She loved you and you broke her. Instead of making life beautiful for both of you by simply giving her your love, you chose to go the other way around.
And that sucks. Do you know why? Because she pulled the shorter end of the stick.
She did nothing to deserve the things you did to her. But unfortunately, she wasn’t one of those who dodged the bullet.
You hit her right in the center of her heart. Not a millimeter higher or lower. And she shattered into a million pieces.
The list of things you did to her is so long that one can’t help but wonder if you feed off of other people’s misery.
Does it make you happy to see someone down? Do you feel good about yourself when you knock a person to the lowest point she has ever been in her life?
You never cared about what would be left of her once you were done with her. You never stopped for a second and thought about how your shitty actions would affect her, this girl who wanted nothing but to be there for you and love you.
Is there anything worse than seeing a good girl falling for the wrong guy and then turning into someone else once she gets broken by that same guy who was supposed to love her?
After a heartbreak, we all change. But after getting broken, we change completely.
Because the lessons you learn after you get broken stay carved into your mind forever. And you can never let that go.
You turned her into a person who no longer trusts anyone
Because she trusted you and look where that got her. If she had just been a little smarter, if she hadn’t gone all in from the beginning, if she hadn’t assumed you were one of the good guys, she wouldn’t be this broken now.
But she is. And that’s why she doesn’t trust anyone anymore. She’s always one foot out the door.
Since you broke her, she no longer wears her heart on her sleeve
She guards her heart now, with all the resources she has. She’s built walls so high that nothing can tear them down.
It will be a long time before she thinks about welcoming anyone in. That’s if she ever decides to do that.
She knows now that she can count only on herself
She counted on you and you pulled the rug from under her feet. You showed her that she shouldn’t trust anyone.
But worst of all, she saw that even though she was there for someone with all her being, it didn’t mean that someone would be there for her too. You showed her that the only person who won’t let her down is herself.
She crossed love off her wish list
This was her ultimate wish, you know. But she no longer wants love. Because you showed her love hurts.
You showed her the dark side of falling for someone. And now she sees love through the prism of you. And it’s not nice.
That’s why she said goodbye to love. She no longer wants to love or to be loved.
That chapter in her life is closed, and it might even be closed for good.
She learned to laugh even when she felt like screaming. She learned to smile even when everything in her was breaking
She was never good at faking her feelings. But you know, life teaches you even the things you don’t really want to know.
Now she bottles her feelings up. She doesn’t show anyone how she feels. When she feels like screaming, she just laughs.
When she feels like breaking, she just smiles. Because if she lets herself go, she’s afraid that she’ll break into a million pieces and that she’ll never be able to pull herself back together.
She hates the sentence “I’m fine”, but after you, that’s all she ever says about her feelings
She doesn’t let anyone know how she feels. She says she’s fine.
But in that fine, there are millions of emotions, thousands of tears and one huge heartbreak. She’s everything but fine even though she’ll never admit that.
She was the loveliest person to be around. She was the happiest person in this world.
She believed that there was good in people and that love could save the world. But you showed her otherwise.
You showed her that her love isn’t strong enough to defeat someone as bad as you are. And you turned her into one of those people she begged God for her to never become.
You turned her into a living corpse. She walks, she talks, she breathes and she eats but she has no soul. She has no love in her anymore.
She’s cold. There are no warm emotions in her bloodstream. There is no happiness or honest smiles. She lost all that to you.
You pulled her into your darkness and you let her go, only when you saw that there wasn’t a single trace of light left in her.
Ridiculous dumb women
I was accused of doing this by someone who completely lacked empathy, saw everything as black and white, would flee (sometimes fly to other countries) and cut me off or give the silent treatment as punishment for any issues, would accuse me of falsehoods (events that actually didn’t occur) that she made up in her head, would not tell me about any issues she was having and yelled at me for not helping her with them. I was baffled and crushed repeatedly by a person with a borderline personality disorder and this article sounds like something she would write about me. So yea, 2 sides to every coin, 3 sides to every story. The funny thing is my heart was broken like never before in my life by her, and she actually believes I’m making it up. I tried to make a life for us, but in her eyes I didn’t do enough.
I think those who have negative responses to such a “narrow” article are just as narrow minded as they accuse. Not all women are stay-at-home moms or wives. I am a plumber/pipefitter and I work long, physically demanding hours and mind you I out work any man you put with me. I still come home and cook, clean, bathe kids, and put them in bed all while tending to my husband’s every need. Am I appreciated or respected? No. I’m still stuck in an unhappy home where I am belittle and talked down upon and blamed for every thing that goes wrong. I’m accused of the most ridiculous, ungodly things that my husband knows I would never do. Why? To make me feel guilty. To make me feel like I need him. I don’t I can do it on my own and I’m on my way. It’s all about mindset ladies. The ignorant ones who think we are just pointing fingers are the epitome of this millennial generation we were born with and it makes me so sick. Men and women together can be the victim of these situations. We get trapped where family turns their back because they disagree with your choice, but they don’t understand the manipulation that we undergo. Unfortunately, it changes who we are without us being aware until its too late and you have no one and no where to go. Luckily, I have people helping me get out and get away. You don’t know what it’s like until you’re a victim of this sort of thing and you don’t even know until you’re fighting for your life against the one who “loves” you most. Women, we are strong, brave, and beautiful and we can all do it on our own. Love is a choice. Love is a union and a bond between two people. It’s not a contract or a dependence. It’s a choice to share life and everything you love with another person. No one has the right to take who you are from you. We realize that men can be victims too, but the author of this specific article is coming from a woman’s standpoint, so take that into consideration before you jump to judgement.
You do realize that there is only one side to this story you are reading. What about the guys pov? The woman cheated on him or controlled him and his monies and his life. What about starting fights just to start fights. Woman are not the victums every single time so stop acting like they are saints when they are not. I know Ive been in a relationship where the woman was just down right nasty towards me and when she finally admitted to cheating on me with 4 other guys then she is not the one that can play the victum. Its nice to think that but its fantasy land. So yeah there is always two sides to said story.
Ok. Mans perspective. What if everything Im reading about how we destroyed them is reversed when it was the female that had the affair first! When it was the female that broke my trust and let me down first. So yes. I’ve crushed her soul 8 years later after she crushed mine first and never was truly honest about her affair until I had already told her I wanted a divorce and had moved on. So this last six months of her begging me to stay, crying, hurt, pain, sadness, loneliness, disappointment are all things I did for 8 years after I returned from Iraq only to find out that she had an affair starting the second day I left with her ex-boyfriend. So now I’m the a-hole, the home wrecker, the typical male pig, the one that’s destroying everything. It’s not fair either way, but I feel that she needs to take some ownership and be truthful to others when telling her painful story. It’s not my place to tell her friends and family that she had the affair, fell back in love with her ex- boyfriend, talked about being soul mates, had sex in my home while my 10 month old son was in bed and I was 7000 miles away getting shot at every night. I no longer love this woman or want to be married to her and have found love and friendship in another woman. Yes I am wrong for not divorcing first but I’m the one that is broken inside. Fire away but help me to understand at the same time please.
I have lived this and am learning. I couldn’t ask for more.
I think what you are saying is so shitty. I was a good girl to a guy who never got it. He was selfish and a narrsist. I worked a full time job too getting up at 4:20 in the morning to work, putting in a 10 hour day with a 40-60 minute commute home to do everything at hone like dinners and care foe the house. I asked him to make the commitment to the same 40 minute commute and he wouldn’t. Meanwhile I busted my ads to make all of his dreams and desires come true. Doing so much for him. Running myself ragged in the process. And in the end I am the girl that this article is talking about. The man made me pick out my own engagement ring to leave me on the day we were supposed to leave on a trip witb a note and moving out. It is the 21st century and still you all think we are here to do e everything for you. Why don’t you try this thing where you share responsibilities.
I have never read a more relatable article. It kills me bc I want him still after everything he put me through. But I didn’t deserve this pain. I went in excited about love. And came out wishing I never tried. I’m shocked about some of the negative comments. Maybe they don’t know what it’s like being in a destructuve relationship with someone you love.
The ones making those negative comments are most likely the ones that are putting someone through this. It’s sad and sickening the anyone could enjoy breaking someone that loves them so much. Going through this kind of situation is awful.
The love of my life just sent me this and yes I did screw things up and it kills me everyday to think I made her cry! I hate the things that I’ve done and if I could take them back I would in a heartbeat! She didn’t deserve the things I did to her becuase she was great, amazing and honeslty the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I know why I did the things I did is becusse I didn’t know what love was and it sucks that I had to learn what it was after she was gone. It made me see all the things she did even all the little things. All I know is I screwed up big time and I’d give anything to hold her hand again.
I’m sorry for being so hateful, rude, unintelligent, childish, selfish, passive-aggressive, hopeless, careless, and flat out mean. I’m sorry for not caring when I said I did, not loving when I said I would, not listening when I said I would. I’m sorry for throwing away the wonderful life you offered. I’m sorry for not speaking up when I should have, not being as assertive as I could have been, not respecting myself enough to know that my self-loathing was being spilled over onto you.
I don’t know what the problems was, but it’s not you. ITS ME, and I am wrong.
I love you the only way I know how to love a person, which doesn’t amount to much in the eyes of someone who loves as much as you do. I’m so sorry. Don’t think about forgiveness…just know that I wish you nothing more than peace and happiness vm
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For you to write such a Negative hateful response must make you the type of person that would probably do that to another person. Believe it or not there people that do that to other people and the heart does get broken. You sound like a real a-hole
The only people this could ever help are the ones looking to blame someone else for their fuck ups. Attention seeking, pathetic, lazy women, looking for an easy way out. You fucked up. He doesn’t want your good for nothing ass anymore. Leave him alone, stop calling him at 2am. Just go away.
I don’t see how this article helpful to anyone, except the maybe the person who wrote it. It’s incredibly narrow minded and one-sided. It also doesn’t recognize that both men and women can be the perpetrators of abuse in relationship. Victim is a role easily depicted and identified with, but to someone who’s done any amount of work on themselves regarding relationships this article reads as irresponsible and riddled with blame. Taking responsibility for the relationships one engages in can be one of the most profound ways a person takes back their personal power. To see the ways in which one has participated in toxic relationships is how change occurs. Blame keeps us stuck, keeps us identifying with our victimhood, and furthers the cycle of pain and hurt caused by the unhealthy relationship. In this article, I’m reading the words of a person stuck in negativity and blame, not of a person seeing clearly and making healthy choices for themselves. This is the equivalent to writing that angry letter to your ex and actually pressing send. The problem with sending the letter is, they’re never going to understand it, they don’t have the capacity or the skills to, so your letter will not touch them the way you want it to. A person taking responsibility for their feelings and making healthy choices that stop the cycle of hurt realizes that the letter they’ve written was never meant for the person who harmed them, but was instead meant for themselves. By acknowledging this, you make a vow to never harm yourself with another unhealthy relationship. You recognize the red flags sooner and you take responsibility for the choices you make from the very beginning of a relationship.
Now what about the other side of the coin? Ever thought that just maybe she drove him to leave?
Guys need love, they need warmth, they need to feel needed. When you come home after 16 hours of work and an hour drive. All a guy wants is a meal, a massage, and bed because he only has 5 hours until that alarm goes off again. We care that the nail lady messed up. Your manicure, we care that the lady at the store gave you a mean look. Just not right now when we have to go earn the money that keeps the roof over your head and the food that we now have to cook for ourselves because you were too tired to cook.
This article nailed it. I just got out of a relationship with a man who fits the definition of a narcissist…. I don’t feel sorry for myself, I just can’t believe how manipulative he was to be able to get me to this point….. I take a look at myself now & compare it to myself several years ago- “you turned her into one of those people she begged God for her never to become”…… hit the nail on the head.
He is still trying to smooth things over- that is the pattern. Every time I am tempted (yes I know that’s crazy, but you wouldn’t understand unless you’ve actually gone through the same situation) I read this article and remind myself exactly how bad it truly is.
Great job- this was put together brilliantly.
Honestly this can happen. I’ve had it happen to me. You just have to find the will, love, and strength to get back up and work through it. It took me 16 years to do it, but I did it. I’m still working through it all, but it’s worth it in the end. Hopefully others don’t take as long as I did. If something bad happens in life, you have to learn from it otherwise you’ll just keep making the same mistakes. Women are powerful beings.
Amen
While I think this is all very true, I think we discount the fact that in most cases, women learn from these experiences that they are much better off. They become stronger and more independent and more self-reliant and those are all very strong and admiral qualities. I also think that women pull these strengths from within themselves, not because of what men did to them, but because women already have these qualities and now is as good time as any to use them. I think this article gives way too much power to men and borders on the “oh poor me….look what you did to me.” syndrome. Whatever. Rise up Women. You are powerful within yourself. When you acknowledge that, you will find a man who respects you and can live as your equal.
You are exactly right. After my divorce, I actually dated a couple of guys that were complete jerks to everyone around me…. and even me a lot of times. After deciding to spend some time on my own and with my kids, I learned that I could succeed without ANYONE. I didn’t NEED anyone… I later learned that I WANTED someone to share my life with. I found him then. When I had my self-confidence back. When I knew that I didn’t NEED him. He was a great step-father to my kids. He helped me teach them independence, and strength. He is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Preach on!!!
Is it?
is this an excuse for self-deception?