Sometimes, no matter how much of yourself you give to a relationship, you ultimately realize that some things just can’t be fixed, regardless of how much we’d like them to be.

But there is always something to be learned from every situation. I’ve been through my share of bad relationships and even worse break-ups but I didn’t let myself dwell in misery for too long. In hindsight, I’ve learned a lot about myself, relationships and compromises.

These are some things that I have come to realize to be the harsh truth when it comes to relationships, no matter how hard I tried to deny it sometimes.

1. Sometimes, love alone just isn’t enough to keep the relationship going. You can love each other to the moon and back but if there are things that just aren’t clicking in the relationship, love alone can’t save you. God knows I’ve tried and swallowed my pride more times than I can count but this is the painful lesson I’ve learned in the process.

2. Actually being alone and the fear of it are two different things. I feared being by myself so much that I jumped from one relationship to another but I’ve come to realize that it’s much healthier and better to be alone than to be with the wrong guy just because you fear loneliness. If anything, when alone, your mind is clear and you can think about what you actually want and choose not to settle anymore.

3. If they constantly find excuses as to why they can’t see you, it won’t change. Ever. Those who want to see you will eventually find time in their schedule to see you, even for a short period of time. But those who are just wasting your time will constantly come up with new, lame excuses and you’ll be perpetually hurt and disappointed.

4. You’re not responsible for anyone’s happiness but your own. You can contribute to his quality of life and help him as much as you can but it is not your responsibility to keep him happy at all times—that is his job. The key to inner happiness is in your own hands and no one else’s. If he keeps making you feel like you’re failing to make him happy, leave, because he’s not ready for a loving commitment, nor does he know what it entails.

5. Don’t ignore your gut feeling. If you feel like this isn’t right and that you need to get out, that’s probably exactly what you should do. Don’t make excuses and never compromise your own sanity and happiness in order to not disappoint somebody who is not part of your relationship. You are the only one in control of who you keep in your life.

6. Lack of fighting does not signify a healthy relationship. People who deeply care about each other will have fights every now and then, it’s a sign you care about the relationship enough to fight for it. If you don’t have the will to fight with him, it’s probably because you don’t really care as much as you keep telling yourself.

7. If you’re the one he cheated with, he’s going to repeat it with someone else. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don’t delude yourself that he’s changed. He’s okay for now but when the opportunity appears, he’ll jump in bed with someone new, just like he did with you. It sucks but it’s the harsh truth.

8. Abuse of any kind is not love. Be it emotional, verbal or physical, it’s wrong and you should never put up with it. Get out and find help. If he makes you report to him at all times and controls your every move under false pretenses of love and care, he’s got issues and you should never put up with that. Your health and happiness always come first.

9. No matter how wonderful of a guy he is, when you feel he’s not right for you, it’s okay to leave. There is nothing wrong with you for leaving a good guy if there is no love there. Love yourself enough to never settle. You’ll find your one who will make the ground shake under your feet.

10. Never assume your partner knows how you feel. Tell him. Share your feelings. Never let him question how you feel about him. You may think he knows you love him but sometimes, he just needs to hear those words. If you keep your feelings inside, he may end up leaving, thinking you don’t love him as much as he does you and it’s going to hurt both of you. Learn to express your feelings for both your sakes.

All The Painful Lessons My Ex Taught Me

shares