Have you ever been told by someone that you are too much?

Maybe it applied to you being too emotional about a situation. Or, that time you were told you’re too needy in your relationships. Maybe, someone told you that you are a bit too overbearing. Or, that your expectations are too high…

Whatever it was, I want you to stop and think to yourself for a second. In that moment, how did those words make you feel? How did they impact your behavior after?

Did they make your heart stop? Did they give you that sinking feeling in your stomach? Did they make you rethink everything about yourself? Maybe, in that split second, those words made you feel crazy. Afterwards, maybe you tried to act normal, or tried to hide that emotional side of yourself…

I want you to know that however you felt or whatever you did afterwards is okay. It is okay to feel those things. It is normal to feel or react in that way after hearing such negative words being spoken about yourself—especially if they come from someone who is supposed to love you for who you are.

I have heard those words before from someone I cared about deeply. I remember that feeling I got every time he spoke them to me. They made me die a little on the inside every time.

Over time, those words made me feel like I was crazy. They made me second guess everything I did and said. Those words made me begin to slowly lose confidence in myself. I started to wonder if others saw me as being “too much”, too. Because of this I began to lose who I was as a person.

I allowed those words to engrave themselves in my brain and in my heart. I allowed them to crush my spirit. I began to look at myself differently. I tried desperately to do everything I could to not be “too much” around him, for him. I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to be enough for him. I wanted to show him that I loved him.

Eventually, I realized you can’t change who you are for someone… I tried. It ended with me completely losing myself in the process.

I am learning and growing from the mistakes I made by allowing someone to manipulate me in that way. I am learning to love myself again. I am learning to see myself as being enough. I want you to learn from my mistakes.

I want you to know that you should never have to change who you are for a person or for anyone. If they truly love you, they will love you for who you are.

I want you to know your self-worth. I want you to see your true value. I want you to respect yourself enough to not give anyone the ability to control your emotions or feelings about yourself. You are incharge of how you feel, and I want you to choose the things that make you happy.

Here is a quote I want you to live by, “You will always be “too much” for some people and those people aren’t for you.” Those people are toxic, emotionally manipulative, and they have no place in your life.

I am telling you this because I want you to believe in yourself. I want you to love yourself. I want you to see your own potential. I want you to see yourself for the amazing human being that you are. You are enough and you will always be enough for the right people.

by Julia Helen