You know what happens. You meet a great guy and you think that he’s going to be there for you and love you until the end of time. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t treat you the way you want to be treated. He breaks your heart or he simply doesn’t reach your standards. What comes next, we all know: the break-up.
After a while, you want to go back to him and just talk everything through. You miss the laughter, his hugs, the way his lips moved when he spoke your name. You miss you two together. And what do you do? You go back to him. You give your relationship a second chance, even though every step of the way getting back to him you were seeing red flags telling you not to do that.
Well, you see, this type of person was me, with every boyfriend I ever had. I would always miss the good times and just go back to my ex without a special reason other than loneliness.
Once I even broke up with my boyfriend just so he could apologize and we could get back together hours later. Don’t get me wrong, these weren’t little things they were apologizing for. Somehow I was always the one who would fall in love with these people who needed fixing and needed me to be there for them. So if they started to insult me or bring me down, even not valuing my own emotions, I would break up with them, because that was the smart thing to do, right? But my heart would ache and I didn’t know how to handle the fact of how lonely I felt.
So, I decided to sit down and think everything through. I really had a mind-monologue just to see why I was doing that and how to stop it because things were escalating quickly. I never stayed in a relationship for a long time because I knew that if we broke up we would get back together again.
This was the main reason why I was always so sad and unhappy with my life!
I wanted to change. I firstly cut off my exes. Then all those back-stabbing friends because I simply didn’t want those horrible people in my life anymore. And that is the point where my life started changing.
Firstly, I started seeing how vulnerable I felt without someone being constantly there for me and I practiced self-love and dedicated all my time to a new hobby. Why not?
Secondly, I discovered parts of myself which were unseen before. I reinvented myself and everything I was. I didn’t want to be that needy little girl anymore. I wanted to be a woman. A woman who could take care of herself.
Before the decision I made to change, I would wake up in the morning wishing that I wasn’t alone, wishing that someone was there for me to kiss me good morning. Soon I learned that the morning sun was the one telling me good morning. It’s so much more beautiful to actually drink coffee by yourself because you don’t need someone to talk to you all the time.
But the most important thing I have learned is that toxic people, to whom I’ve been vulnerable and loving, are no longer in my life and I should thank myself. No more fake smiles and broken promises. No more rules and missing those people who broke me. I was free. I am free. It’s such a beautiful feeling.
Can’t you see it? Can’t you feel it? The liberation! It’s there, you just have to take the first step toward it! Love yourself enough to know your worth, because the only one who truly matters here is you. And only you! So stop giving yourself away to all those people who are just wasting your time!