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How To Recognize A Serial Dater And Spot Red Flags

How To Recognize A Serial Dater And Spot Red Flags

Yes, it’s true that modern dating has brought us great advantages but also disadvantages, and one of them is serial daters. (No, they have nothing to do with serial killers except that they are killers of true romance.)

A serial dater is someone who avoids any serious relationships, catching feelings and establishing meaningful connections. Instead, they prefer casual dates, fun, sex, and zero responsibilities.

Serial daters are highly skilled at getting what they want, and their “manipulative skill set” improves with every new date. They know exactly what to do and what to say to charm their “victims” and make them believe their romance is heading toward something more serious.

These people live for the thrill of the chase that comes with online dating and meeting new individuals. They literally become addicted to meeting the next person and going on the next date over and over again.

So, yes, you’re bound to meet a serial dater at least once in your life, and when that happens, you better be prepared.

With that said, here, you’ll learn everything you need to know about serial daters, their mindset, types, and how to spot one in both virtual and real life!

How Can You Tell If Someone Is A Serial Dater?

Serial daters avoid the commitment and responsibility that come with relationships and meaningful romances. They prefer one-night stands, parties, and all types of casual hookups, including ‘friends with benefits.’

The accent is on chase, having fun, and fulfilling their physical needs.

Yes, it would be perfect if we had some sort of device that could spot toxic people, but I’m afraid we haven’t evolved enough for that to happen (yet). So, the best I (and the rest of the world) can do for you is give you some examples of their behavior to help you spot them:

Online dating is their favorite hobby

The easiest way to meet someone new is through dating apps, of course. That is why there are so many serial daters on both dating sites and apps. They live for the excitement of meeting someone new and everything that comes with it, including the first date.

Needless to say that they are not interested in long-term relationships. What gives them satisfaction is that they succeeded in seducing that one person and convinced them to go on a date with them.

So, the other person might think they’re about to enter a new relationship when in reality, they’re about to enter a “serial dater-ship” that comes with lots of struggle and pain (assuming they caught feelings for the serial dater).

They enjoy the thrill of the chase

The thrill of the chase is one of the main reasons they act the way they do. Serial daters prefer chasing people who are less experienced because they are easier to manipulate.

They shower them with compliments, interesting conversations, and undivided attention. They also do their best to learn all about your lifestyle, problems, and personality traits.

And no, they don’t do this because they’re genuinely interested in getting to know you better but because they want to connect with you physically (if you catch my drift).

When you have feelings for someone who clearly isn’t on the same page as you (and will never be), dealing with heartbreak becomes inevitable. The more people they seduce, the more powerful they feel. We’re talking about an endless chain of seducing and moving on to the next potential “victim.”

Manipulation is their weapon

Manipulation is present right from the beginning of texting with the other person. They make sure to be as charming as possible in the virtual world so that they can “earn” the first date (or a couple of dates with that person).

When we put it like that, it looks like there’s nothing wrong with their mindset. Well, the problem lies in their intention.

They aren’t wired to think about feelings or anything else that includes the word ‘long-term.’

Instead, they are focused on the sheer excitement of meeting someone new and using manipulation tactics to hook up with them.

What they want from the other person are sex and attention. If the other person wants the same thing, then we have a match. But if they don’t, then we have a problem.

See also: Why Do People Date? 13 Most Common And Logical Reasons

4 Most Common Signs Of A Serial Dater

To spot legit serial daters, you need to pay attention to their personality traits and actions. Here are the most common signs of a serial dater that will help you recognize one:

1. Massive confidence

Serial daters don’t have problems with prolonged eye contact, showering you with compliments, or doing anything else that is linked with their high levels of self-confidence.

After all, their primary goal is to impress you, which is why they have to present themselves in the best possible light.

They are thoughtful, charismatic, and they listen to you carefully. Both their words and actions accentuate their confidence and boost their seduction game.

But will they ever be ready for a new relationship? I don’t think so. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be called serial daters, right?

2. Bragging tendencies

Talking about their past relationships and sexual exploits is their way of mentally teasing you and seducing you. They want to instill the idea of them being perfect lovers into your brain.

Why? Because they want you to see them as your potential partner. Wait, but are they willing to reciprocate and enter a committed relationship with you?

Of course, they aren’t. Their bragging tendencies are just a manipulation tool they use to get what they want, which certainly isn’t a serious relationship.

Here’s one of the top quotes about manipulation that confirms all this:

“The basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words. If you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use them.” – Philip K. Dick

3. Plenty of promises

This is one of the most obvious signs of a serial dater. We already know the drill. They promise you the world (New York, Rome, or Paris), and they spoil you and make you feel valued and important.

They make you feel like you’re the missing piece of the puzzle they need to feel complete. The more they promise you, the more you feel like you’re a part of their world.

When you start suspecting that something is off, they cover up their selfish intentions with love poems or cute text messages.

4. Lies and deceit

Obviously, a committed relationship is not on their list, but they still give you hope that this is the beginning of something more serious.

When you are scared, they are there for you. When you start suspecting the validity of their words and gestures, they reassure you that you’re imagining things.

I’ll tell you only two things:

If your gut is telling you that something’s not right with the person you’re dating (and their actions confirm it), then there’s no reason to doubt yourself.

4 Types Of Serial Dater

There isn’t only one type of serial daters but different types of people can fit this role. I will explain them to you one by one, so you can recognize them on Tinder, other dating sites, or in bars and the street.

1. The romantic type

The romantic type is the kind of person who uses presents, candles, and flowers to get what they want. This type constantly seduces you with a romantic environment, talks softly, and expresses feelings in a gentle way.

“A hopeless romantic” even cries in front of you, calls you the love of their life, and sends I miss you texts 15 minutes after your date.

This type knows how to make you feel special and wanted. They express their “true love” with romantic gestures to sell you on the illusion of true romance. Everything begins to look like a serious relationship, but it’s actually a legit fake romance.

2. The free spirit type

This type likes to make their own norms and rules in real life and the dating world.

A free spirit is a bit of a rebel with great interpersonal skills and an adventurous spirit. They live for trying new things, adrenalin, and dangerous stuff.

Their motto is YOLO, and they seldom think of any consequences. They enjoy traveling around the world and meeting various people. Their careless attitude is what attracts other people to them.

They sell you feelings of excitement, a YOLO lifestyle, and fun. Their free spirit motivates you to start seeing them as inspiring potential partners.

3. The confident type

The confident types know exactly what they’re doing, and they’re so skillful at it that you often can’t even see their manipulative side in the background.

When they behave like that, some people call them arrogant, but most people respect them. They are not quitters, and their attitude is extremely powerful.

They don’t see other men and women as a threat, and jealousy simply does not exist in their life. They are often stubborn, and seeking validation from others is not their thing. Well, that’s what makes them so attractive to others.

The thing is, people are naturally attracted to leaders and confident people, so they often fail to see the signs of a serial dater in them.

4. The caring type

The caring type is the kind of person that everyone wants to have in their life. They take their dates to fancy restaurants (or prepare meals for them), they make them laugh, and always put the other person’s needs before their own.

When you are feeling off, they turn into the most sensitive beings in the world because their holy duty is to make you feel better.

They care about your wishes and preferences more than they care about other women or men (well, at least, for the time being).

5. The gentlemen type

This kind of person has gentlemanly manners – a proven method of seduction. They express themselves uniquely, and they always dress and smell nice. Their sentences are full of heartwarming compliments and plans that include you (and not somebody else).

They are capable of making women feel like true ladies. A charming and well-raised gentleman will make you feel appreciated, wanted, and taken care of.

He won’t hesitate to introduce you to his friends and family either, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s ready for a long-term relationship.

6. The artist type

The artist type is spontaneous, free-spirited, talented, and creative. Whether they sing, play an instrument, write, paint, or dance, they won’t fail to impress you.

These souls have a tendency to look at things from a different perspective, and they are great at expressing their feelings in the most unique ways.

Their creativity is their main weapon, so don’t be surprised when they write you an emotional love letter or a romantic poem. The reason a lot of people fall for this type is that they enjoy being their muse.

7. The intelligent & funny type

Who doesn’t like intelligent and humorous people? Exactly. We all want to hang out with someone who can make us laugh and teach us new perspectives.

That is why this type attracts lots of potential partners. Whether it is in real life or online dating, their intellectual abilities are impeccable.

They are good listeners and advisers, and everybody likes them (including your family members).

If you ever cry in front of them, they will make you laugh and playfully explain why you shouldn’t be sad. This kind of person will impress you with their intellect and seduce you with their sense of humor.

Serial Daters vs. Serial Monogamists

Serial daters are different from serial monogamists who jump from one relationship to another without much time in between.

The biggest difference between them is that serial monogamists actually want to be in a committed relationship, but their relationships don’t last long.

Serial monogamists probably hate dating, but they are in love with the feeling of falling in love. These individuals are seldom single, and they constantly chase relationships for the sake of experiencing deep feelings of love.

Psychology Of Serial Dating

Why do serial daters behave the way they do? What triggers them to become manipulative in dating?

First of all, every single serial dater has a unique mindset and personality traits. So, we cannot really generalize things when it comes to the psychology of their behavior.

However, there are two most common reasons why people become serial daters:

They are addicted to power dynamics.

We’re talking about the need to be the dominant partner in dating or relationships. Such serial daters feel the need to be in control of the relationship dynamics and every other situation.

They are addicted to the feeling of manipulating their dating partner and making them feel incapable of functioning without them. Once they win their heart, they withdraw and move to the next “victim.”

Being in control makes them feel powerful, and it boosts their ego. Their main goal is to prove themselves worthy of being with that one person, and when the thrill of the chase is gone, they look for it elsewhere.

They are afraid of being rejected.

Many serial daters have low self-esteem, and the reason they break up with others is due to their fear of rejection. They can’t stand being the one rejected by others, so they choose to do it before their date gets the chance.

In a way, they are protecting themselves from potential heartbreak by switching to dating someone else. They enjoy that somebody wants to be with them, but in most cases, they aren’t willing to reciprocate.

Once they get the attention and desire of the other person, they lose interest in them. Why? As things progress and the situationship (undefined relationship) turns into something more serious, they become afraid of potentially catching feelings for that person.

Can A Serial Dater Settle Down?

Serial daters rarely settle down because they are constantly chasing meaningless romances instead of true love. Committed relationships and settling down doesn’t sound inviting enough to that type of person.

The main reason they are dating is to hook up, attract another person, feed their ego, and move to the next person. Dating sites and online dating are the pinnacles of their love life.

The intention of serial daters revolves around lust, and with every next date, their lust increases while their self-esteem decreases.

They enjoy being the center of attention and giving and receiving compliments. Their dates are mostly short because they get bored easily, and they aren’t interested in spending quality time with you.

They convince you that you are the chosen one, but they do it for the wrong reasons. Their main goal is to make you fall for them for the sake of boosting their self-confidence.

A long-term relationship is not on their list of priorities unless they change their perspective and turn into healthy daters instead of serial daters.

Wrapping It Up

A serial dater is the type of person who isn’t interested in a committed relationship but only in the chase. The most common reason they behave like this is that they are addicted to power dynamics or afraid of being rejected.

There are lots of types of serial daters, and most of them are overly confident. Also, they are pros at lying and manipulating others.

We indeed live in a world where it’s relatively hard to find someone who will give you their heart and fulfill all the romantic dreams and ideals you might have, but you shouldn’t lose hope.

Committed relationships are rare, but they still exist. If you’re looking for a commitment, then be patient and rely on your intuition. And don’t forget to look for the potential red flags that scream you might be stuck in a situationship instead of a potential relationship. Best of luck!