20 dicas para parar de se afundar na autocomiseração

Society tends to look down on people who seem weak in the face of their misfortunes. When someone who’s been through a hard time shows that they’re persevering against all odds, they’re praised for being brave.

Por outro lado, as pessoas que ficam presas a sentir pena de si próprias são menosprezadas. ‘Stop indulging in a pity party’ is a synonym for telling someone, ‘Stop being weak and do something about it.’

Some people aren’t as strong as others, but they still deserve understanding and kindness. As pessoas que acabam por se afundar na autocomiseração estão a fazer mal a si próprias because they don’t know how to move on or because they get something out of it they can’t get elsewhere.

If you feel like you’ve been stuck in a rut of self-loathing and wondering why it’s all happening to you, there’s a way to move on, and it all starts with a little self-compassion.

Deixar de se afundar na autocomiseração através da autocompaixão

É difícil sair do ciclo interminável de chafurdar na autocomiseração e cair cada vez mais na vergonha. The longer you’re stuck in it, the more you get used to feeling sorry for yourself, and moving on seems impossible.

Sometimes you just need to catch a break – all it takes is for one good thing to happen to you and shake things up. But when you feel like the world is against you, a chance to stop feeling broken rarely comes along, so there’s only one thing you can do: criar as suas próprias oportunidades.

Pretending your feelings don’t exist isn’t a sign of strength. To move on, you need to deal with them. It’s the hardest job you’ll ever have, but doing it will start your transformation.

1. Comece por ter compaixão por si próprio

Sentir pena de si próprio é uma forma de auto-aversão. You think that whatever you do, you can’t get what you want and only bad things happen to you. Isto faz-nos invejar aqueles que parecem ter a sua vida organizada e envergonharmo-nos porque sentimos you’re not good enough.

You hate yourself because you have no self-compassion and can’t accept these feelings. Once you choose to tell yourself, ‘It’s okay,’ things will start to get better.

2. Trate-se como trataria um amigo

How to develop compassion for yourself when you think you’re the worst, so the world is the worst to you? Deve decidir transformar a aversão a si próprio em amor-próprio.

This love must be unconditional – tens de te amar a ti próprio, aconteça o que acontecer. You need to love yourself despite your flaws and things you don’t like about yourself. Only when you get there can you start treating yourself like a loved one.

Treat yourself how you’d treat a beloved friend if they were in the same situation as you are now.

3. Falar com um terapeuta

O que parece autocomiseração pode, por vezes, ser uma depressão clínica.

A visita a um psicoterapeuta pode ser a pausa de que precisa, se é esse o caso ou não. Se estiver deprimido, ser-lhe-á administrada medicação que pode ser profundamente útil num curto espaço de tempo e será encaminhado para counseling, which is absolutely necessary when you’re depressed.

If you aren’t, talking to a professional is still incredibly helpful for your mental health and will jump-start your journey of moving away from self-pity,

4. Enfrenta os teus sentimentos

Bad things happen to everyone, but when you feel like there’s no end to them, falling into a pit of despair is easy. You ask yourself, “Why me? Why is it all happening to you? Why can’t you be happier, healthier, taller, smarter, different?”

Estes feelings that you don’t deserve to be happy – self-doubt, envy, feeling sorry for yourself, shame – are still your feelings, and you can’t ignore them. Feel them fully and understand them, and then you’ll be able to deal with them.

5. Reforçar a autoestima

A baixa autoestima pode ser tanto a causa como o efeito da auto-piedade, causando um ciclo vicioso do qual parece não haver escapatória. Pode quebrar o ciclo, optando por deixar de se concentrar no negativo: as coisas más que lhe aconteceram e as más opiniões que tem de si próprio.

Aceitar-se a si próprio é a forma de começar reforçar a auto-confiança. It’s a long process, taking a day at a time, but it will completely change your outlook and how you live your life.

6. Assuma o controlo da sua vida

Feeling like bad luck follows you is what makes you believe that your life isn’t under your control. Even so, you must decide that you still have choices. There’s always a choice, no matter how bad things get.

A reação é livre: paramos ou continuamos? Em vez de deixar que os sentimentos de autocomiseração o impeçam, esforce-se por transformar a sua pena em compaixão e motivação.

7. Deixar de se vitimizar

When something bad happens, do you just take it? It’s okay not to have the strength to fight back the way you want to, but uma coisa que nunca se deve fazer é aceitar que as coisas simplesmente acontecem connosco. Isto é mentalidade de vítima e não faz nada, exceto fazer-nos sentir impotentes e perdidos.

Your circumstances might be different than what you’d like them to be, but your life is your own, and you do have control over it.

8. Assumir responsabilidades

When you decide that you’re done having things happen to you, you assume responsabilidade pessoal para a sua vida. Things that happen don’t determine who you are and how you should live – you’re the only one who does.

To take responsibility means to stop blaming, expecting, and enduring. It means to begin doing, changing, and moving. It’s liberating, and once you choose to make your own decisions and stand behind them, you won’t go back to wallowing in self-pity.

9. Fazer coisas que lhe dêem uma sensação de realização

To feel happy, people need a sense of joy and a sense of accomplishment in their lives. When you’re not feeling okay, both of these might seem like a distant dream, but you can do it.

Start small and do something good for yourself today that you didn’t do yesterday. Finish any task, no matter how easy, and for now, that’s enough. Do it every day until you feel like you can accomplish more, and soon, those good things will become a habit. Continuar e seguir em frente.

10. Faz coisas que te dão uma sensação de alegria

Como é que se pode melhorar o humor quando nada te dá alegria? Quando parece que nada o pode fazer feliz, procure a mais pequena faísca. Encontre uma forma de sentir qualquer tipo de conforto e faça-o regularmente.

Maybe pampering yourself won’t make you happy, but it feels good. Playing with a pet or a child can put a smile on your face. Talking to a loved one, listening to your favorite song, taking a walk, or anything that seems like it should make you happy might not do it right now, but keep doing them.

Even if you believe that these little things aren’t doing anything, they are – you just need to let yourself feel it.

11. Ajudar outras pessoas

Calling someone less fortunate isn’t helpful because to everyone, their own struggle is the hardest. Still, ajudar outras pessoas com os seus problemas muda a perspetiva dos seus próprios problemas.

When you do things for others, you feel like you’re part of something bigger than yourself. Making someone’s life a little easier is its own reward, but it also helps you feel connected to others and shifts the focus from yourself.

12. Resolver os problemas um de cada vez

You can’t solve everything that’s bothering you at once and magically become a new version of yourself. Things, unfortunately, don’t work that way. You must, however, start somewhere.

Um problema a menos significa mais do que se pensa. By dealing with what bothers you one at a time, the list gets shorter. Think about it this way: in a year’s time, do you want things to be the same or better?

13. Learn to accept what you can’t change

You already know that you should let go of things, but how can you do that when you’re still feeling the effects? Deixa-se ir, fazendo o seu melhor para melhorar as coisas, e depois accepting that there are some things you can’t change.

This doesn’t mean that you should be complacent and accept everything but that you should do the best you can with what you have and work on the things that can be different.

14. Praticar ser forte

Bottling up your feelings isn’t what being strong is about. Feel your pain, disappointment, sense of inadequacy, but then choose to be positive – this is o que significa ser forte.

Estar em contacto com a mente e os sentimentos e fazer tudo o que se pode com o que se tem é difícil. Desistir e sucumbir à auto-piedade é mais fácil, mas dói mais. Choose today to do something good with your life, and tomorrow, you’ll be better. Quanto mais praticar, mais fácil se tornará.

15. Compreender o que é realmente a força de vontade

People who accomplish something that seems unreachable are praised for their willpower, but do you really know what that means? Willpower isn’t going against what you want – it’s the opposite: it’s finding the strength to do something difficult because you want it so much.

Once you decide that you want to stop wallowing in self-pity and change your life, you’ll be able to do it. Quando se quer muito uma coisa, é fácil fazer o que for preciso para a conseguir.

16. Reconhecer o pensamento negativo

When you think negative thoughts regularly, they become part of you, and you don’t realize that this is what they are. Aprenda a identificar os pensamentos negativos para os poder travar.

Os pensamentos negativos surgem na sua mente por si só e influenciam o seu comportamento. They’re not helpful and hold you back. Aprenda a reconhecê-los e a desafiá-los.

17. Encontrar um sentimento de gratidão

A auto-piedade pode ser autoindulgente. There’s a comfort in helplessness and blaming the world that can give you a sense of validation, but it only hurts you.

Instead of focusing on everything that’s gone wrong, choose to feel grateful for the good things. There’s always something that you have that you’re taking for granted. Contar as suas bênçãos e estar grato. Esta perspetiva positiva pode mudar a sua vida para melhor.

18. Aprender a adaptar-se

What about the things you don’t like and can’t change? Once you accept them, you must learn to work with what you have. Adaptar-se às circunstâncias é a única forma de crescer.

Clinging to the things you’re unhappy about only brings more unhappiness. Quando escolhemos como reagir às coisas que nos acontecem, as desilusões podem transformar-se em oportunidades.

19. Viver no presente

Ficar preso ao passado e remoer as coisas que aconteceram só o atrasa. Optar por viver no aqui e agora é o que é preciso para continuar. Don’t let the past rob you of your present and future.

Praticar a atenção plena para se concentrar no momento presente. Concentre-se nas coisas que são, não nas coisas que costumavam ser e nas coisas que poderiam ser.

20. Escolher seguir em frente

If you‘ve gone through all the tips, you’ve learned one thing: faz o seu próprio caminho. Life doesn’t happen to you – you’re the one who makes your own choices. So choose to move forward.

Embrace change and realize that you’re in control. Be kind and patient with yourself, but show yourself love by doing what’s best for you, and that’s deciding to stop wallowing in self-pity.

Em resumo

Para deixar de se afundar na autocomiseração e encontrar a validação de que necessita noutro lugar, tem de aprender a amar-se a si próprio e a mostrar esse amor de todas as formas necessárias. When you love someone, you’ll do things that are good for them, no matter how difficult and unpleasant they might be.

When you feel love and compassion for yourself, you’ll understand why self-pity only hurts you and do your best to move on.