Perché ci si annoia in una relazione e cosa fare al riguardo
Even when you’re happy in a romantic relationship, you can’t take it for granted. Instead, you should always be mindful of the fact that ci vuole impegno per costruire e coltivare l'intimità necessaria per una relazione felice.
Feeling bored in a relationship shows you that there’s something about it that isn’t working. In a way, boredom is a good thing because it lets you know that you should pay attention to what’s going on and what you need to change.
È normale annoiarsi in una relazione?
Quando si parla di noia in una relazione, può significare due cose. Una è il conforto che si prova quando l'eccitazione provata all'inizio di una relazione è diminuita nel tempo, mentre l'altro è un senso di insoddisfazione per la relazione che deriva dalla mancanza di impegno.
1. Comfort
Il primo tipo di noia relazionale è del tutto naturale. Quando la fase di luna di miele si esaurisce, ci si adatta alla propria relazione. La passione iniziale che avete provato per il vostro partner si raffredda con il tempo e le montagne russe di sentimenti intensi si calmano.
La noia non è la stessa cosa dell'essere a proprio agio. When a relationship is stable and steady, it means that it’s based on commitment, affection, understanding, and support. Essere a proprio agio con il partner significa che ci si fida di lui e che si può essere se stessi con l'altra persona.
It also doesn’t imply that it is impossible to keep the relationship exciting because you have grown used to it. La vera felicità in una relazione a lungo termine deriva dalla ricerca di un equilibrio tra eccitazione e intimità.
2. La noia
La noia è causata dalla mancanza di comunicazione e di impegno. Quando manca una di queste due cose, si cade nella routine e si perde interesse.
Senza conversazioni profonde per conoscere il partner a livello profondo, si apprendono solo cose superficiali su di loro e si crede che non ci sia altro. Quando si dà per scontata la propria relazione, si diventa insoddisfatti e infelici. La vostra vita sentimentale perde sia l'eccitazione che la sensazione di appagamento.
Feeling bored with your relationship doesn’t automatically mean that it’s over. Most couples go through rough patches, and it’s important to remember that problems in your relationship need work, not giving up.
Boredom is a red flag letting you know that you need to pay more attention to your relationship and motivates you to make a change in the areas that aren’t working.
È fondamentale affrontare la noia non appena la si nota, perché può portare a problemi più gravi. Unless things change, you’ll start to feel a loss of interest, affection, and attention for your partner, which could lead to the end of your relationship.
Segni di una relazione noiosa
If you’ve been experiencing some of these problems, it could indicate that you’re feeling bored in a relationship. It’s more likely that only a few and not all or most of these signs apply to you.
Questo elenco vi guiderà e vi permetterà di sapere a cosa dovete prestare attenzione e di riconoscere gli aspetti a cui dovete prestare attenzione:
1. You don’t try to solve the problems in your relationship.
• You ignore your problems even when you notice them.
• You don’t deal with them because you don’t know how.
• It seems too hard to solve your problems, so you don’t want to bother at all.
2. Non avete nulla di cui parlare.
• You don’t share things with your partner.
• Even small talk is difficult.
• You’re not interested in what they have to say.
• You don’t talk about your feelings.
• You’d rather sit in awkward silence than try to find something to talk about.
3. Si evita di passare del tempo con il partner.
• You make excuses not to spend time together.
• You dislike spending time together.
• You prefer spending time with other people.
• It’s much more enjoyable being on your own than with your partner.
4. You’re often irritated with your partner for no reason.
• You’re always annoyed with your partner but don’t know why.
• You feel like you’re both looking for the slightest flaws in each other.
• You lash out at your partner over small things.
• You pick senseless fights.
5. Vi sembra di non avere nulla in comune.
• You feel like your opinions are completely different.
• You feel like you don’t want the same things.
• You don’t share any interests.
• You feel like you’re not really friends.
6. Vorresti poter cambiare il tuo partner.
• You don’t like your partner’s behavior, personality, or how they treat you.
• You wish they could be different from what they are, but you don’t talk to them about it.
• You feel distant from your partner, so you don’t understand them.
7. You think about what it’s like being single.
• You look at other people, curious about what it would be like to be with them.
• You’re thinking about what dating someone would be like.
• You wonder about what it would feel like not to be in a relationship.
8. Vi sentite meno attratti dal vostro partner.
• You’re not as interested in your partner sexually as you used to be.
• Your emotional attraction is not as strong.
• It feels mutual.
9. La vostra vita sessuale non è più eccitante.
• You don’t have sex as often as you used to.
• When you do have sex, it’s more exercise than fun.
- You’re not sexually interested in each other.
• You don’t feel like working on your sex life.
10. You don’t have fun together.
• You can’t remember the last time you had fun together.
• You have more fun on your own than with your partner.
• When you want to do something fun, you’re reluctant to include them.
11. La vostra relazione è diventata una routine.
• Your relationship feels like a chore and an obligation.
• You are in a rut, and every day is the same.
• Nothing your partner does surprises or excites you.
12. Il senso del romanticismo è scomparso.
• There’s no joy in small shared moments and touches with your partner.
• Neither of you tries to be romantic.
• Your relationship feels cold.
13. You’re concerned about the future of your relationship.
• You two never talk about the future.
• Thinking about the future makes you feel uneasy.
• You’re wondering if you even have a future together.
14. You don’t appreciate each other the way you used to.
• You’ve lost interest in your partner’s life, thoughts, and feelings or interests.
• You aren’t as attentive to each other as you once were.
15. You’ve stopped caring.
• You don’t feel like it’s worth bothering to try making your relationship work.
• You don’t really care what happens.
• You’re starting to feel like things are hopeless.
Cause della noia relazionale
A lack of trying, intimacy, and communication can cause boredom in a relationship. Here’s how it happens:
1. You don’t have meaningful conversations.
Only having casual conversations or talking about unimportant things will make your connection suffer. If you don’t talk about your feelings but instead focus on small talk, gossip, or similar, it’s difficult to feel like you and your partner understand each other.
2. You don’t listen to each other.
Unless you’re really listening to what the other person is saying when you’re talking, it’s impossible to learn things about them, which is how you should keep discovering new things about each other.
3. There’s no emotional intimacy.
If you don’t allow yourselves to be vulnerable with each other and share your hopes, dreams, thoughts, and opinions, you won’t be able to establish an emotional connection. Without an emotional connection, it’s impossible to feel the closeness of a true partnership.
4. You’re ignoring your feelings.
When you ignore your feelings about your relationship or your partner, you won’t be able to deal with them. Hurt feelings that are left to fester can cause resentment and anger. Instead, you should work on developing a relationship in which feelings are discussed and accepted.
5. You’re not making an effort.
Il fatto di non mostrare al partner interesse, attenzione e affetto e di non essere presente quando ha bisogno di voi è spesso causato dalla mancanza di volontà di lavorare su una relazione e non da una mancanza di sentimenti. Il motivo è che credete che una relazione debba funzionare da sola.
6. You’ve become overly comfortable.
Even when you’re confident in your relationship, you can never take it for granted. When things are working, it’s easy to get stuck in your comfort zone and stop giving your attention to the relationship. Dovete sostenervi a vicenda and talk to each other – if you’re not really trying, even the happiest relationship won’t work.
7. You’ve forgotten about romance.
When you stop making an effort for each other, and you’re never romantic, charm can disappear from your relationship. Casual touches, flirting, and compliments go a long way in making things more exciting and fun.
8. I cambiamenti nella vostra vita si ripercuotono sulla vostra relazione.
Problemi di denaro, troppe ore di lavoro, un nuovo bambino e altre questioni di vita possono avere un impatto sulla vostra relazione. Per esempio, le coppie sposate che stanno cercando di costruire una vita stabile possono spesso sentire una mancanza di entusiasmo causata dal fatto di concentrarsi su cose pratiche invece che sulla loro relazione.
9. You’ve lost yourself in your relationship.
If it’s always ‘we’ and never ‘I,’ you might have invested too much in the relationship and lost yourself. You need more time to care for yourself before you dedicate your efforts to your relationship.
10. You’ve neglected your personal goals.
Potreste risentirvi con il vostro partner una volta che le cose si saranno sistemate, se mettete da parte tutti i progetti che avevate quando siete entrati nella vostra relazione. Avere degli obiettivi da raggiungere è necessario per la realizzazione personale.
11. You don’t have interests of your own.
If you’ve invested too much of yourself into your relationship and all your interests and hobbies are shared with your partner, you might start feeling suffocated.
12. You don’t share any goals and interests.
Conversely, if both of you have very distinct goals and interests, you can feel as if you’re not connected at all.
13. You’re not making time for each other.
If you’re too busy to make time for your partner and vice versa, you’re prioritizing other things over them. Make it a habit to include each other in your lives, and don’t neglect to give each other time and attention.
14. You don’t give each other attention.
If you’re neglecting each other’s needs, ignoring each other, and not learning new things about each other regularly, you will grow apart. Giving your partner attention is necessary.
15. Avete aspettative irrealistiche
After the honeymoon phase, most relationships settle down and become more solid and less intense. If you thought that this change wouldn’t happen to you, something as natural as becoming comfortable around your partner might make you feel like things are not okay.
16. Avete dimenticato perché vi piace il vostro partner.
When you forget why you were attracted to your partner in the first place, you might lose sight of why you’re in the relationship at all. Pay attention and try to recognize the things about them that once excited you.
17. You’re neglecting physical intimacy.
When you don’t feel excited about having sex together, and it becomes just something that should be done, it loses its purpose. If your sex life has become routine, it might be pushing you apart instead of bringing you closer.
18. Non avete mai discussioni.
Non discutere mai in una relazione può essere peggio che discutere troppo. La compiacenza e i troppi compromessi impediscono di condividere cose su cui l'altra persona potrebbe non essere d'accordo per mantenere la pace. Accogliere gli argomenti – allow yourself different opinions, and let your partner share theirs.
19. You’re stuck in a routine.
If you’re always doing the same things and going to the same places, sooner or later, you become stuck in a rut. A lack of new experiences can make you stop feeling attracted to your partner because you become too used to them, and they never surprise you anymore.
20. Ci si aspetta che le cose migliorino da sole.
Non cercare di risolvere i problemi è una delle ragioni alla base del fallimento delle relazioni. I problemi raramente si risolvono da soli e più si trascurano, più diventa difficile risolverli. Ogni relazione ha bisogno di lavoro e di impegno.
What To Do If You’re Bored In A Relationship
It takes work to cultivate a healthy relationship, but it shouldn’t be a struggle. You must avoid complacency and make an effort to nurture intimacy. Dimostrate al vostro partner che lo apprezzate e fatelo sentire amato.
Furthermore, you must not neglect your own life outside your relationship. Unless you’re happy with yourself, it’s unlikely that you’ll be happy in your relationship. These are i passi per sistemare la vostra relazione.
1. Figure out if you’re really bored or actually comfortable.
First of all, examine your expectations. Being content isn’t boredom, and your expectations might be unrealistic if you believe that every day has to be exciting and intense.
Furthermore, if you’re used to more drama in a relationship than your current one has, forse confondi la stabilità con la noia. On the other hand, if you’re feeling restless with your partner, things might not be working.
In questo caso, pensate a quali parti della vostra relazione sono noiose e a cosa dovreste cambiare per migliorarla. Figure out whether you’re committed to making the relationship work and if you want to be in it in the first place.
2. Concentratevi sulla vostra vita privata.
Think about whether your boredom extends to the rest of your life or if you’re only bored in your relationship. La sensazione di noia può essere causata dalla monotonia della vita quotidiana, da problemi personali o di salute mentale.
Vi state impegnando in altre parti della vostra vita o vi state solo rilassando? Make sure you’re first happy and fulfilled outside of your relationship, and then you can focus on your partner.
3. Esplorate la vera ragione della vostra noia.
When you’ve established that it’s not your expectations or your personal life and that you actually are bored with the relationship, try to determine il motivo esatto della vostra noia. When you find why, commit to solving your problems and don’t only look for a temporary solution.
Cosa vi sembra noioso nella vostra relazione? Maybe you’re doing the things you’ve always done, but you or your partner may have changed. Use this chance to learn more about yourself and each other and decide to never stop learning.
Impegnatevi a parlare dei vostri problemi, a ridere insieme e a sviluppare un legame emotivo.
4. Lavorare sull'intimità.
L'intimità, la sensazione di essere vicini al proprio partner, è fondamentale in una relazione. Per lavorare su di essadovete scegliere di essere onesti con il vostro partner riguardo ai vostri sentimenti e ai vostri pensieri.. Concentrarsi sulla comunicazione reale: aprirsi e parlare con il partner senza timori e inibizioni.
Think about the things you do like in your relationship, and don’t neglect those either. Impegnatevi per sentirvi vicini al vostro partner attraverso l'intimità fisica e il legame emotivo.
5. Risvegliare il romanticismo.
Romance is the part of relationships that makes things exciting. You don’t have to spice things up with things like role-playing or regular date nights if that’s not your thing, but instead, trovare un modo per dimostrare costantemente al partner affetto e attenzione.
Be thoughtful and attentive to your partner’s needs and wants. Be present, and don’t be distant. Don’t save romantic gestures for special occasions, but do things just because.
Includete nelle vostre interazioni quotidiane cose come tenersi per mano, coccolarsi, baciarsi, toccarsi, flirtare e fare complimenti per avvicinarvi al vostro partner e rendere più dolce il tempo trascorso insieme.
6. Provate insieme cose nuove.
Provare nuove cose insieme può aiutarvi a riallacciare i rapporti e a trovare il modo di riportare la passione e l'eccitazione. Nuove attività condivise significano nuove esperienze, ricordi e sentimenti condivisi. Trascorrere del tempo insieme facendo cose divertenti, come provare un nuovo hobby o un nuovo ristorante, oppure fare qualcosa di significativo per entrambi.
7. Prova consulenza relazionale.
If you believe that it would be useful or you need hands-on guidance, visiting a couple’s therapist or a relationship coach together may be your best bet. Chiedere aiuto per i problemi relazionali non è una cosa di cui vergognarsi, e lavorare con un professionista può darvi gli strumenti per risolvere i vostri problemi.
Quando è il caso di lasciarsi?
So you’ve tried things like sharing interests, having date nights, and maybe even visiting a relationship expert, and none of it was enough to make you feel better about your relationship. If nothing works, you shouldn’t ignore the option to end the relationship.
These are signals that suggest that maybe this relationship isn’t meant to be:
1. Se decidete che non vale la pena salvare la relazione.
Quando tutto è stato detto e fatto, if your relationship feels more like a chore than a partnership, and you don’t feel like putting in work, dragging it out will only end in resentment and even more heartache than rottura when you realize it’s wrong and you don’t want to try.
2. If you’ve tried everything and you’re still unhappy.
Boredom is one of the reasons relationships fail, but it’s not the only one. Even if you’ve tried to deal with the problem of feeling bored, it won’t help if there are other things that stop you from being happy, such as assenza di fiducia, priorità diverse o mancanza di impegno.
3. Se il vostro partner vi ostacola.
When you’re determined to work on yourself – your mental health, your interests, your career, or any other aspect of your life – and your partner isn’t giving you support, or even worse, holds you back, your relationship probably doesn’t have a future.
4. Se you’re incompatible.
Even when there’s attraction, feelings, and desire for a relationship, a lack of compatibility can make a relationship impossible. If your values, lifestyles, sexual needs, habits, or other qualities don’t fit, you’ll only be forzare una relazione with someone who isn’t for you.
5. If you’ve fallen out of love.
If one of the reasons for drifting apart is because you’re not in love with your partner anymore, it’s not likely that those feelings will come back. Se, invece di discutere, scegliete il disprezzo, invece di ascoltarvi a vicenda, si mette sulla difensiva; if you’ve checked out instead of trying to solve problems, it might be time to call it quits.
Nutrire il rapporto di coppia
Annoiarsi in una relazione può essere una fase o un motivo di allarme. Il modo in cui lo affrontate dipende dal fatto che crediate abbastanza nella vostra relazione da impegnarvi. Il modo per sfuggire alla noia è mostrare un interesse genuino per il partner e concentrarsi sulla costruzione dell'intimità.
Quando l'altro diventa davvero il vostro partner e una persona che apprezzate, amate e di cui vi fidate, il tipo di noia che indica un problema nella relazione sparirà. The only kind of boredom you’ll feel is the good kind, where you can sit around together and do nothing and enjoy those moments.
