I know how painful, confusing, and beyond overwhelming it can be when your husband defends another woman. You start questioning everything… Him, your marriage, his feelings for you, everything you went through together…
It happened to me once, and it’s a feeling I would never want any woman to experience ever. That’s why I know how you are feeling right now, and all I can say to you based on my own experience is that it doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing.
I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did, a mistake that almost cost me my marriage and the man I loved and still love the most. Stay with me because I’m going to help you find the right way to deal with it and find out what’s going on there.
7 Things To Do When Your Husband Defends Another Woman
1. First of all, calm down
Don’t react immediately. Control yourself, or your anger will control you and make you do something you won’t be proud of once you cool down.
Before accusing your husband of disrespecting you, you need to give him a chance to explain his behavior. There must be a reason why he’s defending the other woman, and you won’t hear it if you act on your impulses.
2. Confront him about it
Talk with your husband about it. Don’t try to suppress your emotions because he needs to know how it made you feel.
Besides, if you suppress those emotions, they will eventually find a way out, and it’ll most definitely cause conflict between you and your husband.
Just tell him how you feel about it and ask him to explain why he does it. In a healthy marriage, spouses should try to solve all the issues between them through healthy communication.
3. Find out what your husband’s motives are for defending her
The famous marriage coach, Ngina Otiende, says, “When you feel like your husband is defending another woman, make sure to rule out assumptions. Don’t assume his silence or lack of enthusiasm means something it doesn’t. Instead of filling in the gaps, find out what he truly thinks.”
Meaning, you shouldn’t jump to conclusions because you can never be sure of their authenticity. You need to ask him to justify his actions with a good and, most importantly, truthful reason.
Is she his best friend or someone he really appreciates and cares for? Does he really think her opinion is right? There are many possible reasons why he defends her – you just need to get him to admit to the right one.
4. Try to stay objective
I know this is easier said than done because of all the mixed emotions you feel, but if you want to understand your husband’s motives, you need to look at things objectively.
Try to think about her opinion because maybe she’s right after all. Maybe you have really made a mistake, and your husband simply can’t lie to you, no matter how much he loves you.
On the other hand, if you see that something is going on between them, don’t try to justify his defense. If he clearly shows he has romantic feelings for her, accept it, and let him defend her for the rest of his life.
5. If you can’t be supportive, at least try to be understanding
If you decide to stand behind your opinion and can’t support her yourself, at least try to understand your husband’s motives and why he is doing it.
Understanding is one of the key principles of a healthy marriage.
If there is no understanding, trust between spouses can never be strong, and that will lead their marriage to an end, despite the strong feelings they have for each other.
6. Think about the way he’s defending the other woman
The way your husband tries to defend her is crucial.
If he just says that she’s right and offers an explanation for it, it would simply mean that he really agrees with her and can’t go against his opinion.
On the other hand, if he tries to defend her to the hilt without even wanting to hear your opinion, it’s a clear red flag that something is off.
Maybe he has feelings for her or, even worse, maybe he’s cheating on you with her.
7. Make sure they’re really JUST friends
What is your husband’s relationship with that woman? Are they close friends, co-workers, or something else?
Go through his social media and see if there are any potential red flags that something is happening between the two of them.
Also, pay attention to how both of them behave when they’re together. If they’re having an emotional affair, you’ll find proof of it sooner or later.
If they’re truly just friends, then you have nothing to be worried about. He loves both of you, and maybe he just thinks that he’s doing the right thing by being honest and defending the side he thinks is right.
5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do When Your Husband Defends Another Woman
I’ve learned from my own mistakes, and now, I’ll share that knowledge with you. So, pay close attention, and please don’t make any stupid mistakes like these below that could really destroy your marriage.
1. Don’t react in the heat of the moment
As I said above, you should really try to restrain yourself and control your temper. Reacting while you’re feeling overwhelmed by your emotions can make you do things that may have the most awful consequences on your marriage.
You’ll say things that you don’t actually mean and do things that you would never normally do. Take some time to process it all and then decide how to deal with the situation.
2. Overreacting will only make things worse
Now is definitely not the time to let your inner drama queen out. As much as the jealousy hits you, try to remain calm and listen to what your husband has to say.
When you think about it, what can you achieve by overreacting? You will only start a fight with your man and most probably get the sharp end of the stick.
3. Don’t try to control or change his opinion
You can agree or disagree with his opinion in general, but there’s only one thing you should never do: try to affect it or make him disregard his opinion because of you.
It’s something your man will never forgive you for because he’ll feel like you’re trying to use his feelings for you to control him. Actually, this is something you probably wouldn’t forgive him for either.
4. Accusing him of cheating can seriously damage your marriage
When your husband defends another woman, it can really start affecting your self-esteem and your general mental health. It can make you see something that isn’t true at all.
The fact is, there is nothing wrong when married people have friends or when they have different views and opinions about certain things.
So, before you point your finger at your husband and accuse him of being unfaithful to you, think carefully about it. Don’t let your jealousy stand between you and ruin the trust you have built throughout your marriage.
5. Don’t ever blame the other woman, no matter what happens
Even if your husband has really caught feelings for the other woman, and even if he leaves you because of her, you should never blame her for any of that.
Indulging in an emotional affair with a married man does make her a bad person, but she’ll get what she deserves one day. You’re not the one who is supposed to punish her for her bad deeds.
However, the only culprit in this story is your husband, and you need to accept it. He’s the one who hurt you and betrayed your love. Whatever your feelings, they should be directed towards him, not the other woman.
When Your Husband Defends Another Woman: 5 Possible Reasons
I also want to help you understand some possible reasons why your husband defends another woman. The truth is, understanding your husband’s motives can help you cope with it.
1. He’s a defensive person by nature
Have you ever noticed that your husband defends his close friends and family members in a similar way? Has he ever defended you like he’s defending her right now?
If yes, from my point of view, you have nothing to worry about because your hubby is simply a defensive person. Maybe you didn’t quite pay attention to it until now, but now it is torturing you because it involved another woman.
You’re jealous, and that’s completely normal. We all get a bit jealous when our partners have friendly relationships with members of the opposite sex.
However, my relationship advice is that you should control your jealousy and stop it from ruining your marriage. Replace your jealousy with understanding.
2. His ‘white knight syndrome’ is prevailing his feelings
Have you ever heard of the white knight syndrome? Well, not many people have this trait, but maybe your man is in that group of rare and precious peeps.
Maybe your husband feels that he needs to protect that other woman from all the others who disagree with her. In other words, he might be doing it just because he feels sorry for her.
Maintaining a healthy relationship with such a man can be challenging, but it’s beyond worth it because you know that you truly have a good, kind-hearted guy by your side.
3. He really agrees with her and can’t go against his opinion
One of the possible scenarios could be that your husband really shares her opinion and simply needs to admit that he agrees with her.
However, that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a good sign that he is a truly honest person who chooses to stay honest, even when he is aware that it might have bad consequences for him.
In your husband’s defense, I’m a pretty strong-willed and fair person too. I can’t keep quiet when I think someone is wrong, just as I always must support someone who is right about something.
4. He just wants to stand up to you and show you that you can’t control him
Have you ever tried to control your husband? Have you ever affected his decision or tried to make him cut off communication with his female friends or co-workers of the opposite sex?
If yes, this may simply be his way of showing you that you can’t control him. In other words, maybe your husband is defending another woman out of revolt.
If you want a healthy marriage, you should never try to control or forbid your partner from doing anything. You should always try to find a way to resolve those issues in a healthy way, through healthy communication and by compromise.
5. He’s having an emotional affair with her
This is by far the worst thing and the most awful reason why your husband defends another woman. He might be choosing her over you because he’s having an emotional affair with her and wants to break up with you because of her.
If this is the case, then you need to let him go. Let him choose her because it’s obvious that what you two had was never true love. And that will open the door for you to meet the right man, your soulmate.
I know you love him and think that your life will be over if you lose him. However, trust me, that’s not true because the only thing that will make your life a living hell is holding onto a man who is in love with another woman.
How Do You Know If Your Husband Has Feelings For Another Woman?
Female intuition is more powerful than you know. So, when your husband starts catching feelings for another woman, you’ll simply feel it.
You may try to silence your gut feeling, but sooner or later, you’ll have to face it and come to terms with it. Of course, you’ll see many red flags that will only confirm what your gut feeling is trying to tell you.
You’ll notice that he seems distant because he’ll be with you physically, but his heart and mind will be with the other woman. He might also become disrespectful and try to push you away.
He’ll stop showing affection, and the physical intimacy between you will disappear completely. In the end, he’ll have to admit it to you because he won’t be able to live with it.
I’ll admit, it’s incredibly hard to keep calm when your husband defends another woman. That rush of emotions is something that can’t be controlled all that easily.
However, you need to find a way to stay calm and keep a cool head. Be in control of your emotions; otherwise, they might make you do something you’ll probably regret later.