When a relationship ends, we feel betrayed and broken and loneliness hits us like a train. We are left to find a way to be all alone again, while we just want to curl up in a ball and pretend we don’t exist. In coping with the ending of a relationship, we choose to stay in contact with our ex, thinking it’ll be easier for us if they are still around us and maybe we’re still hoping we will find a way to figure things out, to try again. But it only hurts us more and more every day, because we surround ourself with the person we still love, even though that person is the reason we are broken. We surround ourself with the memories, holding so tight to them that there is no way we can move forward.

That’s why the no contact rule is important. It’s basically avoiding each other and staying exes, without ever becoming friends (or at least not before a decade or so passes by). Ending a relationship is hard, and unless you had a happy ending, the no contact rule is quite necessary. Yes, there is such a thing as a happy ending, it’s when both of you fall out of love and end things on good terms. But, unfortunately, that is really rare. So in order to help you decide to follow the no contact rule, read the list of reasons why it’s important in the process of your healing.

1. It helps you to move on

How can you move on if you’re still stuck in the same place of your love life? You keep your ex close, still reliving your memories and only deepening your pain. Once you cut him out of your life, it can help you to focus on yourself, to let go of all the memories. Far from the eyes, far from the heart.

2. Helps you to focus on healing

It’s so much easier to focus on healing when you don’t have to look at your ex and wonder if there was something else you could have done to make it work. Memories are strong and if you’re still in contact with your ex, they will find a way to consume you and make it hard for you to heal. You won’t be able to focus on anything besides all those times you two had a blast together. It’s like reliving the pain over and over again. Hoping, then watching those hopes crash. He is not worth it, cut him loose.

3. Your flame can’t be rekindled

Feelings don’t disappear the moment a relationship ends and we all know it too well. Just because we parted ways it doesn’t mean we parted hearts too. Even when we move on, there are still certain feelings toward our ex and that’s more than okay. You shared a part of your life with that man, it’s completely normal to care for him in a way. But for you to move on, you need to accept the fact that the two of you are over and separate yourself from him, so your feelings can’t be rekindled. It can seem harsh at the beginning, cutting all ties after the two of you spent a lot of time together, but your heart will thank you for it.

4. You can finally feel freedom

When you stay in touch with your ex, there is a great possibility that you will still feel guilty about flirting with other men, because deep down you still feel committed to him. For you to feel your freedom once again, it’s important to actually be free. Let go of him and embrace your single life, girl!

5. You get to make new memories

Like I already said, memories are so strong and important in our life that even sensing his smell can pull you back in that hurricane of emotions and those broken pieces of your old self. Talking with your ex and spending time with him is the perfect way to lock yourself up in the past, in the reliving of old memories. You need to make new ones, so you can let go of the old ones. Turn off your phone or give it to your friend and go clubbing (pro tip – this prevents you from drunk-texting), find something new to look forward to or bring back your old dreams. There is nothing stopping you from living your life to the fullest, so please don’t let the memories from the past stop you from doing so.

6. It saves you from frustration

Watching your ex flirting and forcing yourself to smile is truly, indescribably frustrating. Trust me. Seeing his photos on social media where he shows how much he is enjoying his new solo life is painful. The best way to avoid it? Avoid your ex.

7. Helps you to avoid an on-off relationship

When the two of you stay in touch, there is a great possibility that you might end up back together. And there is a reason you broke up in the first place, whether it’s because of differences you couldn’t ignore or someone drifting away and falling out of love, or another reason. But getting back together in the heat of a private moment and because you two are lonely is not a strong enough reason to stay together. You can get stuck in an on-off relationship and that will only destroy your already broken heart.

8. It prevents you from getting hurt over and over again

Seeing your ex move on while you’re still in love is heartbreaking even more than the break-up itself. Or being the one to move one while he is still hurting is equally painful. You still care for him, but you care for yourself more, so you’re moving on. But because of him, you feel guilty and bad about it. That’s why the no contact rule is important to follow, because it can save both of you from being hurt over and over again. Following the no contact rule is hard and drastic, but it’s also really important and crucial for healing and moving on.