For my whole life, I have been a strong and brave girl, but when it comes to love, I somehow totally lose all my power.
I transform into a girl who just wants to crawl into a hole and let someone else do the hard work for her.
And I am not doing that because I am a coward but because I can’t stand watching people while I am telling them things they don’t want to hear.
And that is why I am doing this right now. That is the reason I am writing this letter. I can’t look you in the eye and tell you that I am leaving.
I know you would be disappointed, broken and that you would fall apart. I know you will beg me to stay with you, telling me that you will change.
I know that you will tell me the same old lies again and what is worse, I will believe you and accept you back.
That’s why I am writing this break-up letter far away from you. I want to calm my thoughts and to think straight.
I don’t want to hurt you, especially after so many things that we went through together. But I don’t want you in my life anymore.
I can’t stand putting you first while you never do that for me.
I can’t stand fighting for your attention while you easily give it to the first girl you meet.
I can’t convince you that you should sometimes listen to what I have to say because, hey, I know what is best for you.
I don’t want you to decide instead of me. I don’t want you to think that I would be incapable of doing big things without you.
I don’t want you to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. I am big enough to know what can benefit me and what is not so good for me.
And that is what you did throughout the whole relationship. You didn’t behave like we are equals. You didn’t behave like I was an adult.
You always had some strange urge to be the dominant one, the one who decides and who has the final decision.
And you know what?
I am sick and tired of that! I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t even think I am worthy.
I don’t want a man who will mold me into someone he would like to fall in love with.
I want you to fall in love with the real me. I want you to accept the real me and not ever having it cross your mind to change anything about me—not even a single bit.
Am I asking too much? Am I asking the impossible?
I don’t think so, especially after everything I did for you. I’m not asking too much because if it was real love, you would have known my wishes by just looking at me.
But you were never capable of doing that.
You never saw further than my body. You never wanted to get to know me deeper.
You just wanted someone who will be good for your ego, someone who will listen to your wishes and someone you will have fun with.
And I became all that you wanted. I was losing myself for too long just so I could make you happy.
And I came to the breaking point where I couldn’t even recognize myself anymore.
I changed so much just so you would like me more that I forgot to love myself. The girl I see in the mirror isn’t that happy and positive girl anymore.
She is far from happy because she doesn’t listen to her heart. Instead, she listens to someone else who isn’t even good for her.
She listens to the man she thinks is her happily ever after . But he is not. And he will never be.
That’s why this break-up letter is so painful for me. And I know it would be more painful if I was telling you all of this in person.
I know that I wouldn’t be so strong and that you would convince me to go back to you. And that is the last thing I want to do.
Today is the day I am letting you go, no matter if you want it or not. I have been listening to your wishes for so long, and now it is my turn.
I need you to respect my only wish, the one I am writing in this letter. I want you to respect my decision as I always respected yours.
I want you to finally let me go because this is not love anymore; it is just a bad compromise. And I can’t live like this any longer.
If you are wondering if there is another man behind this whole story, just know that there isn’t. I am still madly in love with you, but you are ruining me like nobody did before.
You are hurting me even if I love you, and you don’t want to change.
You are breaking your promises like they mean nothing to you, and you are repeating the same things over and over again.
And I am smart enough to see that by doing all that, you don’t really love me.
You only love the idea of me. You love that you have someone you will drink your morning coffee with, someone who will keep you warm during cold winter nights and someone you can show off with.
Sadly, I was that person but not anymore. So please don’t call me and beg me to give you another chance because I gave you too many of them.
Don’t text me and don’t try to find me.
Even if I am breaking up with you, it is not an easy thing to do. I spent too long a time with you to be able to get over you at such short notice.
So, please don’t reach out. Don’t make it harder for both of us.
You knew something like this would happen sooner or later. And it is better it happened now because we can still find our true match.
In the end, I just want you to know that I don’t hate you. I guess heaven sent you into my life for some reason.
Maybe to make me stronger, to teach me that real love can’t be found on every corner and to show me that sometimes it is better to be alone than in a bad company.
And that is what I will do right now. I will be alone, free from you and totally focused on myself.
Maybe in losing you, I will find what I have always been seeking – maybe I will find myself.
Christine is the author of ‘ Staring Into The Eyes Of Anxiety And Depression ’ , a book that will change the way you fight anxiety and depression.
