Decodificando o comportamento dos homens após uma separação (7 sinais de que ele está magoado)
I know that all women would like to know how to decode a guy’s behavior depois de uma separação. Ele está a sofrer ou não? Será que ele gosta de si ou nunca gostou? Ele bloqueou-o?? Será que alguma vez reunir-se?
Temos estas e muitas outras perguntas sobre como os homens lidar com separações answered for you in this little guide below. We’ll help you enter into their minds and, if you want to get your ex back, this knowledge of psicologia masculina ajudará certamente.
A verdade é que ser num longo-relação a prazo is inevitably going to result in one of two things. You’re either going to spend your life with this person or you’re eventually going to call it quits.
That’s just the factual reality of the dating world.
And in my own personal experience, I’d much rather romper-se no tempo if I see that the relationship is going nowhere fast, because what’s the point in sticking around if you know that this is not your person?
This leads me to my second point…
Os homens importam-se depois de uma separação?
No matter what you’ve read or heard, guys suffer just as much as girls do pós-separação.
They’re only human and if you think your ex-boyfriend has magically risen above his desgosto and entered a new relationship with a healed, happy heart, you’d be dead wrong.
See… guys want you to think that things don’t affect them and that they lidar com separações como os machões que são.
Mas querem saber qual é a verdade?
Sentem a tua falta cada segundo de cada dia, e os seus autoestima sofre um grande golpe (especialmente se for o dumper), but they just don’t have the balls to face their emotions the way girls do!
Todos nós sabemos o que fazer quando se trata de raparigas.
Esta é uma oportunidade perfeita para reencontrar os teus melhores amigos. I’m sure you neglected them a bit because of your relationship.
Go out and have the most fun girls’ night ever. Or, you can stay in and buy copious amounts of wine, then bitch about him on your couch until the wine kicks in and you start feeling like the boss-ass bitch you are and realize you’re better off without him.
(Isto é, até chegar o dia de amanhã e tudo começar a parecer demasiado real outra vez).
Repeat the process for a few weeks until you get your head in order with the help of your support system. Finally, unfollow him on your social media accounts, and pick up your broken pieces without needing anyone’s help.
A dor emocional is still there, but you’re not denying it.
You’re willing to face your negative emotions and hard times head-on and take relationship advice from your girlfriends knowing they’ve got your back.
And with time it really does get better. He’s just one guy and this heartache is going to pass if you process it in a healthy way.
Ver também: Esconder-se do mundo: 5 maneiras de o fazer e como ser visto
Como é que os homens lidam com as separações?
With men, things are a little different. Men can’t lidar com a bagagem emocional da mesma forma que as raparigas, porque isso faz com que se sintam menos másculas.
Então, como é que os homens se comportam depois de uma separação?
They’ll deny their heartache, enter novas relações sem processar a sua dor, e usar redes sociais to make you feel they’re doing better than they actually are.
And why? Because they can’t handle being alone as well as girls can, they turn to relação de ricochete e namoro online em busca de uma nova namorada em vez de lidar com a dor da sua anterior relação.
Eles vão nenhum contacto, instead of resolving their issues with their ex-girlfriends, which doesn’t allow them to truly get over it when the relationship ends.
Este facto compromete as suas relações futuras, porque nunca podem ir até ao fim, devido à falta de conclusão.
Desgosto é algo que requer sensibilidade, compreensão da sua própria psique e bem-estar, juntamente com apoio emocional dos entes queridos.
Negócio de homens com isto, fazendo quase exatamente o oposto.
Saltam os passos necessários e saltam diretamente para a parte da representação (beber até cair com os amigos, engates aleatórios, etc.). telefonemas bêbados to their exes, calling on their mutual friends and bitching about the other… etc.)
E, no dia seguinte, quando a realidade se impõe e se apercebem de como o seu comportamento é prejudicial para a sua cura, reprimem tudo e partem para a segunda ronda.
Eles começar a sentir a tua falta and they’re hurting, but they’ll never say it face to face. They go out with their friends, find new hobbies, drown themselves in work… They try everything just to keep you off their mind.
And the toxic cycle just keeps on turning until they can’t take it anymore and realize that every little thing they’ve done to get over their ex-namorada tem sido contraproducente até ao próprio facto.
Guys’ brains are just wired differently. They are supposed to be these strong, macho men (nas suas próprias cabeças) e qualquer sinal de emoção real é estritamente desaprovado.
Deus nos livre de admitir isso they’re hurting e passar pelo processo como uma pessoa sã faria, certo?
But I’m here to show you that guys really don’t have it all figured out. They just want you to think that they do.
Poderá ver seu ex-namorado numa saída à noite e publicar fotografias no redes sociais como um animal de festa, mas o que deves saber é isto: Todo este exterior duro com as suas merdas resolvidas é meramente um mecanismo de sobrevivência.
Because if he actually let himself FEEL what he’s feeling, the ground would crumble underneath his feet and his head would shatter from all the unresolved issues he’s been suppressing for so long.
Confiem em mim quando vos digo, guys’ behavior after a breakup is anything but what they’re letting on.
Inside, there’s a fragile man with um coração partidotentando remendar as peças de todas as maneiras erradas.
Por isso, antes de chamares ao teu ex sem coração por seguir em frente tão depressa, excluindo completamente a possibilidade de voltarem a estar juntos, considere os seguintes sinais que provam exatamente o contrário.
Como é que se sabe se um homem está a sofrer depois de uma separação?
It’s a well-known fact that homens e mulheres lidam com separações de formas totalmente diferentes.
Women tend to cry and I think it’s the reason why they move one faster than guys. They let all of their negative emotions out almost right after the split happens.
On the other hand, men don’t want to show that they’re suffering and they keep bottling up their emotions as if they will never come out to the surface. And that’s precisely where the biggest problem arises.
Mais cedo ou mais tarde, todas essas coisas são esmagadoras, emoções reprimidas encontrar uma saída e tornam-se mais dolorosas do que eram antes. No final, esse evitamento emocional resulta num comportamento bastante auto-destrutivo.
Se quer saber se o seu homem está a sofrer depois da separação, tem de observar cuidadosamente o seu comportamento e tentar perceber o que se passa. Se o seu ex-companheiro(a) tem vindo a apresentar estes 7 sinais após a separação, trust me, honey, he’s hurting big time.
Ele deixa de ser seu amigo nas redes sociais
Um dia, estava a percorrer o seu Instagram e, de repente, apercebeu-se de que a presença dele não estava em lado nenhum.
So you went to check his profile and what do you know… he’s deleted you from Insta! Quickly, you go to your other accounts and find out the same shit happened everywhere.
And you’re baffled. After so much time together, he just nonchalantly decides to delete your presence from his online world.
Naturally, you’re pissed! You take it personally (even though you probably shouldn’t) and immediately call your girls to bitch about this.
But what you don’t realize is that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
Os rapazes são ensinados que devem ser imunes à dor e desgosto é o epítome disso!
So to make it easier on himself, he deletes every trace of you from his social media accounts so as not to have to be reminded of the pain he’s suppressing.
Or, he may even do it because he doesn’t want to come into the temptation of reaching out and sending you a (probably) mensagem de texto de bêbado.
Guys don’t deal with this shit at all. They just wipe it under the rug and put it on a tough exterior.
But if he had to see your face every day as he’s scrolling through his Insta, Facebook or Snapchat, his heart would break all over again.
Dói-lhe ver a tua cara. Dói-lhe saber ele deixou-te ir. He might even shed a tear over it, but he can’t let it happen. He doesn’t want to see you because he’s actually a coward, a man who can’t face his actions. End. Of. The. Story.
So he ignores how he feels (heartbroken), deletes any sign of your social media presence, and pretends it’s all okay.
He can’t see you face to face
Depois de uma rutura, as emoções estão normalmente ao rubro e toda a lógica é posta de parte.
Ambos estão magoados, confusos e hesitantes em deixar que tudo aconteça sem fazer sentido. E as agressões acontecem muitas vezes devido à falta de senso comum tão cedo após a separação.
With guys, it’s all on an even bigger level. Your ex-boyfriend can’t see you because he hasn’t dealt with what’s happening at all.
He’s hurt, angry, and perplexed, and very likely to resort to anger and yelling because you are the reason for this pain.
And I don’t mean it in a negative way. You’re a que ele perdeu, and therefore he’s in pain and angry.
Seeing you only reminds him of how poorly he’s treated you and therefore lost you, so he lashes out big time.
The very thing he’s so desperately trying to avoid is staring him straight in the eye and trying to have a conversation with him, and he can’t handle it.
Ele quer ir-se embora, mas há coisas para discutir.
Who gets the dog? Who’s the one who has to move out? Is this realmente a acontecer ou só precisa de um intervalo para resolver as coisas?
Talking is mandatory because that’s the only way to get closure.
He’s unable to see you without feeling crappy, and that’s why he avoids seeing you face to face. It brings out so much shit that he’s just not ready to deal with.
Ver também: Leia isto sempre que começar a comparar-se com uma rapariga mais bonita
Ele começa a aparecer nos sítios que frequenta
Sometimes, guys’ behavior after a breakup is so transparent. It’s too obvious that he’s going through the motions and he gives it all away with his unorthodox actions.
Por exemplo, sabe que ele nunca vai ao seu café preferido, especialmente para ficar a relaxar e não fazer nada.
But all of a sudden, there he is. Sitting there, sipping his coffee and pretending to be surprised that he’s bumped into you.
Like he doesn’t already know that this is where you get your after-work caffeine fix with your girls. So he says hi, chats you up, and marvels at this wonderful coincidence.
Only it was all planned in advance. See, he can’t get you out of his head, but he also doesn’t want to seem desperate ligando para si e perguntando como está.
He’s too much of a man for that. So he decides to show up at places he knows you’ll be, and have a mini convo to see you and get his fix.
Actually, there’s nothing wrong with this. The o gajo sente claramente a tua falta and since he can’t simply talk to you about his feelings and hash things out if possible, he’ll resort to these measures just to see your face.
That way, his reputation is untarnished and he’s not letting his negative emotions get the better of him.
Luckily, you know better and you can enjoy the fact that you’ve left such a big hole in your ex’s heart.
Ele começa a enviar-te mensagens de texto obsessivamente
Avoidance didn’t do the trick since he clearly can’t get you out of his head, and pretending that he’s okay is silly since he can’t lie to himself.
Assim, ele completa o círculo e volta para tu. It’s eating him alive not knowing how you are and what you’re doing, and since nothing else worked, he starts blowing up your phone.
First, it appears to be just friendly banter – where you are, how you’re doing, what’s been going on in your life – and for a minute, it all seems normal.
Mas depois ele começa a falar da separação e a armar-se em detetive.
Why did you guys break up in the first place, how did you let it happen, he might even start blaming you for how it all went down, and all that because he’s hurting and ele quer-te de volta.
A guy who’s over you and turned a new page wouldn’t be blowing you up this way and pinning blame.
A guy who has his shit together doesn’t reminisce about the breakup and mentions voltar a juntar-se, as if it didn’t take you so long to finally move on.
His behavior is shady but it all comes from a place of misplaced hurt. He still has feelings for you and he can’t process them right.
So he texts you, calls you and initiates conversations to try to make sense of what’s going on and help himself avançar.
Ele cria uma falsa narrativa sobre a separação
One of the most concerning types of guys’ behavior after a breakup is distorting the truth about how it all happened.
Clearly, you know what went down and he does too. There’s no point lying to yourselves.
Mas quando um dos parceiros não consegue lidar com as consequências da separação, tende a criar a sua própria versão da verdade.
Este é um mecanismo de sobrevivência that lets them face what happened easier and look better in other people’s eyes.
Suddenly, you’ll start hearing stories about your breakup that bear zero resemblance to what actually took place.
Se fosses tu que despejado him, all of a sudden, he’ll turn things around and make it seem as if it was all his idea.
Foi ele quem iniciou a rutura because you were suffocating him or he just couldn’t handle your bossy personality anymore.
Whatever he starts telling people, it’ll be a blatant lie.
And do you know why he’s doing this? It’s because he’s so hurt and feels betrayed by your breakup that the only way to feel better is to be the victim in other people’s eyes.
He can’t change what happened but he sure can tell his own version and, in that way, move on knowing he’s no longer o mau da fita.
This behavior is unhealthy and hurtful toward you, so it’s on you to talk to him and make him see how wrong and toxic this is.
Ver também: Sexo com amigos? Os 10 maiores segredos que ninguém lhe vai contar
Torna-se um idiota
Sim. Às vezes os gajos transformam-se em completos idiotas after the breakup and they’re the only ones who can make any sense of that shitty behavior.
They look at it this way: ”You’re the one who dumped me, so now I get to hurt you back.”
They become obnoxious and unbearable. Anytime they’re around their ex-girlfriend, they start calling her names, being nasty, and acting as if she’s a bitch simply because she couldn’t handle being around his sorry ass anymore.
Este é o pior tipo de comportamento que um homem pode ter depois de uma separação.
It shows his lack of respect for his ex and it proves my point – guys suck at handling their emotions post-breakup!
You’re the one who stood by his side while he was going through shit.
You’re the one who held his hand when it wasn’t easy for him. And how does he repay you?
By hurting you and treating you like an enemy. I don’t know how much this is going to help, but the only reason he’s doing it because deep down he’s still hurting.
He’s not over you and he can’t accept how things ended, so he turns you into his enemy.
For some guys, this only lasts for a short amount of time until they realize how childish and cruel they’re being. Here’s hoping that yours is among them!
Ele entra numa nova relação
One of the weirdest guys’ behavior after a breakup is moving straight into a new relationship.
What the hell is up with that? It doesn’t even have to be an actual, relação séria. Também pode ser um engate ou um encontro de uma noite que se transforma em algo mais do que isso.
Mas, infelizmente, é isso que o seu ego masculino lhe diz para fazer. Eles usam essa validação como um bandaid para a sua baixa autoestima. Unfortunately, they don’t know that it’s nothing but a short-term solution.
Em vez de enfrentar as suas merdas de frente, ele sente a necessidade de mostrar a todos como é duro e viril e a melhor maneira de o fazer é ser visto com outra rapariga.
Why? Because then, he’ll show everyone just how strong and impervious he is.
Nada o pode afetar, nem tu nem o seu desgosto. E a sua nova relação é o início de um novo ele.
Only, that’s just a front. He’s anything but equipped to handle a new GF since his old one is still clearly taking the top spot in his heart.
A guy who’s lidar com a sua dor doesn’t do anything rash.
A guy who has his ducks in a row doesn’t feel the need to impress the public with his array of new chicks. He just doesn’t care o que os outros pensam!
It’s his life and his choices. The only person whose opinion he should consider is his own and yours.
É pena que os homens tendam a ser tão teimosos na sua suposta virilidade que não conseguem ver como isso os torna infantis. Irónico, não é?
So if your ex-boyfriend is parading around town with his new girlfriend, don’t take it too personally (even though it hurts like fuck, I know). He’s acting out and pretending to be okay.
Mas fica a saber que um dia, a sua dor vontade catch up with him and he’ll finally be forced to face his demons.
Without it, he’ll never be able para seguir em frente, because the fact is that he can’t move on before he actually goes through the healing process. And he can’t heal until he’s ready to face all of his emotions.
Ver também: 8 problemas de relacionamentos à distância (e como fazê-los funcionar)
Quanto tempo é que um homem demora a arrepender-se de ter acabado o namoro?
Infelizmente, nem eu nem ninguém pode dar uma resposta definitiva a esta pergunta. No entanto, a maioria dos especialistas em relações concorda que pode demorar até seis meses para que um homem chegue a esse ponto de arrependimento.
We already saw that men deal with heartaches and breakups in a totally different way than we do. They skip all the ‘normal’ things that usually come after a breakup, all those negative feelings and deep emotional pain.
It’s just like their stubborn pride doesn’t allow them to show to their ex-partner and to the rest of the world that they’re suffering.
Tentam encontrar o conforto de que tanto necessitam nos braços de outra mulher ou em festas com os amigos durante todo o dia. Infelizmente, isso só resulta em muito comportamento auto-destrutivo.
They skip the whole healing process and think (or at least want to think) that they’re ready to move on. After some time, it all hits them big-time and that’s when regrets creep upon them.
Aceitam finalmente todas as suas emoções, tanto as positivas como as negativas, e sentem-se prontos para as enfrentar.
Finalmente, compreendem que o seu estúpido ego masculino pode custar-lhes a perda da mulher que amam sinceramente e começam lutando pelo seu amor.
It may take some time, it may take even more than six months, but once a man reaches this ‘regretting phase’ he’ll do just about everything to win you over again.
However, the thing you should really think about is the reason why he’s coming back into your life again. Does he miss you because ele ama-te? OU, ele voltou porque sente falta de ter alguém que se preocupe verdadeiramente com ele na sua vida?
So, the question shouldn’t be WHEN is he going to regret the breakup, but WHY… What are the reasons that made him change his mind and come back into your life…
Como obter uma conclusão?
By realizing that you can’t change the past, but you pode Assumam o controlo do vosso presente. Os homens serão homens.
Se tiveste a sorte de sair com um verdadeiro cavalheiro, you’ll decode your guy’s behavior after the breakup very easily.
Alguns rapazes lidam surpreendentemente bem com as separações e tratam as suas ex-namoradas com o maior respeito, e é bom que o façam!
Mas há tipos cujo comportamento começa a ser extremamente prejudicial para o seu próprio bem-estar e se reflecte muito mal em si também.
That’s an unfortunate instance, but your main takeaways should be these:
1. If he’s acting out, making rash decisions and behaving like a completely different person, it’s all because he’s hurting on the inside and he’s refusing to face all those sentimentos negativos.
Don’t take it personally. It has everything to do with him and nothing to do with you.
2. Vê-lo com uma nova rapariga é um dos comprimidos mais difíceis de engolir, especialmente tão pouco tempo depois da separação.
MAS, isso só significa he’s not over tu, guys who process their emotions in a healthy way don’t just jump from one relationship to another. They’ve got heart.
3. Deixar de o seguir no redes sociais means that it’s too painful for him to see the face of the girl he let go on a daily basis.
So instead of clearing the air with you and by being frank, he deletes all traces of you online, thinking it’ll help him cope (Hint: it won’t, at least not in the long run).
4. E, por último, quando os homens se transformam em completos idiotas pós-separação, it only means they’re too immature to handle their demons like adults.
Ao tentar parecer macho, ele faz exatamente o contrário. Quando o vires assim, afasta-te e sente pena dele.
He’s the one who’ll have to face his shitty actions one day, not you.
Lembra-te que alguém que te ama verdadeiramente nunca se arriscaria a perder-te
