When you think about love, and especially about romantic love between two people, you usually see things very clearly. You either love someone or you are completely indifferent about them.
Yes, of course, you can like someone or have a crush on them but you don’t mistake this for love. When it comes to love, there is always a thick line between loving and not loving someone.
But have you ever been in a situation in which you are involved with someone who simply doesn’t have the same ability to love as you do?
Have you ever been with someone whose maximal intensity of love they are able to feel for another person is much lower than yours?
With someone whose love you are certain of? With someone who you know loves you but his love is simply not enough for you?
I have and I wouldn’t wish for anyone to go through anything similar because it is one of the most painful things you can experience.
And you should believe me, because I’ve been involved with guys who didn’t love me. And trust me—this one is much worse.
Because when someone doesn’t love you, you just have a hard time accepting that he doesn’t have feelings for you and that this will probably never change.
When someone doesn’t love you, you know very well where you stand and you just have to force yourself to face it.
But when someone loves you but doesn’t love you enough, things are far more complicated.
When I first got together with this guy, I saw that he was a cold-hearted person.
And as our relationship went on farther and farther, I thought that he simply didn’t like me enough and that I didn’t manage to wake any feelings for me inside of him.
And for a long time, I thought I was the problem. I thought that I had to try harder and that I should put more effort into him loving me more.
But then, as I was in his life more, I realized that he was like that with everyone. I realized that he behaved the same way with his parents, with his brother and with his friends.
It was like he loved all of us but he never loved anyone enough.
He simply acted like he was happy to have all of us in his life but like he wouldn’t be too bothered if he lost any of us.
Like he was just fine on his own and like there didn’t exist a person in this world who he needed.
I got it—he was a rational person and wasn’t led by his emotions. But I was completely different and I couldn’t stand being in this type of relationship.
But the point is that I couldn’t walk away from him because I had fallen for this guy like crazy.
The truth is that I was ready to accept the crumbs of his love he was giving me.
Because even these crumbs were better than not having him at all. And because I knew he would never chase me and that he would never miss me if I left him.
And then, instead of walking away from him, I started looking for justifications for his behavior.
I kept telling myself that he was a sensitive man, full of love but that he just had trouble expressing his feelings.
I kept hoping that I would be the one to change him, that I would be the one to teach him what real love was.
But with time, I realized that this really was his true face. He wasn’t pretending to be this tough guy and he wasn’t hiding his feelings.
He just didn’t have any. At least, not the way I wanted for him to have them.
This guy was simply not capable of loving me the way I wanted him to love me and the way I loved him. And there was nothing I could do about it.
The moment I understood this was also the moment when I realized that staying with him would always mean I would be settling for less.
It was the moment I realized I wanted and deserved more and the moment I started looking for that more somewhere else. It was the moment I left him.