Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could know the difference between a guy who is not interested in you and the one who runs away from his emotions? Well, guess what: after you read these signs he is fighting his feelings for you, you’ll know exactly what you’re dealing with.
Keeping things casual, playing games, and fooling around is easy enough for most men.
What’s not so easy is admitting to themselves and other people around them that they actually developed real feelings towards somebody. They are petrified.
Whether they would admit it or not, the mere thought of showing their feelings and risk getting hurt is scary.
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So they start fighting. They fight themselves first because for most of them, being in love means being vulnerable.
They fight the other person sending hot and cold signals until they feel safe. They will take their time and assess the situation before making their move.
When you find yourself in the middle of this mess, you have trouble decoding your guy’s behavior. Does he display signs he is fighting his feelings for you or signs that he doesn’t give a damn about you?
Is this man running away from you because he is afraid of how much he loves you or because he wants you to back off?
Even though the line appears thin, there are some tricks that can help you see what’s really going on.
18 Clear Signs He Is Fighting His Feelings For You
If you have that feeling that he is into you but something is holding him back, check out these 18 signs he is fighting his feelings for you. They will certainly clear things up a bit:
He is super attentive for a while then he pulls away
The first sign you should pay attention to is this man’s inconsistency. You know exactly what I’m talking about- about a guy who is super attentive one day and then, all of a sudden pulls away.
This man will treat you like a Princess for some time. And the moment you think that finally, he came to his senses, he’ll change his behavior and become cold and distant.
He won’t ghost you completely but you’ll feel that something is off. Whether he admits it or not, it’s like this man becomes someone else overnight.
It will all happen without any reason in particular. Naturally, you can’t help but wonder if you’re dealing with two different guys or this one really has a split personality.
This is usually one of the most common red flags you are dealing with a player, but in this case, his pulling away won’t be so dramatic, long-term, or destructive. He will send random texts but not every day. There will be times when you won’t hear from him for days. When that happens, don’t text him and he will text you.
Even if he IS a player, there’s always a way. Use The Devotion System to always stay on top of his game and make him chase you, not the other way around.
He will probably want to become good friends with you and keep things casual for a while until he gets to know you better and until he gets enough courage to deal with his feelings. Only then he will be able to share them with you.
However, be careful: this phase shouldn’t last for too long. If you feel like he has had enough time to process his emotions and he is just stalling, it’s not a sign he is fighting his feelings for you. It’s a sign that he is stringing you along.
He pays attention when you speak and memorizes a lot about you
Does this man remember little things about you? Does he know what your favorite food and color are? Would he know the lyrics to your favorite song by heart, if someone woke him up in the middle of the night?
Is he putting an effort into uncovering all the layers of your personality? Does he notice even the slightest change in your behavior?
Well, what bigger “I love you” do you need? Trust me- there is no need for him to come clean about his true feelings- this kind of behavior is a sure sign that he is falling in love with you.
He soaks up your every word. He remembers something you said randomly a few weeks ago that you yourself can’t recall. He will surprise you with some detail you randomly mentioned.
Also, he probably made in-depth research of your social media accounts, and even if he doesn’t hit the like button that often, he will surely keep track of your whereabouts.
This man is head over heels for you- it’s more than natural that he wants to learn more about the woman he is into. Trust me: even if you recite him your favorite recipe, he’d be all ears.
His questions are way too personal
When guys hit on you, they’ll probably use the same, corny pick-up lines. That also goes for the same, old questions most men ask when they want something more out of you.
Most of the time, it will be a light conversation without any serious topics included. A guy might ask you more about your love life, career, and other basic information.
But when you’re dealing with a guy who is really interested in you but does his best to hide it, things will be a little different. This is the man who will try to dig deeper.
He is not interested in the face you show to the world- he wants to know the real you.
He wants to know everything there is to know about you. Besides random questions used in small talk, he will ask some that are deeper.
He will want to know where you stand about certain things, your likes, and dislikes, your love life history, and so on. It might not always be pleasant, but he wants to minimize the risk of getting hurt.
He is trying to figure out whether you’re worthy of him opening up. He wants to find out what kind of a person you are because that tells him a lot about the kind of a GF you’d be.
He is trying hard to impress you
All relationship experts will agree on one thing: when a man has strong feelings for you, he will do everything he can to impress you. This is not a real manipulation but he will definitely tell you things with the purpose of making himself look better.
He wants you to see only the best of him so he will make an effort to do just that.
So, don’t fail to notice if he changes his appearance a bit or starts using new perfume.
He will also talk a lot about his strong points, his work success, and all the things he is proud of—not because he wants to brag but because he consciously or unconsciously wants to impress you.
He has this (inexplicable) need to justify himself to you
You two are not in a relationship, right? In fact, this man is nothing but your coworker or you are just friends.
Nevertheless, despite that, he has the strange urge to explain his moves to you. This is especially the case with his dating life.
Even if you’re not asking any questions, he can’t stop justifying himself to you. That’s one of the biggest signs a guy likes you but is scared.
It won’t be anything big but he wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression about certain things.
For example, every time he talks about some other woman in his life, he will stress the fact that she is his friend, so you won’t think that he is unavailable. Even if he’s dating a girl, he wants you to know she means nothing to him and presents it as nothing more but a fling.
His eyes will be all over you
Let’s not forget one thing: the eyes are the windows to the soul. Therefore, a guy doesn’t have to tell you a single word for you to understand his true feelings- you’ll know everything if you just look closely into his eyes.
You will probably feel him staring but as soon as you turn around, he will look away.
He doesn’t want to make it too obvious. Your friends will also notice his stars and inform you about them.
Nevertheless, when you stare back at him, he’ll probably look away. I know you must think this man couldn’t care less about you.
But according to all relationship advice, this is just a sign that you’re dealing with a shy guy who is terrified that you’ll read through his soul the moment your eyes lock.
On the other hand, when you talk to him, he will definitely use prolonged eye contact and you will have his undivided attention.
His body language will do the talking for him
He will try to play it cool, but his body language signs will be out of sync with his mind.
Besides the aforementioned eye contact, the most obvious body signs that you are making him nervous in a good way will be his sweaty and shaky palms. He will also stand way close to you when you speak.
While you are in the middle of a conversation, he will subconsciously lean towards you.
He also won’t miss the chance to put his hands on your shoulder or subtly touch your arm.
If he has already gained some courage, he will kiss you on the cheek or hug you for a bit longer than necessary every time you meet.
Even though this man has the power to control his words, he can’t command his entire body. Trust me- he is doing all of this unknowingly.
He is not aware that his actions give him away.
He enjoys helping you with things
He usually offers to help with something. It can range from helping you ease your mind by listening and giving advice to a matter of manual labor such as moving furniture around and putting a new layer of paint on the walls.
He doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty or sitting for hours and listening to what you have to say. He is letting you know that you can count on him to do whatever.
At first, you assume that he is just being nice and polite. You two are probably good friends, so him giving you a hand is nothing strange.
But if you look at things closely, you’ll see that he goes out of his way to help you. Let’s not forget that this man is not your boyfriend so it’s certainly not his job to take care of you.
Nevertheless, he does it anyway. He is not treating you this way because he wants to get under your skin or to pretend he is some nice guy.
In fact, he enjoys helping you and doing sweet things for you. He wants you to know you can rely on him, no matter what.
He admires you (though he would never say it aloud)
This man is quite closed. He has a huge (but fragile) ego and he would probably never praise anyone. It’s like his insecurities would blow out of proportion the moment he gives someone a compliment.
But even though he is not saying it out loud, this guy secretly admires you. He has huge respect for everything you do in life and that’s one of the reasons he’s so crazy over you.
When you speak, everything around him stops and he looks at you like you are the most fascinating creature alive.
He realizes that you have been through a lot and he admires that you have succeeded in spite of everything and everyone.
Every small victory of yours is pretty big in his eyes even though he wouldn’t say it straight up.
He will listen and give some random subtle compliments and that will be an obvious sign of his affection towards you. He will also start calling you ‘babe’.
He gets in protective mode around you
While he may make jokes at your expense, they are never mean or rude.
But every time someone else does the same, he doesn’t approve and always says something to defend you.
He also makes sure you got home well and that you are safe. Whether he wants to admit it to himself or not, he cares and these little telltale signs just confirm that he is fighting his feelings.
It’s actually pretty clear: this guy considers it his duty to protect you. Even though you two are just friends, let’s not forget that he has some strong feelings for you.
You know how most men are: when they love someone, they get the urge to keep them safe. It’s one of their primary instincts and most of the time, this man is completely unaware of his behavior.
Sometimes, this man acts like your guardian angel. He’s there to get you out of trouble and to look after you.
Even when he’s not doing it transparently, he’s always there to keep an eye on you from a safe distance. And what more proof do you need of his love for you?
He shows signs of low-key jealousy
Once again, let’s remember that this guy is not your boyfriend. In fact, he didn’t move an inch to become one.
Therefore, he doesn’t have any right to protest against the fact that you have an active love life. And he’s pretty aware of that.
Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean he can’t control his emotions. He can’t help but be jealous, even though he might remain silent about it.
The truth is that he’ll do everything in his power to hide his anger when it comes to other men in your life. He won’t tell you that it bothers him, even if it breaks his heart. But if you look closely, you’ll notice signs of his secret jealousy.
He is not really happy when you are in the company of other men.
Mostly because he hasn’t acted upon his feelings and he is scared that somebody else will beat him to the punch.
Due to that, you will see how his face gets pale and his behavior becomes awkward. He is clearly uncomfortable and jealous every time other men are near you.
Not to mention he will probably ask some questions after to see where you stand with those other men.
Of course, let’s not forget how he manages to find a fatal flaw in every guy in your surroundings. This way or another, it turns out that nobody is good enough for you.
Why does he do it? Well, isn’t it obvious? He wants you to see that he’s way better than all of those men and that he should be your first and only choice.
He is thoughtful
Thoughtfulness is one of the most common signs he is fighting his feelings for you.
As I already mentioned, he will want you to see him in his best light, so he will probably act like a perfect gentleman.
He will open doors for you. He will let you order first. He won’t shower you with expensive gifts, but everything he gifts you will come from the heart.
It doesn’t have to be anything major, but if he comes by with your favorite chocolate, that will be more than enough.
Most men don’t open up so easily. This is especially the case with insecure men like him.
He is scared of giving his heart out to anyone who might break it. After all, that’s exactly why he keeps his feelings to himself. And that’s why he keeps most of his life private.
But if a man like him started confiding in you, he looks at you as someone whom he can trust, and that’s always a good sign. Actually, according to all relationship experts, that’s one of the common signs that he’s closer than ever to tell you how he feels and making the first move.
If he can trust you enough to share his personal details with you, he’ll trust you enough to tell you how he feels.
You can have small talk with anybody, but all the personal stuff you share with people who mean more.
Besides, he values your brains and he doesn’t only pay attention to your body. He will want your opinion on things that are happening currently or his plans for the future.
All in all, he will have this inexplicable need to inform you about everything, every chance he gets.
He has his cold periods
Remember how we talked about this guy’s inconsistent behavior in the beginning? Well, sadly, his cold phases are a part of this inconsistency.
When I say cold periods, I think of all those times this guy stepped back. It’s not that he disappeared from your life for good but he did change his behavior out of the blue.
You’re getting cute good morning texts, he does sweet things and you two spend a lot of time together. Then, suddenly, all of it is gone.
Nothing happened but you see that he became distant. It’s like he starts avoiding any kind of contact.
If you two are friends, you’ll be hanging out only as a part of the group, and if you’re coworkers, there won’t be any communication in your free time.
Of course, this doesn’t last for long. It’s more than obvious that he can’t stop being in touch with you.
This is one of the most painful signs he is fighting his feelings for you. He might not even be aware that he is fighting them.
And while he is having a hard time processing things and rationalizing between what he thinks and what he feels, you will probably have it harder because you will feel like he is playing you.
Rely on your intuition. Is it something he does unintentionally or is he playing mind games?
Eyes don’t lie, right? Well, the same goes for vibe- you simply can’t hide it, as much as you try.
That’s exactly what’s going on between you and this guy. It’s impossible not to notice the chemistry you two share.
Every time you enter the room, he won’t be able to keep a smile off his face.
He will check you out top to bottom and always find a way to give some indirect compliment on how amazing or hot you look.
He might even try to put all the accumulated sexual tension into some dirty words and sexual remarks.
All in all, the magnetism connecting you is something that is hard to describe but easy and inevitable to feel.
He won’t initiate one-on-one time…
Let’s get one thing clear: don’t expect this guy to invite you on a first date. In fact, it’s unlikely that he’ll ever initiate one-on-one time with you.
Even when he does it, he makes sure there is a valid excuse for you two to get together. He’ll never ask you just to hang out or something like that.
Instead, he’ll always use some kind of justification to be near you.
This man doesn’t have the courage to tell you: “I want to see you. I enjoy spending time with you”.
Besides, he’s scared of being alone with you. He is perfectly aware of the intensity of his feelings and he’s certain that he won’t be able to resist you if he gets the opportunity to make the first move.
At the same time, his fears prevent him from following his heart. Basically, he’s trapped in an endless circle.
… but he’ll never deny your invitation
On the other hand, you two still get to spend a lot of time together, even though he doesn’t initiate it, don’t you? If you analyze the situation better, you’ll realize that he never turns you down, when you’re the one who calls him to hang out.
Why is that so? Well, first of all, he doesn’t have the strength to tell you “no”. In this case, his desire to see you beats his fears.
It’s one thing that he manages not to call you at all. But resisting the temptation is something else.
If this man never denies your invitation, it’s one of the obvious signs he is fighting his feelings for you.
He has enormous respect for you
Have you noticed that this guy treats you differently than all other women in his life? It’s because he respects you, above all other things.
Yes, he is into you. You turn him on and he’s madly attracted to you. But he’d never do anything to give you an impression he’s treating you like a piece of meat.
Believe me when I tell you that he wants more than get inside your pants. He wants the whole package and he makes sure you see it.
Why Men Fight Their Feelings?
It’s no surprise that a man hides his feelings. But why do they do it? Let’s find out.
He’s been hurt in the past
The first reason why this man can’t stop hiding his emotions is his painful past. It is likely that he’s been hurt and heartbroken in one of his previous relationships.
So now, he’s scared that history will repeat itself. The last time he carried his heart on the sleeve, it didn’t end well.
Naturally, he expects the same thing to happen again. He decided that the only way to protect himself is to pretend to be heartless.
He plays the role of an indifferent man because he is terrified that dating a woman he loves would discover all of his vulnerabilities. Not only that- he is sure that you would use his feelings against him.
He has trouble expressing his emotions
It’s also possible that this guy is simply emotionally unavailable. I don’t know how it happened and when it started but the fact is that he has trouble expressing his emotions.
Maybe he is actually unaware of his feelings. It’s not that he only hides them from you- he also runs away from them.
There is obviously a thick wall around his heart and he doesn’t play allowing just about anyone to crush it.
There is a term for this condition and it’s called alexithymia. People who suffer from it have a hard time identifying their feelings and consequently, verbalizing and showing them to others.
He plays the role of a tough guy
No matter what you might think, men don’t have it easy in today’s world either. All guys are expected to be alpha men who can’t be bothered as easily as girls.
If your man plays the role of a tough guy, it means that he is not in touch with his feelings. It has a lot to do with toxic masculinity- the notion that men need to fulfil certain ideals in order to be masculine enough.
One of these toxic male traits includes the suppression of emotions. And that’s exactly what this guy has been doing.
He can’t stand the fact that he is head over heels for a woman. It’s humiliating for him to admit that he can’t control his feelings whenever he’s around you, let alone that he’s losing sleep because of you.
So, he chooses indifference over getting emotionally naked. He thinks he needs to keep on pretending he’s this badass who plays with women in order to get respect from the rest of society.
He is scared of how much he loves you
This man hasn’t loved anyone the way he loves you. And the intensity of his emotions frightens him to death.
You have to understand that this is something he never faced before. He had power over his feelings until now.
For the first time ever, his heart took control over his brain. He is led by his emotions and he is scared of where they’ll take him.
Admitting that he’s crazy about someone means stepping out of his comfort zone. Telling you he loves you means taking a leap into the unknown.
You two speak different love languages
Finally, is it possible that this guy isn’t hiding his feelings at all? Is it possible that you’re just incapable of hearing what he has to say?
Don’t get me wrong- this is not me accusing you of this situation. I’m just telling you that the cause of your problems is the fact that you two speak different love languages.
This situation is more common than you might think. While you patiently wait for him to verbalize his emotions, maybe he is expressing his love in some other way.
Let’s take this for an example: if his love language is physical touch, he’ll express his emotions by accidentally touching you, hugging you, and using every chance he gets to be close to you.
But on the other hand, maybe your love language is words of affirmation. Maybe you don’t see his efforts and expect him to praise you and give you compliments.
The examples are endless but I’m sure you see where I’m going. Remember: there are five different love languages and maybe you just have yet to discover his.
What To Do About It?
I won’t lie to you: this is the situation no girl wants to find herself in. But if you play your cards right, you can get out of it as a winner. Here is exactly what to do about a guy who is in love with you but has a hard time admitting it.
Make him feel safe
Whatever is the problem, you have to realize one thing: the core of this behavior is your man’s fear. He might be afraid of rejection, of getting hurt again, or of losing himself.
Either way, it’s your job to make him feel safe. This man has to understand that he can trust you, otherwise, he’ll never open up to you completely.
I won’t lie to you: accomplishing this with emotionally unavailable men sometimes seems like a mission impossible. But believe me when I tell you that you can gain his trust if you try hard enough.
The most important thing here is not to push things too hard. You can’t force anyone to trust you- you have to earn it.
Give this man time and be prepared to patiently wait until he starts feeling secure next to you.
That is why the best way to go is to become his friend. But be careful not to get trapped in the friend zone.
Start by revealing some of your secrets. Open up to him about some private things from your life that don’t necessarily have to do with your relationship.
When he sees that you opened up to him- he’ll follow.
…but put all the cards on the table
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you should allow for this kind of relationship to keep going forever. Instead, be brave enough to put all the cards on the table.
Don’t do it right away but after a while, once you see that you’ve reached some progress, be the first one to make a move.
You don’t have to kiss him or ask him on a first date. You don’t have to say three magical words either.
It will be enough to make it clear that you’re into him. But let him know that you’re aware of what’s going on in his head and heart, as well.
If it’s necessary, tell him straightforwardly that his attempts to hide his feelings are in vain.
Don’t be aggressive about it because that will scare him away. Just let him know that you understand him and that you’re ready to help him overcome his fears.
The key thing to have in mind when trying to understand why he is fighting his feelings towards you is that men don’t experience feelings the same way women do.
That doesn’t mean that they are incapable of feeling, it just means they are wired differently.
They will first rely on their minds and rationalize things, leaving emotions aside while women, on the other hand, tend to follow their hearts.
That’s why more often than not men and women fail to understand one another. If he displays signs he is fighting his feelings, give him enough time to process them.
He is fighting a battle with himself and he has to do it alone. He has to overcome his hidden fears of being rejected and getting hurt.
If he does that, he will very much earn a place in your life. If not, then you will have to leave him because you can’t fight his battles for him.