As I was browsing cat videos on Instagram this morning, I unexpectedly learned that a celebrity is dating another celebrity. I’m pretty sure I don’t follow anyone or anything related to them, yet somehow they found a way of letting me know they’re together.
While not as ubiquitous as celebrities, even some regular people like to make their relationships a matter of public knowledge.
If you’re one of those people, I’m not judging, truly! I’d only like to tell you about certain pitfalls that come with it and offer an alternative: a private relationship.
So, let’s see what a private relationship is (and isn’t) and why you should consider it.
What Does It Mean To Have A Private Relationship?
A private relationship is a relationship that you’re not hiding, but the details of what happens between you and your partner are only for you to know. Or, people know you and your partner are together, but it’s nobody’s business what you get up to.
I understand the temptation to share.
You’re happy with your significant other and want to share that happiness with others. You might want to get together with your best friend, and when they say, “Tell me everything,” you do.
Online, you want to show off a cute kissy pic to your followers. There are even some couples with shared accounts.
It becomes a problem when the couple (or one half of it) begins to focus more on what it looks like on their page than enjoying their actual relationship.
By contrast, being in a private relationship means you respect your privacy, but your partner isn’t a secret. When someone asks you if you have a significant other, you tell the truth and say, yes, I’m with so-and-so.
On the other hand, when someone who’s otherwise active on social media has their and posts pics, but their partner isn’t in any of them, it’s probably a red flag . There’s a thin line between keeping your relationship private and being sneaky.
You can be a private person, or you might like to share everything, and both are just preferences. Both can work out as long as you don’t take it too far.
See also: 5 Benefits Of Transparency In A Relationship (+ 7 Ways To Show It)
Why Should Relationships Be Private? 5 Things To Consider
Your relationship should be private to keep it between you and your partner and ensure other people stay out of your business. The more people get involved, the easier for things to get complicated.
Being in a romantic relationship is always a special time in our lives. It’s normal that we want to share our happiness with our friends and family. However, there’s a fine line between including our loved ones in our lives and opening yourself up to meddling.
Online, the less people who are invested in your relationship, the less of a headache they’re bound to cause. Staying low-key online helps protect you, your partner, and your relationship.
Below, you’ll find some details on what that means.
1. Your relationship is nobody’s business
No matter how you look at it, what you have is just about the two of you. Even in more serious relationships , with kids and extended families involved, at the end of the day, it starts and ends with the couple.
Keeping your relationship private makes it less complicated than if others are involved.
The things you do together, your conflicts, and your happy moments have a larger context that others can’t know in full. When the things you and your partner do are public, everyone has an opinion or relationship advice they want you to take.
Since they can never know the whole story, their input is unneeded and can never be the answer. They might even get mad if you didn’t listen to them.
When you keep the whys and the hows to yourselves, the decisions you and your partner make that concern you stay between the two of you regardless of whether you’re dating a pornstar or a regular girl/guy.
In a healthy relationship, when there are problems, you talk to your partner and find a way to solve them. When you involve other people in your love life, opinions of others might confuse you and move the focus away from real relationship issues . A private relationship is the best way to avoid that.
2. You’re devoted to the relationship and not an image of it
Things you see on social media may not always be lies, but more often than not, they’re not completely truthful. Even unfiltered pictures have been carefully posed and selected out of many taken.
A person whose page you like for its aesthetic or whom you admire for living the life of your dreams has crafted their story paying attention to every detail. Lots of people hide their insecurities behind the shiny new things they just have to post about.
It’s normal that sharing things with your followers online or your close friends and family members in person brings you joy! Just be mindful not to seek validation from the number of likes and base your self-esteem on something so fleeting.
3. You’re more focused on your partner
A private relationship lets you concentrate on what you and your partner think and feel. You don’t feel the need to look for highlights for your timeline, and you’re able to be genuine about connecting and developing a healthy relationship .
Additionally, even if you’re only sharing snapshots of genuine moments, it may put pressure on your relationship because not everyone will be happy about it.
The more people who know the little things about you, the greater the chance you’ll encounter jealousy, which can be very unpleasant. Some people who are unhappy with their own lives can take it out on you, unfortunately.
Don’t let your relationship be a performance. Let it be about a genuine connection that brings happiness and not about what people think. If you’re not looking to capture every picture that has the potential to get many likes, you can live in the moment and enjoy life as you’re experiencing it.
4. What goes on behind closed doors is just between the two of you
Keeping your private life to yourself is as much for your partner’s sake as it is yours. What goes on behind closed doors is just between the two of you and just for the two of you.
Of course, it’s normal to include your friends and family in the rest of your shared life, but keeping the things that don’t concern them private protects both you and your partner.
You show your partner respect by not letting everyone else into your personal life. What really matters in a relationship is the love and respect you share, not what anyone thinks.
Even if you and your partner don’t work out and break up, a private relationship is much easier to clean up afterward, so to speak.
If your entire family knows all the details and wants to know more, or if your followers are invested in the two of you and demand an update, something already stressful will get even harder.
5. There’s less chance an ex will learn about it
When you’re in a new relationship and you keep your life private, it’s less likely that an ex will know about it. Keeping your relationship private will keep them at a distance longer.
Whether you broke up on good terms and don’t want to rub it in that you’re seeing someone else, or you have a bad ex who might show up with things to say, you probably don’t want them involved.
By limiting the exposure of your relationship online and in real life, you’re also protecting yourself.
You want to keep in mind that once you post something, it’s always out there. Once you share intimate details with friends and family, you open yourself up to their opinions. It’s hard to go back, and you might find yourself regretting it.
What Is The Difference Between A Private Relationship And A Secret Relationship?
In a private relationship, your partner is known to others, and in a secret relationship, you hide them.
One of the famous private relationship quotes, “A private relationship means nobody knows y’all business, but everybody knows y’all together, don’t get it confused,” makes the difference between a private relationship and a secret relationship clear.
What one might think is a private relationship can sometimes get very private. Too private, almost. So much so that you’re wondering if your partner is keeping you a secret.
Let’s see how to tell if that’s what’s going on.
• In a private relationship, both of you openly acknowledge each other. People know you’re together – they just don’t have access to everything you two share. When someone asks you if you’re involved with your significant other, you have no problem confirming it.
• Someone trying to keep a relationship secret keeps their relationship status as “single”. If asked whether they’re seeing anyone, they say they’re not. It can mean that they’re either ashamed of the person they’re dating or trying to keep their options open.
• In a private relationship, your family and friends still know who your significant other is. Someone who’s trying to date in secret keeps the person they’re hiding from meeting the people in their life.
• A private couple isn’t into PDA, but in public, they don’t pretend not to know each other. Someone who keeps their partner a secret treats them strictly like they’re not involved when they’re in public.
• The secrecy is one-sided. This is a big red flag. Please be careful!
A private relationship is not about hiding. It’s a way to protect your relationship and focus on your partner and not other people’s opinions, criticism, or approval.
Everyone knows you and your partner are together, but it has nothing to do with them, so you don’t include them in your private matters. It’s a healthy way of focusing on your partner and what’s between the two of you.
On the other hand, a secret relationship is an unhappy situation where one partner is hiding the other from the people in their life for some reason. Not a good place to be, so please pay attention.