You both swiped right, talked for a while, then finally went out. The date was fun, there was a mention of the second date, he texted after dropping you off, then – nothing. Not a peep from this dude.
But tell me something: have you texted him? If you haven’t and you like the guy, what are you waiting for? If you have and he hasn’t replied, well, then keep reading.
Why would a guy give you the impression that he’s interested and then ghost you? The reasons might be more unremarkable than you’re hoping for. Here are all the possibilities why he texted after first date but not since.
13 Reasons Why He Texted After First Date But Not Since
You had a great date with a guy, and now he’s nowhere to be found – a tale as old as time; or Tinder, if you met online, which you probably did.
He sent a text after you parted ways and you thought it was a good sign that your next date was around the corner, but now you’re wondering why this guy is ghosting you.
If he texted after first date but not since, here’s what’s going on.
1. He had different expectations
Losing interest after a date is more common than you’d think. Before the date, we build a picture of the other person in our minds. Then we face the real deal, realizing reality doesn’t match our expectations – and we’re done.
You probably talked to this guy a few times before you went out, and both of you created an image of what the other person would be like based on those few interactions. Thinking about this imaginary person – who fit your desires and was just your type – got you excited about the date.
Then you meet each other in person, but the real human being can never be as good as fantasy. The next day, reality sets in and you realize that the person you went out with last night is nothing like the idealized figment you were hoping for.
So here you have the most likely answer to your dilemma. He gave up because he realized after your date that you’re nothing like he imagined, especially if he’s talking to other girls, all of whom he’s building up in his head.
What about you? Do you like him or the idea of him? Do you really like this guy you’ve met once so much that you’re letting his silence eat you up inside? You might only be wondering why he hasn’t texted again because of your bruised ego.
2. He decided against dating you for another reason
Once he’s had time to sleep on it and think about your date, he might have realized that you said or did something that he considers a red flag or you mentioned something that, to him, is a deal breaker in relationships.
Don’t take this personally. Everyone has their preferences and you can’t influence what someone considers important when it comes to dating. He might have just realized that you’re too incompatible to pursue a relationship.
On the other hand, this might be a good opportunity to think about whether you really did do something that he could have reasonably interpreted as a red flag.
Of course, it’s as likely that it has nothing at all to do with you, but it doesn’t hurt to reflect on your words and actions from the date. Don’t overanalyze and obsess, but take a moment to think it through.
Be honest with yourself because if there is something, you might be doing it with other guys too, and it could prevent you from moving past the first date with other guys in the future. If you can pinpoint what it could have been, you can work on it and make your love life more successful.
3. He realized he’s not as attracted as he thought
His behavior, body language and the things he was saying gave you the impression that things could go further than one date, but then nothing?
Sometimes it takes a while to realize you’re not attracted enough to someone to make an effort. If he was on the fence during your date and soon after, all it took was for him to sleep on it to make a final decision about whether or not he likes you enough to pursue something.
When someone you’re interested in doesn’t like you back, it can feel like a blow to the pride, but when you accept that it’s perfectly fine if not everyone likes you, it’s easy to get over it. Dating is all about discovering the people you’re most compatible with.
So don’t beat yourself up if the reason why he didn’t follow up is that he realized he was less attracted to you than he thought. Another person’s opinion has nothing to do with you. You don’t depend on anyone else to assure you of your worth because you know how valuable you are.
Besides, isn’t it better to know before you’ve developed serious feelings?
4. He’s dating someone else or he met someone new
If you’re both just dating and meeting new people, it’s safe to assume that you’re not the only girl he’s dating. (He’s probably not the only guy in your recents, either.)
You just had a couple of drinks together, but maybe his other romantic interests are more serious. Or he enjoyed your date but then found someone else he was more interested in and put his focus into that.
This was your first meeting, but maybe he already went on the third date with another girl he liked and she let him know that she likes him too. Maybe he likes you but started dating someone else because they’re more compatible.
If there was a change that he was hoping for in his relationship with someone else, he might have decided against dating you for reasons that have nothing to do with you.
Your best choice in most of these situations is to forget about him and get in touch with another guy you’ve been texting. Who knows, maybe your next date will be with someone you like much more.
5. He was just being polite when he texted you
So if he never planned to ask you out again, why did he text you after your date? He might have just been polite.
He texted you to check in, to see if you got home safe or because he believed it was the courteous thing to do. It might have been a wrong move that got your hopes up for no reason, but maybe he didn’t look at it that way.
Ideally, we’d all always say what we mean and how we feel but of course, life doesn’t work that way. If he had been upfront with you and immediately told you that he wasn’t interested in anything, that would have hurt too.
The only thing to do in this situation is to let it go and move on.
6. His life is too busy
A lot of time, when a guy ignores you but likes you, it’s because he’s too busy. Look at your life and all the things you have going on – work, family, close friends, hobbies, obligations, stress, emergencies. No doubt it’s the same for him.
You might have placed more value on your date than he has or you’re dwelling on it because he didn’t follow up, but either way, look at your date in a larger context. An evening out with someone you’ve only met once can hardly become a priority if your life is hectic and there’s always something going on.
It’s annoying, I know, but instead of racking your brain about why he doesn’t text, focus on the more important things in your own life.
7. He has personal issues
A ton of personal issues affect romantic relationships and the decisions we make about the people we date. For example, maybe he just got out of a relationship and realized he’s not ready to date yet.
He might have mental health issues or poor self-esteem and became discouraged from dating because he’s not feeling good about himself. It’s also possible that he has medical problems that pushed dating into a low spot on his list of priorities.
If he has personal issues, it’s really impossible to know unless he shares them with you. Trying to figure out what’s happening won’t bring you closure but only occupy your time and sap your energy, so it’s best to just let it go.
8. He thinks you’re not interested
Maybe something about your date made him think that you’re not interested and this discouraged him from pursuing anything. If he’s assuming that you won’t accept a second date, he’s not even going to ask you.
Your apparent lack of interest is making him afraid of rejection, with good reason, so he’s avoiding contact to spare his feelings.
If he got the wrong impression, you could easily solve this problem by contacting him and giving him a clear sign that you’re interested. It depends on how much time has passed since you’ve last heard from him, but if you don’t think it’s too late, shoot him a text and assess the situation.
If he replies quickly and enthusiastically, then it’s likely that he didn’t text you because he believed you weren’t interested, so now’s your chance to prove him wrong.
9. He was waiting for you to take initiative
One of the common reasons why a guy acts interested then backs off is because he hopes that you would make the first move. He wants you to show an active interest in him instead of just waiting for him to do everything.
If you’re interested in this guy, then you won’t make things worse if you contact him. Texting him can change things for the better or leave them as they are, so you really have nothing to lose.
It depends on how much time has passed since you’ve last heard from him, but if you don’t think it’s too late, text him. If he replies, talk to him a bit and let him know that you want to spend time with him. If he seems receptive, you ask him out.
He might say no and you’re right where you started, so no biggie. If he says yes, you have another chance to let him know that you’re interested in him, this time with added eye contact.
10. He doesn’t like talking to you
The dynamic of your text conversations with someone you’re interested in matters more than you’d think. Ask yourself, who initiated most of your conversations? Who was keeping the conversation going?
Lots of girls expect guys to convince them to go out with them, so they don’t even try. If you’re the type who waits for the guy to do everything, then he might be tired of talking to you.
If he’s initiating texting and you expect him to keep them alive, then you make him feel like it’s all up to him. This makes your conversations difficult and exhausting for him, so he doesn’t want to do it anymore.
What was it like during your date? Was he still driving the conversation? Asking questions, showing interest, starting topics? Like everyone else, he wants someone who’ll show him they like his company and want to get to know him.
So if this is your case, learn from it for the next date with the next guy, and show more interest and initiative to make a guy feel good about spending time with you.
11. He was never really interested
This might be a tough pill to swallow but if you think about it, you know that things like this happen. You’re talking to someone, and you don’t dislike them, but you also don’t like them enough to date them.
You text them just because and you talk even though you have no intention of pursuing anything. They might talk about something interesting or you might be bored, so you continue talking to them
Then you go on a date hoping there might be a spark, or for no particular reason at all, and, of course, nothing happens. The date goes okay, but there’s no sudden magic or love at first sight.
You text again out of habit or because you’re not thinking, then immediately regret it because you decide that you don’t have any interest in this person at all.
This might seem cruel when it happens to you, but it’s very common and rarely done with bad intentions. It’s one of those things people do and can’t explain why.
But I bet you didn’t have any deep feelings for him, either.
12. He was looking for validation
Some guys need constant female attention to feel good about themselves, so they surround themselves with women who’ll give it to them. They’re never serious about those women and they rarely go beyond dating or casual sex.
Guys like this don’t feel good about themselves and are always looking for external validation, so the only thing he wanted from you was to show him that you’re interested in him. You were just another one in the line of girls he needed to feed his fragile ego.
If he lacks self-confidence, constant attention is what gives him assurance of his value. His need for validation could be a red flag and you might have been dealing with a narcissist, so if he let you go before you got dragged into his schemes, consider yourself lucky.
13. He was playing you
You can’t rule out the possibility that he was playing with you. Maybe he was hoping for something physical after your date, and when it didn’t come, he lost interest. If you did have sex with him, then he got what he wanted, said goodbye and that’s it.
Players are all about partying with as many women as possible and having a constant supply of new girls to entertain them. They move on quickly, no matter what you’re like and how you act. A player will drop you as soon as he realizes that you’re not on the same page or that you are.
Guys like this are best avoided. But even if you don’t spot what he’s like in time, you can still get out of it fairly unscathed if you let it go and don’t dwell. Don’t chase him or try to change him because it has no chance of working.
What To Do If He Texted After First Date But Not Since?
Just move on. Be glad that this happened before you became invested and the damage is minimal. You didn’t miss out on your true love, trust me. In fact, the only thing that was hurt was your ego.
If you still need some comfort, think back to a time when you didn’t even notice that you ghosted a guy because he was just so meh, and meanwhile, he was probably waiting for you to contact him.
I’m not saying that this is what happened here, only that it’s possible to look at things from more than one point of view. Just accept that he wasn’t interested enough and move on with no regrets.
Instead, think of your date with him as a fun evening that has no particular significance, but that was an enjoyable way to spend time.
Girls and guys flirt when they’re not interested, promise dates and never follow up. It happens in the world of modern dating. It has nothing to do with you, so stop caring.
It doesn’t matter why he isn’t texting. Take care of yourself and live your own life. Let it go, and stop wasting your energy wondering why. Worrying about it is a burden you don’t need because it’s so insignificant.
In Closing
“I had a great time last night,” he said, and you believed him. You went out, he texted after first date but not since, so what gives? There are several possible reasons why he’s ghosting you, but three are the most likely.
First, he might have figured out after the date that he wasn’t as interested as he thought because you didn’t click. Next, he decided against dating you because he realized that you’re incompatible. Finally, he might just be too busy to think about someone he met once.Whatever his reason, you need to let this go. Don’t torture yourself over a guy you went on one date with. Go live your life instead of wondering why some guy’s text is nowhere to be found.
