They say you get over everyone and everything sooner or later. You just need time. And they are partially right.
Time does heal most of the wounds. But those wounds leave scars which can never be healed.
What nobody will tell you is that you never truly get over someone you loved for real. You just somehow learn to live without them in your life.
You learn, because you have to. Because you are forced to do so and because it is the only option you have left if you plan on surviving.
What nobody tells you is that real emotional pain scars you for life.
They don’t tell you it changes you forever and that you can never be the person you were before something devastating happened to you.
They don’t tell you it turns you into a completely different person, into someone you don’t like.
I know this now but nobody told me any of this stuff when you walked away from me. I was an emotional wreck and it was the end of the world for me.
But everybody kept telling me that this was just a simple break-up, that it wasn’t a big deal and that I would forget you sooner than I thought.
They were telling me that I was exaggerating, thinking I would soon get over you and that time would be their witness.
And I wanted to believe them, I really did. But deep down, I knew the truth. I knew that your emotional abuse damaged me for good and that you had left a strong mark on my life.
And I was right, as much as I wished I wasn’t.
It’s been years since you left me but somehow you still exist deep inside of me.
If you ask people close to me, they will all tell you that you are just a distant memory. They will tell you that I moved on with my life ages ago and that I’ve probably forgotten that you even existed.
Things really look like that. And I can’t say I think about you all the time. I like other guys, I smile and I am happy at times.
But I can never be completely happy again. Whatever I do, there is a memory of you somewhere in the back of my mind. Don’t get me wrong, it is not a painful memory, it just serves me as a reminder.
It reminds me of the woman I was before I met you. It reminds me how open-hearted I was, how I trusted people and how I thought there was something good in everyone. It reminds me how I believed in the power of love.
It reminds me how I trusted you. And how you broke my trust.
It reminds me of everything I’ve been through since you left. Of all the sleepless nights, of all the tears I cried, of all the mornings I woke up without you by my side.
And most of all, it reminds me of my heart. It reminds me that once I had a loving heart and you destroyed it.
You took it away with you, without any intention of bringing it back. You turned me into a bitter woman who forgot how to love and how to be loved.
You turned me into someone who doesn’t open up to anyone, into someone who thinks everyone around me just wants to take advantage of me.
You turned me into everything I hoped I’d never become.
I stopped trusting people, because you showed me what happens when you give someone your trust.
I stopped giving myself completely to anyone, because now I know that the more you give to someone, the more you will have to lose when that someone leaves you.
I stopped relying on anyone besides myself, because you showed me that people are never there for you, to catch you when you fall.
And most of all, I stopped believing in love, because you showed me it was just an illusion. I was afraid of love, until this helped me: Overcome Fear of Falling in Love and Enjoy a More Fulfilling Life
I forgave you everything. I forgave you for treating me badly while we were together, for leaving me as if I meant nothing to you, for breaking me…
But I can never forgive you for turning me into a different person. I can never forgive you for changing the essence of who I was. I can never forgive you for taking hope away from me.
And I can never forgive you for taking my heart with you.
