I’ve wasted years of my life on you and now I realize I don’t even know you. I don’t know who you are because of your lies.
I don’t know who the person I loved for so long was. Did I ever see your true face or have I loved someone imaginary all of this time?
When I first met you, I thought you were perfect.
You presented yourself as a loving and caring guy who would move the world for my sake. I didn’t believe you at first, but you tried very hard to convince me that you were the one for me.
You were telling me that you were different than all the other guys and that I should trust you. And you tried to show me that, as well.
You were giving me more attention and love than anyone before you. Even though I didn’t want to give myself completely to you, you were chasing me.
You just wouldn’t give up on me. You were always there for me and always ready to help me with my problems.
And after a while, although an inside voice was telling me that you are too good to be true, I allowed myself to believe in your love.
I let my guard down. I tore all of my walls and I let you completely in.
But, instead of enjoying our love together, this was when you changed.
All of a sudden, I started noticing your lies and deceptions. At first, those were all white lies and I wasn’t taking your lying seriously.
But later, I saw you were nothing like the man you reassured me you were. I guess you saw that you had me completely, so you thought it was time to show all of your true colors.
Yes, you were right, you were not like all the other guys. You were much worse.
I know there are some things most men lie about, but you lied about literally everything—about the little things and about the big ones.
That is when I understood that lying is in your nature. You wanted to hide your real personality, trying to present yourself as sinless.
But, the truth was completely different. You were actually leading a double life all of this time.
You were a player who lied to my face , a man who was cheating on me for years and it took me a long time to realize that. Even when I had signs, when I knew something was wrong, I didn’t want to accept the truth.
You may say I was foolish for believing you when everything was pretty much clear, but I had no other choice. I knew how much I loved you and I thought I couldn’t live without you.
But, I also couldn’t stand being with someone who was lying to me and who was constantly cheating on me. So, I decided it was better to start lying to myself and pretending like I knew nothing about your deceptions.
But, that state I was in couldn’t last forever.
Sooner or later, I had to face with truth. I had to understand that you were never completely honest with me, that you were only using me to boost your ego, that none of those girls were your friends or colleagues and that you would do it all over again.
I had to understand that even your “I love you” was a lie. Because you don’t lie to a person you love .
You were never man enough to admit to all of your wrong doings and you were never mature enough to take responsibility for your actions.
We all make mistakes in life and I would probably forgive you for most of yours, just if you were honest with me.
But, when you lied to me, you took away the liberty of choice for me. You made decisions on my behalf and you insulted my intelligence , assuming that I would never get to the bottom of your deceptions.
You didn’t lie by accident— it was your repeated decision to lie to me consciously and that is something I can never forgive you for.
After a lot of time, I’ve finally had enough. After I caught you lying so many times, after I’ve given you the benefit of the doubt for more times than you deserved, I came to the point where I couldn’t stand looking at myself in the mirror anymore.
I just couldn’t believe that I allowed you to feed me with your lies and that I acted like I was enjoying it. I started feeling sorry for myself and I was afraid I’d lose my mind.
You see, in order to survive, I had to create this imaginary reality in which you were an honest man who deserved my respect.
In that alternative reality, all of your lies were just misunderstandings, all of your excuses made perfect sense and you weren’t undermining my intelligence by constantly trying to deceive me. In that kind of scenario, you were the man we both wanted you to be.
But, the reality is completely different. The reality is that you will never change and that you’ll never respect me enough to start telling me the truth, no matter how harsh it is.
So, this is me telling you I’m done . I’ve had more than enough of your lies and it’s time for me to walk away from you. I gave you enough chances and you played with all of them.
And no, you will not get my forgiveness. Even if I could forgive you for lying to me and cheating on me, I could never forgive you for turning me into the pessimistic, paranoid woman I am today.
And we both know I deserved more from you.