Truth be told, if you don’t pay attention to these topics before entering a relationship, it will definitely be sentenced to death before it even starts.
We know that honesty and open communication is the key to every successful and healthy relationship. But what are the actual topics and questions where you should be 100% honest?
First things first, don’t be afraid to ask tough questions because if you don’t, the whole course of your relationship might be altered, unfortunately, in the wrong way.
Who knows, maybe that conversation could be the start of something beautiful. So why not go for it?
1. What are your views on saving vs. spending money?
You’d be surprised, but money is the second leading cause of divorce. Why? Because a lot of people get uncomfortable talking about money as if it’s some taboo topic.
If you don’t discuss your money viewpoints early on, you’re not going to figure out what you’re not aligned on until it’s too late.
So talk about equal say in financial decisions no matter who makes more money. If the financial decision power isn’t equal it’s going to bring up feelings of resentment or inadequacy.
Talk about short and long-term financial goals and make sure they’re also aligned. Do they plan to buy a house? How do they plan on retiring and how are they saving for that? Have they any debt?
It might be too much to ask for this kind of information, but they’re definitely an important aspect of a relationship.
2. How have you changed in the last few years?
Self-awareness is another important part of your relationship. Asking your potential partner how they’ve changed in the last few years says a lot about them.
A partner who’s aware of their growth and feelings is a partner with whom you’re going to have a healthy relationship.
Change is constant, and those who are aware of their flaws are the only ones who can someday become a better version of themselves.
So asking about their past, flaws and their growth will give you a clear insight of what you can expect from them as a partner.
3. What counts as cheating?
Watching porn? Liking other people’s posts on Instagram? Commenting on a girl’s TikTok? Talking to your ex?
What’s considered cheating? And how does this impact your relationship?
It’s not about what YOU feel you do is cheating. It’s about what your PARTNER feels about what you do with others. That’s why defining what you count as cheating is one of the crucial parts before entering a relationship.
Is it only a physical act? An emotional act? Or both?
Everyone has their own definition of what counts as cheating. Once you’re done with this conversation, you should be on the same page in terms of what’s considered cheating and what’s not.
If this isn’t the case, don’t ever proceed with the relationship because it might end sooner than you think.
4. Are there any secrets we should keep to ourselves?
Some might say honesty is the best policy. It brings you closer and helps you connect on a deeper emotional level.
Others will say that some secrets should never be revealed. So how can you know what’s the right thing to do?
In fact, this is again a decision that you as a couple need to make. Revealing your secrets can help you achieve greater intimacy, but on the contrary, it can also create feelings of constant fear and mistrust.
So what’s the right thing to do? Openly communicate! Define your boundaries: should there be any and to what extent should they go? Are you allowed to keep secrets from your partner that involve your parents, or friends?
If you don’t discuss these things with your partner, secrets might ruin every relationship you start.
5. Do your expectations of me or the relationship change?
Dating is one thing, but being in a committed and long-term relationship is another. So, how does your relationship change after you go exclusive?
Are you hanging out more? Are you each other’s primary emotional support? Are you each other’s emergency contact?
Going official brings up a lot of these questions. Some people like the way things are in the talking stage, while others expect a more serious approach once you’re official.
And both of those options are okay, as long as you’re on the same page. But how will you know if you don’t discuss it, right?
6. What are your long-term goals?
Love is not enough. Love is not enough for a long-term committed healthy relationship to fully work.
We’ve been told our whole life that love is all you need and it’s not true. VALUES, GOALS, AND LIFESTYLE. Those are the things besides love that you need.
It’s not just about what you want to do this weekend, but what you want to do with your life. Talking about long-term goals is like playing a game of chess. You’re both looking ahead, planning your moves, and strategizing for the future.
When you talk about long-term goals, you’re discussing the moves and strategies for your relationship. You’re looking at the bigger picture and considering how to make sure that your relationship is successful and full of joy.
7. Sex?
Sex. One of the most important parts of the relationship. When it’s good, it’s only like 20% of the relationship. When the sex is good, you don’t care about it that much. You’re not thinking about it.
But when the sex is bad, it can take up 80% because it has to do a lot with your feelings and your actual desire to be with that person.
Sexual preferences and experience aren’t crucial, but they are important. When you love someone, you will selflessly adapt to their preferences, but only to the extent that your comfort zone allows.
But what should you do when you have completely different preferences? And for one reason or another, you just can’t adapt to them? Will the love fade? The emotional connection? Probably yes.
So talk about sex.
Don’t Forget
I heard numerous stories of how people ended several years-long relationships because they didn’t talk about the right things when they needed to and I’m sure you don’t want to be one of those couples.
So what’s the right thing to do? TALK! Talk about the important things. Sex, finances, self-awareness…Those are all things that will become a problem later on if you haven’t discussed them at the very beginning.
But asking those questions isn’t enough. Don’t forget to bring honesty with you!