La Mejor Lista De Límites Para La Suegra: 15 Limitaciones

Let’s take a deep breath and tackle one of the most sensitive, but crucial topics for every married woman: relaciones familiares. O, para ser exactos, la suegra. O, ¿debería decir el monstruo-en-ley?

Bueno, déjame darte una buena noticia: it’s possible to have a relación sana con su husband’s mother. And, you know what’s necessary for that to happen?

Esta lista de límites para suegra! La única forma de evitar que se extralimite e interfiera en todos los aspectos de tu vida es establecer límites sanos desde el principio.

Éstas son las normas básicas y las limitaciones más importantes.

¿Cuáles son los límites saludables con la familia política?

Healthy boundaries with your husband’s family are all limitations, which impose them to finally understand that you’re his primary family now. They have to learn to respect you, your attitudes, opinions, privacy, personal time, and space…

Lista de límites para una suegra

​Here is the ultimate list of boundaries for a mother in law that you should set if you want a happier family life.

1. No criticar la relación

Rule number 1: nobody is allowed to criticize your relationship or either of the partners. Actually, let’s be clear: your suegra narcisistaLa cuñada, el suegro, el mejor amigo o un familiar no tiene derecho a opinar sobre la forma en que usted y su cónyuge llevan su matrimonio.

Puede que no les guste la forma en que usted y su marido hacen algo. Puede que no estén de acuerdo con algunas de sus decisiones. Pero deben guardarse su opinión.

I know I’ve heard my MIL telling me that “things weren’t like that back in her days” or “how she would do something differently”. She wasn’t criticizing my marriage straightforwardly, but she was definitely doing it indirectly.

That’s exactly why one of your ground rules should be to ban this right from the start. If you catch your MIL starting to criticize some of your relationship practices, tell her that it’s not acceptable and ask her for some privacy.

2. No “choosing the side”.

Let’s get one thing straight: parental love and romantic love are two different concepts. They can’t be measured, and they shouldn’t be compared.

Sin embargo, a pesar de ello, uno de los más comunes comportamientos tóxicos visto en familias extensas who don’t care about you is the practice of “choosing the side.”

“Do you really love her more than you love your mother?” “I can’t believe your wife’s needs are more important than mine.”

“She can come and go, but your mother stays with you forever.” “You can have as many wives as you want throughout your life, but you only have one mother.”

“Who will you trust more: me or her?” “Are you really going to choose her side?”

¿Le suena familiar? Si es así, tu madre está haciendo todo lo posible para que tu marido elija entre tú y ella.

This is not acceptable, and you have to make that clear from day one! Even if you and her don’t get along, she is still his mother and you’re his wife. That’s the end of it!

3. Limitaciones de las vacaciones

Here’s another important thing on the list of boundaries for a mother-in-law, and it’s related to the holidays! I know what you must think right now: it’s only a couple of days a year, so why bother dealing with it?

Créeme cuando te digo que debería estar en tu lista de límites para la suegra. Las vacaciones pueden ser la época más alegre del año, pero al mismo tiempo, pueden ser un desastre a punto de ocurrir y un motivo de su depresión.

It’s all up to you and up to the limits you set.

¿Quién será el anfitrión de las fiestas? Recuerda que probablemente tú también tengas familia.

¿Pasará todas las vacaciones con su familia ampliada? Quizá, a veces, quiera aprovechar estos días para descansar y estar con su marido y sus hijos sin visitas.

Si tus suegros vienen a visitarte, ¿dónde se alojarán? ¿Cuánto tiempo pueden quedarse en tu casa?

Las mismas preguntas se aplican a las situaciones en las que usted va a visitarlos.

4. You’re in charge of your own children

Trust me: you’ll need to make a special list of boundaries for your mother-in-law once the new baby comes. I get it: she’ll be crazy for her grandkid, but please don’t let her forget that you and your husband are the primary caregivers!

Usted y su marido son los únicos encargados de cosas como lactancia materna, the baby’s sleeping schedule, etc. Of course, this applies to the children’s upbringing and your parenting style later in the future as well.

For example, if you decide that there’s no putting your child in front of the TV or no ice cream before dinner, she has to respect that, even if she disagrees with your decision! On the other hand, if you choose gentle parenting, she’s in no place to discipline your children in the way she finds appropriate!

Here’s a piece of advice: si cree que su suegra won’t respect your decisions, limitations, and parenting style, don’t ask her to cuidar niños.

Tell her that you don’t wish to burden her since you know your child is a piece of work!

5. No interferir en decisiones privadas

Private decisions regarding your marriage are not your MIL’s concern.

I’m talking about things such as the fact that you don’t want to have children or the way you divide your house chores. And, of course, let’s not forget everything related to finances!

I can’t stress the importance of this enough. Créeme, hay entrometidos suegras que literalmente intentará echar un vistazo bajo tus sábanas.

If you and your spouse decided not to cook on a daily basis, she’s in no position to talk you out of it. If you decided to have a cat instead of children, it’s your choice and she must respect it.

Remind her that you’re her daughter-in-law and not a machine for giving her grandkids. She mustn’t forget that you’re both adults, and that she has no right to invade your personal space, time, or decision-making process.

6. Ningún favor si viene con condiciones

How do you set boundaries with your MIL? Well, for starters, don’t accept any favors if they come with certain conditions (and, in most cases, they do).

Your MIL might offer to babysit. You’re probably exhausted and you’ll be more willing to accept.

Be careful because that is likely to be a trap! If you allow her to help you with the children, she’ll see it as a green light to interfere with your parenting methods.

Lo mismo ocurre con las finanzas. Podría ofrecerte un préstamo o incluso darte algo de dinero cuando tu marido y tú estéis en crisis.

However, that doesn’t give her the right to interfere with your future financial calls or to nag about your bad money management skills.

7. No se tolerarán las prácticas pasivo-agresivas.

Here is another important thing on the list of boundaries for a mother-in-law: don’t tolerate agresión pasiva. Estas prácticas no siempre son fáciles de detectar, pero créeme, ¡pueden arruinar tu matrimonio!

A veces, parece que su suegra difícil está preocupado por su bienestar, but she’s actually making nasty comments about your parenting or marital skills. This must be identified and stopped on time.

You think that hateful remarks that hit below the belt are the worst. Well, there’s something even worse: luz de gas.

Sometimes, your husband’s mother will try to convince you, your husband, and the entire extended family that “she didn’t mean it like that” or that “you misinterpreted her advice”. Don’t let these practices continue!

Lo más importante aquí es crear una confianza ilimitada con tu pareja. ¿Su marido le creerá a usted o a sus propios padres?

8. Your house – your rules

Aunque suene duro, esta regla es la forma de preservar tu salud mental. Repite conmigo: en tu casa se aplican tus normas y solo las tuyas.

Su suegra (y su propios padres) son sólo invitados y deben obedecer estas normas.

First of all, there is no barging in and disrupting your peace. As much as you love your family, they can’t be showing up unannounced whenever they feel like it.

Preguntas importantes

Para que se aplique esta norma, usted y su marido tienen que llegar a un acuerdo sobre sus visitas.

¿Con qué frecuencia pueden venir? ¿Cuánto tiempo deben quedarse? ¿Está bien que sus familias pasen la noche o es mejor que se queden en el hotel?

¿Vas a cocinar cenas familiares de vez en cuando o llevarás a tus suegros al restaurante?

Por supuesto, todo depende de la dinámica familiar y de otros factores.

It’s one thing if your mother- and father-in-law live across the street. In that case, you have to put an effort into setting healthy boundaries unless you want to end up on a set of Everybody loves Raymond.

But, hey… you don’t want to end up like their favorite holiday destination or a free hotel they spend a few months a week in either.

9. Ningún tipo de abuso

When people hear the word ‘abuse’, all they think is physical violence. But, trust me… there are numerous other formas de abuso que son características de una vida familiar tóxica.

Tú y tu marido tenéis que convertiros en frente unido y mantener la actitud de que insultar, injuriar y humillar también es una forma de maltrato. To be exact, it’s called abuso emocional, and it won’t be tolerated.

The no-abuse policy is especially important when it comes to your children. Your husband’s mother or your own mother will perhaps want to discipline their grandkids in the way they find appropriate.

Explain to them that they’re not allowed to spank them, yell at them, or abuse them in any other way. Don’t let your overstepping MIL even negotiate about this; it’s your decision and it has to be respected.

10. Reglamento sobre llamadas telefónicas y mensajes de texto

Here’s another important item on the list of boundaries for a mother-in-law: regulation of phone calls and text messages.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advising you to block her on everything the moment you say “I do”. That wouldn’t be a healthy relationship either.

However, you didn’t get married to spend all of your days texting her and talking on the phone with her either. Therefore, para salvar a los tuyos salud mentalforman un frente unido with your husband, and agree when and how often it’s okay for her to call and text.

Once again, it all depends on the family dynamics. What if you’re used to hearing from your own parents every day, but your husband only texts his father and mother once a week?

In that case, you two have to find the middle ground here – a solution that will be acceptable for both of you.

11. Los consejos no deseados no son bienvenidos

Esto puede resultar chocante para todas las madres que se pasan de la raya: nadie necesita ni quiere oír consejos no deseados. Esto se aplica a su matrimonio, a la nuevo bebé, su espacio personal, cooking skills… the list goes on and on.

But, what’s important is for your MIL to understand this as soon as possible. If you don’t ask for her opinion, she is not invited to give it to you.

However, you have to be extra careful here. She’ll probably get all defensive and do her best to convince you that she’s telling you all of it because she’s worried about your well-being.

And, maybe she really is. Nevertheless, both you and your husband are adults. You’re perfectly capable of making your own decisions.

Even if you regret them or do something wrong, you’re the only ones who suffer the consequences.

12. Reuniones programadas

We’ve already discussed the fact that your MIL has to know that she can’t come into your house unannounced and uninvited. Well, the best way to prevent this from happening is this item on the list of boundaries for mother-in-law-scheduled get-togethers.

Cenas familiares, celebrations; it all has to be planned in advance. You’ll have enough time to clean the house, get your schedule in order, and get financially and mentally prepared.

It’s likely that your MIL will accuse you of treating her like a business partner once you try to impose this rule. Don’t let her get inside your head!

Just tell her that you’re busy, and that you’re doing all of this to give her your undivided attention when she’s with you!

13. Se fomenta la franqueza

No hay necesidad de ir a la vuelta de la esquina para quejarse unos de otros. Si usted y cualquier miembro de su familia ampliada (y esto se aplica especialmente a tu MIL) tiene un problema entre sí, sé directo al respecto.

Of course, never forget to be respectful. You’re allowed to talk about whatever is bothering you as long as you do it properly.

14. El intercambio de información es voluntario

Algunas madres piensan que en el momento en que tienen una nuera, también tienen luz verde para entrar en su vida, su mente, su corazón y su alma. Esta joven se convirtió en parte de la familia y, por tanto, perdió toda su individualidad.

¡Pues mal!

You’re in no obligation to share your secrets or personal information with your MIL, especially if we’re talking about an sobrepasando MIL. Y no tiene derecho a enfadarse por ello.

You’re not hiding anything from her – you just chose to keep some things for yourself.

Being nosey is disrespectful and it equals invading your and your husband’s personal space. You two are a team, and whatever happens between you two should stay right there.

Tenga esto en cuenta: esta mujer puede convertirse en su amiga con el tiempo, pero ese nunca será su papel principal. No es la mejor amiga a la que debes contar tus deseos más profundos y tus secretos más oscuros.

Y no tiene derecho a quejarse de esto.

15. Las normas están para respetarlas

This list of boundaries for a mother-in-law shouldn’t be just a bunch of theoretical rules that nobody actually follows. Las normas y los reglamentos están para respetarlos, y tu MIL tiene que ser consciente de ello desde el primer día.

If necessary, mention the possible consequences of her overstepping. No, I’m not telling you to threaten her or to emotionally blackmail her. Just make sure she realizes that every action has its reaction!

Véase también: Mis suegros me tratan como a un extraño: 8 cosas que hacer al respecto

¿Cómo poner límites a una suegra autoritaria?

Para empezar, hay que ser directo. Dile que la respetas y que te encanta el papel que tiene en tu vida, pero establecimiento de límites es necesario por el bien de todos ustedes. Lo mejor es que su cónyuge establezca esos límites y le explique su importancia.

Véase también: Distanciarse de los suegros: ¿Debe hacerlo y cómo?

Para concluir

I can’t emphasize enough how important this list of boundaries for a mother-in-law is. If you two are getting along great, you might think you don’t need these limitations, but trust me – you do.

You never know when things can start going downhill. That’s exactly why you need a list of rules that everyone respects.

Sometimes, these boundaries seem difficult to follow at first. However, once you all get used to them, you’ll see that they’re actually a recipe for a successful relationship.