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How To Get Your Ex Back In 13 Steps (And Keep Them)

How To Get Your Ex Back In 13 Steps (And Keep Them)

Wondering how to get your ex back? Welcome to the ex-seekers club, make yourself at home. 😊

Let me guess… So, you probably broke up recently, or you’ve been apart for a long time now, but you still feel like you can’t move on.

No matter what you do, you still end up thinking about THEM.

Their cute habits and facial expressions are “haunting” you on a daily basis, everything reminds you of them, and you can’t imagine going to sleep without having at least one overthinking session about your past relationship with them.

A million and one questions are running through your head: Why did we break up in the first place? Why can’t I stop thinking about them? Should we get back together? Wait, how do I get my ex back?

Simply deleting them from your mind is impossible. Going through the excruciating stages of a breakup is painful. Moving on and forgetting about their existence feels like the biggest curse. Why?

Because you want them back, right?

But before diving deeper into any ‘how to get your ex back’ strategies, first, you need to make sure reuniting with your ex is a good idea.

After that, we’ll go ALL in with things you need to do to get your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend back, and especially things you should NEVER do if you want them back. No, that’s not the end.

Once you get them back, you also need to learn how to make them fall in love with you again, so we’ll go through that too. Well, I hope you’re ready!

Is Getting Back With Your Ex A Good Idea?

the woman stands pensively leaning against the wall

Is reconnecting with an ex a good idea, or should you think twice? I can’t give you a direct answer to this question, but I can point you in the right direction. So, think about all the reasons you want to get back with your ex in the first place.

Is it because you’re feeling lonely at the moment, and nostalgia is a merciless intruder in your daily life? Can’t you deal with the challenges that come with a broken heart? Is it because you’re afraid that you’ll never meet someone like THEM?

If your answer is yes, then you shouldn’t get back with your ex. But if you genuinely still love and miss your ex, then you definitely should.

There’s a thin line between missing someone just because you’re used to feeling their presence and missing someone because you still have feelings for them.

Be honest with yourself, and you’ll find the truth. Still, if your ex hurt you with their abusive behavior, you should think twice before reconnecting with them (especially if they aren’t willing to work on themselves).

Breaking up with someone you love and moving on is sometimes the right thing to do, especially if it negatively influences your well-being.

So, let’s summarize.

You shouldn’t reconnect with your ex just because:

  • You’re nostalgic and scared of moving on.
  • You just want to know if they miss you (but you have no feelings for them).
  • You’re scared of being ‘single forever.’
  • You’re afraid that you’ll never meet anyone like them.
  • You’re going through relationship PTSD because your ex was abusive.

Regarding the last one, you might never meet anyone like them, which is totally okay. You’ll meet the right one for you with whom you’ll form a powerful connection (stronger than the one you had with your ex).

But if you still have feelings for them, and your gut is telling you that reconnecting is the right thing to do, then do it. Win your ex back!

How To Win Your Ex Back

a man and a woman sit at a table and talk

If you’ve strongly and wholeheartedly decided that you want to get your ex back no matter what, and you feel in your gut that it is the right thing to do, it will be my honor to be your guide!

When it comes to getting back together after a breakup, you need to remember one thing: your dignity. To successfully win them back in no time, you should never, ever bring your dignity into question.

Now, what does this mean? It means that you should never beg, go out of your way to win their attention, stalk them, etc.

If you do any of this, I can guarantee you that you will never succeed in getting them back. You will only prolong your pain.

You’ll win your ex back by making them want you back!

The best formula for winning them back is to fall in love with yourself and focus on living your best life.

No matter how weird it sounds, you need to let them know that you’re perfectly fine without them, and you need to give your ex space to miss you.

Trigger their desire to be a part of your life again. You won’t win your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend back if you pressure them to consider reconnection. Also, that wouldn’t be a good basis for establishing a healthy relationship.

Learning how to make your ex want you back is about reconnecting with yourself first. And this is how you do it!

How To Get Your Ex Back: 12 Things You Need To Do

an imaginary woman sits at a table holding a cup in her hand

Getting your ex back is no easy task, but it’s also not impossible.

Rewiring your mindset is required because you need to see this as a process instead of something that you need and will instantly find a positive outcome.

It will take some time until you’re both on the same page (if one of you is indecisive regarding reuniting). So, here are the things you need to do to get your ex back (and keep them).

1. Go “no contact” (for the time being)

Rule #1: Never underestimate the power of silence after a breakup.

If you want to win them back in record time, the first thing you need to do is cut all kinds of communication with them.

This means forgetting about Facebook messages, phone calls, texting them, and any type of social media. You need to strictly stick to the no contact rule for a while! And now you’re probably wondering why.

There are actually two main reasons why you should go “no contact” with your ex:

  • You need to cut off all communication with them to give yourself the time and space needed to process everything that happened. Getting them off your mind for a while will do you good (especially if you were together for a considerable amount of time).
  • You need to distance yourself to create the perfect environment that will draw them to you.

The moment you stop calling or texting them, they will immediately start thinking about you more and wondering your whereabouts and mindset. No response is a response, and it’s a powerful one. This is the main part of learning how to make your ex miss you.

The no contact period will instantly make your ex miss you (without them even being aware of it). And missing something or someone means wanting it back, right?

Pro tip: Don’t fall into an overthinking trap that is filled with questions like What are they thinking during no contact? or Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me? Focus on living in the moment.

2. Assess what went wrong in the relationship

Think about why the two of you broke up in the first place.

Was it because of something that you did (or them), or were there external factors included, such as stress, being in a long-distance relationship, or other people who unapologetically interfered with your romantic relationship?

Did you lack compatibility?

Is there anything that you could improve regarding yourself that will increase your chances of winning them back?

Were you or them guilty of any type(s) of relationship infidelity?

You need to assess what went wrong in the relationship to target the ‘culprit’ and devise the perfect plan to bring them back to you.

A part of that perfect plan is thinking about how you can improve yourself.

Were they feeling neglected because of your incessant partying or working too much? Did you act irresponsibly in one way or another?

Think about it, and once you realize any potential ‘errors’ of yours, start working on them to prove to your ex that you’ve changed.

Getting them back is not about only wanting them back and not lifting a finger to make it happen. It’s about constantly adapting and adjusting to the situation you’re in.

It’s about detecting potential errors and devising the perfect foolproof software—in this case, the relationship.

3. Apologize, if necessary

If you want to learn how to get your ex back, the next thing you need to think about is how you ended your relationship. Did you yell at each other, throw things all over the place and swear that you’d never talk to them again?

Or perhaps you said something that you can’t help but regret?

If you feel like you’re guilty of any of these things, you should consider apologizing to them before proceeding to do anything else.

Many people think that if they apologize to their partner, it will mean that they are weak. But this is not true.

Apologizing means being aware of your mistakes or words said in anger, acknowledging them, and moving on.

Doing this will show them that you’re ready to start a new chapter in your life and forget everything that happened in your past.

This will make them see that you’ve changed, and they will also be suspicious about your current love life, aka whether you started dating someone new or if you’re already in a new relationship.

4. Focus on your needs

a smiling blonde-haired woman stands in the bathroom

The most important thing that you should focus on is what makes you happy. What do you enjoy doing? What brings a smile to your face? There are plenty of little things that make me happy, and I’m sure you also have a list of your own.

Is it a day at the spa, playing video games, a long bath with scented candles, a special cake, buying lingerie or sexy clothes, watching a football game with your friends?

Do whatever makes you happy!

Do not spend time thinking only about them and how to get your ex back because if you do that, you will not succeed in it, or it will take much more time than needed.

You need to focus on today and your happiness instead of living in a world of daydreams. You need to take baby steps.

As long as you’re taking good care of yourself, loving yourself, and doing some soul searching, you will be ten times happier and ten times more attractive.

And your wish is to win them back, right?

Believe me, when it comes to winning your ex back, there’s nothing more effective than showing them that you still ROCK!

5. Show them that you’re happy without them

There’s nothing more frustrating or repulsive than someone being needy and desperate.

If you show your ex that they are the center of your world, and you simply can’t function without them, you will never make them want you back. Instead, you will only push them even further away.

What you need to do is show them that you don’t need them and that you’re perfectly happy without them.

You need to act like you don’t care about them, delete your photos on social media, start posting inspiring photos showing how content and happy you are, etc.

Boost your self-esteem, discover new passions, get out of your comfort zone.

The moment they realize that you’re actually genuinely happy without them in your life, they will want to come back to you because they want to be a part of your happiness too!

6. Improve your lifestyle

I understand that you’re probably going through a tough time, barely finding the strength to get out of bed in the morning, let alone thinking about putting make-up on, shaving your beard, exercising, or something else that requires more than minimal effort.

But you need to understand that working on improving yourself is of high importance if you want to make them want you back.

Consider getting in shape by hitting the gym or exercising at home (thank God there are thousands of exercise videos on YouTube nowadays), be careful of your diet, drink plenty of water and spend time in nature.

All of these things will make you feel instantly better, and it will improve your physical and mental health. Improving yourself means investing in your happiness and well-being, which is an important part of your ex’s decision to come back to you.

7. Make them jealous (in subtle ways)

I know that many of you will not agree with this one, but making someone jealous is sometimes a great idea, and it will benefit you in so many ways.

To do it right, you need to pay attention to how you do it because you don’t want to appear mean or careless.

You want to do it subtly.

To make your ex feel jealous in a subtle way, consider posting photos of you and a friend of the opposite sex (who they don’t know about) on social media. This will instantly make them wonder who the hell that guy/girl is, and their hormones will be on fire.

A healthy amount of jealousy is all about being mysterious about your whereabouts and the people you’re hanging out with.

To spice it up a little bit more, try flirting with other people when your ex is present, just to let them know that you’re still in the game and also to make them think that they will need to work hard if they want to win you back because the competition is strong!

8. Give them their stuff back

the woman packs things

Are you still surrounded by their stuff and things that remind you of them? If you are, you need to consider giving their stuff back to them, and here is why.

Firstly, once you give them their stuff back, you will be ten times happier because you will not constantly think only about them and dwell on your past.

Secondly, returning their stuff will make them think about you more, which is exactly what you need and want, right?

It will remind them of all of those moments when they looked for that perfect gift for you and when they saw you smile when you received them.

They will soon find themselves in a labyrinth of nostalgia for past moments spent with you, which will make them want you back in no time.

Also, they will be afraid that you’re totally over them and that this is why you’re returning all of their stuff. Soon, you’ll realize that your ex still cares and misses you.

9. Widen your horizons

Are there any specific hobbies or activities that you always wanted to try but for some reason didn’t? Well, now is the time to do it!

It’s time to widen your horizons and indulge in different, engaging activities that will bring a smile to your face and make you feel complete.

You can try abstract art, singing, writing, and you can also post it on social media. Don’t just wait for the signs your ex will eventually come back.

When your ex sees how passionate you are about something, they will lose their mind for you, and then they will SURELY want you back!

All you need to do is have fun and find something interesting to do that reflects your passionate side.

You need to let them know that you’re not a couch potato eating tons of ice cream, crying to romantic comedies, and suffering from philophobia. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to judge your lifestyle, but this won’t do you any good in the long run.

10. Wait for the perfect timing to get in touch with them

Many people make the fatal mistake of contacting their ex at the wrong time.

Now, to prevent this from happening, we need to make clear when the wrong time is and when the perfect time to contact your ex is.

The wrong time is, obviously, a day after you broke up, or even a few days or a week after you broke up. Why?

Because you both need time to come to your senses and think about what just happened.

If you want to learn how to get your ex back, you need to recharge and focus on other things instead of just your ex or the reason you broke up in the first place.

The perfect timing would be at least four weeks after your breakup and after you’ve done all of the above things (had some time to yourself and worked on improving yourself).

Then you can consider scheduling a meetup with them, asking them to go for a drink or something similar. When you go on your first date, just focus on enjoying the time spent with them without asking too many questions about rekindling things or your failed relationship.

11. Talk to their friends (or your mutual friends)

If, for some reason, you can’t get in touch with them, or you’re too anxious about it, reach out to their friends instead. This is actually one of the most brilliant ideas when it comes to making them want you back (regardless of the circumstances).

You can simply contact their friends just to see what’s going on in their lives, and in the middle of the conversation, you can switch to the subject of your life or ask something about your ex.

When their friends find out that you’re doing pretty well, there’s a chance that they will want to share that info with your ex as well.

When they find out that you’re perfect on your own, this will trigger their desire to contact you, which is one of the sure signs your ex wants you back.

Their friends will be like intermediaries when it comes to helping you reunite with your ex and confirm that you’re living life to the fullest.

12. Take things slowly

a man talking to a woman

When you start communicating with your ex again or going out on a drink or two, don’t make things too serious. Make sure that they know you’re doing all of it on a friendly basis (well, pretend if you have to).

This is extremely important because you don’t want to make them think that you’re desperate to get back together. This will only pressure them, and it will not do you any good.

So, you need to take things slowly and allow everything to happen naturally. Don’t force conversations about your old relationship when it’s too soon but wait a couple of days or meetings. Trust me, it’s the right way to win them back.

How To Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back: Additional Tips For Girls

an imaginary black-haired woman rested her cheeks on her hands

Will he come back if you leave him alone? When do guys start to miss you after a breakup? Will he regret losing me? Are these and similar questions constantly running through your head? I bet they are.

Many girls think that a guy’s behavior after a breakup looks something like this: “Okay, now that we broke up, I can do whatever I want. *Calling his friends to go drink*.

You might think that guys aren’t so emotional about breaking up and heartbreaks in general because they don’t show it (at least not right after the breakup).

If they still have feelings for you, you will always be on their mind, and they might try to fight their emotions, but in the end, their affection for you will prevail.

So, even if your ex-boyfriend is acting like he’s already moved on with his life, this doesn’t need to be the truth. It’s just that he needs more time to understand his feelings and start doing something about it.

So, patience is required.

Here are a few more questions that usually bother the female species, accompanied with the answers in brackets:

  • How can I get him back when he blocked me? (If he wants to get back with you, he will eventually unblock you.)
  • Does silence make a man miss you? (Yes. The no contact period is the best thing you can do for both yourself and your ex.)
  • Will he ever come back? (If he still has feelings for you, he will come back. Make sure to give him enough space to make his own decision).

Don’t pressure him, and you’ll get him back. Give him enough time and space, and he’ll come back to you.

How To Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back: Additional Tips For Guys

an imaginary man sits at a table and looks away

Will she come back to me? How do you know if your ex will ever come back?

Well, first, think about how your relationship ended. Was it because of infidelity, lack of attention, or something else? Now think about how you can fix this.

Work on improving yourself and letting her know that you’ve changed. I’m not saying that you’re the main reason your relationship didn’t function well. The same thing applies to your ex-girlfriend.

If she wants you back, she’ll make sure not to repeat the same mistakes. Another thing guys should pay special attention to is courting and winning over their ex-girlfriend.

Be thoughtful and there for her. Let her know that she adds special value to your life and make her feel like she does.

Don’t just assume that she’ll be willing to get back with you regardless of your words and actions. Be wise. Compliment her in a genuine and stylish way.

Be a true gentleman. Listen to her carefully when she has something to say. Let her know that she can trust you and that you’ll always be there for her no matter what life throws at you.

Women like to feel this sense of safety in their partner, and it’s your holy duty as a man to protect her. Well, if you want to get her back, you’ll have to prove to her that you’re willing to work on your relationship. That’s the only way to make it work.

5 Things You Should NEVER Do If You Want Your Ex Back

a man and a woman are sitting at a table in a cafe talking

To help you avoid making the biggest mistakes when it comes to getting your ex back, here are a few things you need to pay special attention to:

MISTAKE #1: Showering your ex with tons of affection

Does your ex miss you after the breakup? Do you think they will start to miss you after you shower them with affection?

I understand that dreaming about your ex every night is frustrating but showing too much affection when it’s too soon is something you should avoid doing. You don’t want to overwhelm them with your feelings because everything is still fresh.

You want to express your feelings slowly and subtly (at least in the beginning). If you notice that your ex acts hot and cold, then you know you’re not doing it right and should slow down.

MISTAKE #2: Acting jealous around them

Some exes decide to come up with a game plan where they will constantly make their ex jealous, only to see if they still have feelings for them.

If you notice that your ex is doing this, don’t fall for it. I know I told you earlier that making your ex jealous is one of the ways to get them back.

However, the accent is on doing it in a subtle way and not very often. If your ex is overdoing it, then don’t give them the satisfaction of making you jealous. Let them know that they’ll need to put more effort into winning you back (instead of only trying to make you jealous).

MISTAKE #3: Begging or using pity to get them back

I understand that going through heartbreak is one of the hardest things ever, but begging or using pity to get them back is out of the question. Don’t beg their friends or family members either. Why?

Because your ex will see this as a big red flag, and they will not be willing to get back with you. If your ex is ignoring you after begging them to come back to you, then you know why they’re doing it.

One of my friends acted like this when she broke up with her ex. Then, the next day she received a text from him to stay away from him. Regardless if you’re a guy or a girl, don’t make the same mistake she did.

MISTAKE #4: Constantly calling or texting them

Should I block my ex, or should I keep calling and sending them multiple text messages? No, you shouldn’t do either of the two. Don’t do that even if there are plenty of warning signs your ex is pretending to be over you.

I know you might be having a hard time completely ignoring your ex, but constantly calling or texting them will make things worse. It might ruin your chance at reuniting with them.

You can’t convince your ex to try to make things work if that’s not something they truly want. If they aren’t willing to be in a serious relationship at the moment, there’s nothing you can do about it. Any relationship coach or relationship expert will tell you that.

MISTAKE #5: Letting them take advantage of you

If they claim they want you back but don’t prove it with their actions, then you shouldn’t take this sign for granted.

If they only pretend to want you back due to hidden motives, don’t let them take advantage of you, no matter how much you like or love them.

Don’t consent to do things you don’t feel good about only for the sake of getting them back.

If your ex sees that they can do whatever they want, whenever they want, you won’t get them back; instead, they will take advantage of you.

How Do I Get My Ex To Fall In Love With Me Again?

a man and a woman talking over coffee

You will get your ex to fall in love with you again by reviving your romance and reminding them of why they fell in love with you in the first place.

When I reunited with my ex, I instantly started thinking about how to get him to fall in love with me again. As a matter of fact, can you ever stop loving someone you truly loved?

I think you can’t, but reuniting with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend doesn’t mean that those feelings of love will be restored instantly. It will take time for you to revive your passion and intense emotions.

It will feel like you’re doing everything for the first time. So, in the process of reconnection, you want to show your ex that you’ve become a better person since the last time you were together.

You want to remind them why they fell in love with you in the first place

Now you’re probably wondering how one reminds their ex why they fell in love with someone?

The secret is in talking about your past together, the retelling of humorous events, doing things that they always found inspiring about you, etc.

For example, if they were crazy about how you bite your lip when you’re uncertain about something, you should do it more often to remind them of that. Or if you had certain inside jokes, don’t shy away from reviving them as well.

Think about other things they really liked about you, think about your adventures and sweet memories, and wait for the perfect moment to bring them to life.

When you start talking about them, their brain will instantly link all of these memories to their feelings for you, and that’s how you remind them why they fell in love with you in the first place! This will help them connect with you and fall in love with you again.

How To Get An Ex Back: Final Thoughts

an imaginary brown-haired woman leaning against a railing

I hope you enjoyed going through this step-by-step guide on how to get your ex back and that you now feel ready to start your mission!

If you’re still skeptical about getting your ex back, then read the following sentence carefully: In the end, they always come back (if you’re meant to be together).

So, when you reunite, focus on making the best of your relationship this time. (This applies to both of you). Also, trust that things will work out the second time.

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Sophia Malter

Friday 26th of November 2021

I wake up every morning to say thank you Lord Mutaba for bringing back my partner who left for me 3 years. If you need his help here’s his contact. Email: greatmutaba @ gmail. com

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