If you’ve ever texted with a narcissist, then you know how truly frustrating it is. They have this special ability to make you feel like they truly care about you when, in reality, the only thing they care about is themselves and being in control.
Texting with a narcissist consists of these three elements:
• voluntarily receiving crumbs from them
• justifying their texting habits
• endless hoping that they will change.
While your intuition screams that something’s not right, the rational part of your brain refuses to believe it. And that is how you find yourself in the middle of the roller-coaster that is dealing with someone who has a narcissistic personality.
If you’re not quite sure whether you’re dealing with a narcissist or someone who is bad at texting, worry not because we’ve compiled examples of narcissist text messages to come to the rescue!
12 Examples Of Narcissist Text Messages
The following examples of texts received from narcissists are a true depiction of their narcissistic personality. If the majority of these examples resonate with you, then you know who you’re dealing with.
1. Devaluing texts
Narcissists need you to feel like your well-being and happiness depend on them. Given that they see themselves as the center of the universe, they expect you to see them like that as well.
They can’t tolerate you being happy without them having anything to do with it. To make you doubt yourself, they use gaslighting methods, the silent treatment, giving you unsolicited advice, guilt, shame, and pointing out your faults.
Examples of devaluing texts:
• “I just want you to know that I did not enjoy your behavior today among our family members. I expect you to improve this next time.”
• “Are you sure about your choice of food? If you don’t change your eating habits, there’s no point in going to the gym. I mean, do what you want, but I can tell that you’ve already gained a few pounds, and it doesn’t really look nice.”
2. “The mind reader” texts
People with narcissistic personalities have the tendency to let you know that they know you better than you know yourself. Because of that, “they know what’s best for you.”
Needless to say that they use this method solely for controlling purposes to make you depend on them. Their main goal is to make you feel like you’re not capable of living without them. The more you let them believe this, the stronger they become.
Examples of “the mind reader” texts:
• “I know exactly what hair color/outfit/shoes would suit you best. So, don’t you dare contradict me.”
• “You say you feel good, but I know you’re lying. I know exactly what you need to start feeling better. Where would you be without me, right? You can thank me later.”
3. “CAPS LOCK” texts
They text you regularly, pull away, text you again, and then disappear. All of a sudden, you receive a text in all caps, overwhelming you instantly.
Why would a narcissist send you a text in all caps?
Well, they do it to mask their insecurities, provoke you, or trigger an intense reaction in you. They know how much you care about them and use this as their fuel.
So, the more drama they create about their life, the more attached you’ll become to them. I daresay that caps lock texts are one of the sneakiest examples of narcissist text messages.
Narcissists send these texts to shock you, evoke empathy, and get you back if they’ve noticed you’re pulling away. Note that these types of texts are often lies created specifically for manipulation purposes.
Examples of “CAPS LOCK” texts:
• “I’M SO TIRED OF MY PARENTS, MY BOSS, AND EVERYONE ELSE IN MY LIFE WHO ARE NOT EVEN TRYING TO UNDERSTAND ME. IF ONLY YOU KNEW HOW THEY TREAT ME, YOU WOULD NEVER TALK TO THEM AGAIN. I CERTAINLY DIDN’T DESERVE THIS TREATMENT, AND YOU KNOW IT TOO.”
• “WHAT THE HELL?! HOW COULD YOU IGNORE MY TEXTS WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW? THE WHOLE WORLD IS AGAINST ME, AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE ONE PERSON WHO ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDS ME. I’M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.”
4. “Blowing hot and cold” texts
Ghosting is every narcissist’s specialty. My friend’s ex-husband was a narc. At first, she thought he was her soulmate, but it turned out she was married to a legit malignant narcissist (extremely manipulative).
He would always give her mixed signals and send her “blowing hot and cold” texts to make her question his intentions. After that, he would apologize and tell her that he’d never do it again. Guess what? He was a great liar as well.
Psychologically, blowing hot and cold is primarily employed to create fear, uncertainty, and establish control. That’s why narcissists are addicted to this form of manipulation in both texting and other circumstances.
Examples of “blowing hot and cold” texts:
• “Hey babe, I hope you have a great day today. Let me know if you need anything.”
• (A few hours later): “Why are you texting me? You know I’m busy at work.”
• “Good night, honey bean. I just wanted to say how happy I was today when we were together. It was one of the best days of my life. I felt like time stopped, and there was only you and me in the whole world. Can’t wait to see you again. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.”
• (Tomorrow morning): “Yeah, good morning to you too. Not into texting right now.”
5. “Desperate word salad” texts (to get you back)
When they become desperate, they start bombarding you with text messages, phone calls, voicemails, you name it. They’ll probably send you lots of selfies as well.
An example of desperate word salad texts:
• “Hi, honey. I know I haven’t been myself lately, but you also know that it takes two to tango. We have a great thing going, but this thing also requires maintenance and constant effort. You know I’m willing to give my best to make all this work, and I expect the same thing from you. This is the only way for us to protect our happiness and make the best of our relationship.”
6. “Sabotaging your confidence and self-worth” texts
If there’s one thing narcissists are truly great at, it is endangering your mental health. Narcissistic abuse is not something we should take with a pinch of salt. Even texts and calls can leave severe scars on narcissists’ victims.
With that said, narcissists will spend lots of time creating text messages specifically dedicated to killing your self-esteem. This includes insults, put-downs, and other sneaky ways of making you question your self-worth.
Examples of “sabotaging your confidence and self-worth” texts:
• “How many times do I need to tell you to (do something)? Your incompetence is turning me into something I don’t want to be.”
• “You know I want the best for you, but I truly think this (thing) is not for you because you wouldn’t be good at it.
7. Demand texts
All narcissists have a strong sense of entitlement. This means they believe they deserve special treatment and undivided attention from you.
Seeking validation both on social media and from you is basically their hobby (but they’re not even aware of it). The more you make them feel special, the stronger they feel.
But this special treatment is not based on the elements of a healthy relationship. Instead, they use elements of an abusive relationship to boost their ego. One of these toxic elements is demand texts.
Examples of demand texts:
• “Make me cookies.”
• “Take out the trash. It’s disgusting.”
• “Change that outfit. Doesn’t look good on you.”
8. “Emoji overload” texts to keep you guessing
When a narcissist feels like they’re losing control, they implement over-the-top tactics to keep you guessing or to get you back. One of these tactics is the overuse of emojis in texts.
The first time I received one of these texts, I was convinced that they had made a tremendous effort to make the text look interesting and fun. Boy, was I wrong.
Well, the text did look interesting, but their intentions weren’t pure. They wanted to keep me guessing about their current mindset and intentions.
They succeeded because there’s nothing more painful than receiving these confusing texts that require in-depth analysis.
Examples of “emoji overload” texts:
• “Hello, I just wanted you to know that I can’t stop thinking about you all day ?????”
• “Do you want to know what I’m thinking about right now? ???? Maybe I’ll tell you later. ???”
9. Gaslighting texts
When a narcissist does something abusive, they need to find a way to make you believe that the problem is you and not them. To achieve that, they resort to passive-aggressive behavior or gaslighting (both are forms of emotional abuse).
If you’ve ever received a gaslighting text, you probably felt confused and didn’t know how to react. You also started re-evaluating your recent behavior in hopes that you’d figure out what you did wrong.
But all this was unsuccessful because the real problem is them making you feel like a problem, and not you.
Examples of gaslighting texts:
• “Seriously? You know I hate when you act this way.”
• “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
• “I can no longer tolerate such behavior from you.”
• “You’re imagining things.”
10. Late night texts
What a narcissist wants is 24/7 attention. When they text you, they expect an immediate response. If they don’t get it, they become upset.
When they don’t text you, they expect understanding. If they don’t get it, they become upset. A narcissist will send you late-night texts only to make you feel bad about not answering them when they “needed you most.”
If you turn off your phone in the middle of the night, you can expect to receive a fair share of judging and toxic narcissistic behavior from them.
Examples of late-night texts:
• “I’m so sick of everything.”
• “Are you sleeping?”
• “Why aren’t you answering me? I’m always there when you need me, and you’re never there when I need you.”
11. “Fake caring” texts
People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) use various examples of narcissist text messages to either reel you back in, maintain control, or simply drive you crazy.
One of these texting examples is fake caring texts. It’s when you think that they’ve finally changed and are genuinely sorry about treating you badly.
Well, they’re not, but this is just another tactic to confuse you and play with your mind.
Examples of “fake caring” texts:
• “I hope you’re okay. I’m kind of worried about you because I haven’t heard from you in a while.”
• “Hey honey, how was your day? I expect you to tell me everything.”
• “You have no idea how much I miss you. Can’t stop thinking about you.”
12. “Fight trigger” texts
At one moment, everything seems perfect, and then a few minutes later, they start provoking you. You begin to question whether you’re that good at ignoring red flags or if there weren’t any in the first place.
Well, they themselves are one BIG red flag. Dealing with a toxic person has no beginning or end.
You’re constantly in the middle of something confusing, draining, and ultimately harmful. If not stopped, their toxic behavior often turns into domestic violence.
Examples of “fight trigger” texts:
• “I haven’t forgotten about you ignoring my texts the other day!”
• “Why don’t you just say what you mean?”
• “Do you think the problem is me? Think again.”
How To Respond To Narcissistic Text Messages
Texting with a narcissist is a draining experience in itself, so learning how to text them and protect yourself is a must. Here’s how you do it:
Don’t respond to their calls or text messages at bedtime. Also, don’t feel obligated to text them back at any time of the day or night.
Establish boundaries because that’s the only way to protect yourself from their 24/7 attention-seeking. You don’t need to use your phone on vacation, and you don’t need to text them only to make them feel good about themselves.
Instead, think about yourself.
Keep it simple
Don’t take their word salad texts too seriously. I know it’s easier said than done, but if you fall for it, they win. The more you do everything they expect you to, the more they assume there’s nothing wrong with their selfish approach.
You dictate how they treat you, so the best thing to do is to keep it simple. Send a simple response (not too much, not too little).
Avoid drama over text
If you notice that things are escalating and they want to have a serious conversation with you over the phone, suggest talking about it in person.
Avoid drama over text because if you don’t, a narcissist will use this to their advantage. They won’t stop tormenting you over text only to make you feel bad about not responding or taking them seriously.
Take a neutral approach
Instead of arguing with a narcissist, a neutral approach is recommended. Don’t try to show them that you’re right and they’re wrong.
Don’t try to make them feel bad about their actions because they’ll always find a way to prove that you’re wrong.
No matter what you do or say, they’ll find a way to keep controlling you. So, take a neutral approach so they don’t have material for their further narcissistic and manipulative tendencies.
Cut them off
Sometimes, the only way to deal with narcissists is to cut them off. By that, I mean blocking them and never responding to their text messages again.
Blocking will give you time to evaluate your relationship with a narcissist and also to move on for good. Of course, if you feel like giving them a second chance, you can always unblock them. Blocking can be a form of the no contact rule.
What Happens When You Ignore A Narcissist’s Text?
When you ignore a narcissist’s text, they become upset because you’re not giving them the attention they need. If you ignore a narcissist, you can expect them to do some or all of the following things:
• send you angry texts demanding for you to text them back
• send you fake caring and worry texts to reel you back in
• stalk you
• bombard you with phone calls, voicemails, word salad texts.
Keep in mind that a narcissist feeds off your attention, care, and affection for them. This boosts their ego because, in a nutshell, narcissists are pretty much insecure.
Once they lose their narcissistic supply (you), they become scared, and they’ll be willing to do anything to get you back, only to keep feeding off your love and attention.
If the above examples of narcissist text messages resonate with you, then you know they’re not bad at texting. Instead, they are a legit narcissist who knows exactly what they are doing and why they do it.
One of the most important things is to remember not to let them influence your self-worth or make you question yourself in any way.
Protecting yourself is your number one priority, and you can do this by establishing boundaries and keeping things neutral. If things become unbearable, cutting off all contact (temporary or permanently) is also an option.