12 coisas a fazer e a não fazer quando o seu marido defende outra mulher
Eu sei como pode ser doloroso, confuso e avassalador quando o nosso marido defende outra mulher. You start questioning everything… Him, your marriage, his feelings for you, everything you went through together…
It happened to me once, and it’s a feeling I would never want any woman to experience ever. That’s why I know how you are feeling right now, and all I can say to you based on my own experience is that it doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing.
I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did, a mistake that almost cost me my marriage and the man I loved and still love the most. Stay with me because I’m going to help you find the right way to deal with it and find out what’s going on there.
7 coisas a fazer quando o seu marido defende outra mulher
Preste muita atenção a cada uma destas peças de conselhos sobre relações porque o podem ajudar salvar o seu casamento.
1. Antes de mais, acalma-te
Don’t react immediately. Controlar-se, or your anger will control you and make you do something you won’t be proud of once you cool down.
Antes de acusar o seu marido desrespeita-aSe o seu filho não se importa, tem de lhe dar uma oportunidade de explicar o seu comportamento. There must be a reason why he’s defending the other woman, and you won’t hear it if you act on your impulses.
2. Confrontá-lo sobre o assunto
Fale com o seu marido sobre o assunto. Don’t try to suprimir as suas emoções porque ele precisa de saber como te fez sentir.
Além disso, se reprimir essas emoções, they will eventually find a way out, and it’ll most definitely cause conflict between you and your husband.
Diga-lhe o que pensa sobre isso e peça-lhe que explique porque o faz. Num casamento saudável, os cônjuges devem tentar resolver todos os problemas entre si através de comunicação saudável.
3. Find out what your husband’s motives are for defending her
The famous marriage coach, Ngina Otiende, says, “When you feel like your husband is defending another woman, make sure to rule out assumptions. Don’t assume his silence or lack of enthusiasm means something it doesn’t. Instead of filling in the gaps, find out what he truly thinks.”
Meaning, you shouldn’t jump to conclusions because you can never be sure of their authenticity. É preciso pedir-lhe que justifique as suas acções com uma razão válida e, sobretudo, verdadeira.
Is she his best friend or someone he really appreciates and cares for? Does he really think her opinion is right? There are many possible reasons why he defends her – you just need to get him to admit to the right one.
4. Tentar ser objetivo
I know this is easier said than done because of all the mixed emotions you feel, but if you want to understand your husband’s motives, you need to look at things objectively.
Try to think about her opinion because maybe she’s right after all. Maybe you have really made a mistake, and your husband simply can’t lie to you, no matter how much he loves you.
On the other hand, if you see that something is going on between them, don’t try to justify his defense. If he clearly shows he has romantic feelings for her, accept it, and let him defend her for the rest of his life.
5. If you can’t be supportive, at least try to be understanding
If you decide to stand behind your opinion and can’t support her yourself, at least try to understand your husband’s motives and why he is doing it.
A compreensão é um dos princípios fundamentais de uma casamento saudável.
Se não houver compreensão, a confiança entre os cônjuges nunca poderá ser forte, o que levará ao fim do casamento, apesar dos fortes sentimentos que nutrem um pelo outro.
6. Think about the way he’s defending the other woman
A forma como o seu marido a tenta defender é crucial.
If he just says that she’s right and offers an explanation for it, it would simply mean that he really agrees with her and can’t go against his opinion.
On the other hand, if he tries to defend her to the hilt without even wanting to hear your opinion, it’s a clear red flag that something is off.
Talvez ele tenha sentimentos por ela ou, pior ainda, talvez he’s cheating on you com ela.
7. Make sure they’re really JUST friends
What is your husband’s relationship with that woman? Are they close friends, co-workers, or something else?
Consulte as redes sociais dele e veja se existem potenciais sinais de alerta de que algo está a acontecer entre os dois.
Also, pay attention to how both of them behave when they’re together. Se they’re having an emotional affair, you’ll find proof of it sooner or later.
If they’re truly just friends, then you have nothing to be worried about. He loves both of you, and maybe he just thinks that he’s doing the right thing by being honest and defending the side he thinks is right.
5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do When Your Husband Defends Another Woman
I’ve learned from my own mistakes, and now, I’ll share that knowledge with you. So, pay close attention, and please don’t make any stupid mistakes like these below that could really destroy your marriage.
1. Don’t react in the heat of the moment
Como já referi, deve realmente tentar conter-se e controlar o seu temperamento. Reacting while you’re feeling overwhelmed by your emotions can make you do things that may have the most awful consequences on your marriage.
You’ll say things that you don’t actually mean and do things that you would never normally do. Tire algum tempo para processar tudo isto e depois decida como lidar com a situação.
2. A reação exagerada só vai piorar as coisas
Agora não é a altura certa para deixar o seu rainha do drama fora. Por mais que os ciúmes a atinjam, tente manter-se calma e ouvir o que o seu marido tem para lhe dizer.
Se pensarmos bem, o que é que se consegue com uma reação exagerada? Só vai começar uma discussão com o seu homem e, muito provavelmente, vai levar com a ponta afiada do pau.
3. Don’t try to control or change his opinion
You can agree or disagree with his opinion in general, but there’s only one thing you should never do: try to affect it or make him disregard his opinion because of you.
It’s something your man will never forgive you for because he’ll feel like you’re trying to use his feelings for you to control him. Actually, this is something you probably wouldn’t forgive him for either.
4. Acusá-lo de traição pode prejudicar seriamente o seu casamento
Quando o seu marido defende outra mulher, isso pode começar a afetar a sua autoestima e o seu estado geral saúde mental. It can make you see something that isn’t true at all.
O facto é que não há nada de errado quando as pessoas casadas têm amigos ou quando têm pontos de vista e opiniões diferentes sobre determinadas coisas.
Por isso, antes de apontares o dedo ao teu marido e acusá-lo de ser infiel a si, pense bem no assunto. Don’t let your jealousy stand between you e arruinar a confiança que construíram ao longo do vosso casamento.
5. Don’t ever blame the other woman, no matter what happens
Mesmo que o seu marido está realmente apaixonado pela outra mulherE mesmo que ele a deixe por causa dela, não a deve culpar por nada disso.
Deliciar-se com um caso emocional com um homem casado does make her a bad person, but she’ll get what she deserves one day. You’re not the one who is supposed to punish her for her bad deeds.
No entanto, o único culpado nesta história é o seu marido, e tem de o aceitar. He’s the one who hurt you and betrayed your love. Whatever your feelings, they should be directed towards him, not the other woman.
Ver também: Porque é que o meu marido olha para outras mulheres online? 14 razões
Quando o seu marido defende outra mulher: 5 razões possíveis
Também quero ajudá-la a compreender algumas possíveis razões pelas quais o seu marido defende outra mulher. The truth is, understanding your husband’s motives can help you cope with it.
1. He’s a defensive person by nature
Have you ever noticed that your husband defends his close friends and family members in a similar way? Has he ever defended you like he’s defending her right now?
If yes, from my point of view, you have nothing to worry about because your hubby is simply a defensive person. Maybe you didn’t quite pay attention to it until now, but now it is torturing you because it involved another woman.
You’re jealous, and that’s completely normal. We all get a bit jealous when our partners have friendly relationships with members of the opposite sex.
No entanto, o meu conselho em matéria de relações é que deve controlar os seus ciúmes e impedir que estes arruínem o seu casamento. Substitui o teu ciúme pela compreensão.
2. His ‘white knight syndrome’ is prevailing his feelings
Já ouviu falar da síndrome do cavaleiro branco? Bem, não são muitas as pessoas que têm esta caraterística, mas talvez o seu homem faça parte desse grupo de pessoas raras e preciosas.
Talvez o seu marido sinta que precisa de proteger essa outra mulher de todos os outros que não concordam com ela. Por outras palavras, ele pode estar a fazê-lo apenas porque tem pena dela.
Manutenção de um relação saudável with such a man can be challenging, but it’s beyond worth it because you know that you truly have a good, kind-hearted guy by your side.
3. He really agrees with her and can’t go against his opinion
Um dos cenários possíveis pode ser o facto de o seu marido partilhar realmente a opinião dela e precisar simplesmente de admitir que concorda com ela.
However, that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a good sign that he is a truly honest person who chooses to stay honest, even when he is aware that it might have bad consequences for him.
In your husband’s defense, I’m a pretty strong-willed and fair person too. I can’t keep quiet when I think someone is wrong, just as I always must support someone who is right about something.
4. He just wants to stand up to you and show you that you can’t control him
Alguma vez tentou controlar o seu marido? Alguma vez afectou a decisão dele ou tentou obrigá-lo a cortar a comunicação com as suas amigas ou colegas de trabalho do sexo oposto?
If yes, this may simply be his way of showing you that you can’t control him. Por outras palavras, talvez o seu marido esteja a defender outra mulher por revolta.
Se quiser ter um casamento saudável, nunca deve tentar controlar ou proibir o seu parceiro de fazer o que quer que seja. Deve sempre tentar encontrar uma forma de resolver esses problemas de uma forma saudável, através de uma comunicação saudável e de um compromisso.
5. He’s having an emotional affair with her
Esta é de longe a pior coisa e a mais terrível razão pela qual o seu marido defende outra mulher. He might be choosing her over you because he’s having an emotional affair with her and wants to break up with you because of her.
Se for esse o caso, tem de o deixar ir. Ele que a escolha because it’s obvious that what you two had was never amor verdadeiro. E isso abrir-lhe-á a porta para conhecer o homem certo, a sua alma gémea.
Sei que o amas e que pensas que a tua vida acabará se o perderes. However, trust me, that’s not true because the only thing that will make your life a living hell is holding onto a man who is in love with another woman.
Como é que sabe se o seu marido sente algo por outra mulher?
Female intuition is more powerful than you know. So, when your husband starts catching feelings for another woman, you’ll simply feel it.
You may try to silence your gut feeling, but sooner or later, you’ll have to face it and come to terms with it. Of course, you’ll see many red flags that will only confirm what your gut feeling is trying to tell you.
You’ll notice that ele parece distante because he’ll be with you physically, but his heart and mind will be with the other woman. He might also become disrespectful and try to push you away.
He’ll stop showing affection, and a intimidade física entre vós desaparecerá completamente. In the end, he’ll have to admit it to you because he won’t be able to live with it.
Em resumo
I’ll admit, it’s incredibly hard to keep calm when your husband defends another woman. That rush of emotions is something that can’t be controlled all that easily.
No entanto, é preciso encontrar uma forma de manter a calma e a cabeça fria. Controlar as suas emoções; otherwise, they might make you do something you’ll probably regret later.
