What is he thinking during no contact? Does he think about me at all or has he forgotten about me entirely and moved on while I can’t stop thinking about him?
Is there any chance of getting back together with him? Have I made a mistake by sticking to the no contact rule?
Let me reassure you and tell you that the no contact rule was not a mistake, it was the best way to go.
All these questions are inevitable and they come from our broken heart and crushed dreams. They come from our pain and our fear of never having back that feeling we experienced with a certain person.
‘Out of sight, out of mind’ is echoing in your head and you can’t help but think about the worst-case scenario.
That is why our first instinct when somebody leaves is to go after them, get them back, prove that we are perfect together and that our love is worth staying for and worth the fight.
But that’s exactly what we shouldn’t be doing because it will only push them further away.
Another best thing you can do is use THESE BRILLIANT TECHNIQUES to make him beg you to take him back.
You both need this time gap of radio silence, no matter how hard it is.
When you are freshly out of a relationship, you don’t have that. You can’t think straight, you are hurt and your emotions are all over the place.
If you leave no space for breathing right after the break-up, things will definitely be over and there will be no going back.
If you are bold enough to follow through with the no contact rule, try not to break it. It’s easy to fall into the trap of staying in touch with your ex and getting that feeling of false comfort.
That trap will comfort you and it will feel good to hear from him and have him close but you won’t be satisfied or happy, at least not entirely.
It will be short-term and entirely unfulfilling. When he decides to leave again, you will only be crushed.
You need to give it time and be determined and brave in your decision to avoid contacting your ex.
However, the questions I mentioned at first will still be your main thoughts and you will just want to get into his head to see, “What is he thinking during no contact?”
That’s why we are here to help. He is bound to think of you because the no contact period leaves him enough room to do so.
For more bulletproof advice on how to get him back, USE THIS GUIDE.
What Is He Thinking About During No Contact?
Every guy experiences the no contact period in a different way. Generally, the no contact period will awaken his emotions and make him realize how much he misses you and cares about you. It can also awaken his jealousy, make him feel confused, or make him regret his past actions.
These are the most common thoughts a guy has during the no contact period:
He is confused
Did he expect you to text by now and stalk him on social media?
He expected you to call. He expected you to come by, knocking on his door and demanding explanations.
He expected sad Facebook updates and Instagram stories with meaningful, sad quotes. Instead, he got nothing but complete radio silence.
So, what is he thinking during no contact?
He is confused but in a good way. He is thinking about you, about all the hows and whys and what happened that changed you so much.
He fears that you have given up on him this early on and he can’t believe it. The less he knows about you the more he will wonder about you.
This is a great indicator that the no contact rule works on him (assuming you want him to think about you).
He is regretting his actions
After he has had a chance to experience life on his own, he will start missing everything you had.
He will start thinking that he made a mistake. He will start missing you and all those moments you shared.
He has taken everything for granted. Distance made him see that what you had was priceless and if he doesn’t make any effort immediately, you will slip through his fingers.
Sometimes you don’t know what you have until you lose it, and that’s how it usually is with men. After a break-up, they are usually sad but not crushed.
They don’t think about all the things they have lost; only after some time, when they are done partying and living their single man’s dreams, do they realize that they miss all they had with you.
He is wondering if you miss him at all
He can’t help but wonder why. You seemed crushed when you guys broke up and you are not falling for his late-night texts and possible attempts of a booty call.
You left him wondering:
“Where is that woman who replied instantly every time his name lit up her screen?”
“Where is that woman who couldn’t wait to see me?”
“Why is she ignoring me?”
“Why can’t I stop thinking about her and she doesn’t even care?”
“Is she in a new relationship?”
Newsflash: she decided she wanted more than random texts and occasional hookups.
She decided she didn’t want to pretend you guys could be friends after a break-up because it was hurting her.
She decided to give you some time to come to your senses and see that she is amazing and you had something great before you messed it up.
She is sticking to the no contact rule until you are ready to be all in. She is tired of receiving crumbs.
He is fighting his fear of commitment
His feelings are divided. He wants you but at the same time, he is scared as hell.
It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fact that he is simply not ready to make anything long-term.
He will probably overcome these fears at some point but the question is if you will still be waiting.
The truth is that commitment phobia can last for a long while and he is the only one who can fix it. There will come a point in which he will have to face his fears or lose you forever.
His love for you has to be stronger than his greatest fear, otherwise, he is not worth the wait and he is not the one for you.
He is wondering if you have moved on
Are you dating somebody else? He has had no contact with you and he doesn’t know if there are any other men in your life and the not knowing part is killing him.
He is scared that breaking up with you has sent you into somebody else’s arms.
Somebody else may be taking his place and taking what he thought would always be his. You won’t have to do anything to make him think that, his male mind alone will create all sorts of scenarios.
The no contact period will awaken his jealousy and make him realize what he is losing.
He thinks that he’s going to “win this breakup”
What is he thinking during no contact? Well, believe it or not, one of the things men (might) think about during no contact is how they are going to win it.
We all know that men are competitive creatures so why would this no contact thing be any different, right? So, how does a person wins breakup according to men?
He thinks that if he refuses to contact you first, he will win and become a legit dumper (which makes you a dumpee).
He’s waiting for you to contact him first because if you do, it will mean that he won. Hillarious, I know.
If you want to get your ex back, don’t fall for this trick. Don’t reach him out despite all the love you still have for him.
If he genuinely cares about you, he will contact you first and won’t bother thinking about winning a breakup or other stupid things.
He thinks that he has lost you forever
Why is my ex silent after a breakup? What’s he thinking during no contact?
Another thing he might think about during no contact is the fact that he has lost you forever.
He MIGHT contact his best friend to tell him that he’s worried about losing you for good and that he’s about to experience severe heartbreak. Okay, I doubt men would ever talk so openly about their feelings but you get the idea.
He thinks that now he’s officially your ex-boyfriend and you will never be together again. He’s convinced that you moved on for good or that you’re already in a new relationship.
Men are also great at overthinking and the only difference is that they need more time to enter that phase. As being a woman, I admit that overthinking comes naturally to me like breathing. Of course, this doesn’t mean that every woman overthinks but you get the idea.
All in all, if he thinks that he has lost you forever, this is a good thing. It will make him anxious and it will make him miss you.
If you want to make your ex miss you, even more, treat him like your best friend (when and if he decides to contact you and I’m sure he will).
He doesn’t think about you at all because he is only thinking about himself
If you had the misfortune to come across someone narcissistic, self-absorbed and manipulative then rest assured that he only has one thought in mind and one thought only and that is himself.
He is the type of man you use the no contact rule with to get over him and not to get him back.
The pain after the break-up will be excruciating regardless of your rationalizing and the fact that you are better off.
However, the no contact rule will help you in your healing process because the worst thing you can do is risk falling back into his toxic web again. The recovery process will be long and hard but essentially worth it.
You have been missing out on life, attending to his needs, and it’s time you start thinking about yourself and rebuilding your life from scratch.
These are pure facts:
- He might want to get in touch but it will never be because he has changed or he wants things to be different.
- He will want it so he can fulfil his sick need to have you under his control.
- He will want to see if he can lure you back in, just so he can leave you broken once again.
If you are aware that the man you have been dating is a narcissist or has any sort of toxic personality, under no circumstances should you break the no contact rule.
Keep him as far away as you can from yourself. Let go of him. Don’t let him destroy your life any further.
How Do You Know If He Misses You During No Contact?
If he seems depressed, changes his lifestyle, or his posts sound like they’re about you, then you know he misses you during no contact. There are also other signs that indicate he misses you and can’t stop thinking about you, so pay close attention to all of them!
He changes his appearance
Have you noticed that we women have a tendency to change our appearance due to some significant life events?
For example, when I went through my last breakup, I changed my hairstyle because I subconsciously wanted to escape those intense feelings. Obviously, I still cared about him.
Indeed, in a way this helped me feel like I was a new, reborn person and that I’m slowly but surely healing. Well, the same thing applies to men as well.
If he changes his appearance (his hairstyle, his beard, or similar), then this means he’s fighting his feelings for you. He can’t get you out of his head and he hopes that changing his appearance will provide temporary relief for his pain.
He seems anxious and depressed
It’s really hard to decipher what’s going on in a man’s mind because they are really good at hiding their emotions. Even though he’s hurting, he might behave like everything is fine.
So, how do you find out whether he’s feeling anxious or depressed? Just check his social media posts and look for sad songs, heartbroken quotes, and other things that might indicate he’s still thinking about you.
Also, he might post things that indicate he’s having lots of fun only to hide his true feelings. If you’re not sure about what’s going on inside his head, you can always ask your mutual friends.
His mutual friends (or his friends) tell you that he misses you
What is your ex thinking during no contact? Does he miss you? If a man is hurting, chances are he’ll enter the man cave zone. He’ll hide from everyone around him including himself (if that’s even possible) and “he’ll wait for better days to come”.
BUT sometimes, men decide to talk about their feelings with their friends. Perhaps they first enter the man cave zone and then decide to share their feeling with their close friends.
If his mutual friends or his friends tell you that he misses you, then you know he’s been talking about you with them. If he’s still talking about you, this is a great sign because it means he genuinely misses you during no contact period.
He changes his lifestyle
He’s never been a gym addict but now he’s become one. He’s never been into gaming, but now that’s his main hobby. If a man changes his lifestyle, this is a legit sign that he’s trying to distract himself.
Now you’re probably thinking: But from what? Well, he’s trying to distract himself from thinking about you because he OBVIOUSLY misses you.
Also, he might be trying to impress you with his new lifestyle. This is especially true if he posts his new gym body and other new things on social media.
He is acting confused and mysterious
If a man is acting confused and mysterious, this is both a good and a bad sign.
It is a good sign because in most cases it means that he still thinks about you. It is a bad sign because it can make you confused as it made me.
Last year I pushed my now ex-boyfriend away by being clingy and needy during lockdown so we tried to go long distance for some time. Well, that long-distance trial period has turned into the no contact period.
Honestly, I expected him to text me the next day but he didn’t. He messaged me a few weeks later. He admitted that he has some problems with mental health and he needs some time for himself.
Given that my female mind is wired to sense bullshit, I knew that he was just trying to buy more time because he was indecisive about the idea of getting back together.
After a short period of time, I gave him the address of my new job and told him to contact me only if he genuinely misses me. He did it. It took him some time but he did it.
The bottom line is that men can sometimes act confusing which is also another indicator that they might be missing you without even knowing it (or letting you know).
He stalks you on social media
How do you know if a man stalks you on social media?
Well, if he likes all your posts (even those you posted two years ago), if he comments on your posts, watches all your stories on Instagram and similar, then you know he (kind of) stalks you on social media.
I bet he’s checking your profile 50 times a day because he misses you that much. Trust me, if he was determined to move on, he wouldn’t bother “stalking you” on social media.
Instead, he would delete you/unfriend you/stop following you, or whatever.
His posts on social media are vague and unclear
What does a man think during no contact when he posts vague and unclear things on social media?
By vague and unclear I’m referring to songs that you used to listen to together or random lyrics that indicate how much he misses you.
If his posts seem to be a little bit vague and they can easily be connected with your breakup and his current emotional state, then you know he’s still thinking about you (and he wants you to know it, too).
He breaks the no contact rule
He’s messaging you. To be more exact, he’s bombarding you with lots of text messages. Evidently, he broke the no contact rule. Why?
Because he still cares about you and he can no longer wait to let you know that. He might not tell you that immediately, but just give him some time and you’ll realize what exactly is going on inside his head.
When a guy breaks the no contact rule, he does it for a reason. If he was determined to move on with his life, he wouldn’t break the rule for sure.
What Does No Contact Do To A Guy?
Generally, the no contact rule helps a guy realize how much he misses you. It evokes his desire to want to come back. In a nutshell, it shows a guy that you aren’t available for him whenever he wants you.
The no contact rule shows guys that you don’t need a man to be happy because you’re perfectly happy on your own. Once a guy sees that he will realize that you’re a high-value woman and he will be determined to win you back.
This rule also helps them sort out their feelings, figure out what is that they want, and look at things from a different perspective.
The absence helps guys evaluate their mindset and feelings toward you. If you disrupt that absence (if you contact him during the no contact period), this might create a countereffect and make him move on for good.
If your wish is to make him realize how much he misses you and cares about you, then don’t chase after him. Instead, focus on rebuilding your own life and everything else will fall into place.
Will No Contact Make Him Move On?
If a man goes weeks or months without contacting you, it could mean that he moved on. Also, if you keep chasing him during no contact, this might make him move on. If he genuinely cares about you, then the no contact rule will make him come after you.
Chasing after him, letting him be with you when he is feeling lonely and finding it convenient, and providing him with emotional support, sending one unanswered text after the other or replying to his lame texts won’t get you anywhere.
It may provide you with some instant gratification but he will not be there to stay.
However, if he truly has strong feelings toward you then the no contact rule will work its magic and he will come after you. He will move mountains and do his best to have you in his life again.
He will realize that leaving you was the biggest mistake of his life. That’s why it’s vital you don’t make the first move—let him come to you. He is the one who broke things off and it’s his mess to repair.
Key Things To Remember During And After The No Contact Period
To get the best out of the no contact period, you need to be familiar with its rules and the reason(s) why you are doing it in the first place. Here are some things to pay attention to during and after the no contact period (especially if it is your first time doing the no contact rule.)
The duration of the no contact period is mainly up to you.
You have to assess how much time both of you need to let things fall into perspective. It usually varies, around 30, 60 or 90 days of no contact.
The important thing is not to break the rule, as it will make things more difficult.
One more highly important step will be to assess the situation when or if he comes back after a set no contact period. You have to see where his desire to come back is coming from.
You have to figure out whether he is coming from a place of love or a place of need.
If he is coming from a place of love, you have nothing to worry about; he will make amends for all the heartache he has put you through.
He will try to be the best partner you have ever had and you will be happy because the difficult and painful days of the NC will have finally paid off and you will finally have your shot at happiness.
However, if he comes from a place of need, he will want to come back into your life for totally selfish reasons.
He will come back for all the good things and all the benefits of being in a relationship but he will have no intention of working things out or making an effort.
He will think that just being there is enough. If that’s the case, you are better off without him and you shouldn’t let him back into your heart or your life.
The worst-case scenario will not be so bad either. Regardless of whether you used the no contact period to get him back or to get over him, you will have used that time wisely.
You are rebuilding your life.
One of the most beneficial and greatest things about the no contact period is that you are concentrating on yourself. You are putting yourself first for a change and you are focusing on your dreams and desires.
When the no contact period ends, you will feel like you have been given a new set of eyes. You will see it’s not just him who needed space—you needed it too.
Don’t be surprised if after the no contact period you realize that you don’t want him back anymore. When you are in a relationship or shortly after a break-up it’s hard to see the reality of things.
Maybe there were a lot of things that weren’t working, maybe you decided to overlook some things way too many times and now that you are far away from him you realize he was never the right one for you to begin with.
Whatever the outcome is and no matter what realizations you come to, the no contact rule will be definitely worth a try. It will help you discover and build some other side of yourself that you will love and cherish more than ever.
I hope some of these thoughts can help you grasp the overall situation better and answer the main question, “What is he thinking during no contact?”
I also know that you fear that the no contact rule won’t work in a way that guarantees you will get him back. But it is your best shot.
Whatever happens, know that you won because the no contact rule will help you rebuild your life and it will help you realize whether he’s the right one for you (or not).
If he still cares about you, he will make sure to let you know that. If he doesn’t, then you know you weren’t meant to be together.