Come auto-risolvere lo stile di attaccamento ansioso (19 consigli utili)
Tutti noi abbiamo stili di attaccamento diversi. In realtà, sviluppiamo diversi stili di attaccamento impegnandoci in diversi tipi di relazioni.
If you’re struggling with the anxious attachment style, also known as the ambivalent attachment or anxious-preoccupied attachment style, and want to know how to self-soothe anxious attachment, stay with me because I’ll give you the best tips to self-regulate.
Once you learn to deal with your attachment style, you’ll notice how it’ll affect and improve every aspect of your life, especially the social side.
I’ve struggled with an anxious stile di attacco per la maggior parte della mia vita, quindi, credimi, ti capisco perfettamente. I’m going to share the experience of my path to recovery with you, and I truly hope it’ll serve you and help you change your attachment style from anxious to secure attachment.
Come auto-risolvere lo stile di attaccamento ansioso: 19 suggerimenti
If you’re struggling with this stile di attaccamento ambivalenteEcco come imparare ad autoregolarla e ad affrontarla in modo sano.
1. Imparare a respirare correttamente
So many mental health and emotional issues can be controlled by proper breathing. People don’t quite believe in it, but it’s really true.
When you get anxious about something, your breathing also changes, and if you don’t control it first, your anxiety only gets bigger. If you learn to control your breathing, you’ll also manage to calm your anxiety enough to think of a way to deal with it completely.
• Wave goodbye to your anxiety and get into a relaxed state
Potete anche provare a fare yoga, meditazione o altre attività che vi aiutino a rilassarvi. Una tecnica di meditazione è respirazione consapevolee dovreste provarlo al più presto.
You won’t only learn how to breathe when you have an anxiety attack, but you’ll also learn to breathe properly in general, which is highly important for your general well-being.
2. Prendetevi del tempo per voi stessi
Il primo passo per guarire dallo stile di attaccamento ansioso è accettare e ammettere di averne uno. Per accettarlo completamente, è necessario essere soli.
Dovete riflettere sulle vostre relazioni passate. Avete bisogno di organizzare i vostri pensieri e le vostre emozioni. E, naturalmente, per fare tutto questo è necessario avere un po' di tempo da soli.
• Acceptance is the first step to pulling yourself together
Only when you accept you have this type of attachment style will you be able to deal with it. If you keep denying it, that means you’re running away from facing it, and it definitely won’t help you deal with it.
3. Pensare ai fattori scatenanti dell'attaccamento ansioso
Childhood trauma may be the trigger for your attachment style. However, maybe you’ve dealt with too many partner evitanti in passato o persone tossiche che hanno influito sulla vostra salute emotiva e mentale.
Forse il motivo per cui avete un stile di attaccamento ansioso è che lei ha partecipato a diversi relazioni tossiche o un ambiente tossico per un lungo periodo della vostra vita, e ha lasciato conseguenze sul vostro salute mentale.
Ora, ogni volta che intraprendete una relazione sentimentale, pensate che l'altra persona se ne andrà e vi spezzerà il cuore.
• You can’t move on without finding the root cause
Even though I get you, and it’s true that none of it is your fault, you still need to find what triggers your attachment style and then deal with it. In other words, you can’t deal with it if you don’t know what provoked it.
Una volta individuata la causa principale, è necessario concentrarsi su di essa. Affrontatelo per primo e questo metterà fine alla vostra ansia.
4. Impegnarsi nella cura di sé
It’s important to spostare l'attenzione su di sé. The reason your self-esteem got so damaged is that you don’t engage in proper self-care or you neglected yourself totally.
You’re probably a people-pleaser, and I assume you’re someone who always takes care of others, but it’s time to pay yourself some attention.
• Listen to your body, mind, soul, and heart
È necessario ascoltare il proprio corpo. If it’s saying that it’s tired, then slow down for a moment and take a rest.
If your mind is telling you that it’s overwhelmed, then you need to smettere di pensare troppo tutto. Overthinking, overanalyzing, and worrying too much won’t solve anything.
Ora, la tua anima… If your soul is showing signs of tiredness and exhaustion, if it feels neglected, then you need to drop whatever you’re doing and pay some attention to it.
And, probably the most important part: if your heart is telling you that it’s tired of being disrespected and dato per scontato, è necessario dimenticare coloro che l'hanno fatta sentire in quel modo. Find people who will love you and remind your heart that it’s worthy of love.
5. La salute mentale e il benessere emotivo sono importanti
We all deal with certain things and problems in life, and most of us neglect our well-being while dealing with those things. However, that is something you shouldn’t allow yourself to do no matter what.
Your emotional, physical, and mental health need to be and stay your main priority in life forever. Everything else can wait. If you notice your health is suffering, drop whatever you’re doing and focus on your well-being.
• Get rid of whatever harms your peace of mind
This will do wonders for both your mental and emotional well-being. If you’re surrounded by people who don’t see your worth or bad, tossici, it’ll affect your mental health and make you feel anxious.
On the other hand, if you keep holding onto someone who continually hurts you or doesn’t want to be part of your life anymore, it’ll damage your emotional benessere. It’ll only deepen your anxious attachment, and you may never know how to maintain una relazione sana di nuovo.
6. Prestare attenzione alla propria autostima
It’s high time to do a self-esteem check. If you have bassa autostima, then it’s one of the triggers of your attachment style.
• Low self-esteem vi rende facili prede per il attaccamento insicuro stile
And if you really struggle with self-esteem, you need to work on improving it. You can’t move on from anxious attachment if you don’t costruire una maggiore fiducia in se stessi.
7. Comprendete che siete degni di essere amati!
E chi dice il contrario, deve uscire dalla vostra vita. Meritate l'amore e meritate di essere amati nel modo più perfetto.
As long as you don’t understand this, you won’t be able to create a stile di fissaggio sicuro. La vostra vita sociale ne subirà le conseguenze.
• You just need to learn how to recognize amore vero e lasciare che entri nella vostra vita
The reason you think you aren’t worthy of love is that you always meet the wrong people and let them into your life and heart. You fail to read them and their real intentions for you.
8. Coltivare e mantenere vivo il bambino che è in voi
We all like to hang out and spend time with small kids, right? Why is that so, you think? Well, it’s simply because children are naive, funny, and kind-hearted. They always manage to make our days better.
Per questo motivo, si dovrebbe cercare di mantenere il vostro bambino interiore vivo. You’ll laugh more often and lead a happier and more peaceful life.
• Don’t be afraid to let your bambino interiore fuori
Also, don’t be afraid to show others your inner child, and don’t ever be ashamed of it. That child in you can only carry your biggest qualities and help you a lot when it comes to your social life.
9. Trovare un modo per calmare il sistema nervoso
When you’re dealing with stress on a daily basis, I know it’s difficult to stay calm. You get nervous, and that affects your entire well-being.
• Everything is so much easier when you decide to simply chill out
Tuttavia, è necessario trovare un modo per reagire allo stress in maniera più modo sano. Sometimes, you simply need to chill out and promise yourself that no matter what happens, you won’t allow it to bother you or make you feel bad and anxious.
10. Autoregolare le emozioni
You own your emotions, and only you can regulate them. Don’t expect others to control your emotions because that is impossible.
• Stop repressing and start accepting
It’s completely okay to have negative emotions from time to time. However, you need to learn to deal with them in a healthy way and make them go away. Don’t ignore or bury them somewhere deep down in yourself because that will only make you dipendenza dal partner.
11. Assicurarsi che i propri bisogni emotivi siano soddisfatti
Part of a healthy relationship is both partners fulfilling each other’s emotional needs. And it’s a fact that you can’t expect the other person to meet your needs if you constantly choose to ignore theirs. However, the thing is also…
• Don’t expect others to fulfill your bisogni emotivi if you can’t do it yourself
Dovete imparare a soddisfare le vostre bisogni emotivi e richieste. È necessario imparare ad ascoltare e a comprendere le proprie esigenze. Questo è in realtà la chiave della felicità e uno stile di attaccamento sicuro.
12. Porre fine al comportamento di protesta
Sometimes, you display protest behavior, right? You start denying that you have the anxious attachment style and don’t want to face it at all.
• Muster up the courage to face reality
It’s easy to deny and ignore things. However, it won’t make them go away. As long as you don’t completely accept your attachment style, you’ll never be able to deal with it.
13. Affrontare la paura dell'abbandono
Questo è uno dei principali fattori scatenanti dello stile di attaccamento ansioso. Quando si hanno modelli di attaccamento malsani in una relazione di coppia, si teme costantemente che la persona amata ci lasci prima o poi.
Those thoughts make you anxious, and as long as you don’t deal with them properly, you won’t be able to build a stile di fissaggio sicuro. Dovete capire che anche le rotture fanno parte della vita e che le persone vanno e vengono dalla vostra vita.
• One day, someone will come, and they’ll never let you go
It’s true that people will come and go from your life, but it’s also true that one day, someone will come, and they’ll never want to leave your life again. That’s why there is no reason for your paura dell'abbandono.
14. Sbarazzarsi dei pensieri negativi
Volete sapere come auto-riscaldare lo stile di attaccamento ansioso? Liberare la mente dai pensieri negativi è la prima cosa da fare.
You think you can’t affect it, but the truth is, you’re the owner of your body, mind, and heart, not the other way around.
• Negative thoughts alimentare l'ansia
In effetti, il pensiero negativo è il miglior alimento per l'ansia e la stile di attaccamento ansioso. The more you keep thinking negatively, the more anxious you’ll become. That will result in the inability to form and maintain healthy and stable partnerships.
15. Assicurarsi di avere modelli di pensiero positivi
So che è più facile a dirsi che a farsi, ma per gestire il vostro stile di attaccamento dovete iniziare a pensare in modo positivo.
It’s not easy to have a positive thought pattern when you’re dealing with so many fears and issues, but if you want it really hard, you’ll find a way to redirect your mind to think positively.
• Arm yourself with positive thoughts
Your anxiety won’t stand a chance if you decide to think positively from now on.
Understand that we all go through some bad things, but if you keep a positive perspective, you’ll always come out a winner.
16. Smettere di cercare costantemente rassicurazioni e conferme
I get that your low self-esteem makes you seek out constant reassurance from other people, but you need to stop for a moment and be honest with yourself… Do you really need it? Do you really have the need for low self-esteem?
First of all, stand in front of a mirror and be honest about whether the person standing in front of you deserves to wait for other people’s reassurance. Then, look around and tell me whether everything you achieved and gained to this point now doesn’t prove your worth.
Of course, it does. You just need to admit it to yourself once and for all. Stop doubting your self-worth. You are worth so much more than you think you are, and it’s high time you realize it.
• Get the convalida di cui avete disperatamente bisogno da te stesso
After changing the way you see yourself, now it’s time to change the way you speak to yourself. You need to validate yourself instead of cercare la convalida degli altri.
Siate amici di voi stessi, non nemici. Siate realistici con voi stessi e incoraggiatevi con un discorso positivo.
17. Circondatevi di persone che vi amano sinceramente
La maggior parte di noi è consapevole del proprio stile di attaccamento, ma sceglie anche di tenerlo per sé, temendo che gli altri possano scappare se lo scoprono. Purtroppo questo è sbagliato.
If you’re dealing with an attachment style that doesn’t allow you to engage in a relazione romantica or harm your social life, it’s highly important to share it with someone you love and trust.
This is really one of those things you can’t deal with and go through alone. You need to have your loved ones near you, and they need to know the demons you’re dealing with.
• Your support group will help you get through this
Your loved ones will do whatever it takes to make you feel accepted and loved. They’ll also help you find ways to end your anxious patterns and build a secure attachment style.
They’re there for you, and they’ll constantly remind you of your worth and how much you actually deserve to be loved. You’ll get all the validation you (think) need from them.
18. Don’t run away from engaging in intimate relationships
Una persona ansiosa può anche avere difficoltà a costruire un legame intimo con gli altri. Hanno semplicemente paura della vicinanza emotiva, quindi scelgono di evitare questo tipo di relazioni piuttosto che affrontare le loro paure.
That’s probably the biggest similarity persone ansiose hanno con evitanti. Tuttavia, se si vuole imparare ad autosospendersi dall'attaccamento ansioso, è necessario smettere di fuggire dalle relazioni intime.
• Dealing with your fear of intimacy
First of all, try to find what triggered your fear of intimacy. Once you find the root cause, deal with it first – it’ll help you control your fear and leave it in the past.
Also, talk to your partner about it. If they honestly care about you, they’ll understand you. They’ll take things slow and wait until you show them clearly that you’re ready.
There is nothing wrong with going slow in a relationship, but avoiding intimacy will definitely harm your relationship. Sooner or later, it’ll create emotional disconnection or blockage between you and your partner.
19. If you’re in a relationship, make sure it’s a healthy one
No matter your feelings towards your partner, you should never stay in a relationship where you don’t feel respected, loved, and appreciated. Because if your SO doesn’t make you feel that way, it’s more than obvious they don’t love you.
When you engage in a romantic relationship, put effort into making it work and building healthy foundations for it. If you constantly fail to make your relationship a healthy one, then you need to know when it is the time to end it because it’s a sign that you and that person aren’t meant to be.
- Amare se stessi prima di tutto
Don’t waste your time on the impossible. Don’t ever allow anyone to make you feel unworthy of love or to make you doubt your self-worth.
Dovete amare voi stessi e sapere sempre chi siete nella vita. Nel momento in cui notate modelli malsani nella vostra relazione, dovete affrontarli immediatamente o abbandonare la relazione.
Cosa scatena l'attaccamento ansioso?
Negli anni Cinquanta, gli psicologi John Bowlby e Mary Ainsworth hanno elaborato la rivoluzionaria teoria dell'attaccamento. Hanno condotto ricerche e sono giunti alla conclusione che ogni persona sviluppa uno stile di attaccamento nella prima infanzia, che influisce sulle sue relazioni adulte in seguito.
Cioè, ogni stile di attaccamento è innescato da prima infanzia eventi. If someone was emotionally neglected or abused by their parents, they’ll probably form an anxious attachment style.
Inoltre, avere a che fare con partner evitanti e tossici può essere una innescare lo sviluppo dello stile di attaccamento ansioso. Anche una bassa autostima e il dubbio sulla propria autostima possono causare questo tipo di attaccamento.
If you don’t feel good in your own skin and don’t have a good self-opinion, you’ll constantly seek convalida da altri.
That need for reassurance will make you engage in a codependent relationship, which means you won’t be able to build and maintain a healthy relationship with another human being.
Altri fattori scatenanti di questo stile di attaccamento possono essere le aspettative irrealistiche di qualcuno e l'essere codipendente su un'altra persona. La paura costante di essere lasciati soli o delusi può essere causa di ansia da attaccamento.
Quali sono i segni dell'attaccamento ansioso?
I segnali di uno stile di attaccamento ansioso sono tanti e la maggior parte di essi sono piuttosto chiari e mostrano chiaramente i modelli di attaccamento ansioso di una persona. Tuttavia, i più evidenti sono l'appiccicosità, la codipendenza e il bisogno di continue rassicurazioni e conferme.
La differenza maggiore tra gli ansiosi e i attaccamento evitante stili è che il persona evitante fugge dai legami emotivi e ha paura di impegnarsi in una relazione seria, relazione sana. D'altra parte, le persone ansiose sono paura di un rottura a causa della paura di essere lasciati soli.
Un persona ansiosa è quasi sempre codipendente sul loro partner romantico a causa della loro bassa autostima e perché hanno bisogno di loro per convalida.
Also, someone with anxious attachment has self-worth issues and feels unworthy of love. They’ll tolerate toxic and unhealthy behavior from their partner because they think they deserve it but also because of their fear of abandonment.
They’re constantly in search of a romantic partner because they can’t function alone (at least, that’s what they think), unlike fearful avoidants who run away from love because they’re afraid to be hurt.
Che cosa significa attaccamento ansioso?
You feel unworthy of love and everything good and positive. When you find that one person who loves and accepts you, you stick to them no matter what because you think you’ll never find another person who’ll love you again.
You become codependent on your loved one, and you’re basically ready to do whatever it takes just to keep them by your side. Losing them becomes your biggest fear, and that thought makes you anxious 24/7.
Ogni volta che vi accorgete di un potenziale pericolo nella vostra relazione, le emozioni forti vi travolgono, e la vostra bassa autostima vi fa credere che il vostro partner stia per rottura con voi.
Iniziate a pensare che tutto ciò che fate sia sbagliato e avete bisogno che il vostro partner vi ricordi costantemente che non è vero. Also, your confidence crashes completely, and getting positive feedback from your partner means everything to you. That’s why you never stop seeking validation from them.
Anxious attachment style feels like everyone else is better than you. Your own thoughts are killing you, but it seems like you can’t find a way to run away from them. Anxious attachment makes your day-to-day life miserable, and until you decide to break that cycle, you’ll never be truly happy.
In conclusione
Allora, avete capito come auto-risolvere lo stile di attaccamento ansioso? Ora capite meglio questo stile di attaccamento?
Spero che l'abbiate fatto e che i miei consigli vi aiutino a costruire uno stile di attaccamento sicuro.
Even though most people think that attachment styles are connected with attachments someone makes in early childhood and with their primary caregivers and can’t be changed later in life, it’s not true.
It’s connected with our childhood, but by working on yourself, you can change your attachment style. Conosco tante persone che sono passate dallo stile di attaccamento ansioso, ansioso-evitante o evitante e hanno costruito uno stile di attaccamento sicuro.
Well, I have a little confession to make… I belong to that group of people too. I rewired my brain, and today, I’m proud to say I have a secure attachment style. And trust me, if you follow these tips carefully, you’ll be able to build this style too.
