Relationships can be full of ups and downs but it’s just the way they are. You know how they say: sometimes it feels like smooth sailing, and sometimes it feels as if you’re on a boat in a storm. You must know when to pull through the storm and when it’s time to flee the boat.
Last week I was at Target and bumped into Lucy, my school friend, whom I hadn’t seen in years. We agreed to have dinner and catch up.
We were at a nice Italian restaurant and just after we ordered, she opened up and told me about her relationship that seemed…
Nothing but a doom and gloom
– “I don’t know how we got here. Not so long ago, he looked at me with love and admiration. I could see in his eyes he really cared about me. He was so attentive.
If I came home from work feeling low, he would instantly notice it and ask me: ‘Honey, are you feeling okay?’
Then, I would tell him about a misunderstanding with a coworker that made me feel sad, and he would take me out for dinner or to see the movies to cheer me up. Those were the good times.
Lately, we’re just passing by, without even looking at each other. I can’t take it anymore. I’m so disappointed. That’s not the man I know. My frustration is just piling up every day.
Once when I tried to have a serious talk with him it felt as if we spoke different languages. Anything he said was complete nonsense. I even thought it was a way of gaslighting. To mind-boggle a partner so much that she ends up losing her mind.
Other times, he just kept staring at his phone without even listening to what I said. He said he’s busy, doesn’t understand what I’m trying to say, can I be more clear, and stuff like that.
I’m so tired of trying to talk to him. It’s all useless, and I am just exhausted. We live like roommates. No spark is left between us.
I’m wondering why he doesn’t break up with me. Or maybe he’s waiting for me to end it?
What made him change so much? Or he didn’t change? Maybe he was always like this. Maybe I was deluded for all these years.
He doesn’t openly criticize me but makes sure I feel bad about myself.
All he talks about (if he ever does) is himself: how successful he is, how he got promoted, and how he finally eats tasty food that he made himself.
He often stands in front of a mirror with a colossal self-confidence, observing himself. You can tell that he enjoys watching a reflection of his handsome appearance.
Maybe he’s cheating on me. That would explain everything.
Yesterday, he said I don’t iron his shirts properly so he will continue doing it. Now, even my ironing is not good enough for him.
Last week he said he would sleep on a couch. He said I’m snoring and it annoys him.
I don’t know what to do! Should I just leave him?”
I had to be the one to say it
They were together for five years, and obviously, the love was gone – at least for him. He was just too afraid to leave his comfort zone or he was scared of being single again, who knows.
I told her not to waste any more of her precious time but to pack up her things and leave.
– “Just admit yourself, it’s not working and never will. He won’t change back to a loving and caring boyfriend. You did everything you could, but now it’s time to let it go. I’m sorry, your relationship is over. It’s just not declared yet.”
Lucy seemed disappointed, as if she expected me to give her some magical advice that would resolve all her relationship issues and get things back to how they were. But instead, all she got was the ugly truth.
There are times when we need to stop trying and open ourselves up to new opportunities, new people, and new relationships.
After a couple of months, I bumped into Lucy again. She really looked happy, and then…
She showed me her engagement ring!
She met her new boyfriend on vacation. They had a long-distance relationship for two months. Then, he moved to our city, they started living together and soon after, he proposed.
In just a few months Lucy went from feeling unappreciated and miserable to being loved and all excited about her wedding.
Sometimes, you just need to say “NO” or “That’s enough” and close that door for another one to open. We must first leave a place where we feel miserable and free ourselves from the energy of disappointment, and only then can we get to a happier place.
Woman, I’m telling you he’s not worth it. There is someone else waiting for you out there. Don’t let him wait too long.