I’m Sorry, But You Don’t Deserve Me Anymore

My darling,

I’m one foot out the door and I already know I’m going to miss you. I’m going to miss everything good we had and I’m going to miss having your love.

I’m even gonna miss loving you, feeling your warmth on a daily basis and I’m going to miss how my hand fits perfectly in yours.

But I made my decision and even if you tried to stop me, I’m not sure you could.

It’s not that I don’t love you anymore, my emotions were always pure. What makes it even worse is that I think I’ll love you for as long as I am alive.

You’ll always have a spot in my heart and I think your name will forever remain somewhere in the back of my mind.

Unfortunately, I’m not so sure you’ll ever have a spot in my life again.

Despite my feelings, this, what we have, is something I have to end. I just can’t do this anymore.

I can’t be the one to always forgive, I can’t be the only one who’s constantly trying to understand you and to see things from your perspective.

I can’t keep finding excuses for your bad behavior and I can’t be the only one dragging us forward.

I kept trying and trying, and whenever I felt bad about something that happened between us I’d sleep on it and it would be better in the morning.

I’d force myself to believe in whatever excuses you made and I forced myself to believe that things would change, that you’d finally realize what you were doing to me, how much you were hurting me.

I believed that at some point you’d think about me and you’d put my needs before the needs of others. But what I hoped for never came to life.

I tried so hard to be so good for you. I tried so hard to make you happy, to make us work.

I bottled up my feelings because I never wanted to overwhelm you with my emotions.

I wanted to be strong for both of us, but somewhere down the road, I got tired. I got tired of giving you my love and not getting anything in return.

I lost myself in this love I felt for you and I forgot to take care of myself. I kept on giving and you kept on taking everything without ever giving me anything in return.

The feeling that you were with me just so you wouldn’t be alone, the feeling that you were with me just so you could have someone, never left me.

Everything you did seemed to me like it was programmed. Because whenever I pulled back after you hurt me, you’d reach for me and show me how it felt to be loved by you.

But I only got these moments when you knew you had done something wrong. You were selective with your love and I was the one who went all in from the beginning.

Maybe that was my mistake. Maybe not holding back but giving you everything I had before you actually deserved it was the thing that made you think I’d do anything for you, that I’d never leave you.

But there was not much I could do about that, as it’s just the way I am.

When I love, I love wholeheartedly. But I’m also a girl who can walk away without ever looking back once she realizes that someone doesn’t deserve me.

And once you’ve lost me, I’m gone forever.

Truth be told, saying ‘no’ to you was always hard for me. I somehow had no issue with saying ‘yes’ and that’s why my behavior might surprise you now.

This is something I never showed you, but now I think the time has come to show you the other side of my love.

It’s time to show you how much I respect myself. And I respect myself enough to know when it’s time to give up and walk away.

It’s time to say ‘no’ to love and it’s time for me to take care of myself and my heart because you’re obviously not willing to do that.

I have decided to direct all the efforts I put into the two of us only toward myself now. I only have my pride left because you burned everything to ashes.

We were together but you never made me feel yours, not even from the start. And now it’s time to admit the harsh truth and to walk away.

I don’t mean as much to you as you mean to me. Staying would mean giving up on myself and I’m sorry, but it’s time for me to stop being so selfless and to start thinking what it is that I need.

I need to guard my heart because you’re the man I can’t picture my life without and I’m not half as important to you.

You never gave me half the love I gave you.

You never showed me your appreciation, I never got the time I wanted from you, only as much as you thought I deserved, and you never valued the things I did for you.

You never thought how your actions would affect me and you never stopped for a second to look at me and wondered who you had next to you.

But I’ve figured out who I have next to me – a man who doesn’t deserve my time, my love or my efforts anymore.

A man to whom I gave all of me and got nothing in return.

So, my darling, I’m sorry, but as far as I’m concerned, our story is over.

Best of luck,

The girl who tried so hard