Perhaps the most dreaded thing about entering into a new relationship is the inevitability of uncertainty. And yet it’s a natural part of every relationship, romantic or not, and therefore unavoidable.
If you feel like you need some direct answers as to why you and your partner aren’t gelling, you’re sick of trying to read his mind all the time, or you can’t understand why you two aren’t communicating as you should, you’re certainly not alone.
The question is – how can you get what you need from this connection and from your partner without pulling away? Often, when we feel frustrated, we inadvertently distance ourselves and end up hurting the person we care about, maybe permanently.
If we feel awkward expressing what we need, not doing so at all is definitely not the answer. There are effective ways to manage difficult conversations, so your bond can grow stronger rather than abruptly dissolving. Don’t let doubt take over.
Learn how to be assertive without being overly aggressive, so you can build trust in the pairing and withstand even the most difficult times.
Relationships by their very nature can be scary. They can incite a rollercoaster of emotions. Fear of a loss of independence, of heartbreak, of losing yourself or your partner in the process, are all very real. This is because you cannot control another person. You only have control over yourself and your half of the whole.
Learning to set boundaries is vital so others understand what you are willing to accept and what you’re not without being too forceful and pushing away.
It’s important to remember that no one, yourself included, is perfect, and you can’t expect to change anyone over time. Never enter into a relationship thinking you’ll be able to “fix” your partner’s flaws and everything will “eventually” be perfect. That’s simply not the case.
If there are things in the very beginning that you would consider to be red flags, walk away. Those things that gave you pause at the start aren’t likely to simply dissipate with time.
You can stop obsessing about the unknown by improving communication, however, rather than pulling away whenever you get a bad vibe from the other person. There may be things that come up which don’t sit well with you but aren’t necessarily significant enough to justify throwing in the towel. These are the things that can improve with healthy interaction.
By learning to stand your ground while being willing to listen to your partner’s side of the story and remaining open to compromise, you can build a solid foundation. This way you’re not always walking away, left alone, trying to figure out when that perfect person might show up.
It’s important to make time for some self-reflection, too. If you are always the one walking away feeling defeated and as if you’ll never find someone who will make you happy, you have to try to understand where this perspective is coming from.
Be honest with yourself and willing to recognize unhealthy patterns that you can work through to improve your romantic life.
If you’ve recently entered into a new relationship and are having second thoughts, take the time to reflect on your current relationship and what you like and dislike about it. You can ask yourself the following to see if your connection is worth hanging onto or if it’s truly not right for you:
How do I feel about this person? Do I truly care for him?
Am I the right person for him?
Do I want to make him happy?
When this person is happy, does it make me happy in return?
Do I miss him when he’s gone?
Can I trust him?
If you have genuine feelings for this person but are still feeling as if you should walk away, ask yourself what’s missing. What’s lacking? What could be improved?
If you think can improve things by effectively communicating with the other person, give it a try.
If you’re stuck on something that you are not comfortable discussing, is this also something that you can live without? If not, and if your partner cannot offer it to you, maybe it truly is time to move on.
The bottom line is, all relationships take work, and some work better than others. However, you’ll have to stay open and honest with yourself.
If you’re always walking away, wondering when you’ll meet that perfect person who will make you happy indefinitely, is there something about yourself that is causing continual disappointment? Sometimes a greater self-understanding is all you need to understand how to make a connection last.