Por qué mi ex no ha intentado ponerse en contacto conmigo (+Cómo recuperarlo)

One of the biggest questions known to mankind is “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?” I know we’ve all been there, so you’re familiar with the drill.

Maybe you don’t ask yourself this the very next day after the break-up.

Sin embargo, en el momento en que tu cabeza se enfríe un poco, caes en un abismo interminable de incertidumbre, anticipación y exceso de pensamiento.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a dumpee or a dumper – either way, you’ll wonder the same things over and over again.

Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me? Are they over me so quickly? 

¿Tienen previsto llamar? ¿Cuándo lo harán? ¿Cuándo veré su nombre en la pantalla de mi teléfono? ¿Cuándo terminarán mis tormentos?

Well, luckily for you, a relationship expert has the answers to all of your questions. Not only that: you’ll also get a step-by-step guide on how to make your ex reach out first.

10 Brutally Honest Reasons Why Your Ex Hasn’t Reached Out

I’m warning you: you won’t be happy to hear some of the reasons listed below. But hey, it’s always better to know the truth than to keep on living in a lie.

They’re as stubborn as a mule.

Dicen que el orgullo siempre será la distancia más larga entre dos personas.

Well, knowing this, hearing that the number one reason why people don’t reach out to their exes despite their feelings is that stubbornness won’t come to you as a surprise.

Es probable que éste sea también el caso de tu ex novio o ex novia.

Ahí estás, sin noticias suyas. Naturalmente, supones que se han olvidado de que existes y que han dejado de quererte.

Tal vez encontraron a alguien nuevo o nunca se preocuparon por ti en primer lugar.

But, the truth is quite different. In fact, they feel the same way you do – they just chose to ignore their heart’s desires.

Tu ex ha decidido firmemente no ponerse en contacto contigo. Por supuesto, no muchas personas pueden pasar por sus decisiones.

Si el el amor es realtarde o temprano, se darán cuenta de que la terquedad y la estupidez son gemelas. Yes, they’re hurting you with this behavior.

Nevertheless, they’re also breaking their own heart. They’re hurting themselves in the process, and that can’t last for very long.

Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone. You’re the one who knows this person to the core of their personality.

Therefore, you’re the only one who can give the answer to the question: “Can they keep their word?”

RELACIONADO: ¿Qué piensa él durante la ausencia de contacto? (Los 8 pensamientos más comunes)

¿Cómo solucionarlo?

If your ex is just stubborn – the worst thing you can do is insist on volver a estar juntos. This way, they’ll get the impression that their tactic is being fruitful and they’ll just go on with their behavior patterns.

By begging them to come back to you, you’re giving wind to their wings. Instead, just ignore this childish behavior and patiently wait for them to knock on your door.

No obstante, Hay una gran diferencia entre ser terco y ser decidido. ¿Es posible que se hayan decidido por alguna razón?

Maybe your ex decided that they don’t want you back because you two are not compatible, or maybe it’s obvious that you have no future together.

Sí, puede que aún te quieran, pero en este caso, están decididos y tienes pocas posibilidades de hacerles cambiar de opinión.

RELACIONADO: Me ha bloqueado: Qué significa y qué hacer al respecto

They’re fighting a battle within.

When you wonder why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you, you don’t try to take a walk in their shoes. Instead, you focus on your feelings and your own dilemmas.

Mientras tanto, te los imaginas felices y contentos con su vida. Supones que el hecho de que no te llamen equivale a que no piensan en ti en absoluto.

Don’t misunderstand me: there is nothing wrong with your mindset. You’re so overwhelmed with pain that you can’t get a hold of the broader picture, which is perfectly understandable.

But, is it possible that your ex is actually going through the same things you are? Is it possible that they’re fighting a battle within, which nobody has a clue about?

Just because they don’t go around complaining to your mutual friends about you doesn’t mean that they’re indifferent.

Just because their social media status updates don’t reveal their sadness doesn’t mean that they’re overjoyed with your break-up.

In this case, your ex still hasn’t made up their mind. They’re probably struggling not to call you every single day.

On one hand, they don’t see it as a good idea. They are either afraid of you two splitting up again or they are scared of not getting any positive feedback from you.

On the other hand, it’s clear that todavía te quieren. Their emotions aren’t going anywhere no matter how much they try to chase them away.

¿Cómo solucionarlo?

En este escenario, no hay nada malo en darle un empujoncito a tu ex. They’re at the crossroads, and you’re the only one who can help them resolve this puzzle in their heart and mind.

I’m not saying that you should contact them first. But, you can give them a sign that you two still want the same things.

Have someone indirectly tell your ex that you would love to hear from them or just use your social media profiles to your advantage – whatever it takes to clear their doubts away.

La ira les invade.

When a relationship ends, it’s a part of human nature to blame the other party for things going downhill. More than anywhere, this happens after romantic breakups.

This attitude doesn’t necessarily make you a persona tóxica. You are just seeing things from your own point of view, and you can’t grasp the idea that you might be the bad guy in the story.

Lo mismo ocurrió con tu relación. Ahora que ha terminado, le echas toda la culpa a tu ex.

Consequently, you are convinced that they should be the one to reach out first. So, you’re sitting, overwhelmed with sadness, and wondering why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you.

Al fin y al cabo, cometieron un error y, normalmente, deberían dar el primer paso. But, have you ever asked yourself: “What if things are actually different?”

This doesn’t have to mean that objectively, you’re guilty of your breakup. Nevertheless, from your ex’s point of view, all the blame is on you.

Tal vez hiciste algo para ahuyentarlos. Tal vez todavía tienen fuertes sentimientos por ti, pero están cegados por la ira.

Is it possible that your ex is holding grudges over your actions? Is it possible that they’re full of resentment?

Most importantly: is it possible that they’re not wrong? Is it possible that they have the right to be angry and that you really did something to hurt their feelings?

¿Cómo solucionarlo?

Once you give yourself the answers to these questions, you’ll know what to do. Please be honest because this is the moment in which you decide your relationship’s destiny.

If your ex is angry without a proper reason – there is nothing you can do.

Bueno, técnicamente, puedes intentar justificar tus acciones y darles explicaciones, pero créeme, it’s better to leave them be and give them time to understand how foolish they are.

Por otro lado, si realmente cometiste un error y heriste sus sentimientos de alguna manera, entonces necesitas disculparte. Don’t beg them for a second chance – just tell them that you’re sorry.

Y lo más importante: reconoce sus emociones. Hazles saber que comprendes su enfado y que tienen todo el derecho a sentirse así.

They don’t want to be needy.

It doesn’t matter if you’re dealing with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend – what you have to be aware of is that some people are insecure.

Luchan con baja autoestima y piensan que son no destinado a ser amado por mucha atención y cuidado que les prestes.

Therefore, there is a great possibility that your ex doesn’t want to reach out because of one simple reason: they don’t want to appear needy and pegajoso.

Esto es perfectamente razonable si fuiste tú quien puso fin a la relación.

After all, you left them behind and you decided that you couldn’t keep on with your romance, so it’s natural that they don’t want to call you.

En este caso, es probable que tu ex sea un pensador exagerado que necesita algún tipo de validación por tu parte antes de hacer nada.

Cada vez que piensan en ponerse en contacto con usted, se les pasan por la cabeza cien escenarios diferentes y cada uno de ellos tiene un resultado negativo.

Te ven mirando el teléfono e ignorando deliberadamente sus llamadas. Te ven burlándote de ellos y riéndote de sus textos de amor con tus amigos.

Naturally, they don’t want to look like a pathetic loser who can’t get over you while you moved on ages ago.

They don’t want you to think of them as a stalker who refuses to accept that things have been over long ago.

¿Cómo solucionarlo?

On the other hand, you and I both know that this couldn’t be further from the truth.

It’s not just that you wouldn’t think of them as pitiful if they contacted you. Instead, a single phone call coming from this person would make you the happiest person in the world.

Precisamente por eso tienes que enviarles una pequeña indirecta.

Tienes que encontrar la manera de inspirarles para que acudan a ti. y asegúrate de que sepan que nunca los verás como necesitados o pegajosos, hagan lo que hagan.

Necesitan tiempo para pensar.

Just because you know where you stand with your emotions doesn’t necessarily mean that your ex is on the same page.

No, this is not the sign that they stopped loving you – maybe they just don’t know what they want.

You see, this breakup doesn’t have to be final. Instead, you can see it as a break – a chance for you both to think.

Tu relación se ha vuelto seria últimamente. Ahora, tu ex ha llegado a un punto en el que tiene que decidir si se trata de algo serio.

Forget about the fairytales and romantic movies where people know that they’re destinado a ser desde el principio.

Esto es la vida real y no hay nada malo en que alguien quiera aclarar sus ideas antes de tomar la decisión final.

¿Cómo solucionarlo?

Some people find this insulting. After all, you have no doubts about your ex being the one, while they’re having second thoughts. So, it’s clear that you’re the one who ama más, isn’t it?

You don’t want to sit around and wait for your ex to make up their mind about you. This kind of situation will leave you humiliated.

You don’t want to put your life on hold, and that’s your right. You appreciate your dignity over everything else, and nobody can judge you for feeling this way.

Por otro lado, if you are ready to wait for your ex to think things through, then there is absolutely nothing you can do except – WAIT. Déles tiempo para pensar y espere el mejor resultado.

But, don’t give them all the time in the world. Don’t turn into their safety net.

Instead, give yourself a deadline. If they don’t come to you with a decision up to that date, then turn around and never look back.

Juegos mentales.

When you’re involved with a toxic guy or girl, every little thing about your relationship is a big mind game.

The worst part is that the drama doesn’t end the moment your relationship does. Instead, it goes on and on for a long time after your breakup.

Actually, your ex doesn’t have to be toxic in order for things to turn out this way. It will be more than enough to have an immature ex who thinks that real love equals an emotional rollercoaster.

Either way, the bottom line is that the answer to your question, “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?”, is actually pretty simple: they’re playing mind games.

Te guste o no, algunas personas disfrutan con estos frío y calor más de lo que disfrutan en una relación estable.

Si no hay agitación, pronto entran en la rutina y se aburren en poco tiempo.

Así que inician una ruptura sólo para que ustedes dos puedan entrar en otro juego del gato y el ratón.

They’re not aware of how unhealthy these patrones de relación perseguidor-distanciador son, y no ven nada malo en este comportamiento mientras les haga sentirse vivos.

Everything is clear: if your ex is prone to these games, then they’re playing them now as well. They’re pretending to be hard to get, and this entire situation amuses them while it’s tearing you apart.

The most difficult part is determining whether they’re really not into you or are just playing. The answer is simple: if they keep on sending you mixed signals, then it is nothing but a game.

¿Cómo solucionarlo?

Bien, it’s time to beat them at their own game. Sígueles el juego y déjalos más confundidos que nunca.

Dale la vuelta a la tortilla y ponles en tu lugar: para variar, deja que sean ellos quienes analicen tus movimientos. Actúa de forma incoherente, envíales señales contradictorias y hazles pensar qué es lo que quieres.

Of course, that is, if you enjoy playing. On the other hand, if you’re sick and tired of this kind of relationship, then let your ex have fun on their own.

Whatever you do, just be aware that these people never change. They won’t get enough of their little games no matter what you do.

Básicamente, you have two choices: you’ll either dance along or you’ll dance away.

Relacionado: ¿Por qué me odia mi ex cuando me dejó? 13 razones secretas

They’re waiting for your move.

Esta va de la mano con la terquedad y el orgullo. La verdad es que tu ex está esperando tu movimiento.

Let’s be honest: you’re trying to come up with different ways to get your ex vuelta. You’re ready to do whatever it takes except for one thing: reaching out to them first.

What does this make you? Proud and stubborn, that’s right.

Well, why wouldn’t you consider the possibility that your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend feels the same way?

Tal vez they’re waiting for you to come back – the same way you expect them to show up at your doorstep.

¿Cómo solucionarlo?

Parece una situación en la que todos pierden. One of you will have to back up; otherwise, you’ll spend eternity waiting for the other person to walk over their pride and make the first step.

Who should do it? Well, the dumper or the one who’s carrying the biggest blame for the breakup (which is usually the same person).

If your ex left you, then you shouldn’t reach out to them first. Otherwise, you’ll always have your doubts.

Even if you two reconcile, you’ll never be sure about their feelings. Would they ever call you if you hadn’t sent them ese mensaje de texto ¿diciéndoles que les echas de menos?

¿Son realmente capaces de vivir sin ti? ¿Han vuelto contigo porque te quieren o sólo porque les convenías en un momento dado?

On the other hand, if you’re the one who has made the mistake or if you’re the dumper – then you have to be the one to ask for a second chance.

I don’t care whether you’re male or female. Trust me: there is nothing wrong with a woman making the first move.

If you can’t forget your ex despite all of your attempts – I say go for it. You’re not miserable for trying to get back together with them. Instead, you’re brave for taking this risk.

No matter the outcome, at least you’ll always know that you tried. You won’t spend the rest of your life haunted by all the what ifs.

Esto es venganza.

Once more, it’s time for some introspection. Time to look at things realistically, and be fair and honest towards your behavior in your relationship.

If you broke your ex’s heart or left them emocionalmente dañado de alguna manera, entonces que te ignoren podría no ser más que una venganza. They’re just giving you a dose of your own medicine.

This person will probably come back to you. But, their pride doesn’t allow this to happen so fast.
En primer lugar, quieren hacerte daño. Quieren que sientas el mismo dolor que ellos sintieron.

They want to show you that you can’t play with their feelings the way you want. Moreover, they want respect.

They want you to understand that they won’t be there for you no matter how you treat them. They want you to realize that counting on them at all times and taking them for granted was the mistake of your life.

Now, you ask yourself if this person even loves you when they’re capable of treating you this way. Well, if you really did do them harm – I hate to be the one to tell you, but you had it coming.

Estas son las consecuencias de tus actos. Te mereces este tipo de comportamiento y no tienes derecho a quejarte mucho por ello.

Yes, they love you – they just love themselves more, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If nothing else, at least you know that they’re not indifferent.

¿Cómo solucionarlo?

Your ex’s revenge is not a sign of hatred. They’re not behaving in this manner to chase you away.
En su lugar, it is their cry. It’s their desperate plea for you to change your ways.

So, if you want to get your ex back, you’ll have to show them that you really are different now. Whether you like it or not, you’ll have to make them think that you’ve learned your lesson.

Créeme: nunca darán una segunda oportunidad a tu relación hasta que su ego roto vuelva a estar en su sitio.

Y, la única manera de que eso ocurra es que vosotros dos seáis iguales: que ambos estéis heridos y con el corazón roto.

Sólo cuando tu ex deje de sentirse emocionalmente sumiso y sólo cuando tenga la impresión de que su venganza ha concluido, volverá a ti.

They’re trying to heal.

When you’re wondering: “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?”, sometimes the answer is that, at the same time, they’re trying to figure out cómo seguir adelante.

It’s not that they’re aplicación de la norma de no contacto para hacerte sentir su ausencia.

No están jugando difícil de conseguir; they’re not doing all of this to make you chase them nor are they waiting for your move. Instead, they’re doing their best to heal their broken heart.

Naturalmente, la forma más eficaz de hacerlo es cortar todos los lazos contigo y con todas las personas relacionadas contigo. The grieving period is over, and now they’re doing their best to rebuild their life without you in it.

Contacting you would mean slipping back. It would mean making two steps backward and ruining all the progress they’ve made so far.

This person is also fighting battles within. But, in this case, they’re not having second thoughts about what to do.

En su lugar, saben cuál es la elección correcta. Su mente no tiene dudas de que hay que dejarte en el pasado, donde perteneces.

Sin embargo, su corazón se niega a obedecer. Te echan de menos y siguen teniendo fuertes sentimientos hacia ti, pero son perfectamente conscientes de que vuestra relación es condenado al fracaso.

¿Cómo solucionarlo?

Mirando las cosas desde un punto de vista optimista, tu ex todavía te quiere. Así que no todo está perdido.

On the other hand, if they’re determined to make you history, then they’ve made that choice for a valid reason. In that case, you’ll have to fight against real-life circumstances.

I don’t know if these are your personality traits, your incompatibility, or something that happened in the past. Either way, these are the obstacles you’ll have to overcome in order to get to your ex.

Por lo tanto, hará falta mucho más que un simple mensaje de texto o una llamada telefónica para convencerles de que sigan a su corazón en lugar de a su cerebro.

They simply don’t care.

Finally, we’ve come to the part you’d rather not hear about. Look, when we love someone, there is always this undying hope that the other person feels the same way about us.

We are human beings and this hope is what keeps us alive. You’re no exception.

From the moment you and your ex broke up, you have kept expecting their return. After all, your emotions for them haven’t changed a bit.

Instead, they might have even grown stronger. Now that you’re forced to live without them, you realize how much this person actually means to you.

Así que.., pasas por todos los escenarios posibles menos por el de que tu ex se haya desenamorado de ti. Oye, perdona que te rompa la burbuja, pero estas cosas también pasan, lo sabes, ¿verdad?

Sometimes, there are no mixed signals – no applying the no contact rule to get you back, no hidden messages, and no mind games. Sometimes, they’re just ya no me gustas.

Sé que esta persona te amó hasta la luna y de vuelta. Ustedes dos compartieron tantos buenos recuerdos y se juraron amor eterno.

But, all of that is sadly over. Maybe they stopped loving you while you two were together, or else the time apart showed them that they’re better off without you. Either way – sus emociones están muertas.

¿Cómo solucionarlo?

That doesn’t mean you can’t revive them¿es así? En primer lugar, tienes que averiguar si tu ex tiene una nueva relación o no.

If they’re still single, you won’t have a hard time winning them back. You just have to remind them of all the reasons why they fell in love with you.

Be the person you were at the beginning of your relationship and they’ll be all yours in no time. On the other hand, if they are dating someone new, get to the bottom of this romance.

¿Es una relación seria? ¿Es a distancia o están viendo a su nueva novia o novio todo el tiempo?
¿Son exclusivos? ¿Cuánto duran?

Most importantly: is this just a rebound relationship? Is your ex using this person as a cover for their self-deceptions in which they’re over you?

If this is the case, then you’ll just have to show them that you’re nowhere to be found. They can spend a lifetime buscándote en otras mujeres or men, but you’re one of a kind.

No obstante, prepárate para un escenario en el que realmente hayan encontrado al amor de su vida.

Maybe they’ve met their soulmate, and if that is so, then all you can do is let go. Let them be happy without intruding as much as it might hurt.

Nueve trucos mágicos para que tu ex se acerque a ti

Now that you got your question, “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me,” answered, it’s time to get the job done all the way.

Esta es la guía definitiva para conseguir que tu ex dé el primer paso sin que tú tengas que hacer nada.

Echa un vistazo realista a tu relación.

Now that you’ve survived the first few months of no contact with your ex, you’re no longer impassioned by everything that has happened. At least, you shouldn’t be.

This doesn’t mean that you’re sobre ellos – it’s just that this no contact period was a chance to observe your relationship from a safe time distance.

For the first time ever, you’re no longer blinded by the love you feel for them.

Finally, after a lot of time, you can answer the ultimate question: “Can you imagine your life with this person by your side?” I’m begging you to disregard your ego now.

Olvídate de quién dejó a quién. Olvídate de la venganza y el cierre.

Haz todo lo posible por averiguar si realmente quieres volver con la persona amada. ¿Te ves capaz de superarlos pronto? O, ¿realmente los ves como el el amor de tu vida?

Now that we have that covered, it’s time to rethink the breakup. Let’s try and disregard your emotions here.

El hecho es que ustedes dos rompieron por una razón. ¿Cuál fue esa razón? Y lo más importante: ¿es algo que se puede arreglar?

Verás, hay una gran diferencia entre romper en caliente y hacerlo porque tu relación estaba destrozada desde hace tiempo.

Maybe you two had an argument that went too far. Maybe you can’t even remember how it all started. But, some things were said, you’re both proud, and just like that, your two-year relationship has ended.

In this case, getting back together is the right choice. As soon as one of you makes the first step, you’ll make your relationship work in no time.

Nevertheless, it’s completely different if you split ways for a reasonable cause. It’s different if there are red flags indicating that your romance can’t succeed, but you just refused to see them.

If this is what happened, then ask yourself whether this time will be any different. Pretend that you’re giving a piece of advice to a friend.

Si alguien te contara tu historia de amor, ¿le aconsejarías que intentara arreglar su relación rota? Or, would you tell them to let go of the love they feel and accept the fact that it’s over?

Mejórate a ti mismo.

The no contact period isn’t there just to make your ex miss you. Instead, it should serve you a chance to work on yourself.

Después de todo, the worst thing you can do is put your life on hold while you’re waiting for things to go back to their old ways. Mueve tu vida de soltero y sacarle el máximo partido.

You haven’t seen or heard from your ex in ages, so you guess they can’t possibly know whether you’re crying yourself to sleep or enjoying every moment like it’s your last. But, trust me, you’re wrong.

Whether you believe it or not, they do feel your vibe. They will sense if you’re desperate, and that will just chase them away even further.

How many times have you heard stories of people reappearing in their exes lives the moment they forgot all about them? Well, that’s the energy I’m talking about.

If your ex notices or senses that you’ve moved on with your life, fear will awaken inside of them. They’ll get scared that you’re moving on from them.

They’ll start to feel replaceable, and they’ll do everything in their power to prevent you from forgetting all about them. Sounds toxic, I know, but this is the effect you want to achieve.

Besides, even if you don’t make your failed relationship work, at least you’ll know you’ve used this period for something good.

You didn’t waste your time looking at your phone and expecting a text message that would never come.
En lugar de eso, te reconstruiste a ti mismo. Te convertiste en la persona que debías ser desde el principio.

Y lo mejor es que cuando te cuidas, también trabajas tu autoestima.

Aprovecha este tiempo para centrarte en tus cualidades. I’m not forcing you to stop loving your ex – just start loving yourself more.

Créeme: en cuanto se den cuenta, te seguirán y por fin te darán el trato que te mereces.

Don’t be at arm’s reach.

Once you build your self-esteem, you’ll understand the importance of not being too available to your ex. Look, they’re just a human being, and we human beings are actually pretty simple.

En cuanto vemos que podemos tener a alguien cuando nos apetece, esa persona deja de ser interesante.

The moment your ex sees that they don’t have to put effort into having you back – they’ll start taking you for granted.

Why would they waste their energy in fighting for you when you’re always at arm’s reach? Instead, they’ll continue enjoying their single life and exploring their options.

After all, no matter what happens and no matter how much time goes by, you’ll always be there patiently waiting for them.

You’ll welcome them back in your life open-handedly as if they left last week and not last year.

I’m sure you get the picture. They are very sure that they’ll never lose you and that there is nothing they can do to make you stop loving them.

Por eso debes sacudir su mundo. Tu ex tiene que sentir tu ausencia para apreciar tu presencia.

Tienes que hacerlos me preocupa perderte permanentemente.

Convierte las redes sociales en tu arma de destrucción.

Las redes sociales son una parte importante de toda relación. Pero son aún más importantes en el momento en que una relación termina.

Por lo tanto, si me preguntas si deberías dejar de seguir a tu ex, la respuesta siempre será no. Por supuesto, a menos que aún quieras que vuelvan.

Tienes que utilizar las redes sociales como arma principal. Básicamente, tus perfiles te dan la oportunidad de cambiar las tornas a tu favor sin moverte de la cama.

Las opciones son infinitas. You can make your ex jealous while sitting in your PJs. You can make them wonder if you’ve moved on without actually moving an inch.

The crucial thing here is to play your cards right. Please, don’t even think of posting sad status updates or songs that remind you of your ex.

By doing this, they’ll see you as desperate. Besides, you’ll look like a coward. It’s more than obvious that you miss them like hell, but you’re not doing anything about it.

En su lugar, use social media to make your ex realize that you’re living your best life. Post selfies with a huge smile on your face, go out as much as you can, and don’t forget to travel.

But, don’t forget to burlarse de ellos también. Publica algo que les haga pensar. ¿La canción que aparece en el fondo de tu vídeo es una coincidencia? ¿O les estás enviando un mensaje?

Is that your new boyfriend or girlfriend’s arm in that new photo you posted? Or, are you out with your best friend as usual?

¿Llevas a propósito esa camiseta que llevabas la última vez que estuvisteis juntos? O, ¿están pensando demasiado e imaginando cosas?

The examples are endless, but I’m sure you get the point. Your final goal is to make your ex analyze your every move.

Make them wonder, and that will arouse their interest in you. Sounds like a heck of a plan, doesn’t it? Well, all you have to do is put it in motion.

Dale tiempo.

El truco del norma de no contacto is that it doesn’t give you any results overnight. In fact, even days of no contact won’t make any changes. Instead, you have to give it a couple of months, or at least, weeks.

I know that you want to hear from your ex the very next day after your breakup, but sadly, things don’t work out that way.

As much as this hurts, you’ll have to let time do its magic. Give your ex a chance to te echo de menos y ver cómo sería su vida sin ti.

Besides, if this approach doesn’t work out the way you have planned, I promise that you’ll heal during this period.

You won’t notice it right away, but before you know it, you’ll see that you managed to survive without them against all odds.

En cualquier caso, tomarte un tiempo de descanso en tu relación te vendrá bien. Los dos os daréis cuenta de que podéis estar separados o de que queréis pasar el resto de vuestras vidas juntos.

Rompe el silencio.

I know that the last thing you want to do while wondering “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?” is to be the one who contacts them. Nevertheless, sometimes, you have no other choice.

A couple of months has passed, but there is still no sign of them. You’ve been getting some clues, but nothing significant has occurred.

Antes que nada, quiero que sepas que dar el primer paso nunca es patético.

Sometimes, this roller coaster you got yourself involved in gets out of hand, and you get to the point where you can’t stand still, waiting for a miracle that isn’t coming.

Therefore, if they haven’t reached out after the no contact period, then it’s time to check whether your ex wants you back or not.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advising you to send them an essay telling them that you can’t live without them and warning them that you won’t survive this heartbreak they’ve put you through.

Sé que probablemente tengas ganas de hacer exactamente eso, pero eso podría ahuyentarlos.

If you have the need to express your emotions, then put them on a piece of paper or talk to your best friend – this is still not the moment to declare your everlasting love to the object of your affection.

Besides, you have no idea if they’ve moved on. Maybe they’re in a serious relationship and you don’t want to appear a fool by wearing your heart on a sleeve just like that.

En su lugar, encontrar una excusa para romper el silencio.

Ask them for a favor they can’t refuse, tell them that you ran into some of their old stuff and that you were wondering if they want it back, or even wish them a happy birthday.

Sea breve y conciso, pero no demasiado formal. Deja espacio para una comunicación posterior, pero deja que se pregunten por tus verdaderas intenciones.

Utiliza la curiosidad a tu favor.

Once you contact your ex, they can’t be sure about what you really want unless you want to risk them losing interest right away.

En lugar de eso, bromea con ellos. Sé inteligente y utiliza la curiosidad a tu favor.

For example, instead of telling them that you want your stuff back, just text them something like “Hey, what’s up?” Don’t forget to add a smiley face.

This way, they’ll have to respond. Trust me: your ex wants to know what’s inside your head.

Do you need something from them? Does this text have a purpose? Are you about to tell them how much you miss them? Or, do you just want to see what they’ve been up to?

Once they do respond, you’ll see the direction in which the conversation is going.

Are they being formal? Does it look like they were waiting for this text? Are they keeping the communication alive? Or, perhaps they can’t wait to get rid of you?

On the other hand, if they don’t respond, you still have an ace in your sleeve. Now, you can use the excuse from the beginning of the story.

Do you see what you did there? You just tested the grounds, but avoided the risk of being humiliated in the case that they’re not interested.

El efecto Zeigarnik.

Según el efecto Zeigarnik, it’s in every human being’s nature to recall the unfinished tasks and activities rather than the finished ones.

What does this have to do with getting my ex back, you’re probably wondering.

Pues, sorprendentemente, mucho. Si sigues esta lógica, you’ll interrupt your conversation in the middle of it – just as things are starting to heat up.

You won’t just disappear, but if you’re texting, you’ll tell them something like: “Hey, sorry, I have to go. It was nice hearing from you. Take care.”

The crucial thing is to do this out of the blue. This way, you’ll leave them confused.

Your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend will feel like there are still some things left unsaid. Your entire drama is unresolved and he’ll get the urge to finish it one way or another.

So, I’ll bet you on this one: they will contact you. It doesn’t have to happen the next day, but sometime soon, you’ll see their name on your screen.

Sounds like magic, I know. Nevertheless, it’s actually science and you should use it in your favor.

Haz borrón y cuenta nueva.

As much as you’d like to, you can’t use this trick forever. Yes, it’s effective in the beginning, but with time, all of it turns into endless mind games that will lead you nowhere.

Sooner or later, you’ll have to end this charade. You’ll either get back together or finish things once and for all.

Either way, it’s your job to give your ex a clean slate. No, you’re not doing this just for them.

In the first place, you’re doing it for your own well-being. You’re doing it to give yourself the cierre que necesitas desesperadamente.

Enough with the games: it’s time for some grown-up talk. If you two still haven’t reconciled up to now, then come clean about your feelings and intentions.

Don’t worry: they’re already hooked, and if they plan on getting back together with you, they will give your relationship a second chance.

On the other hand, if they refuse your offer, then at least you’ll know where you stand. Basically, it’s a win-win situation.

Para terminar:

I won’t lie to you – there is no magic answer to the question “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?” Everyone is different, and there is a list of causes hiding behind their behavior.

Your job is to figure out which of the reasons mentioned above can be applied to your situation. Once you do that, you’re halfway towards your goal!