Going through a breakup is never easy, but dealing with it in a healthy way can make the post-breakup period less dreadful.
Sure, hardly anyone ever deals perfectly with a breakup. Most people will make at least one mistake, leading them to feel even worse about their whole situation.
Take a look at these 7 most common post-breakup mistakes and try not make them yourself.
1. Minimizing your post-breakup emotions
Everyone feels bad after splitting up. You might think you are proving to be strong and stable by minimizing your emotions, but no one expects you to do so.
It’s perfectly normal to feel sad – even devastated. Accept your emotions, they are valid. Burying them will only cause some serious passive-aggressive behavior on your side.
2. Seeking closure
Closure after a relationship can be perfectly healthy, but ending a relationship and then trying to immediately have the “closure talk” is just you wanting to spend more time with your ex.
We all know the feeling. You broke up and it suddenly hit you how much you actually miss them in your everyday life.
A part of you hopes that a long talk will help solve all of your problems and get back together, but that’s not what you need right now.
The time for closure talk will come – probably months or even years after the breakup – when you least expect it.
Don’t call them to have that talk. You’ll end up hurting yourself and possibly your ex even more.
3. Trying to immediately be friends
Maybe you two can eventually go back to being friendly after you’ve completely moved on from your breakup, but right after ending a relationship is not the time to try to be friends.
Your emotions are still raw and everything is still way too fresh. All the pain inside of you won’t go away just like that.
Let’s be honest. Your “friendly” relationship would be a disguise for getting to spend time with them and casually trying to make everything okay between you two.
It’s best if you have no contact with your ex for a while… If you’re meant to be friends, the time for that will come after you’ve resolved all of your emotions regarding your ex and the relationship.
4. Moving on too soon
Most people say that the best way to get over a relationship is to start a new one.
Looking for a rebound might make you feel like you’re getting over your ex very quickly, but in reality you’re just passing time until your huge breakdown.
Take some time to think about everything that happened between you and your ex. Make sure you reflect on what your mistakes in the relationship were in order to never repeat them again.
Getting back on the horse after a split is a good thing, but don’t try to do it too quickly, otherwise you’ll end up hurting yourself more once your rebound relationship fails to fill your expectations.
5. Social media stalking
Just yesterday you were posting a pic of you two sharing a bowl of spaghetti and today you’re sitting alone aggressively refreshing their profile, looking for something new and unexpected.
It feels like you have the compulsive urge to check everything that gets out on their social media accounts, yet this not only makes you obsess over your ex but also prolongs your pain.
Stop snooping around. Nothing good can come from it. Devote your time to something liberating and refreshing. Take a long bath, read a book, go out for a walk… Find a way to stop yourself from stalking your ex.
6. Planning revenge
If you and your ex partner ended your relationship on bad terms and they hurt you intentionally, you might be thinking about finding a way to hurt them back.
You might think that humiliating them or making them feel as broken as you feel right now will make you feel better, but it probably won’t.
Take the high road. Deal with your emotions in a healthy way. Talk to your best friend or even seek professional help if you can’t seem to get over whatever happened.
7. Constantly thinking about what could’ve been
If it could’ve been, it would’ve been. Honestly, stop dwelling on the idea you have in your mind about how perfectly things might have turned out between you and your ex.
You obviously had issues you didn’t know how to solve.
Right after the breakup you’re going through a turmoil of emotions, which can sometimes make you forget how your relationship really looked like and see things in some new, idealized light.
Move on. The perfect scenario you have in your head is possible – just not with that exact person.