Wouldn’t it be nice if we were all simply born with self-confidence? Our insecurities wouldn’t matter because we would always want to grow and we wouldn’t be afraid of certain situations because we would know that we’re capable of so many awesome things. Lucky for you, me and the entire world that confidence can be learned and we can make it grow with a couple of tricks. Sometimes people even try to find their confidence by always searching but seemingly never finding the right way. That’s why I’d like to say that true confidence comes from the core.

What is core confidence?

Core confidence is your underlying self-efficacy. You’ve probably heard how someone complimented a woman or even you by saying that she is (or you are) very situationally confident. This means that you are good at talking to men. You see, that doesn’t necessary mean that you’re confident, right? You might be wondering what the difference is. Well, with core confidence, you go into every situation in life with complete self-assurance and even if you fail, it won’t make you doubt yourself that you will do better next time. People with core confidence aren’t arrogant because they’re not overestimating themselves, but rather know how good they are and that they still have space to grow. The thing is that people with core confidence are more likely to take risks in life and they’ll be able to face failure much more easily because each negative outcome is not life-shattering. People with core confidence will just say something like ,”Too bad. Better luck next time.”, pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and confidently take the next risk.

If you are still thinking about how you don’t have enough core confidence or any at all, don’t be scared—it can be learned and managed in a couple of very easy steps.

1. Be fearless

Let’s get it out of the way right at the beginning: You are going to fail! Sorry to break it to you this way, but it’s the truth. You will fail. The road to success isn’t made out of rose petals but thorns. If you have big dreams and huge goals in life, of course you are going to feel overwhelmed from time to time and this make you feel insecure, like maybe you’re not meant for that. Believe me, you can do whatever you set your mind to and stop thinking that there’s something in this world that can make you lose your hope. Even if certain things intimidate you, do them. Get out there and show the world that you are fearless. No person has ever become successful by sitting at home and waiting for things to happen. They went out into the world! So go get that job! Go get that man! Go get that core confidence!

2. Visualize yourself

When we feel insecure or when we have low-self confidence, it’s most probably because we have a poor perception of ourselves. How about you stop for a moment and imagine yourself being the awesome person you want to become? Stop and think about it. What does the perfect you look like? What is the perfect you doing in your life? It’ll put a smile on your face to know that it’s achievable. Also, the moment you see the goal clearly, the path will show itself, too. What actions do you need to take to get to that goal? Well, don’t sit around.Start working on yourself to become that bad-ass, leveled-up version of the person you are right now.

3. Question your inner critic

Having an inner critic is awesome—when it’s rational! We all have the tendency to overthink situations that most probably won’t ever occur and that will make us feel bad about ourselves before we even start doing something. Question everything that brings you down. Are you really not capable of doing a certain task or are you simply scared that you won’t be good enough? Whether you don’t want to start a conversation with the man you’re interested in or you aren’t able to face the man that’s been behaving awful to you, the specific situation is not the issue. The problem is in your mind. You are strong enough and you are worthy enough. Stop thinking that just because your mind says that you’re not able to do something that it’s the truth.

4. Compliment others

What do insecure people always do? They bring other people down with them. When people don’t have the confidence needed to boost their self-esteem, they use that negativity to make others feel bad about themselves as well. Don’t do that. Compliment others about the things you are most insecure about. Tell them that they’ve done a great job or that they look wonderful today. Of course, don’t overdo it—it’ll make you seem desperate for affection. Be nice to people. Help them accomplish their goals. It’ll make you feel better about yourself.

5. Wear the clothes that make you feel happy

This one is a bit superficial but it can help with your core confidence. You know how? Well, if you feel comfortable and beautiful, you automatically walk and talk differently. Also, experiment around with different styles that make you feel the most like yourself. When you dress like yourself, you won’t have the ability to question your body or your appearance.

6. Get to know yourself

‘Know yourself and you will win all battles,’ said the Chinese military strategist,Sun Tzu and he was right. To know yourself means to know your strengths and weaknesses. It means that you know exactly what you’re capable of and you know in which areas you’re lacking so you can improve them. Spend some time alone. Go out to dinner with yourself and write. Write about yourself. Your goals, dreams, your thoughts and your emotions. Believe me, once you write down your achievements, your perspective will change and this is the moment you’ll feel more confident than ever.

7. Get things done

OK, writing things down, wearing nice clothes and visualizing yourself are all awesome steps to being more confident. But to be honest with you, in my opinion here is the most important step of them all: GET THINGS DONE! Set a small goal you want to achieve every day and carry through. At the end of the day, when you come home after a long day of work or simply lie in bed knowing that you have done something for yourself or someone else, you will see that day as very fulfilling and you will feel good about yourself. If you do this in a continuum, you’ll start seeing that you achieve many little goals per day and it’ll make you proud of yourself in the long-run!

8. Make the first move

This article can be your first move to core confidence, but what if we’re talking about a man you like? Why aren’t you willing to make the first move? You think you’re not good enough? Pretty enough? Worthy enough? Well stop! There is this stereotype that women aren’t supposed to ask a guy out, but why not try it? You will be able to see yourself from a whole new perspective. You won’t feel comfortable, for sure. But keep in mind that comfort zones are nice, but nothing ever grows there. I think that you really want to get your core confidence that you haven’t really felt before, so why not try and find it in a place where you’ve never searched before?

9. Don’t think about failure

We stop ourselves from doing so many amazing things because we think about the outcome. You don’t go out into the world and you don’t do things that you love or things that you’d love to try, just because you’re afraid of failure. So what if that guy rejects you? His fault. Or maybe he’s simply not looking for a commitment right now and even if he doesn’t find you attractive enough for some reason, it’s not your fault! You were brave enough to make the move that scared you for far too long and you need to be proud of yourself! Stop thinking about failure and stop feeling unattractive. 

10. Stand up for yourself

You might be an introvert who doesn’t want to be loud in crowds or doesn’t want to make problems, but if someone’s asking for them by insulting you or making you feel inferior, tell them. Show people that they can’t mess around with you and express your opinions. Don’t be afraid you might lose friends or a partner because if they really did respect you, they’d respect your opinions and never question them. But, just to be sure—have good arguments. Educate yourself about something you’re passionate about. Guard yourself from people who make you wonder if you’re capable enough or worthy enough. It doesn’t matter how confident you are: if you’re surrounded by negative people, they will drag you down with them.

11. Empower yourself with knowledge

Knowledge is power, so why not use it? Research new things and read a book at least once a day for a couple of minutes. It’ll make you realise that you have done something for yourself and for your confidence. If you read good books, you’ll see that people who have confidence actually have better results in their career and their love life. You can also read books about being the best version of yourself. You can go through every topic that you want to know more about and it’ll help you be more and more confident when you’re talking with other people, but it’ll also make you stop doubting yourself.

Throughout this entire article, you’ve seen that the most important thing above it all is to be yourself—to compliment yourself on the things you’re good at and to not be ashamed of the things you can’t influence. Research the things you love, wear the clothes you feel amazing in and stand up for what you believe in. It’s all about you right now and don’t forget that!