I’ve decided I’m done. I’ve decided I won’t be wasting any more of my time waiting for you to love me back. I’ve decided I deserve more. I know that I deserve to be loved. I know there is someone out there for me who will give me everything I need, who will keep me in his arms always—not only when he feels like it.
Maybe it’s foolish of me, but I still believe in unconditional love, now more than ever. Now that you’ve crushed my dreams of spending my life with you, I’m even more sure I will find someone who will.
I’m just tired of interpreting your mixed signals. I’m tired of playing this game you made up. I don’t like the rules because they only suit you.
I fell in love with you because I thought there was more to you. I’ve seen your potential. I’ve seen that if you wanted, you could have been almost perfect. But you decided to stay the same. You decided to be an almost lover. Well, I don’t need that.
You were never clear about your intentions. You never said what you really want. Because if I knew you want this, I would never have signed it. It’s like signing a pact with the devil—you’ll get everything you want but there is always a price. Mine was a broken heart.
You made me think we were going to work out. You kissed me passionately and sent me love texts. You stared at me while I wasn’t looking. You slept by my side and pretended like nothing happened the next day. Friends don’t do that.
I gave you the best of myself and I got nothing in return except half-filled promises and false words. In fact, the only thing I ever got from you was words, never acts. That wasn’t enough for me. I could have spent my whole life waiting for you to do what you said you would. But, fortunately, I had the guts to cut you off and continue searching for someone who will do everything you never did.
What you could never realize is that love doesn’t come in bits. It either is or it isn’t. You wanted to keep me somewhere in the middle. You wanted to keep me in the almost zone by every now and then giving me just enough to stay.
You gave me false hope. That’s why I have no respect for you. You could have been a man and said you don’t love me to my face. Instead, you falsely reciprocated my feelings. You tried to fool me, but you couldn’t fake love. No one can do that. You can try, but you’ll fall apart at a certain point because you’re not happy being with someone who isn’t the right one for you.
I’ve decided I deserve so much more than you. I’ve realized I deserve the true love which you could never give me. I’ve decided to move on even if it hurts me—and it does. I’ve decided I should take that risk because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life unhappy, thinking what would happen if I’d left.
Now, I’m turning over the next page of my life and leaving you behind. It’s time for me to write the next chapter of my life—a happier one where I finally choose myself.
I chose myself because I don’t want to settle with someone who is uncertain about me. I know what I want from love and that is not what you gave me. I don’t want a forced kiss goodbye when I leave the house. I don’t want a text you send me just because you think you have to. This is why I chose myself this time. It’s because I want everything you almost do to be done to the fullest.
I chose myself because I’m tired of second guessing everything you do. I’m tired of thinking through your decisions to find the real motive because I know it’s not me. I chose myself because I’m better off without that. I chose myself because I want to give myself a chance to meet someone who will do things because of me—a man who will do things (even the ones he doesn’t like) because he wants to do something for me.
I chose myself because I don’t love this version of myself while I’m with you. I don’t want to be exhausted and empty and you made me that way. Every negative thing you say hits me right in the heart. Every word wears me down each day more and more and I don’t want to become that version of myself.
I chose myself because I need someone to lean on and that’s not you. For now, that someone is me and maybe in the future, it will be someone else.
When you push a woman like me to her limits, she will crack and you will lose her forever. You’ll probably regret it, but it’s going to be too late.
I will choose myself every time because I don’t want to be anyone’s second choice. I think I deserve to be someone’s priority as that someone is going to be mine. I want to be someone’s girlfriend because he wants only me and no one else. I want him to be happy that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together.
I will choose myself every time because I don’t need someone who will hide the fact that we are dating because he thinks he probably could have found someone better. I want someone who will hold my hand proudly and who will shout my name to the world. I want someone who will introduce me to his friends and family because he cares about me enough.
I will choose myself every time because I don’t want to settle for less than I deserve. I don’t want someone who will love me almost. I want someone who will go an extra mile for me because I will do the same for him. I want a love that will give me butterflies in my stomach. I want a man who will be the last thing I think of when I fall asleep and the first thing I remember when I wake up.
I will choose myself every time because I don’t want someone who won’t accept me for me. I want someone who will love just the way I am. I want someone who will know all my flaws and accept them because he knows nobody is perfect and neither am I.
I will choose myself because I want someone who is not you.
I will choose myself every time because I want labels and I want to know exactly where our relationship is going. I don’t want to hold myself back. I’ve got a lot of love and I want to find someone who will take it and love me back just the same as I will love him. I want things to be familiar and comfortable. I want to feel safe and with you, I never felt like that.
I’m not sorry I was with you. I’m sorry that it took me a long time to realize that we shouldn’t be together. I don’t want your almost love. I don’t need it. I don’t deserve it.
I finally realized I should put myself first from now on. Because up until now, I’ve been doing the opposite and it didn’t take me anywhere except toward disappointment, sadness, and pain. I’ve been trying so hard to make you love me completely, but you were stuck at almost. I’m sorry I didn’t give up earlier to finish this agony the both of us lived in.
I’m sorry that I wanted you to stay but you chose to push me away.