Dear “Love of my life”,
I am writing this letter to you having my heart on my sleeve. I just want you to know what I have been through when we were together. Oh wait, being together is not a good word. When I thought that we were together would suit here better. Anyway, I have the need to tell you all, so you wouldn’t do the same thing to another woman. I don’t want anyone to feel the pain I felt. I wouldn’t wish that even on my worst enemy.
You see, I always thought I would grow old with you. I thought that you were the man of my dreams. You were the fresh air in my lungs and a rainbow when life was tough. You were there for me, but I didn’t see deeper into your eyes. I didn’t see that you don’t feel the same way.
Dating me was just convenient for you. It was just a way for you to shake the stress away. In the end, you needed someone who will cook, clean, and keep you company. And that’s what I was for you. Not your soulmate, not your loved one. I was just someone who will be there until the right girl pops up. But the catch is that I didn’t know that.
I tended to live in ignorance, thinking that for the two us, the deal had already been made. I thought you would stick with me when I get into problems. But you weren’t even listening to me while I was talking about them. You were preoccupied texting other women and totally neglecting me. You would rather go out with the guys instead of stay with me at home. You could never understand my job, my friends or my family.
All that was too much for you. But I was pushy. I wanted you to love me. I wanted you to care. I wanted to be the woman you would look at in a room full of people. I wanted to be the last thing you think of when you go to bed—and the first one that you think of when you open your eyes. I wanted you to love me just like I loved you. I was deeply, madly, and without limitations in love with you. But you didn’t see that. Or you just pretended that you didn’t see.
I was the one who was crying all night long, thinking of things that made me sad. And on the other side of our bed, you were sleeping serenely like a baby. You didn’t know about the demons inside of me.
And every day was a new battle—a battle for your love.
Then, during one of those lonely nights, I accidentally saw myself in the mirror. And I was astonished! That woman in the mirror was just a copy of me. I could see on her face that she was crying — her eyes were red because of all those tears. She was pale, with her mascara mixed with her tears. And I got scared. I got scared of what you had transformed me into—no, what I had allowed you to transform me into. That second, I decided to stop. I decided to burn the bridges between the two of us. I didn’t want to be just one more sad girl. I wanted more. I deserved more. But you couldn’t provide me that.
Now, after all these years of not having you by my side, I want to thank you.
Thank you for showing me that I can do better. Thank you for letting me down so many times that I learned how to stand up. Thank you for not loving me because by doing so, you gave another man an opportunity to make me happy. And most of all, thank you for letting me go. The day when you let me go, without even trying to bring me back, I was born again. And I wouldn’t change that feeling for anything in the world. In the end I want to thank you once more for making me the person who I am now.
Without you I could have never achieved that.
With zero love,
The girl who was never yours