If you’re secretly wondering Why don’t girls like me? but you can’t seem to find a legit answer, you’re in the right place.

I’m going to be completely honest with you and share major turn-offs that repel a lot of women (without you even knowing). If you want to save your dating life, keep reading. You really need to hear this.

Firstly, most women don’t like that whole bad boy / nice guy cliche. You don’t need to be either one to successfully flirt your way into their hearts.

man wearing a wristwatch sitting on the sofa

I’m telling you this as a woman who knows this firsthand, so listen carefully. My only goal here is to help you get that first date and make it to the second.

Aren’t you tired of online dating (swipe left, swipe right… For me, dating apps just don’t do it anymore) and striking out both on dating sites and one-on-one?

There are so many red flags interfering with your love life right now, and you’re none the wiser. So here’s some dating advice that will actually help you make a difference. Take notes!

See also: How To Ask A Girl Out On A Date: 13 Simple Steps To Success

What’s Wrong With Me?

1. Your attitude is ALL messed up

man holding a coffee cup while standing near wooden wall

Attitude is EVERYTHING. There is nothing that will chase me away from a guy like a whiney, negative attitude, constant victim playing, and extremely low self-esteem.

Come on, buddy. We all have our issues. That doesn’t mean you should project them onto the fabulous women you date!

If you feel like you’re constantly in the friend zone, maybe there’s a reason. Are you always complaining about superficial things? Do you always have a problem for every solution? Are you jaded and frustrated by everything and everyone?

You’d be surprised (or not really) how much a lousy attitude chases away any sign of sexual tension.

If you want to appeal to attractive women, change your outlook. If you want to stop feeling like a high-school boy, then just start taking accountability for your actions.

You don’t need a dating coach to tell you how to be a good dude. You already know!

Be kind, be grateful, don’t complain, and try to find some positivity even when it’s hard! Girls love guys who can put a smile on their face. Just ask your female friends!

2. Your communication skills need serious work

woman leaning on the bar and man sitting on the chair inside cafe

Most guys simply SUCK at communicating. Texting isn’t enough – you need to be able to properly have a conversation with your lady.

You can’t just back out when it gets hard. You can’t just shut down when you’re feeling low. You can’t let her handle the hard parts because you don’t know how to tell her what you want.

Communicate even when you’re mad. Call her even when she tells you she doesn’t want to hear from you (newsflash: yes, she does!) so don’t play a game – just be a man.

Women love good communication. We love to know what you’re thinking. We love to talk about how to spend our free time together.

We don’t need grand gestures and excessive proclamations of love (doesn’t hurt though). We just want to hear you say what’s on your mind. We’d rather have a fight then let the silence creep in and break us apart.

My advice: Learn how to talk. Don’t expect her to read your mind. Express your feelings, be vocal about your likes and dislikes, and don’t let her make all the decisions.

Text messages are an important part of a relationship, but a lot of guys don’t know that without proper one-one-one communication, you’ll never get the girl.

See also: Waiting For Love Quotes: 130 That Show That Love Is Worth Waiting For

3. What kind of lifestyle are you leading?

 two persons playing game in front of monitors

This may not seem like a big issue, but it definitely can be. The kind of life you’re living tells a girl a lot about what kind of guy you are.

For example, do you spend the majority of your time playing video games and Xbox with your best friend? Are you too lazy to cook, so you keep ordering in until you go broke?

Is your place a complete pigsty because you can’t get yourself to pause the game to clean up every once in a while?

Girls notice this, and guess what? We’re not fans of this lifestyle. You need to have at least one mature bone in your body. Your priorities cannot be playing games and lounging around in your underwear.

At some point, you just need to grow up. Unless you’re looking for a mere hookup, things have got to change.

If you want to enter a serious relationship, you need to change your life for the better. Not for her – for yourself! The moment you start doing necessary adjustments, you’ll see how much happier you’ll feel.

No woman will want to come to your messy bachelor pad to play games and eat three-day-old pasta. If you want to get the girl, get up off your ass and do something about it!

4. You’re sexting her right off the bat

man and woman walking on pathway during daytime

I honestly don’t know how any guy could think that this is something we’d ever be into.

Who wants a di*k pick after a first date? Who wants to hear your dirty talk after knowing each other for five days?

Pace yourselves, boys! If you want to successfully push her away, then, by all means, go ahead with the dirty pic. But if you want to get to a second date, maybe you want to hit the brakes.

It’s one thing if the woman is clear in her intention that she just wants a hookup. Then you’re good. But if a serious relationship is something you’re into, back it up.

There’s a time and place for everything. You’ll get to that part once you’ve established trust and a certain dose of intimacy.

The girl needs to feel comfortable and safe with you before she tells you what she’d like to do to you.

And with time, trust me, you’ll be thankful you listened to me. For now, keep it PG and take it slowly. All things come to those who wait!

See also: Relationship Goals Quotes: 85 Lines That Perfectly Describe Your Ideal Love

5. You’re going into it completely the wrong way

man and woman standing beside red brick wall about to kiss

Let me elaborate. If your intention is to desperately get this girl to really like you, you’re just setting yourself up for failure.

Even worse, if your only intention is to get her in the sack, don’t even bother. But do you know what might actually give you a chance for success? Being yourself.

Going into it with the pure intention of making a genuine connection. Human beings are really simple when you think about it.

All we really want is to find someone we vibe with and who gets us. And with that in mind, don’t you think that setting firm (superficial) goals beforehand lessens your success rate?

Just relax. Instead of resorting to Google to solve your problem of how to get her in the sack in five simple steps, maybe try to win her intellectually first, huh?

You’d be shocked how sexy we find a dude with actual brain cells. Not that I’m judging or anything. But when all you seem to want is to get her naked, how can you expect her to think of you differently?

Show her that you care about her mind as much as her body, and you’re giving her a reason to keep seeing you.

6. Your self-esteem is at an all-time low…

man and woman eating sandwich while sitting on pathway

When your overall sense of self-worth is really low, it’s hard to date you – plain and simple.

It’s okay to have your issues and it’s okay to feel a little lost at times. But if you’re making your girl feel like she constantly has to reassure you and push you forward, you need to realize that it’s too heavy a burden to carry.

Don’t do that to anyone. It’s okay if you’re not ready to date. But if you’re adamant to find the one, then be sure to give her the best of you.

We are all a little messed up – so what? We just make it work and take it day by day. But forcing your issues onto someone who just entered your life is wrong and heavy.

Help yourself get better by talking to your best friends and letting them help you. Your girl deserves someone who won’t constantly need approval.

It’s okay to not feel okay! Just don’t let it ruin your chances of finding love.

See also: I Love You More Than Quotes And Sayings Straight From The Heart

7. …or you’re a bit too cocky

young sportsman resting on bench after workout

Similar to the previous issue, there is such a thing as being too self-assured. Like I stated in the very beginning: You don’t need to be Mr. Nice Guy all the time, nor do you need to play the bad boy part.

For me, a mix between those two is perfect! But don’t overdo it.

Don’t be the type of guy who gives off too strong of a body language. Don’t make her feel like you’re too full of yourself, even if you do look like a million bucks.

Being too into yourself will make any girl get tired of you pretty soon. Instead, why not try a different approach?

Be confident, but not too confident. Make sure she knows where you stand, but never make her feel like she’s wrong if she doesn’t agree.

Always show a bit of humility and genuine effort. It’s okay to feel good about yourself, as long as you don’t forget to make her feel that way too!

Confidence is ESSENTIAL. Just know where the line is and make sure never to cross over to cockiness.

8. You simply don’t take care of yourself

man smoking during daytime while standing on the street

I cannot stress enough how VITAL it is to take care of your body, mind, and soul. All three are equally as important, so let’s start with the body.

You want the girl to see you’re a man who puts effort into grooming himself. That means showering, shaving (every once in a while), taking good care of your hair, and wearing presentable clothes.

A girl wants to see a guy who looks like he actually gives a damn about self-care. So simple, yet so crucial!

Secondly, you need to think about how you want her to see you intellectually. Are you the type of guy who just doesn’t care about anything? Do world issues not interest you?

man with beard wearing eyeglasses

Let me be frank. That’s a bit of a turn-off. You need to be aware of what’s going on in the world and have an opinion.

Women don’t like dealing with guys who just don’t give a shit.

And finally, being a good person shouldn’t even have to be mentioned, but here we are.

Your soul is a reflection of who you are as a person. Being kind and gentle will get you far.

Caring about your family and friends shows her that you’d be a good family man one day. Show her you’ve got real values and I promise you’ll never have to wonder why girls don’t like you ever again.

See also: How To Fix A Broken Marriage: A 15-Step Rescue Plan

So… How Do I Get The Girl?

woman holding a flower while kissing a man beside the table

By being the kind of guy you would want your daughter to date one day. By leaving your issues at the door, and giving her a good enough reason to stay.

Most guys will flirt their way through the beginning stages of a relationship and think that’s enough to make her stay. But newsflash – your actions are the deciding factor, not your charm!

So since we’re being completely honest here, here are my two cents. Stop wondering Why don’t girls like me? and start making changes if you want things to change!

If you’ve checked most of the boxes above, you’ve got your work cut out for you. But if you’re adamant to get your happily ever after, you won’t mind changing your problematic ways.

Jim Rohn said it best: “If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.”

See also: My Ex Wants Me Back:15 Things To Do About It

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