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Why Do Guys Pull Away Before They Commit And How To Deal With It

Why Do Guys Pull Away Before They Commit And How To Deal With It

The undeniable fact is that most men pull away before they decide to commit to only one woman.

If you want to know the real reasons why do guys pull away before they commit, continue reading below, and you will also find some efficient tips to deal with it.

Some women say that the recipe for happiness is to get the man you love to commit before he pulls away. Do you agree with this?

I honestly don’t. I just can’t because I think it’s better to leave the man to make that serious step when he truly feels ready for it.

Your man probably needs time to think about his own future and whether he sees you in it or not. Sometimes, we need to clear out our own feelings and thoughts.

Before a man decides to commit, he needs to be completely sure that it’s the right decision and that you’re the right woman for him.

You’ll have to agree with me on this one… When a woman is in love, she lets her heart lead her, while a man will rarely listen to his heart over his head, no matter how much he honestly loves a woman.

Getting into a serious relationship and committing to a girl is a big deal for men.

We know it’s a life-changing decision, and we’re aware that we have to think it through before taking that important step.

Don’t get me wrong, getting into a committed relationship is a big deal for women too, but the fact is that leaving the ‘single life’ behind is so much harder for men than it is for women.

A lot of people say that men are stronger than women, but, in my opinion, it’s not the right way of thinking.

Maybe we’re stronger physically, but women are so much stronger both mentally and emotionally.

A woman will never allow her feelings to frighten her, while men, on the other hand, will sometimes be afraid of their own feelings, and that can easily make them pull away.

Why do guys pull away before they commit? 20 Honest reasons

So, you’re here because you want to find out why do guys pull away before they commit.

I suppose you were in a successful, healthy relationship when all of a sudden you noticed your man becoming cold and that he’s slowly pushing away from you.

Don’t immediately fall into despair. Even if it’s true, it doesn’t have to mean that he doesn’t love you or that he wants to leave you for good.

I’ll teach you how to deal with it, but first, you have to understand some of the common reasons why do guys pull away before they commit.

To draw him back, you need to recognize what made him pull away in the first place.

He still hasn’t let go of emotional baggage from the past

To be honest, we all have some baggage that we carry from our past relationships.

We spend time with someone and fall in love with that person, and sometimes, unfortunately, that person ends up deeply hurting us. And of course, It changes us.

Breakups are never easy, and that’s a fact, especially when it comes to long-term relationships. It doesn’t matter if you’re the dumpee or if you’re the dumper; it’s difficult for both sides.

Recognizing a broken man with emotional baggage isn’t that difficult. You just need to look for the signs. Maybe his ex hurt him badly and then left him, or perhaps he still has feelings for her.

The important thing is that he’ll never be able to move on and take a more serious step with you until he gets rid of that emotional baggage.

And to do that, you have to leave him alone and give him time to deal with it himself.

Sometimes, pulling away is just a defense mechanism

I have to be honest and admit that this is the most common reason why do guys pull away before they commit.

He’s probably afraid of basically everything that is happening in your relationship right now. He’s afraid of his feelings, and he’s afraid of all the new things and responsibilities that a committed relationship entails.

Men don’t want to look weak and talk to their partners about it, so we choose the ‘easier’ route; to pull away a little bit and think about it all. Unfortunately, sometimes we don’t think about how that behavior affects our significant others.

Doubting his own feelings

Another reason why men pull away before they decide to commit is that we don’t trust our own feelings, especially when we fall hopelessly in love for the first time.

You don’t have to worry. Just give your man some time to process his feelings. Your man cares for you, and he loves you honestly, now he needs just a little more time to accept his feelings.

Of course, as I have already said, before a man decides to commit to someone, he has to be completely sure of his own feelings, and also, he has to be sure that those feelings are reciprocated in the right way.

He needs some alone time

If you had to ask me the most probable reason why do guys pull away before they commit, I would answer you immediately, without even thinking about it.

It’s because we need some alone time to think about you, the relationship, and our own life in general.

This can actually be a pretty good sign that he wants to commit to you, and he needs some of that quiet time to think whether it’s the right decision or not.

I would advise you to leave him alone for a little while. If you keep pressuring him to decide whether he wants something serious with you or not, you’ll end up making him leave you for good.

He wants to process things in peace

You should try to understand that falling in love is pretty difficult for a man and committing to someone is even harder.

We’re aware that it changes many things in our lives, and we want to think about it and process it all slowly.

Another scenario could be that he still isn’t quite ready to commit to you, but he loves you and doesn’t want to lose you. He needs time to think about it and weigh his options.

You see, if your man is pulling away, that doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. He wants to take it all slowly because he doesn’t want to make a hasty decision that he may regret later.

Fear of losing his freedom

We all know how much men love and enjoy their freedom. Some men get used to their single lives and have a tough time committing to someone.

This will happen if you intrude on his personal space. And trust me, if you want to be in a committed relationship with a man, the last thing you should do is tell him who he can hang out with or nag and complain every time he goes out with his pals.

We’re all different human beings with entirely different interests. To maintain a healthy relationship, both partners should keep and cultivate their independence in their relationship.

Maybe he wants to slow things down

Don’t think that you should commit to each other just because you’re in a long-term relationship.

No, that’s not the reason why you should do that. Love is the only good reason why you should commit to another human being.

One of the common reasons why men pull away before they commit is precisely this. You can’t force him into anything and don’t think that you’ll get him to commit by pressuring him to do so.

It’s a decision that he must come to by himself. You can only ask him to be honest and tell you if he thinks you should slow down slightly.

If his answer is yes, you should work on compromising about it in a way that both of you will be happy.

He thinks of it as a short break

The reason why your man is pulling away from you doesn’t have to be that he doesn’t care for you. Relax, he isn’t breaking up with you.

Maybe he just needs some time alone to rethink your relationship, and he wants some kind of relationship break.

Okay, I’ll admit it, if this is the real reason why your man is pulling away from you, it’s not fair.

Good communication is the key foundation of every healthy relationship, and he should be direct and honest with you and tell you that he wants a break and that you should push pause on your relationship.

Again, you shouldn’t worry about it too much. It’s not like it’s an alarming sign that he wants to see other women. Maybe he just wants to test you both and see how long you can be separated and how you’ll behave during the break.

He’s prioritizing his identity

Sometimes, unfortunately, both women and men lose themselves when they’re in a relationship. Somehow, it’s like they lose their own identities.

That’s not healthy, and it’s a common reason why most couples break up today.

It’s okay to change some of your habits and make compromises in the name of love, but losing who you truly are is not and never will be a good thing.

Just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean that you have to change who you are just to make the other person happy.

If your man felt threatened and thought that he was losing his identity, it’s definitely one of the reasons why he started to pull away.

He has some other problems in his life he needs to solve

Your relationship was probably the main priority in his life, but you have to understand that he also has a life outside of it. He has his own things he has to deal with every day.

He has his family, friends, his job, and career, just as you do. As much as he needs to take care of you and your relationship, he has to take care of those things too.

If you’ve noticed that something has been bothering him lately, it means that he’s been having some problems in his personal life, and he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing them with you.

Now, more than ever, you must be there for him and show him that he has your support no matter what.

Be careful, though. This doesn’t mean that you should be trying to get through to him and make him open up to you.

No, sometimes men just need you to understand them and give them some quiet time, so they’ll be able to deal with their own things alone.

Feeling unworthy of your love

If your relationship is in the early stages, a reason your man may be pulling away from you is that he thinks you’re so much better than him and that he doesn’t deserve you, nor your love.

This is very common for men with low self-esteem. They think you’re more attractive, more intelligent, and better than them in every possible way, and they see it as some kind of threat.

They think you’ll leave them as soon as you meet someone better, and they’ll start pulling away as some kind of defense mechanism.

A man can also feel unworthy of your love if he has done something wrong to you.

If he has cheated on you, betrayed you, or lied to you, he probably won’t have the guts to be honest and admit it, and then he’ll start distancing himself and pulling away.

Commitment phobia

You’re probably wondering how everything was so good when you started dating, but now all of a sudden, he’s started to pull away from you, right?

Well, let me tell you something. In those early stages of your relationship, he didn’t know that he’d end up falling in love with you and that you’d stay together for a long time.

Now, you’re in a long-term relationship, and he is so afraid of committing to you. Some men, especially those who’ve dated too many girls or have gotten used to being single, simply have something called the commitment phobia.

They fear committing to someone, and that fear is usually driven by a fear of rejection, failure, and being hurt by someone they love.

However, even if your man is a commitment-phobe, it’s not a red flag that he’ll never be able to commit to you and that you have to leave him and move on as soon as possible.

It’s more of an obstacle you’ll have to overcome if you truly love him and want to keep him in your life.

He’s scared of love

The fact is that most men are scared of love. Some because they’ve been hurt by someone they loved in the past, others because they think it’ll tame their free spirit, and some think it may affect their masculinity.

You should show him that there is nothing to be scared of because love is truly the most beautiful thing in the world.

You must prove to him that he can trust you and that your feelings are deep and honest. He needs to see that you love him so much that you could never do anything that might hurt him in any way.

He needs to understand that just because another woman hurt him in the past doesn’t mean you’ll do the same. He needs to know that he’s a part of you, and hurting him would mean that you’re hurting yourself too.

Fear of being hurt

We all learn from our own mistakes and lessons from our past, right? Well, if your man has already been hurt by someone he loved in the past, it’s no wonder that he’s so careful with you and your relationship.

He doesn’t want to get hurt again. He knows that the worst feeling in the world is when someone you honestly love breaks your heart into a million pieces, and he doesn’t want to feel that way ever again.

A lot of women think that men deal with breakups a lot better than women, but that’s not true at all.

We also suffer, even though, in most cases, we don’t want to show it, and we try to hide our feelings. We don’t want others to think that we’re weak.

Before a man decides to commit to a woman, he needs to be completely sure that she honestly loves him and that he can trust her with all his heart.

Intimacy issues

If you already know that he has intimacy issues, then you must take things very slowly with him. Of course, I’m not only talking about physical intimacy.

Intimacy is a whole lot more than just those things that happen behind closed bedroom doors.

Being able to trust someone, confide in someone, and let someone in… Those are all different types of intimacy that are as important as physical intimacy in a relationship.

If your boyfriend isn’t okay with PDA, you shouldn’t pressure him to hold your hand or kiss you in public. If he doesn’t want to talk about certain things in his personal life, you should respect that.

It’s especially difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with someone for men who struggle with intimacy issues. They also want to love and be loved by someone, but they want to be understood most of all.

Of course, it’s possible to date a man with intimacy issues, but you first have to build trust between you because he needs to be completely sure that he can trust you.

He has low self-esteem

If you’re in a long-term relationship, then you’ve had time to get to know your man, and you can tell whether he has self-esteem issues or not.

Not all men have high self-confidence and a positive self-image. Some men struggle with it just as some women do.

Low self-esteem is also one of the common reasons why do guys pull away before they commit to a woman. Lack of confidence can make us all doubt ourselves.

A man who struggles with self-esteem issues only notices his flaws and insecurities while he neglects all of his good traits. His insecurities may make him pull away because he’ll start thinking he doesn’t deserve you.

Of course, that can easily be overcome too. You only have to show him that you believe in him and that you’ve picked him and fallen in love with him because you know he’s a high value man.

Actually, you’re the only one who can help him overcome his self-confidence issues. Help him focus on all of the good traits that make him a high-quality man.

Maybe it’s because you’ve changed

I know that we all change while we’re in a relationship, and we can never be the same as we were in the early stages of the relationship.

Sometimes, life experiences change us, and sometimes, we choose to change in the name of love.

However, if you have completely changed, that may be one of the reasons why your man is slowly pulling away from you.

He fell in love with the person he met, and he can’t stay in love with you if he can’t recognize you anymore.

Think well and hard about this. Can you tell me that you’ve not changed that much? Think about your actions too. Do you still behave towards him as you did before?

Do you still tell him that you love him before bedtime or right after you get up in the morning? Do you still throw him the best birthday parties that mean so much to him?

Do you still surprise him for no particular reason every now and then, trying to show him how much you love him?

If you or your actions have changed, then it’s no wonder that he has changed too. If that’s the case, just try to show him that you’re still the same girl he met and fell in love with.

He needs to recharge his masculinity

Have you ever heard of a love hormone called oxytocin and its role in our love lives? Well, when a person starts falling in love with someone, oxytocin levels go up in their body.

Well, those higher levels of oxytocin positively affect the stress levels in women, while on the other hand, it also has a negative effect on the testosterone levels in men.

They start feeling like their masculinity has been endangered, and they begin to pull away because they want to rebuild or regain their manhood again.

His feelings have changed

Now, unfortunately, we have come to the not so good reasons why do guys pull away before they commit. And this is the most common one.

However, we need to be optimistic and look on the bright side. Once again, this also doesn’t have to mean that he doesn’t love you or that he isn’t interested in you anymore.

Maybe he’s just confused and overwhelmed by his feelings. In this case, the best thing you can do is just to give him some alone time to think about his feelings and process them in peace.

That quiet time will make him realize that he still loves you like he always did and that he can’t live without you. That will bring him back to you sooner than you think. You should just leave him alone and avoid pressuring him into anything.

It may also be a test

Some men, and I really can’t understand the need to do so, like to test their partners before they decide to commit to them, and they do this by starting to pull away all of a sudden.

They want to test you and your feelings. They want to see whether you’ll wait for them or if you’ll jump into a new relationship or visit an online dating site right away.

Actually, they’ve already decided to commit to their partner, but they need to be sure that their significant other truly loves them, and they want to see how they’d behave while they are ‘separated.’.

This is a bad thing to do to someone you love because you may hurt them more than you think.

While you’re sitting relaxed and watching their every move, they may be lying in bed all day long, crying their heart out and trying to figure out why their partner has become so distant and cold.

8 Tips to deal with a guy who’s pulling away

So, you’re surprised by your boyfriend’s sudden behavioral change, and you don’t quite know how to deal with it.

Here are some very effective tips that will help you deal with it and help you reel your significant other back in.

Try to understand him

Sometimes in a relationship, if they ask you to leave them alone, you should respect it and let them have some alone time, even if you don’t understand why your partner wants it.

If you honestly believe that your man loves you, then you know that he’ll explain it all to you when he feels the time is right.

Maybe he has a lot going on in his personal life, and he just needs to vent a little bit from all of that pressure, and the best way to do it is by spending some time alone.

Don’t ask too many questions. Don’t try to desperately reach out to him.

Show him that you’re understanding and tell him that he has your support no matter what. It’s the only way you’ll keep him in your life.

Talk to him about it

If you think it’s been going on for too long and you’re worried that you may lose him for good, you can ask him to have an open and honest talk about what’s happening.

If you’re in a long-term relationship, and especially if he’s planning to come back to you, he’ll agree to talk with you.

If he still isn’t ready to commit to you or he still has some doubts about you and your relationship, he’ll probably ask you to give him some more time to think about it all.

Believe me, the best way to solve it all is by communicating. There is no problem that can’t be solved, no obstacle that can’t be overcome with an honest and open discussion.

I know that it’s sometimes difficult to understand why men pull away, and if it’s really bothering you that much, you can ask him about his reasons behind it.

Ask him what the problem is, so you can work on it and deal with it together.

Don’t stress too much about it

When a man starts pulling away from his partner, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing.

It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care or love his significant other; it could be for so many different reasons.

After all, the problem might not be you. Maybe he has some other issues that he needs to solve before he commits to you completely.

Even if he’s pulling away because he wants to think about his feelings, that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

It’s better to commit to someone when you feel that you’re entirely sure that person is right for you than to make a hasty decision and regret it afterward.

Give him time

This can be a good time to show your man how compassionate and understanding you are. These are qualities every man appreciates in a woman, and they’re a way to help you keep your man.

Both of you can use that quiet time to think about yourself and your relationship. A committed and serious relationship is a big deal, and you shouldn’t start one if you aren’t one hundred percent sure that your partner is the right person for it.

Look at it this way, the more time you give him, the more time he’ll have to make the best decision for both of you. And yes, be sure that he loves you; he just needs a little bit more time to realize exactly how much he loves you.

Don’t force anything

You can’t and should never force love. You can’t make someone stay with you just as you can’t make someone fall in love with you.

Your man will make the right decision; you just have to believe in that and believe in him too. You won’t show him you love him by repeatedly calling him, asking him to talk, or telling him how you can’t live without him.

All that neediness will only drive him further away and make him leave you sooner or later. That’s definitely something you don’t want, right?

So, sit back, relax, and wait until he realizes that he needs you in his life more than he needs anything else, and then, the most beautiful love story will begin.

Resist the temptation to flood him with text messages and calls

I think I’ve said this several times throughout the article by now, but please, please, please don’t inundate him with hundreds of emails, calls, or messages on different social media profiles.

That won’t show him that you’re suffering or that you honestly love him. It will only make you appear like a desperate woman with low self-respect, and those are not qualities that men fall for in women, right?

Of course, you can send him a text every now and then to check up on how he’s doing and show him you care for him, but don’t overdo it.

Focus on yourself for a change

I know this is a difficult one because all you’re thinking about right now is what made him pull away from you and how to reel him back in.

However, you need to focus on yourself. That’s definitely something he would like you to do too. This is the time when you need to show him that you’re a high-value woman.

You need to make him realize that he could regret losing a woman like you one day.

I know it’s challenging to look good on the outside when you’re falling apart on the inside, but you have to try to look your best because he needs to see that you’re a strong woman who can not be broken easily.

Do something nice for him

A reason why a man may start to pull away is when he starts feeling neglected in a relationship. We’ve already said that you may have changed, and that’s made your man distant and cold.

Maybe he feels like you don’t care or love him the way you did before. Perhaps he thinks you’re the one who got bored in the relationship.

You have to prove to him that he’s wrong and that you still love him the same as you always did, and maybe even a little bit more now.

That’s why you should surprise him with something out of the blue.

If you think you’ve done something wrong or that you didn’t respect him enough or treat him well, you should apologize and promise that from now on you’ll try to be a better girlfriend.

8 Telltale signs your man is pulling away from you

We’ve covered the most common reasons why do guys pull away before they commit and some efficient tips to deal with it.

Now, it’s time to talk about some signs that may help you to know for sure whether your man is pulling away or not.

He suddenly became distant and cold

Sometimes those butterflies in our stomach die down a little over time when we’re in a relationship with someone.

However, if you really love someone, you’ll never be able to be distant and cold towards them or ignore that person.

If your man has become distant all of a sudden and has lately started to ignore you and neglect your relationship, it’s the first red flag that he’s pulling away.

Unfortunately, you can’t do much about it until you find out the reason for that behavior.

Avoiding any kind of communication

In the beginning, he avoided talking with you in person, but now he doesn’t answer your calls and texts anymore, right? I suppose he stopped texting you first long ago?

I know that being ignored by the person you love the most is the most awful feeling in the world.

I know that sometimes you felt like his video games were more important to him than you, but it’s not like that.

Yes, it’s wrong on his part that he’s avoiding you instead of approaching you and telling you directly and honestly what’s going on.

But unfortunately, some men are indeed cowards when it comes to talking and opening up to a woman.

He isn’t attentive towards you anymore

In the early stages of your relationship, he probably gave you all of his attention. Being attentive in a romantic relationship is important for maintaining a good and healthy relationship.

It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t take you seriously or that he doesn’t care for you anymore.

Maybe he’s just going through a challenging period in his life, and he has other things he has to prioritize above your relationship right now.

Canceling dates at the last minute has now become his thing

When someone loves you, your feelings are also of great importance to them; they will try never to hurt them.

Canceling a date at the last moment is difficult for both men and women, and a person who loves you will never do this without good reason.

He obviously has other problems in his personal life. That’s why you should try to be understanding and not get angry or start a fight with him because he canceled on you.

These are some very delicate moments in his life, probably, and even though he doesn’t want to admit it to you, he needs your love and support now more than ever.

He’s stopped integrating you in his life

You were his other half, your relationship was the most important part of his life, but now, all of that has suddenly changed. He doesn’t include you in his life at all anymore.

I know it’s difficult to understand, but it’s another sign that your man is pulling away to think about committing to you.

He’s not sure about it still, and he wants to make a decision that will be the best for both of you.

He wants to think with his head, he doesn’t allow his feelings to make such a serious decision for him, and that’s why he believes that pulling away from you for some time will help him.

You aren’t his priority anymore

Even though it looks to you like you aren’t his priority anymore, I’m sure you are.

The thing is that he has other priorities, and maybe he’s neglected you because of them for a while. But that doesn’t mean he’s stopped caring or wants to end things with you for good.

The only way you’ll climb to the top of his priority list again is to be understanding and patient.

Let him be alone for a bit because he needs to sort out his thoughts and feelings, and he obviously needs to reorganize his priorities.

Your friends have noticed that something’s wrong too

If the friends you have in common have also noticed that something is off in your relationship, you should trust them because they know you both very well.

Be careful, though. I’m sure they want what’s best for you both, and they’ll probably try to advise you on what to do, but you shouldn’t blindly follow their advice.

After all, no one knows your situation and your relationship better than you two. You’ll save your relationship only if your love is strong enough and if you both are ready to put some effort into saving it.

You just feel it in your gut

You’re aware that your man has changed, and your intuition is telling you that something is off in your relationship. However, this doesn’t mean that his feelings for you have changed.

You should trust your inner voice but not allow it to lead you into making poor decisions that may drive your man even further away.

Ghosting him is never a good response to his pulling away. You need to give your man time to understand what he wants, and he will come to you when he’s finally ready to commit.

Final words

I know that we all want our relationships to be like those on TV soaps. But unfortunately, things don’t always go so smoothly in real life.

Sometimes we notice that our loved one is pulling away from us, and we feel so helpless and unsure of how to deal with it and reel them back in.

If you have noticed that your man is slowly moving away from you, I hope this list of reasons why do guys pull away before they commit has helped you get to the bottom of his behavior.

You have to know that the only way to draw him back is to find out the actual reasons he pulled away from you in the first place.

Also, you have to keep in mind that committing to someone is a lot more difficult for men than for women. We’re fully aware of all the responsibilities it brings, and we know that we’ll have to change ourselves, some of our habits, and our way of living.

That’s exactly why we need more time to take that step and enter into a committed relationship.

We need to gradually process our feelings because we want to be completely sure that we love someone and that we’re ready to commit to them; we don’t want to make a hasty decision that we may regret later.

Trust me. Sometimes it’s a good thing that your guy pulls away before he commits to you. That time will make him realize how much he loves and cares for you.

It’ll drive him right back to you because he’ll also realize that his life doesn’t make sense if you aren’t in it.

Whether you want to believe me or not, this can also strengthen the bond between you and show how strong your love truly is.

All you can do is show him that you’re a high value woman, a woman he’ll regret losing one day, and you’ll see that he’ll come running back to you.

You have every right to feel sad, disappointed, worried, or whatever the hell you want to feel. I know it’s not easy to accept that your man is slowly pulling away from you.

Nevertheless, you need to keep that smile on your beautiful face. His pulling away doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

It’s mostly because he needs time to prepare himself for a little bit of a different life and a whole other relationship than he was used to.

The best advice I can give you is to let him pull away, let him be alone for a while because if your love is real and honest, you’ll find a way to draw him back, or he will come back to you on his own.