When we decide to spend our life with someone, we don’t expect for it to fall apart.
We don’t expect that the person who committed to loving us till death do us part will stop caring.
We don’t expect to all of a sudden be occupied with that one sentence: “My husband hates me.”
But it happens and when it does, we’re left wondering: how did we get here? Was there anything I could’ve done differently?
Was there something I missed about my husband’s behavior? Why does my husband hate me?
What’s important to know is that you’re not alone. There’s a really thin line between love and hate.
So, while there’s hate (or you believe there is), there’s still a chance for love to be reborn.
Once he stops caring about you, once you see that he’s done fighting, there’s no going back.
But as long as he fights, as long as he sticks around and shows any kind of emotion, there’s still hope because it takes two to make a marriage work!
But how do you know if he’s really stopped loving you, or if this is just a phase you’re going through, something that is temporary and can easily be solved?
Well, first look for signs that can tell you that his love has turned into something different.
If you conclude that this is the case with you, below you’ll find necessary tips that’ll help you save your marriage!
7 Unfortunate Signs Your Husband Hates You
Lack of communication
Lack of communication doesn’t necessarily mean that the love is gone, so what you should do is listen to what your gut is telling you.
If you feel tense while he’s around and yet you’re not talking, you’re not yelling or fighting, that could mean that something’s up.
When we’re connected to someone, we can sense their emotions and that affects us.
So, if there’s tension and negative feelings, but no communication, your gut might be right.
You fight all the time
You can’t even have a normal conversation without one of you snapping and starting a fight.
If it’s him in most cases and if he blames you for his problems or for every little thing that happens, that’s a sign he’s comfortable with making you feel bad.
This is also one of the traits of a narcissist, but if he wasn’t like this from the first time you met him, then he probably doesn’t belong to this toxic crew.
So, unless he’s ready to sit down and address the problem (instead of being a full-time asshole), this could be something that’s going to affect you really badly if you decide to stay.
He hardly puts any effort into the marriage anymore
You can’t remember the last time he did something nice for you, not even the dishes after dinner.
If he used to remember every important date, like your anniversary and birthday, and now he straight-up ignores them to the point where you feel heartbroken, that’s a sign he’s full of hate.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be hate toward you, it could be hate toward himself or the idea of your marriage, because he feels like he would’ve had more success had he stayed single.
This could’ve been caused by setbacks in his career or something bad that happened to him, but he’s not ready to admit the real cause of the issue and that’s why he has a hard time stopping acting like he doesn’t care about you or your marriage.
He takes you for granted
He thinks that you’ll be there no matter what he does, no matter how badly he treats you, and for some reason, it irritates the crap out of him.
No matter how ugly he behaves, you still love him, and he hates you for it.
He hates you because you’re taking the high road, you’re still fighting for the man he once was, and it’s making him feel bad.
He’s not mature enough to leave, he’s not strong enough to fight, so he drowns himself in hate toward you.
I know it’s so hard and heartbreaking to hear all of this, but the sooner you open your eyes and see the real truth, the sooner you’ll find a safe place to rebuild your marriage.
You can’t remember the last time you made love
This is usually the number one sign that the love is gone. When a man loses interest in having sex, you know that something’s really wrong.
But it’s not only about making love. It’s usually combined with complete avoidance of physical touch (no kisses, hugs, or cuddling sessions).
Now, there are several reasons for couples not having sex – he may have lost his job or fallen sick – but if everything is fine with him, then you know it’s not that he’s incapable of making love. The bottom line is that he’s just not interested.
He gets irritated when you talk
Whatever you say, it’s stupid to him. He’s lost his respect for you, so if you’re telling him about your day at work, he makes comments about how your job is pointless anyway.
Every wife hates to hear this because it’s really painful and disrespectful at the same time. This is exactly what makes every wife think: “My husband hates me.”
And if you’re trying to tell him how you feel, he straight-up tells you that you’re exaggerating or you’re crazy.
You feel like he hates you for just breathing around him, and well, there’s the possibility that he might. Don’t let him belittle you, try to show him that he’s hurting you.
You suspect he’s cheating
If he’s suddenly so mysterious about his life when he used to share everything with you and if he’s suddenly overly active on social media, that’s a sign he’s losing interest in you.
If he’s carrying his phone around with him all the time, even when he’s taking out the trash, if he’s laughing at something he saw on his phone, but acts offended and irritated if you ask him about it, that could be a sign he’s cheating on you with his ex girlfriend or someone new.
If he snaps at you for asking questions about his privacy and his emotions, he doesn’t want to be around you anymore.
He doesn’t want to share his life with you the way he used to because he no longer sees you as his best friend, lover, and partner in crime.
7 Tips That Will Help You Save Your Marriage
You recognized some of the signs and now you wonder if there’s any hope. There is.
He wouldn’t have stuck around for this long if he didn’t love you in some capacity. Now you must be wondering why he’s not showing it.
Most men don’t articulate and express their feelings well, unlike women.
It’s not just love that’s the problem, it’s pain, frustration, and everything else.
His inability to deal with struggles can lead to him bottling up his feelings, which can manifest as anger and hate.
Or your relationship might not be going well. If you’re having problems, that could just be his way of dealing with them, like pulling away, using the silent treatment, or acting in a way that makes you believe he hates you.
You want your marriage to succeed. You’re still not ready to give up, but you’re wondering how to make your husband love you again.
Don’t worry, any couple can find love again if both partners are willing to work at it.
Take things slow and if you don’t work it out together, there’s no shame in seeking professional advice or marriage counseling.
I’m sure there are plenty of quality and dedicated marriage counselors out there waiting for you to simply ask for their help.
But before doing that, make sure to check the following tips that’ll help you see things more clearly and save your marriage:
Honesty is the first step toward regaining love and that’s why it is important for both of you to be honest with each other.
So, instead of only thinking about that one sentence “My husband hates me,” sit down and tell him how you really feel right now, and be prepared to accept his reply, even if it hurts to hear it.
Not everything is black and white and you could both be to blame for your marriage falling apart.
And try to open up more often – don’t ignore your feelings, don’t ignore the pain; it’ll only pile up until one of you snaps again.
Most couples come home from work, turn on the TV, do house chores, deal with the kids, and never talk to each other.
They go to bed exhausted and separated, drained from the difficulty of everyday tasks, but without sharing the load with someone. Healthy communication is the next step to take.
Try to make a deal that you’ll talk to each other every day for a certain amount of time and that you’ll stick to that decision.
There’s no way you can know how he feels if he doesn’t tell you. And there’s no way he’ll know what you need from him, unless you make him aware of it. Communication is key, so treat it that way.
You’d be surprised to find out that even just a bit of talking goes a long way.
You’ll feel closer to each other and you’ll find a way to enjoy each other’s company, like you used to.
Meet each other’s needs
Remember when you first started dating and you wanted to do anything just to make the other one happy? What happened to that?
Your obligations, kids, work, and stress took away your will and time for that? You no longer know what his needs are?
Try to find time to take care of each other. You really need a massage after a long day?
Offer him one too, if he’s up for it. He needs help with a work presentation? Give him some of your focused attention.
Don’t make excuses – if you do, he won’t turn to you next time. Show each other that you still matter, that your feelings and needs matter, but make sure it’s not a one-sided relationship. Work together.
Try something new – together
When was the last time you went out on a date (a week ago, a month ago, or last year)?
When was the last time you followed your passions together? Remember how you used to dream about visiting the Grand Canyon and watching the sunrise together?
How you were excited about holidays, weekend trips, and new places to visit? How you wanted to learn new stuff together?
Take a cooking class together, take a break from the kids, play video games.
Prepare for a date separately and meet in a bar, like you used to when you first met.
Remember all the dreams you shared with each other and try to make them happen.
Go bungee jumping, take an art class, take a brand-new Porsche for a test drive.
Do anything that will bring you excitement and inspire you to say the following sentence: “Last night was great! We had such a great time together!” There are no limits, as long as you’re together.
Work on yourself
While you’re trying to save your marriage and work things out, don’t forget to save yourself too. Don’t lose yourself along the way while you’re trying to find love.
Treat yourself to a spa weekend, hit the gym, and try to eat healthily instead of getting takeout.
I know it’s easier to order food than cook it, but you can literally make a healthy meal in under 30 minutes – something the whole family can do, plus you get to spend quality family time together at the same time.
Make doing the dishes fun, or dance around the kitchen while you’re cooking, as dancing improves our mental health and boosts our mood.
Make the best out of your day and show your husband that you still have that spark inside you, that you’re still that amazing woman he once fell in love with.
Show him that you’re even better than you used to be, but to do that, you have to fall in love with yourself first.
Try to understand
This one goes both ways. Understand that what you’re going through is not something uncommon and is certainly not something fatal for your marriage.
You can still work it out, you can still fall in love with each other again, but first, you need to understand each other, because marriage doesn’t work any other way.
So, if he’s having trouble at work, show him that you believe in him, that you have no doubts about his skills and ability to solve a crisis. Understand that he deals with problems differently than you do.
Women are proven to handle multitasking better than men, and we take care of business, the house, the kids, AND still manage to make our husband happy. But men are not as good at handling more than one task at a time.
So keep in mind that if his best might not seem enough to you, that’s not a sign that he hates you. Show appreciation and support and he’ll show them back to you as well.
Fight for your marriage
Work together, fight together. Agree that you will do it together, that you CAN do it.
Make a list of reasons why you want to save your marriage and why you fell in love in the first place.
Make a list of things that you once loved and cherished about each other.
It’ll help you to see that it really is worth it. It’ll help you to understand how much you’ve changed over the years and that your love has also changed.
You matured differently, and so did your love. Now it’s time to work on it once more, to truly show you care about each other.
Saving a marriage is not an easy thing. Sometimes, forgiving seems like the hardest part.
I’ve been in the same situation and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about giving up, but now I’m glad I didn’t because I learned that everything is SOLVABLE only if your desire is strong enough.
Now, let me reconstruct the above sentence into this: Saving a marriage is not an easy thing – but in the end, it’s totally worth it!
I know it’s hard to forget that someone who’s supposed to make you feel safe is the one who hurts you the most. I know it’s hard to forgive him for breaking your heart. But, trust me, the hardest part is leaving when you want to stay.
The hardest part is saying goodbye, when you want to say “I love you.” So, fight for your marriage, fight for your love! There’s only one like it, and that one belongs to you.