The feeling of rejection, of being replaced by someone else because you are no longer enough, is devastating. It can kill your marriage, tear the two of you apart, erasing every feeling and memory that you’ve ever had together.
When a man cheats, there are two options you’re left with. One is to seal the deal and leave and the other is to find a reason to forgive him.
If you think you can find a way to get past this, who knows, maybe your marriage will turn out to be better than ever, especially if there are no other painful signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore. Or if you think you could never forget what he has done to you, it’s better to leave, no matter how hurtful it is, and move on with your life.
How to deal with a cheating husband?
1. Don’t make any sudden decisions
What you’re feeling right now is rage, depression, anger… all kinds of feelings mixed together at the same time. You’re not able to think straight because you’ve been hurt.
Maybe the reason for his cheating goes deeper, maybe it has something to do with your marriage. But the thing is, maybe he is sincerely sorry and regrets what he has done. Maybe there is a way to solve the situation.
That’s why you have to sleep on it. Let some time pass before you decide what to do by judging from the way he acts and whether he is sorry or not.
2. Think about yourself
Use this time, until you reach a decision, to take care of yourself. Don’t let the pain destroy you. You have to keep it together because there is an important decision before you.
Infidelity can cause you to overeat or stop eating, to have insomnia or all kinds of other disorders. Don’t let it affect your well-being.
3. Try to find out the reason why he did it
Try to get to the bottom of it. Maybe he did it because he simply wanted to. Maybe he is that inconsiderate and infidelity is something that excites him. In that case, there is nothing you can do about it.
But on the other hand, maybe there is something he is lacking from you. Maybe something happened to him when he was a child and he’s been traumatized and now he’s seeking approval from a random woman.
Whatever the reason is, you have to find it out to be able to decide what’s next, whether you’ll leave or give him another chance.
4. Ask for help
There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. Talk to your friends, the people who won’t judge you, and ask them what they think of the situation you’re in.
Or if he agrees to it (and he probably will), try couples counseling. Try talking to a professional who knows what they’re doing. Maybe they will help you find the solution which is best for the both of you.
5. Be honest with your kids
Children see everything. Even if they don’t know what is going on, they know that something is wrong. Don’t be the bad guy and shut them out. They are also a part of the family and they have a right to know what’s going on.
This way, if you tell them, you’re going to be able to talk to them and assure them that they are going to be loved the same as before and that everything will be okay, one way or another.
Change the approach depending on their age and the most important thing is to never lie to them.
6. Don’t communicate with the other woman
You have nothing to say to her. It’s not your responsibility. This goes especially if he wants you to do his dirty work for him. Don’t go down that road.
He made the mess and he has to clean it up. If you do it for him, it won’t teach him responsibility and he’ll know that every time he screws things up, he’ll have you to clean up after him.
7. It takes time to heal and trust again
If you stay with him, don’t expect everything to be normal right away. You won’t trust him for a long time. Even if he is the best husband ever, you still won’t trust him.
Time has to pass by and you have to make peace with the fact that he cheated on you. You’ll be stressed for a long time and a lot of things you see or do will remind you of the fact that he cheated on you.
That is the grieving process you have to go through. You have to be angry, you have to cry and in the end, you will make peace with it. But only if you see that he is truly sorry and that he regrets doing the stupidest thing he could.
8. Pros and cons
Be practical. Check out the finances and the housing situation. See if you even have any possibility of leaving him because before you do, make sure you have a place to live and enough money to take care of essential things.
9. Either learn to forgive…
You have to decide what you want. You can’t live in-between because that gets you nowhere. If you’re going to forgive him, do it.
But when you do it, there is no turning back. There is no nagging and bringing up the past.
10. … or just leave
If you see and feel in your heart that the fact he cheated on you will always bother you, that whenever he goes out you’ll wonder if he is with another woman, then do yourself a favor and leave.
It’s better to be single and happy than married and miserable.