It is very common that people will turn their backs and run away if they find that you have a problem. That was something I was afraid of. I suffered from anxiety and depression, and I fell in love at the same time.
I was struggling so much to tell my problems to my boyfriend because I thought he would leave me when he found out about them.
But he did not run away. He stayed there. With me. He was brave, supportive and most important of all—he loved me.
The lines that follow are my letter to the man who loved me through all that I have been passing through. A man who did not escape when I told him why I was taking pills.
Things happened so easily, so naturally. The first few weeks of going out with you were fun and easy. I wanted it to stay like that although I knew it could not last forever. I didn’t want to take my pills in front of you but one day you caught me taking them. And I didn’t have any other option than to tell you why I was taking them.
Even if I didn’t want you to know that I am addiceted to them I had to tell you that. I should have believed you more. I should have known that you will always be there for me and that you will support me.
I told you everything that had been lying on my heart for such a long time.
I told you all about my anxiety and depression. Now you could understand why I am running away from a restaurant in the middle of a lunch. Now you knew that my panic attacks were guilty of that.
You were so sweet and caring toward me. You told me that you understand. And what is most important, you didn’t leave.
It was afraid that you will leave me after some time but you did something I didn’t see coming.
You asked me to marry you. Our wedding was beautiful—it was all I have ever dreamed of.
YOU, you were a man I thought I will never marry with. But you made all my dreams come true.
You continued to love me when things got worse.
You loved me even on those nights when you came home and found me lying down on the floor. You still liked me when I missed our plans because I couldn’t find the courage to go out that night. You were patient with me when the dirty laundry and dishes stacked up because I felt like I couldn’t get out of the bed.You liked me even those days when I could not make me get out of bed.
You loved me when everything went hand in hand although we both knew it would not last long. You loved me when I passed exams. You loved me when my grades were bad because I did not work.
You loved me when I was just talking about my work. You loved me when I needed to rely on you. You loved me when I felt the need to be independent.
In the end, I just want you to know something: “Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for saving me! You are my best friend, my human diary, and my other half. You mean the world to me and I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.”