for you.
Yet, in the midst of all this… I forgive you. Not because you deserve it but because I deserve peace.
I deserve to move on with my life, wholeheartedly accepting my mistakes. No – forgiveness does not excuse your behavior, but it allows me to heal from my past.
If it wasn’t for your pride and how you treated me, I may never have realized just how much worthier of love I was.
Yes, I should have never caved into my own insecurities but you didn’t have to manipulate me, either. You did effortlessly anyway and that’s okay.
So, in all sincerity, I thank you for bringing all of this to light. For opening my eyes to the truth, even though it was difficult to accept. Never again will I be blinded by love, because of these lessons I learned from my pain.
From the bottom of a heart that’s mending itself.
Thank you.
by A.L.